Morbid. Super powered ponies. Most dont know that they even are morbid. The few who did kept them hidden. The powers given to them are their flaws, only better. Soon, though, a great prophecy will be given, and it will be up to the 5 fateful morbid who are still in excistence to hunt down and destroy 4 enemies who plan to destroy equestria in 4 different ways...
Meet Pipsqueak, who can be anything he wants to be. Especially a pirate.He loves pirates.
Meet Pinkamena Diane Pie, an extremely hyperactive pony who can go so fast, it seems to her that everyone else goes slow.
Meet Fluttershy, who can coax almost anything to be calm, scared, angry, and happy, just with a little stare.
Meet Dr. Whooves, a colt so smart, he can make other ponies look dumb.
And finally,meet Derpy Whooves, who can travel anywhere. And when i say anywhere, I mean anywhere!
And now, my friends, the story has begun.
Found some grammatical errors, but nothing too bad. I like the concept of it though! This is very good for your first(I'm assuming it's your first) story.
Your grammar needs work, but cool story.
I'm sorry, but this story really needs some work before I can give it anything but a thumbs down.
The scene breaks are poorly timed, the dialogue is stiffer than George Lucas' work, the character's seem to have been made on a moment's notice, the grammar is atrocious, and the powers seem tacked on, rather than a part of the characters.
Please try again, this story holds a good deal of promise, but it still feels half-finished and only partially worked on.
My suggestions:
-get a pre-reader or two, and have them look over everything before submission
-try reading the dialogue out loud to yourself, a lot of things that sound good in one's head sound much worse outside of it. I suffer a similar problem with my dialogue
-perhaps use all background ponies and/or OCs, as this allows a greater flexibility of character, while using two of the mane six can cause issues and bring a great deal of hate from people with a great deal of emotion invested in them.
-Try a different name than "Morbid", which doesn't seem to have any connection to the powers, and only seems to exist to try invoking the Rule of Cool
-Decide on a reason for these powers before you write the story, and try having a destination decided as well. Come up with the frame, and then write what happens in between. Formula as follows: Plot= Start -> First Act -> Meet the Villain/First Climax -> Second Act -> Finale/Second Climax, Now figure out what each of those things should be, and figure out how everypony gets there, and write it out.
-then, go and revise it all, because the first draft always sucks.
then, send it to those pre-readers you picked up earlier.
I agree with ^this guy^ about the name thing. It's a little... unfitting.
I like the idea of a pony X-Men thing. But, what's with Doctor Whooves and a filly? He has a daughter?
OH BOY THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD!
Good concept, but I recommend a beta reader. Can't wait for the update.