Wait. Deepy basically got blindsided by Granny Smith (who mistook Deepy's visiting her for Deepy "visiting" Mac), semi-violated by Mac and DEEPY'S the one getting blamed? Sure, Deepy lifted her tail, but for Deepy, her lifting her tail is equivalent to a pegasus getting a wingboner. Sure, it implies that she's interested but it doesn't mean she consents.
(Unrelated question: What exactly is Deepy's special talent? Is it "sucking cocks" or "giving oral"? )
7485091 7485047 You must be mad, truly mad, to think that Deepy isn't at fault for what happened at the barn:
- Deepy goes to talk to Granny about whatever - Granny assumes that Deepy is here to screw Big Mac again - Deepy does not correct this assumption, nor does she mention she now has a coltfriend - Deepy then follows Granny to the barn (and remember that Granny is not an agile pony) while continuing to not correct her about the nature of her visit or tell her about Gizmo - Deepy enters the barn with Big Mac, and once again fails to tell anypony about Gizmo - Upon seeing Big Mac with an erection and totally down to fuck she turns around, lifts her tail, and then has sex with him for ages
Deepy had multiple opportunities to stop it all, and mentioning Gizmo at any point would have instantly shut down everything. But she didn't. And to top it all this was literally the morning after taking Gizmo's virginity and mere hours after giving him a blowjob so you can't even really use 'well she was just pent up' as an excuse, especially since, in her own experience, sucking Gizmo's cock was actually better than her first time with Big Mac.
Also I think in this chapter Twilight managed to turn Applejack around far too easily. Their confrontation conveniently glosses over the part where Deepy lied by omission when screwing Mac - which really messed him up because he would never, ever have had sex with Deepy if he'd known she had a coltfriend. Twilight's argument of 'yeah but it was Big Mac's decision to have sex okay?' doesn't hold water at all because his decision was made on false pretences and he was disgusted with himself after the truth came out. We know Applejack knows this because it's why she's going nuclear in the first place, so why on Earth does she just roll over and accept this non-argument? She's not apocalyptic because Big Mac had sex, she's apocalyptic because Deepy deceived him and made him hate himself.
And as for Applejack's mob being the thing that 'reveals Big Mac's private life'? Well that's just plain untrue. Everypony knew before that. Everypony was talking about it before Applejack even set a hoof off the farm. In fact you could probably argue that everypony already knowing is what caused the mob to form so quickly in the first place since everypony is already disgusted in advance!
Also the resolution feels far too convenient and 'happily ever after'. Twilight basically says 'dude cutie marks lmao' and everypony accepts this immediately, despite the fact that it was Deepy's infidelity that turned everypony against her and not the fact that she sucks a bunch of cock. Nobody gave a shit about her until she cheated and simultaneously crushed two stallions' hearts.
This whole story took an unexpected turn when Deepy had her 'rendezvous' with Big Mac. It adds an unnecessary layer of drama to a story that, until that point, didn't have such brazen levels of dishonesty and deceit. It feels like you wrote yourself into a corner, and had to pull some miracle out of your ass to justify a happily ever after. The ending is rushed and haphazard, and ultimately feels like an empty promise.
I've been following and enjoying your work for a while now, and it just feels like you fell off the ball with this one.
Maybe it changes further in, but I have no sympathy for Gizmo, really. You were warned this would happen going in, dude. He said himself "he wished she wouldn't, but he wouldn't really care, and that he'd deal with it when it came up" to paraphrase, so he knew he was going to be hurt. It sucks to be cheated on, but it being a thing he was warned would happen before going in, and him still going in anyway just makes his initial reaction make him seem more like a dick.
"As much as I hate to pull rank, I'm the Princess around here, and I think I'd like a say, too." Twilight's voice was firm, and her brow was lowered. She wasn't pleased at all with what she saw.
Wait. Deepy basically got blindsided by Granny Smith (who mistook Deepy's visiting her for Deepy "visiting" Mac), semi-violated by Mac and DEEPY'S the one getting blamed? Sure, Deepy lifted her tail, but for Deepy, her lifting her tail is equivalent to a pegasus getting a wingboner. Sure, it implies that she's interested but it doesn't mean she consents.
(Unrelated question: What exactly is Deepy's special talent? Is it "sucking cocks" or "giving oral"? )
This story. This. Story. I'm almost sad to see this end. But at the same time, it feels right. A nice little ending after a rollercoaster of feelings.
I can't really say anything that sums up how I feel so I'll say this.
Bravo, the first romance with smut I didn't jack it to and enjoyed every chapter.
reactiongifs.com/r/2012/08/well_done_sir.gif
You always know just what to say, don't you, Twilight?
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You must be mad, truly mad, to think that Deepy isn't at fault for what happened at the barn:
- Deepy goes to talk to Granny about whatever
- Granny assumes that Deepy is here to screw Big Mac again
- Deepy does not correct this assumption, nor does she mention she now has a coltfriend
- Deepy then follows Granny to the barn (and remember that Granny is not an agile pony) while continuing to not correct her about the nature of her visit or tell her about Gizmo
- Deepy enters the barn with Big Mac, and once again fails to tell anypony about Gizmo
- Upon seeing Big Mac with an erection and totally down to fuck she turns around, lifts her tail, and then has sex with him for ages
Deepy had multiple opportunities to stop it all, and mentioning Gizmo at any point would have instantly shut down everything. But she didn't. And to top it all this was literally the morning after taking Gizmo's virginity and mere hours after giving him a blowjob so you can't even really use 'well she was just pent up' as an excuse, especially since, in her own experience, sucking Gizmo's cock was actually better than her first time with Big Mac.
Also I think in this chapter Twilight managed to turn Applejack around far too easily. Their confrontation conveniently glosses over the part where Deepy lied by omission when screwing Mac - which really messed him up because he would never, ever have had sex with Deepy if he'd known she had a coltfriend. Twilight's argument of 'yeah but it was Big Mac's decision to have sex okay?' doesn't hold water at all because his decision was made on false pretences and he was disgusted with himself after the truth came out. We know Applejack knows this because it's why she's going nuclear in the first place, so why on Earth does she just roll over and accept this non-argument? She's not apocalyptic because Big Mac had sex, she's apocalyptic because Deepy deceived him and made him hate himself.
And as for Applejack's mob being the thing that 'reveals Big Mac's private life'? Well that's just plain untrue. Everypony knew before that. Everypony was talking about it before Applejack even set a hoof off the farm. In fact you could probably argue that everypony already knowing is what caused the mob to form so quickly in the first place since everypony is already disgusted in advance!
Also the resolution feels far too convenient and 'happily ever after'. Twilight basically says 'dude cutie marks lmao' and everypony accepts this immediately, despite the fact that it was Deepy's infidelity that turned everypony against her and not the fact that she sucks a bunch of cock. Nobody gave a shit about her until she cheated and simultaneously crushed two stallions' hearts.
I died, read that in twilight's voice and spit my drink everywhere lol.
Well that was a hollow resolution.
I guess polyamory/swinging literally wasn't an option until she straight up destroyed two people emotionally, and near ruined a family.
This whole story took an unexpected turn when Deepy had her 'rendezvous' with Big Mac. It adds an unnecessary layer of drama to a story that, until that point, didn't have such brazen levels of dishonesty and deceit. It feels like you wrote yourself into a corner, and had to pull some miracle out of your ass to justify a happily ever after. The ending is rushed and haphazard, and ultimately feels like an empty promise.
I've been following and enjoying your work for a while now, and it just feels like you fell off the ball with this one.
Maybe it changes further in, but I have no sympathy for Gizmo, really. You were warned this would happen going in, dude. He said himself "he wished she wouldn't, but he wouldn't really care, and that he'd deal with it when it came up" to paraphrase, so he knew he was going to be hurt. It sucks to be cheated on, but it being a thing he was warned would happen before going in, and him still going in anyway just makes his initial reaction make him seem more like a dick.
Oh wow, pulling rank, she's not playing around.
If I've got to be brutally honest, big time.
Worse ways to die.
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Best ways to die
7487307 balls
Deepy evolved into PERFECT GIRLFRIEND!
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You certainly have strange tastes in porn, my friend.
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what