Pony Sematary

by LadyHorrible

Chapter 3

Fluttershy had a strange feeling about this. She felt that Jud was hiding something. But she still followed the others into the woods. On the edge of the path was a broken sign."Pet Sematary" was written in paint as if spelled by a little school filly.

As they approached it, they saw that there was a clearing, and in the clearing were many stones, most of them misshapen, as if foals had dug dirt just to put a rock in its place.

"What are the rocks for, Jud?" Rarity asked. But she kind of knew the answer. The rocks couldn't be placed randomly without a reason.

"They're graves. Ponies' pets are buried here."

Sweetie Belle looked around. "...Graves? Y-You mean... for... for d-d-d-dead pets?" she asked. She bit her bottom lip, nervous. This was her first experience near death. No one of her family or friend had died yet, so she had never been to a cemetery. Fluttershy and Rarity looked at each other, then at the filly.

"Yes, Sweetie. Just remember, it's natural. It's going to happen to everypony one day... Not today, of course, but we all have to die at some point." Rarity told her. Sweetie Belle was still looking around nervous, trying to ignore the fact that animals were buried right beneath her hooves.

They stood around for a while until Fluttershy spoke up. "Jud, I think it's time we got back."

Jud turned to the pegasus and nodded, his white mane fluffing around his neck. They all turned to leave. Sweetie Belle looked back one more time at the small cemetery, before she followed the other three ponies. They went back down the path, and passed by Jud's house as he led them out of the Everfree Forest. They soon spotted Fluttershy's house in the distance.

Rarity turned to Fluttershy. "Well, it's kind of late. The ponies who had ordered the dresses should arrive in half an hour and I must return to the boutique."

Fluttershy nodded. "See you later Rarity."

"Thanks for inviting me over. You too, Jud, for showing us around."

"Hey, how about coming over to my place tomorrow? My wife would love to meet you." the stallion said.

"Sure. Considering all the free time I'll have tomorrow, I don't see why not." Rarity replied. Jud seemed a nice pony.

On the way back, Sweetie Belle couldn't stop thinking about the small cemetery they had been into. Thoughts flooded her mind. What would happen if Opal would die? Or even her sister? She didn't know what she would do if she would lose somebody. We all have to die at some point. Rarity's worlds echoed in her mind. At some point. She hoped that nobody would reach that point too soon.

The filly shook her head and tried to think of anything else but death.

Comments

[I Brained My Damage]

Tell you what, this really does make me remember "Pet Sematary".

[SwiperTheFox]

Some of this really made me go 'aaaaaaah'. Hasn't Sweetie Belle already had some understanding of life, death, good, evil, and the like? Her sister is an element of harmony that has fault horrible things and seen horrible things.

Also, the writing seems to have a really dull and flat tone to it.

An example is something like: As they approached it, they saw that there was a clearing, and in the clearing were many stones, most of them misshapen, as if foals had dug dirt just to put a rock in its place.

There's nothing about that sentence that's 'bad writing' per se. But it doesn't come across as 'suspenseful'.

Maybe look at something like: { As they approached the area, Sweetie's eyes darted across the ominous big clearing. She locked upon a set of stones, most of them misshapen. Had foals just dug up some dirt to place a rock in the same spot? Why would they do that? She paused. Something just might be buried in there. She flicked her ears back }

I dunno. Just throwing that out there. Does anyone else see the story with this kind of 'flatness' to it.

[Rakaziel]

Come to think of it, Granny Smith would also have worked well as Jud.

[Another_Brony]

Congratulations.
For being that unimaginative with the idea. You could not jst take the premise idea and make something more original out of it, you really have to go so far as to include a pony version of Jud into this mess and make it a re-enactment of the original, just with the main character`s names switched?
HEre, I give you nine disappointed Applejacks out of ten

Try something more original, next time. At least this story seems to be cancelled. Not that this is a disappintment. As Jud would say: Sometimes dead is better.

[Sparrow9612]

675484 - Poor Rarity. Poor anypony that crosses paths with an undead Opal. As if she wasn't vicious enough in life.

[Okie Brony]

I wouldn't call this a "bad" story, but it's not especially good. I just didn't feel any suspense. Then again, it was just getting started.

'Tis a dead one, sire.