Huh, ain't that something
I like it, I really do
I fuckin hate scootaloo, she's damn annoying, but other than that I can kind of see where this might be going
So I guess it's pretty good so far, it's got me interested that's for sure

6551102
Thank you!
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Do you just not like Scootaloo, or is it how I write her that you don't like?

6551532 the way you write her it's what's getting me.
So far it's only been the "I'm annoying for the sake of annoying you because it's fun to annoy everyone one and everything without a care in the world"
just like every other 'edgy' brat I've met in my life

3 words huh? I don't suppose one of these three are the 'Jack' of this story?

6552923
They all are.
One is Guns
One is plasmids
And one is wrench.
I will say one is a bit more Jack than the others

Take what you will from that

6553104 One is half jack after all...

I mean, wasn't Cheerilee with Sootaloo when they got to the lighthouse island? Wait, she was on the other floating debris... so no. Odd. Winter to summer, that's a long time. Enter the Silver guy... back to the lighthouse with the three out of mane six...

At least it's not a complete rehash of the game yet. Good job so far.

Three words. "WOULD YOU KINDLY?"

Oh boy.

Mind the crazies, girls.

You kind of lost me with this chapter.

All three of these characters felt awfully out of character to me. There were times when it's stated that Rainbow Dash said something, but it was structured in such a way that sounds that it should be said by Rarity. All of them, specifically Rainbow Dash, were saying things that felt like they would say that around season 1 or 2. For example:

"Besides Scootaloo was my biggest fan; what kind of a hero would I be if I didn't go and save her as fast as possible?"

I don't think that Rainbow would say this, especially considering that Scootaloo, to Rainbow Dash, may or may not be dead. Rainbow would not be worried about her reputation as a hero, she would instead be worried that Scootaloo might be alive. Rainbow Dash can understand that now's not the time to be playfully narcissistic.

There's also a few jokes that you make that fall a little flat. Mainly because they contradict the kind of tone that you're trying to make. Bioshock is fairly dark, if child murder didn't already tell you that. So, the logical place that the brain should go is darkness. Providing one-liners like you're the cast of Age of Ultron in a story where three little girls go missing for months may be a tad inappropriate.

Back to out of character character's, I believe that Rarity and Applejack would be just a tad more upset that their sister's are dead. Granted, they don't know that, but it would be logical for them to be broken up about it. Rarity may start out broken, but she seems to come to terms with a lot of emotions really quickly, and then goes back to being Rarity in an instant. The prospect that their sister's may or may not be alive should be a lot more jarring for the two to hear. They are willing to do anything to save their sisters, and that should be the driving point for the entire story.

And there are a few formatting issues, grammar, and capitalization issues that can easily be fixed.

I remain positive because I'm actually curious as to the fate of the CMC. You've drawn me in, entertained me with an episode of Agents of Shield, and are now leaving the room to get your torture devices. I look forward to the coming evening.

hum interesting developments in this chapter.

Interesting. One thing though.

In front of the trio sat the very machine that took their family away from them, open and ready for their dissent.

Dissent is to hold, and likely voice, disagreement with what others have expressed. Descent is the action of moving downward.

"Sorry, Applejack. I was just in the neighborhood, and I came to see if you needed any help with the summer harvest."

...that's an funny way to say I'm looking for a comfy tree to nap in.

It's hard to discern what's what when your skull is full ? virtual flies that all seem impossible to swat down.

? = of

So then, an agitated Applejack, a red-faced Rainbow Dash, and a restrained Rarity all disembarked from their small vessel and began their climb up the damp rocky hill towards the looming giant that was the lighthouse.

At this point I have to assume they aren't tied to a jetty or even if the boat is secured to stop it floating away?

This chapter was AWESOME!

Near the end of the story there was a random capital k at the end of Applejack and the way you spelt not for the sail should be knot. Besides that it's great and its only my second read thru.

"Twilight is on a trip to Canterlot, and Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy are on one of those friendship missions."

Nice cover.

Talk of adventures aside, those poor fillies don't deserve to be ripped from their homes, and loved ones.

Didn't need the comma.

How could they be so sure? she thought. Are they not afraid just as I am?

You need some way to emphasize thought.

ApplejacK rubbed her chin a bit as the rain still dripped on their head.

Yes. I am a big fan of ApplejacK.

Overall, very nice. Good atmosphere, and I really got the feeling of going off into the unknown. Good work! ^*^

I like it but it just feels unnatural how Rarity, AJ and Rainbow communicate. I mean. Their friends are most likely dead and only Rarity has a depression. It is something weird.

this chapter was pretty good, I found a few more errors, but they aint too bad.

She then griped

The spacing is a bit much

she flew flew

Take one of the "flew" away

put the eyepiece *in

*on

began to read *of the letter

*off

I am a friend.

make it back intact.

luck on your trip.

you are missing quotation marks from the end of these

It no doubt will be a perilous

It would read better if you moved the "will" before "no"

They decided it would best to

place a "be" before best

ApplejacK rubbed

A Capital where a Lowercase should be

dripped on their head.

missing an "s" on the end of "head"

The three ponies and then went

Get rid of that and

I musta tied this *not a little

*knot

but she too felt an *describable need

*indescribable