- Member Since 28th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 22nd, 2020
Lazyguy
I dont know if i should tell you
Lazyguy
Joined 28th Mar, 2012 ·
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make this longer, whit less description , and more development and you should be ok
Always a fan of prototype and My little pony, nice cross over bud keep up the good work!
Okay
This is what I would do If I were you: Revoke the submission, make at LEAST 5 chapters and release them all if they are going to be that short, don't make the chapter one big whole paragraph (double space the lines every time something completely different happens, like dialog), develop your character (show his traits in the form of dialog/action), and if it's going to be a comedy, no stupid jokes.
I'm not going to dislike it because I know how it feels to have my story completely shit on, so just try what I'm advising you.
Dick move deleting the comments...
AWESOME!
LOVED IT!
How come haters hate so badly! It is great!
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/21389673.jpg
How does twilight know what a killing spree is?
it will be explained in due time
exactly!!!
Hmmm...this is hard to read I'll admit, but I'm hoping to see more being a fan of Prototype and MLP of course....I'm be waiting for more but please space your words and caplize the names of people or ponies or ECT.....
. His arm bone started to extend forward making a 3’ 12” blade and while the back part created a spear shape point.
that would make it 4' wouldnt it?
looks like i dont know my mesurements
not bad dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
i would hate to see this story deleted, it's GOOD from what i read...