Working for royalty is never easy, it becomes even harder when said royalty is trying to get me to marry their daughter who hates me for some reason. It becomes almost impossible when my neighbors want me for themselves. I hate this planet.
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Your charachter swear wayyyy too much, Its one of the things i would really like to see gone from the story
Heh, having a troll in your own damn head... one that you can't brain with a club, that must suck.
A quick question here, how do griffons know hat radiation poisoning is? we didn't know what that was until Maria Curie and even then we didn't complexity understand until we started to play around with nukes.
So how do medieval griffons know about it?
This time you're good, or This time you are good.
I can feel it in my bones, unless it's the God speaking to him
I log on, I see not one but two Griffon Rise chapter updates. I scream BOO-YEAH.
9026385
The radioactive poisoning part is Ian's internal monologue.
getting a little....what classification is it? amateur? edgy? whatever it is your starting to sink into it, always seems to pop up on prolonged talking sections
9026312
Yes! Someone that agrees with me! Expand your vocabulary and use something else like "I fell and ate dirt" or "I fell like I got run over by a train" or "I feel like I got stepped on by a T-Rex then body slammed by a Great blue Whale." come on be a little more descriptive than those four letter words you keep repeating over and over.
Honestly the storyline is interesting, but get a damn editor. There are feral groups here dedicated to helping authors. I mean, for one, you just threw the nurses’ name at us. No “Hi, I’m Natalia” or ‘As I lay on the bed, I heard my nurse, who’s name is apparently Natalia, talking with another being outside my room’
From one paragraph to the next, he thinks of her as Natalia, then goes back to calling her “the nurse”
It would make the story so much better if someone just helped clean it up.
For bringing up D&D a lot, he sure doesn't draw the line from constant mentions of Discord, and the unhappy deity currently treating him like a video game protagonist.
9169956
Of course, all of us authors can use some help with our stories, but this got me laughing... and thinking....
Just what kind of a species would a “feral editor” be? What would one look like?
It sounds like a cool idea to drop one into the middle of a story!
Why is it always someone possessing a human in Equestria story?
10926795
Technically he isnt being possessed, merely being watched by someone with keen interest in him and occasionally does things behind the scene to ensure he doesn't get offed too easily.