I wonder if the Mane six should run into other time patrollers. Also, I can help with being an editor if you want me too

5958080 that would be great if you could help!

5958104 Just let me know when you have a chapter complete so I can look it over first if you want

5958129 ok. also, how do I make people I would want as a co-writer a co-writer?

5958160 not sure

5958168 I guess I will have to srach it, by the way, whats your opinion on this chapter? and whats your opinion on the "3 strange beings"?

5958198 Alright. Maybe we can talk this through PM

5958199 whats a PM? or what does it stand for?

5958211 Private message. Basically the Mail section

5958213 just learned that as I was talking to some one in a PM XD.

5958229 xD

5958249 anway lets talk this though a PM now.

5958160 Message an Admin, they if anyone should know.

5958378 currently what iam trying to do :P by the way whats your opinion on this chapter? and whats some of your faviote parts?

BTW, I love the story, but you're really butchering the language. It's good that you're taking my advice of co-writing it or just having a proof reader. I would offer myself, but I haven't got that much free time on my hands.

5958384 "really butchering the language" as in with all the spelling errors and grammer errors? most likely I am, spelling never was really my strong suit you could say

5958383 I would have to say that my favorite part was about Pinkie going on a candy making spree. My least lovable part would be how weak the mane 6 were portrayed. I know they're new to this, but one would think they would at least have enough training to take care of that one fight a little better.

Besides that I would say it's all good, besides the grammar and spelling errors.

5958394 Yes, working with a co-author and proof reader does wonders for your English knowledge. Also, I have a program that automatically points out text it believes to be wrong by adding a red line under it. I believe it's from "Microsoft Word" where the option can be turned on/off for different languages, it works outside of the program as well.

5958396 "My least lovable part would be how weak the mane 6 were portrayed" you could say the "demons" towa and mira had a "little" more help corrupting Raditz. Raditz in this chapter was more corrupted in this timeline OF DBZ Xenoverse.

5958411 I guess I really didn't think about that. Still, I think at least Pinkie, a majin would have stayed conscious. She can survive being obliterated as long as she still has at least one of her cells left...

5958408 I know about the red line under the word thing but I some times spell a word so badly it ether thinks its other word or cant find the word I was trying to spell. some of the spelling errors might be typos because I have a habit of typing fast.

5958422 in my opinion maijins are a bit op so I dicide when there not in a "Solf" form they are hard as a normal organic creature.

5958446 I guess that makes a little sense... But still Pinkie is Pinkie, there is no de-op'ing her.

5958502 I guss your right

Pinkie Pie going crazy with Candy Beam? well that was pretty much expected

I know Raditz has a buff here... But even with 9 people all trying to gang-bang him, he still beats the crap out of most of them.... Just precious.

The 3 mysterious people are mysterious... 2 chicks and a guy? No idea who they could be.

Also, I notice you use the word "stuff" a lot when I think you mean "tough"

Anyway, the most entertaining chapter so far.

6703251 2 of them are Cannon to Xenoverse. Look up Towa and Mira. the other one how ever is a MLP character Out for Revenge

(continuation of review)

Woo, a lazy exposition dump, straight out of nowhere! Don't you love those?
No. No I do not. Nobody does.
And it's so inanely written and peppered with entirely unnecessary ellipses that, that I barely understand what it's about. It's some sort of history-tracking MacGuffin, that is probably known to the DBZ fans, but really, would it kill the author to set up the scene properly? Literally in the previous chapter it was "and then the training is over", and now they are (where?) looking at the Vault of McGuffins, which, for all I know, looks like that warehouse in Indiana Jones, because it's never described, and we are handed ultimate watchemacallit of destiny or something.
That was entirely and completely out of left field.

Ok, so MacGuffin of Vagueness is also a time-traveling spell.
Nobody cares, just a time-travel spell. Twilight being curious or perhaps reluctant to use it after the events of Cutie-Re-Mark? Nope. Have scroll, will time-travel. Because character motivations are for losers.

And then ponies kick ass.
You know, it probably says something about us, as a fandom, that we're inured to the idea of colourful friendly ponies that are meant as role models for little girls, regularly kicking ass to terrors that in real life would probably make us curl up in a ball and cry. And I've got nothing against that, when ponies kick ass they do it for all the right reasons, usually.
This is not the case. Friendship? Talking the problems out? Kindness and Generosity?
Screw this. Ponies appear like SWAT out of vaguely-defined MacGuffin-created time rift, and without further ado proceed to attack people (persons) whom they've not even met properly. Because that's My Little Pony, apparently, the ass-kicking Spetsnaz in equine form. God forbid they run out of bubble-gum.
This is, for all the minimal descriptions (where is everything going on?) is a scene that ostensibly should be fitted right into the DBZ aestetic, with ponies throwing around DBZ-techniques anime-style... and again I ask, what is the fricking point? Everything is done to the DBZ-style, protagonists have no motivation, no character aside from random throwaway dialogue.... Seriously, here it might as well be a team of anons or, since they all are always the same, act in the same style, a single, bland non-descript goo of a character. There is no reason for this to be a MLP-fanfic.

Also, I've already mentioned how this fic's grammar sucks beyond belief? I did? Well, here's another gem: "sopost". It was "sopost" to happen.
Fuck you.

And then it all ends with a YouTube video. A YouTube video. The author is so lazy and inept, that a climax of his own chapter, a finisher move is not even described, with a YouTube video instead. Why, thank you very much, 2000wires, I would rather watch original anime than read this turd of fiction, but then if I wanted to do that, I wouldn't be here, would I?

And yeah, then Raditz is murdered. LIke straight-up "ki-blast to the chest the size of my face" murdered. Like in the series. And ponies are like "meh, who cares, he gets resurrected later".
That's... I've no words.
Fluttershy hates you 2000wires. She is sad, but she hates you for writing the Element of Kindness like that, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Another evil meeting of evil league of evil.
"Why don't I resolve the dumb plot in five seconds?"
"Because of vague reasons of vagueness, my padawan!"
"Of course! Shall we indulge in another evil laugh?"
"Indeed we shall, for we are evil".
Ugh.

Transitions! There are none in this fic.
Because SUDDENLY we are with RD and she is in her bed waking up.
The whole thing was a dream? No, I should be so lucky. It's just a crappy way of getting from one scene to another, and in this case - more non-training and ass-pulled powers, and the grammar has devolved so much ("deffintly", "Expact", "after noon") that I actually start thinking that these few paragraphs were written by randomly bashing keyboard with one's head - a prospect that seems all the more interesting as compared to reading the next chapter.