Meeting The Spirit of Chaos
For the rest of the day, that shadowy presence stayed. And to be honest, it felt a little uncomfortable. After I finished my work, I got my paycheck which consisted of 745 bits, and headed to the store to pick up a few things. I got some food, drinks, shower stuff, and a movie. I headed home and put everything I bought away, I took my shower stuff and went to the bathroom to get a shower. After I finished, I put my purple, pink, and blue mane into a fishtail braid. I went into the living room and played the movie I bought.
After I finished the movie, I went into my room and sat down at my bedside vanity. I took out my braid and brushed out my mane. I then turned off the light and climbed into bed. I stared off into the moonlit room, thinking blankly. I closed my eyes, but heard a tapping noise from the window. I got up and opened the window, but nopony was there. I turned and my eyes laid upon a sight to behold.
It appeared to be a male draconequus, with the limbs of an eagle, lion, snake, goat, bat, Dragon, and so on. Who knows what he was made of, it was all too much to count. I just stared at him, my mouth open wide.
"You know, staring is rude. Hasn't anybody taught you that?" He spoke, rather rudely. I closed my mouth, and took a deep breath.
"Ok, who are you? And what are you doing in my house?" I asked.
"You've never heard of me? I am Discord! A draconequus, and the spirit of chaos!" He said rather proudly.
"And I'm going to ask who are you? Hoping that I'm in the right place... I'm looking for someone quite interesting" he said.
"My name is Eve Violet, and if you're looking for me, I'm not that interesting... I'm just a nopony." I said, sounding rather helpless.
"Oh no no no no no! You're exactly who I'm looking for, you'll have to come with me." He said, trying to grab at me, but I dodged his grasps.
"What on Equestria do you think you're doing??" I said, slightly scared.
"I need you to come with me, since you're not cooperating, I'll have to do this my way." He said, snapping his fingers.
Some dust appeared above me, and fell on my head. I started to get tired, and I tried to stay awake, but failed to.
"You'll... never... get... me.. away..." I said, before collapsing on the ground. My world, gone.
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This chapter feels off, I guess in the first part, you could have shown her own thought´s, about whatever, and without a reason it is weird for me, to see that Discord suddenly takes an interesst in her. I mean I could understand him going to play her a prank, but well.....
6460870 I actually have reasoning into why Discord kidnapped Eve, but I'm gonna explain that in another chapter I'm writing out.
6460856 I don't really care about how long my chapters are, as long as they explain the story and what I wanted to cover during the chapter. Nothing against you though...
6460839 thank you
6464765 it´s okay, I just think I noticed most of the storys this long, having more downvotes, than upvotes, if I remember it correctly, but maybe it wasn´t because of that.