5974742 I'll be back with more moves if you so desire. And even if you don't, I'll make ones to good to ignore. MUAHAHAHA! I will create the best moves!
5974773 You don't have too. You can always go back and re-read your own story. It's the best kind of backup, I do it all the times when I write myself.
5974862 I believe it was alright. Can't really complain, although... there seems to be a highly unusual amount of broken bones... That almost never happened in the anime...
5976223 reddened chaos never see most of the anime expact for the buu saga. plus the energy from thetime breakers does make the villians more crueler of course
5977134 I was more jumping the fact that they sooner loose a limb than actually break it, they don't break their bones, they lose the whole fucking limb.
5977558 Um... Piccolo? Instant regrow... Applies to Pinkie and Fluttershy as well. Don't forget, senzu beans, If they can regrow that hole Goku had in his shoulder first time the healing properties of the beans were revealed then they most likely can regrow full on limbs. Also, I did some research and found that there is in one scene said that they could have saved a served arm if they'd had a senzu bean at the time... This means that served limbs can at least be re-attached with the senzu beans or maybe even regrown.
5977613 I guess. But I'm just saying... It seems more likely that they either don't break their bones but lose a limb instead, or just don't break their bones. Otherwise it doesn't feel as much like Dragonball.
just to know am going to take a break from this story for a while, its just bean "stressful" lately and I would like write a story where I know the characters alot more.
Some advice, (if no one has said anything yet.) every name (people, places or proper nouns) must have the first letter capitalized. The first letter of a sentence is also always capitalized, and whenever there is a new speaker, its always a new paragraph (for example, after the naration, Rainbow Dash would say something to Applejack, then when Applejack responds its in a new paragraph)
well since you plan on having rainbow keep her tail and xenoverse does have gt in it (as a DLC of course)... maybe ss4 rainbow dash that'd be cool to see. But at the same time i know ss3 and 4 are not accessible in the game, so it'd be a okay to leave the two forms out. But still i'd like to see it. And by technicality you don't need to reach ss3 to get to ss4 just have to be able to control great ape and turn ssj.
But now i'm rambling i liked the chapter i'd like to see more of spike getting in there as well (because spike doesnt get enough credit and i love playing as the arcosians myself) other than minor spelling and grammer mistakes the story is a good cross and little unfortunate built like the xenoverse story. Like really they couldn't do better than say oh make your own character and we aren't going to give them a back story. Bah rambling again. Anyway i like the story thus far however i would i dont know if you already plan on this or not but i'd like to see a confrontation between vegeta and rainbow or twilight about his behavior with nappa. Again ideas out there.
6144212 i do plan on adding Ss3 because to be it would be realistic, to be your guy beating up frieza with out going super saiyan is dumb to me, I also do plan on adding SSG too. I'll try to add more moments with spike but theres just so many characters its hard to keep track of them all. as for the last part with the vegeta thing, I can't really think about what vegeta whould say back, bit rusty, any hints?
Awesome, and i would understand if you couldn't fit spike in 7 main characters is a lot to tie together without a few falling to the sidelines. As for vegeta i would actually refer to the anime because, if i remember him correctly (not the abridged ver.) he wasn't the type to make excuses for his actions. So i'd go along the lines of 'i do not regret my actions for the fool brought it on himself. We were not friends nor family he was tool just like i was.' something like that going along the lines of saiyan pride. Or you could go with something like 'I was different man back then, i had no need for friends. At the time I was nothing more than a monster. It was Goku and his friends that made me see that i was wrong.' those are two ways you can approach it. One going with his saiyan pride and their sense of strength or go with the I-learned-my-lesson approach. i think either one or a combination of both would be a good way for him to respond to those.
However at the same time it's up to you if you even want them to have the conversation. Like having twilight talk to Rainbow about it. No doubt Twilight would be upset as in her mind Vegeta killed a friend and Rainbow may feel some responsibility or sense of duty as the element of loyalty to confront him.
You could also have someone like trunks piccolo or even goku himself vouch for vegeta's change in morals. And avoid the confrontation between them.
Or if mlp is any consideration ignore it all together and move on... i beg please don't do that. although waiting a chapter or two for the conversation would not be a bad move either.
its completely up to you how u wanna role with it. I most likely won't stop reading either way.
6148328 We will have to see about that, in my mind twilight and RD knew he was driffernt back then because ether trunks told them/ they studied DBZ history(Twilight studding while Rd pobly heard it from trunks)
That's a fine and all but personally I think you should mention that in-story to let the readers know because twilight did blow up pretty bad on it. And i can understand taking that route if your trying not to get caught up in the drama aspect of it. However even if you trying to stick to the action bits. It should go as a side note like 'Trunks spent hours making the mane six understand their history' something like that would be a good enough note to skip the drama while keeping the audience informed.
btw should note i'm not any kind of writer or editor. I write my own stories on the side but they're really just random ideas i throw together. so all I've said is my own opinion based on what I like to see in stories so i'm no professional by far.
5974518 gotta love DBZ abriged
Oh, I would have loved seeing Pinkie having fired the Special beam cannon by using her hair instead of fingers... Feels more like her, ya know...
Poor Vegeta, never really recovered from that did he?
5974610 never really thought of that. buts its a cool idea. also, what was your favorite part of this chapter?
5974641 The use of my suggested moves. Rainpunch. That's gotta hurt...
5974653 lawl.
5974742 I'll be back with more moves if you so desire. And even if you don't, I'll make ones to good to ignore. MUAHAHAHA! I will create the best moves!
5974748 oh jeez I don't know if I can rember them all XD
5974773 You don't have too. You can always go back and re-read your own story. It's the best kind of backup, I do it all the times when I write myself.
5974786 ok. whats your opinon on this chapter?
5974862 I believe it was alright. Can't really complain, although... there seems to be a highly unusual amount of broken bones... That almost never happened in the anime...
5976223 reddened chaos never see most of the anime expact for the buu saga. plus the energy from thetime breakers does make the villians more crueler of course
5977134 I was more jumping the fact that they sooner loose a limb than actually break it, they don't break their bones, they lose the whole fucking limb.
5977190 reddened chaos won't let me make at lest one of them lose a limb
5977558 Um... Piccolo? Instant regrow... Applies to Pinkie and Fluttershy as well. Don't forget, senzu beans, If they can regrow that hole Goku had in his shoulder first time the healing properties of the beans were revealed then they most likely can regrow full on limbs. Also, I did some research and found that there is in one scene said that they could have saved a served arm if they'd had a senzu bean at the time... This means that served limbs can at least be re-attached with the senzu beans or maybe even regrown.
5977587 he will let me make them lose a arm if their maijins but he doesn't like it if I make the others that are not maijins lose limbs
5977596 But then what's the point of having a gore tag? Besides, It's your story, isn't it?
5977604 I know. but he is my co-writer.
5977613 I guess. But I'm just saying... It seems more likely that they either don't break their bones but lose a limb instead, or just don't break their bones. Otherwise it doesn't feel as much like Dragonball.
5977623 ok. I am taking ot im about anyway
5977625 Sorry, I didn't get that... Come again?
5977630 I said I am talking to him about it. I hate typos
5977635 Okay.
5987110 yeah. I tried to add my character/emation to some parts but I couldn't really think of much that would fit their presonalities
just to know am going to take a break from this story for a while, its just bean "stressful" lately and I would like write a story where I know the characters alot more.
Maybe Rainbow Dash will become good enough where she'll be like a Saiyan Elite when she's a Great Ape
5996822 i might make her a great ape, might. whats your opinion on the story so far?
5997323 interesting. Pinkie Pie and the Candy Beam was pretty much expected
5998359 Yep. also one time I had a dream were pinkie ether died young or never existed and rainbow became the element of laughter for some reason
Some advice, (if no one has said anything yet.) every name (people, places or proper nouns) must have the first letter capitalized. The first letter of a sentence is also always capitalized, and whenever there is a new speaker, its always a new paragraph (for example, after the naration, Rainbow Dash would say something to Applejack, then when Applejack responds its in a new paragraph)
EDIT: Try taking a look at this.
6049996 I know that I just forget sometimes
when will the next chapter come?
6122293 idk, am been taking a break then when I was done my co-author was writing his own story.
Please Continue the story its really good
6132498 that's what am trying to do. got done with my break a few days ago.
well since you plan on having rainbow keep her tail and xenoverse does have gt in it (as a DLC of course)... maybe ss4 rainbow dash that'd be cool to see. But at the same time i know ss3 and 4 are not accessible in the game, so it'd be a okay to leave the two forms out. But still i'd like to see it. And by technicality you don't need to reach ss3 to get to ss4 just have to be able to control great ape and turn ssj.
But now i'm rambling i liked the chapter i'd like to see more of spike getting in there as well (because spike doesnt get enough credit and i love playing as the arcosians myself) other than minor spelling and grammer mistakes the story is a good cross and little unfortunate built like the xenoverse story. Like really they couldn't do better than say oh make your own character and we aren't going to give them a back story. Bah rambling again. Anyway i like the story thus far however i would i dont know if you already plan on this or not but i'd like to see a confrontation between vegeta and rainbow or twilight about his behavior with nappa. Again ideas out there.
love the story thus far easy to follow.
6144212 i do plan on adding Ss3 because to be it would be realistic, to be your guy beating up frieza with out going super saiyan is dumb to me, I also do plan on adding SSG too. I'll try to add more moments with spike but theres just so many characters its hard to keep track of them all. as for the last part with the vegeta thing, I can't really think about what vegeta whould say back, bit rusty, any hints?
6145707
Awesome, and i would understand if you couldn't fit spike in 7 main characters is a lot to tie together without a few falling to the sidelines. As for vegeta i would actually refer to the anime because, if i remember him correctly (not the abridged ver.) he wasn't the type to make excuses for his actions. So i'd go along the lines of 'i do not regret my actions for the fool brought it on himself. We were not friends nor family he was tool just like i was.' something like that going along the lines of saiyan pride. Or you could go with something like 'I was different man back then, i had no need for friends. At the time I was nothing more than a monster. It was Goku and his friends that made me see that i was wrong.' those are two ways you can approach it. One going with his saiyan pride and their sense of strength or go with the I-learned-my-lesson approach. i think either one or a combination of both would be a good way for him to respond to those.
However at the same time it's up to you if you even want them to have the conversation. Like having twilight talk to Rainbow about it. No doubt Twilight would be upset as in her mind Vegeta killed a friend and Rainbow may feel some responsibility or sense of duty as the element of loyalty to confront him.
You could also have someone like trunks piccolo or even goku himself vouch for vegeta's change in morals. And avoid the confrontation between them.
Or if mlp is any consideration ignore it all together and move on... i beg please don't do that. although waiting a chapter or two for the conversation would not be a bad move either.
its completely up to you how u wanna role with it. I most likely won't stop reading either way.
6148328 We will have to see about that, in my mind twilight and RD knew he was driffernt back then because ether trunks told them/ they studied DBZ history(Twilight studding while Rd pobly heard it from trunks)
6149834
That's a fine and all but personally I think you should mention that in-story to let the readers know because twilight did blow up pretty bad on it. And i can understand taking that route if your trying not to get caught up in the drama aspect of it. However even if you trying to stick to the action bits. It should go as a side note like 'Trunks spent hours making the mane six understand their history' something like that would be a good enough note to skip the drama while keeping the audience informed.
btw should note i'm not any kind of writer or editor. I write my own stories on the side but they're really just random ideas i throw together. so all I've said is my own opinion based on what I like to see in stories so i'm no professional by far.
6153612 ok
please continue its been 3 months (not trying to be mean)
6294315 I know, I just get Detracked and sometimes I run out of ideas for some Important details
Ko so the next is gonna be on namek hopefully the next saga comes soon.
6369048 i can't promise the next chapter will come soon
Ko well hope you get it done for everypony to enjoy this awesome story.
6372797 KO also could you put a little good word that to read my story at my page please.
That was a good read. Look forward to the next chapter, whenever it is.
6372797 KO so when will the next chapter come I'm dying for some action and to see if either Rainbow Dash or Twilight transform into Super Saiyans.
6696637 As his I was thinking someone a little more...... (Spoiler): Chaotic but that can work too XD
yes English is my first Language, I just suck at it
And I will fix those later.