The Candymaker

by Peppermint Swirls

Chapter 3

Ponyville was, as usual, a bright town, although most of the citizens were still asleep. With a quiet, empty town, it would be easy to spot the Candymaker...
“What about Sugarcube Corner?”the yellow filly asked, confident that the Candymaker was in the presence of the Sweet Treats store somewhere.
“you’re right, but is Pinkie still asleep?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Let’s go! Questions later!” The orange filly, Scootaloo, stormed ahead, to the large pink building.

Sugarcube Corner, was, as it’s name says, at the corner of Ponyville, and home to many assorted sweets. Only five ponies reside at the building, the two employers, Mrs. Cup Cake and Mr. Carrot Cake, and their employee, Pinkie Pie, lives on the attic of the building, The last two were the Twin baby Cakes, Pound and Pumpkin, were born only a few months ago.
Now, Sugarcube Corner had just opened, the only pony currently working was Mr. Cake, a lanky, yellow stallion with an orange mane and a broad jaw.

The three fillies went inside quietly, seeing as the entrance was quite compact and there were only two Ponies, besides the fillies, currently available, it was easy to spot the seafoam-green mare.
"There she is!" Scootaloo exclaimed, pointing a bright orange hoof at the mare.
Sweetie Belle gasped, half worried, and half relieved, “Mi—“
The seafoam Mare quickly heard the flly, and trotted over with a careful, quick pace.
“What are you doing here, Marshmallows?” she whispered, Her 'sixth sense' trying to find Mr Cake.
“i—I thought you were missing or something…” Sweetie Belle whimpered, her eyes brimming with tears.
Minty sighed heavily, “I was buying some ingredients for a breakfast. But I guess we could go to a café…”
Apple Bloom giggled, "Don't scare us like that, Minty! next time, tell us what you're going to do!"

Comments

[Lucefudu]

Artwork: Interesting.
Synopsis/Description: Very interesting.
Chapter 1's Length: Oh, that's probably a prologue. I bet the next chapters will be long-
Chapter 2&3's Length: . . .

Story: A total disappointment. This had a lot of potential, but it just blew up. My advice is for you to revise it all if you really want this to work. I can't even begin to note what is wrong with this fanfic.

Protip: If the chapter isn't finished, don't publish it.

[Phoenix Quill]

I wanna read this.
Like I must learn the truth behind the mystery.
Please hurry and write more.

[Peppermint Swirls]

626037
I understand that. it's a kind of draft, the first chapter IS a prologue, i WILL revise the rest of the story, thanks

[Peppermint Swirls]

626225
It's just a draft, mind you i was VERY Derpy and excited that i forgot it was too short.

[Peppermint Swirls]

626020
Funnily enough, it WAS going to be one XD

[Peppermint Swirls]

626037
Is the story really that bad? now that i look back on it...eugh...

[Elkhorse]

626037
My my lucy, if you call my pile of waste that is excused for writing better than yours for whatever reason and you call this a total disapointment?
Eh...
I feel as if I should do an epic reading on youtube MictheMicrophone style.

[Lucefudu]

646225 I was helping Peppermint Swirls into revising his/her first three chapters... but I could only get 25% of the 1st chapter done before I had to bail... stuff came up.
Honestly? This story has something interesting and unique... but it needs a proper execution. I told Peppermint Swirls to get a better grasp on english and reboot the whole thing.

[Elkhorse]

646232
A while back I told someone to do that with their fail of a HiE (terri-bad engrish, even by internet standards) and they just ragequit the site and closed their account. I tried to tell him gently that his story was an insult to the entire brony community and the English language and he could improve with a little effort , but he was pretty bullheaded.
"OMFG U DON LIKE MY STORRY LOLOLU SUCK IM 2 GUD FOR THIS SIGHT" was the response...

Hopefully this guy is stronger willed.

[Peppermint Swirls]

646232
I'm a she.

[Lucefudu]

646696 Sorry about that; I know how much it sucks to have your gender confused.

[Peppermint Swirls]

646709
Happens a lot.