6703102 "Hmmm, for critique, all the greetings took almost half the chapter. Most of them felt generic / didn't have much personality to them. There wasn't much description of how they delivered their lines either." yeah am not good at or I wasn't good at Greetings.. do you think he could add a little more Personality too it for me? Maybe it will help me in the Future.
"For the training itself we only got a few teacher-student interactions described. Vegeta/RD and Picolo/Pinkie were they only trainings that had some interactions to them. The rest of them you just told us they learned something. Not quite as interesting a dynamic as it could be." Again I think I would need some help with that.
"I would just recommend taking a little more time with it. Study up on the characters you don't know as well. The Internet is full of resources ;)" Ok.
Do I think "he could add a little bit more personality to it for me?"
First off, I'm not sure who this "he" is. Second what do you mean adding adding it for you? You want someone to give you example how the mane 6 or dbz characters interact? Or you just want someone to straight up write that section for you?
Hate to burst any bubbles, but Gohan can't summon Porunga, One: Because he called him Shenron, a completely different Dragon. Two: You have to summon him by speaking namekian. In the series they had Dende to summon him for them.
Excluding Dende from this could mess up the timeline, since Dende is eventually going to become guardian of the Earth... And he was with them since they managed to save him. If he's not with them, he's dead and the timeline is all matters fucked up...
Also, I'm not against Pinkie Pie being the one to understand Namekian, but does she really have to say it's a secret? Any one of them could easily have learned Namekian while training. And out of all who'd be interested, I'd nominate Twilight and Fluttershy. Fluttershy could possibly understand, but not speak it instinctively though.
6703846 "Hate to burst any bubbles, but Gohan can't summon Porunga, One: Because he called him Shenron, a completely different Dragon. Two: You have to summon him by speaking namekian. In the series they had Dende to summon him for them." Ok I'll Fix that.
"Excluding Dende from this could mess up the timeline, since Dende is eventually going to become guardian of the Earth... And he was with them since they managed to save him. If he's not with them, he's dead and the timeline is all matters fucked up..." Meh... I was planning on them having to alter the timeline a lot anyways.
"Also, I'm not against Pinkie Pie being the one to understand Namekian, but does she really have to say it's a secret? Any one of them could easily have learned Namekian while training. And out of all who'd be interested, I'd nominate Twilight and Fluttershy. Fluttershy could possibly understand, but not speak it instinctively though." Do you really think you want her to Jeterdize the Mission? she can't simply say she learned it from piccolo in front of past Gohan and Past Krillan.
Do you really think you want her to Jeterdize the Mission? she can't simply say she learned it from piccolo in front of past Gohan and Past Krillan.
She wouldn't have to necessarily have learnt it from Piccolo... also, Piccolo himself doesn't know namekian, Popo does. And there are other nemekians to learn from. Also, she wouldn't have to say who taught her, just that she picked it up during her training.
6704316 Piccolo did Absorb Nail at one nail in point the show so who says he couldn't of learned it from nail? Also Pinkie Doesn't know of Mr. popo because Popo never went to toki toki city and The Z fighters never seen pinkie and her Friends before at the tower.
6704389 To be honest, it would be the part where Red disappeared. He felt really out of place in this story. Although, him simply disappearing was kind of deus ex machina of you.
6704405 "him simply disappearing was kind of deux ex machina of you". What does that mean? and Well one reason new had him disappear is because Reddenchoas didn't want to work on the story with me anymore and I asked him what we should do with Red. later on we agreed on him disappearing to other universe. he's going to make a story based on Red's Disappearance.
6704429Deus ex machina. And I can understand why Red disappeared. Just a bit miffed as to how, because close to no explanation is given. He disappeared, and that's it.
6704570 KO AWESOME new chapter, finally and hope that Rainbow Dash can understand her Saiyan instinct with Vegeta's help and hope for more awesomeness soon.
6705244 KO indeed I have completed the whole game including the dlc's and even got most of the moves. Also will Rainbow Dash and Twilight or either will turn Super Saiyan and will Fluttershy control her rage, and will the mane six stop this evil master mind.
6705308 The 2 of the 3 Villians are Towa and Mira. the other one is unknown for now. Remember Towa and Mira want to Free their Evil Demon realm and NOT destroy the Universe.
6705449 6696637 6703846 Stastus update, Sense there has been a lot of detractions I won't be able to finish it by the 12, so I bight be able to finish it within a week(or more).
7278357 It is alright to change the rating as long as you have a legitimate reason for doing so. If a big amount of gore is the case, then I say it is much safer to change the rating than risking the mods getting involved.
7294278 When I gave the Artist the orginal cover art he mistook Fluttershy for a human sense he has never Watched DBZ, right now he is currently working on a edited version
7294278 Forgot to say when it was updated but sometimes after I got the first version you saw the artist made a edited version, fluttershy should look more majin now.
6703102 "Hmmm, for critique, all the greetings took almost half the chapter. Most of them felt generic / didn't have much personality to them. There wasn't much description of how they delivered their lines either." yeah am not good at or I wasn't good at Greetings.. do you think he could add a little more Personality too it for me? Maybe it will help me in the Future.
"For the training itself we only got a few teacher-student interactions described. Vegeta/RD and Picolo/Pinkie were they only trainings that had some interactions to them. The rest of them you just told us they learned something. Not quite as interesting a dynamic as it could be." Again I think I would need some help with that.
"I would just recommend taking a little more time with it. Study up on the characters you don't know as well. The Internet is full of resources ;)" Ok.
in later Chapters it gets better I think
6703226
Do I think "he could add a little bit more personality to it for me?"
First off, I'm not sure who this "he" is. Second what do you mean adding adding it for you? You want someone to give you example how the mane 6 or dbz characters interact? Or you just want someone to straight up write that section for you?
Just a friendly "in case you weren't aware", the Namekian dragon is named Porunga. Also, I LOVE the TFS references.
Hate to burst any bubbles, but Gohan can't summon Porunga, One: Because he called him Shenron, a completely different Dragon. Two: You have to summon him by speaking namekian. In the series they had Dende to summon him for them.
Excluding Dende from this could mess up the timeline, since Dende is eventually going to become guardian of the Earth... And he was with them since they managed to save him. If he's not with them, he's dead and the timeline is all matters fucked up...
Also, I'm not against Pinkie Pie being the one to understand Namekian, but does she really have to say it's a secret? Any one of them could easily have learned Namekian while training. And out of all who'd be interested, I'd nominate Twilight and Fluttershy. Fluttershy could possibly understand, but not speak it instinctively though.
6703580 I don't know why I said he but ok.
Maybe a Little of both, but I could go with a Exmple about how to make the greetings more "lively".
6703639 Ok I'll Fix that
6703846 "Hate to burst any bubbles, but Gohan can't summon Porunga, One: Because he called him Shenron, a completely different Dragon. Two: You have to summon him by speaking namekian. In the series they had Dende to summon him for them." Ok I'll Fix that.
"Excluding Dende from this could mess up the timeline, since Dende is eventually going to become guardian of the Earth... And he was with them since they managed to save him. If he's not with them, he's dead and the timeline is all matters fucked up..." Meh... I was planning on them having to alter the timeline a lot anyways.
"Also, I'm not against Pinkie Pie being the one to understand Namekian, but does she really have to say it's a secret? Any one of them could easily have learned Namekian while training. And out of all who'd be interested, I'd nominate Twilight and Fluttershy. Fluttershy could possibly understand, but not speak it instinctively though." Do you really think you want her to Jeterdize the Mission? she can't simply say she learned it from piccolo in front of past Gohan and Past Krillan.
Edit. Fixed the Porunga not Sheron Problem.
6704231
She wouldn't have to necessarily have learnt it from Piccolo... also, Piccolo himself doesn't know namekian, Popo does. And there are other nemekians to learn from. Also, she wouldn't have to say who taught her, just that she picked it up during her training.
6704316 Piccolo did Absorb Nail at one nail in point the show so who says he couldn't of learned it from nail? Also Pinkie Doesn't know of Mr. popo because Popo never went to toki toki city and The Z fighters never seen pinkie and her Friends before at the tower.
6704322 I wasn't implying that Popo was there, just pointing out that it was he who taught Bulma, and I forgot about nails being part of Piccolo...
6704387 Ok.
Also what was your Favorite Part of the newest Chapter?
6704389 To be honest, it would be the part where Red disappeared. He felt really out of place in this story. Although, him simply disappearing was kind of deus ex machina of you.
6704405 "him simply disappearing was kind of deux ex machina of you". What does that mean? and Well one reason new had him disappear is because Reddenchoas didn't want to work on the story with me anymore and I asked him what we should do with Red. later on we agreed on him disappearing to other universe. he's going to make a story based on Red's Disappearance.
6704429 Deus ex machina. And I can understand why Red disappeared. Just a bit miffed as to how, because close to no explanation is given. He disappeared, and that's it.
6704436 The Answer to How he disappeared will be Answered in his story and later on in my Story.
6704447 Fair enough.
6704499 What are some of your other Favorite parts of this story?
6704508 Not really sure, I'm mostly enjoying the concept as a whole.
6704561 Can you typed down some of your reactions to some of your favorite parts?
6704570 KO AWESOME new chapter, finally and hope that Rainbow Dash can understand her Saiyan instinct with Vegeta's help and hope for more awesomeness soon.
6705020 KO hope that Rainbow Dash can fight it and stop this evil who is trying to destroy all of time and space.
6705238 I wonder if you ever played or watch vidoes of Xenoverse
6705244 KO indeed I have completed the whole game including the dlc's and even got most of the moves. Also will Rainbow Dash and Twilight or either will turn Super Saiyan and will Fluttershy control her rage, and will the mane six stop this evil master mind.
6705308 The 2 of the 3 Villians are Towa and Mira. the other one is unknown for now. Remember Towa and Mira want to Free their Evil Demon realm and NOT destroy the Universe.
6705374 KO I know that and hope the next awesome chapter is more awesome than the others.
6705449 Ok
6705449
6696637
6703846
Stastus update, Sense there has been a lot of detractions I won't be able to finish it by the 12, so I bight be able to finish it within a week(or more).
6715407 KO that's fine hope the next chapter will be more awesome than the last.
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I might have to change "The Xenoverse" from Teen To mature. Sense I plan on a character being seriously injured. it is also one of the many reasons I don't work on the fict much sense I didn't know exactly what to do about it at first. What do you guys think? I hope this doesn't upset any of you.
7278357 It is alright to change the rating as long as you have a legitimate reason for doing so. If a big amount of gore is the case, then I say it is much safer to change the rating than risking the mods getting involved.
7278403 Actually I had talked to a mod about it, and he said that Losing a Limb would count as mature.
7278603 Then you most certainly should change it into mature.
7278709 Alright, right now I'll wait a couple of days sense I want at lest nearly all of the people who favorited this to know.
7278709 Come check out the new cover art I have! it's made by Lokimonster!
7293770 Wasn't Fluttershy also a Majin? She looks rather human in that picture...
Hoo hoo hoo He's pissed! Also love how you incorporated Fluttershy's anger in this.
7294278 When I gave the Artist the orginal cover art he mistook Fluttershy for a human sense he has never Watched DBZ, right now he is currently working on a edited version
7294606 Thanks. Right now am currently working on the next chapter, don't know when it will be done though. sometimes I just lack motivation
7294278 Forgot to say when it was updated but sometimes after I got the first version you saw the artist made a edited version, fluttershy should look more majin now.