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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This chapter in a nutshell.
(Spoiler-ish)
cdn.pbrd.co/images/H5wy4Ph.jpg
cool update
Well....that is different
Hmm. Idk. Seemed somewhat lacking.
Good, there is finally an update. Now it's time to wait a year and read it.
Circumstantial evidence is actually very good. That is because circumstance does not lie. And if everyone else hadn't been so dumbed down to make Twilight look "sharp" it would have worked a lot better.
The whole season two finale was childish and pretentious in the way it delivered it's intended lesson that it torpedoed that lesson pretty badly. Meghan McCarthy blew it kind badly on that bit of writing she did.
8705307
Buuuut...
We also got one of the best episodes in the entire show out of it, so I generally give her a pass on that one. The Royal Wedding was epic, the songs were great, and it was probably the entire show's high point for me.
Sure the lesson was a bit bungled (Twilight does very little to give any reason to believe her, instead acting psychotically jealous. Sure it turned out she was right, but the others -going from how she was acting- had no reason to think that.), but the story, scenes, and action was all pretty amazing.
I hope that they keep an open door for Moondancer. I hold to the opinion that Moondancer was in love with Twilight and boy did Twilight break her heart by not only completely blowing off the party but not telling her friends why she was going to Ponyville in the first place. Hopefully they can find a way to repair this relationship so it will at least become cordial.
8705465
No, we didn't. What little positive came out of the episode was so totally overshadowed by the paper thin (if not more so) premise and execution. In my 41 years I have seem so many better presentation and so few as bad, and fewer still worse.
This is a stand out as the worst episode at the time until Spike at Your Service aired. This wasn't merely bungled, it was by far one of the laziest excuses for storytelling I've ever seen.
'Weaponized disappointment' may have been the high point of this chapter for me. Not because the rest wasn't good, but just because I find that particular phrase truly funny.
Speaking of disappointment though... Part of that is meta, based on how long this update was in coming, so it's not entirely fair to hold it against the fic: most chapters in most fics end in some form of cliffhanger because the story isn't done. Still... the world ain't fair, and to get to here after this wait and have basically Derren being kinda bitchy through the whole chapter culminating in Derren AND Moondancer doing stereo bitchy (justified or not)... well, my disappointment can't quite be weaponized, but it's palpable. You said you knew there'd be complaints; I suppose I am one. It's minor, overall I think this development fits the flow of the story so far and Derren's behavior is consistent with his deepening depression. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't rather see something a little less frustrating and sad. Ah well.
Further, to your justification... I'm of the opinion that literally everyone else made the mistake by blowing her off during the wedding. Celestia was bad enough, but clearly the rest had learned nothing from the Lesson Zero mess and continued to not take her seriously because reasons. Trust and friendship clearly weren't those reasons, and it almost got them all killed... slimed... eaten... whatever. She wouldn't have been driven to her crazy accusations in the throne room if they'd listened and helped her to begin with, much the same way blowing her off drove her to crazy in Lesson Zero. Twilight at fault? Psh, maybe last on the list. You shouldn't need an airtight, ready for court case to get your friends to hear you out and support you. They came up with every excuse to ignore her, because the ceremony was more important to them than she was. In her place... I dunno if I'd have let it go so effortlessly. They're ridiculously lucky it all worked out.
And then there's Moon Dancer. Honestly... much as I do like her and all... Twilight missed her party. That's it. That would be the same Twilight who was studying towards eventually freeing Princess Luna and saving Equestria. Despite the relatively low level of recognition she gets for that accomplishment, it's a matter of public record. If Moon Dancer isn't capable of realizing there were bigger things going on for Celestia's personal student than her party, then... I dunno. I guess I'll just say it did wonders for her likability in the show that she managed to move past it when she did. Here... I guess we'll see.
...Well, that was a thing. I really don't have a whole lot to say about this all things considered. The bit with Moondancer is fairly obvious, but I don't have any particular investment in her because of how badly that episode mangled prior canon with Twilight firmly cemented as NOT HAVING FRIENDS before she moved to Ponyville so I just didn't really care about the big plot point in this chapter. Beyond that I thought the prior section dealing with some of his issues was well handled and the little interplay between Pinkie and Colgate was fun, but there really isn't much else to say about this. Oh well, next chapter should be Silverclaw again which should be good based on your track record.
8705631
While I agree that that episode was very poorly handled and was the first piece of strong evidence that Meghan McCarthy is a hack who should never have been allowed anywhere near the show, I think you are going a little far here. The changelings had a ton of potential and could have been amazing in the hands of a good writer (as we've seen from tons of fan works over the years) so that is at least one point in its favor (although I would guess they were Faust's idea which McCarthy butchered since I know Faust was involved in the earlier stages of that episode before she got the boot) even if it's not really a writing quality point. Similarly, while that episode was a mess that completely disregarded earlier lessons and character development, mangled a minor character (Celestia), seriously bungled the introduction of new characters (Shiny would have worked great if Twilight had a weak/bad relationship him instead of the BBBFF stupidity), and made a mockery of continuity with the combat performance of the entire cast, Mare Do Well was substantially worse because it not only lacked a potentially interesting element like the changelings to contribute something worthwhile to the larger show, but it also took things beyond backsliding into total out of character behavior and character assassination with the primary cast which makes it an objectively worse episode (and thus nullifies your comment about there being nothing worse prior to the season 2 finale). As I said, I'm definitely not defending that episode because it was a spectacular mess, just pointing out that you went a tiny bit too far with your comment.
8705465
No, we did not. Yes the changelings were interesting and the songs were good which can make the episode enjoyable for some people, but that does not change the fact that it was objectively bad writing.
8705836
Yeah, I kind of figured this would be my Duke Nukem Forever chapter. I'll try to do better next time.
Noice. I wonder how this'll be handled.
Needs more Faran. I forgot what she was doing.
8706135
Now, now, no one's going that far. It's still a set up chapter going forward... it's just kind of a frustrating one given how long it was in coming out. Release the next one in a reasonable timeframe and what little there is to forgive is forgiven. In the meantime remember, we're invested in the characters and that's why seeing them fly apart is disappointing.
Whoops double post, disregard the deletion there.
8706254
That's what I said.
Everything is better with Irish nurse horse.
8706007
Well, we saw Twi interacting with those ponies in the pilot. They were trying, and hell Spike even had a present for her. They were classmates, and being the nerd she is, Twi looks back at that and makes more of it (and her friendship shortcomings) than it was. Moon Dancer, also a nerd, does the same, to the point of causing all this. I don't think the ep broke continuity, and we see that in how chill the other Canterlot mares were. They all knew 'friend' was a bit of a stretch for Twilight at the time, which is why they forgive her for ditching them so easily.
8706254
8706364
At the moment, the smexy Irish nurse pone is still a bit traumatized from what she saw at the end of Part One of this chapter, all those many months ago.
Faran's involvement in the immediate future is a bit nebulous right now, but I can say a few things for certain. Chapter Nine is going to be a dream sequence with a scene involving her, and then she'll be back in earnest for at least one scene in Chapter Ten. She's going to be out of focus for a while once the gang returns to Ponyville, but as the main plot starts to get rolling, she'll start getting a more central role.
Hope this helps.
8706007
She did come off like an overpaid hack alright, and that is the source of my frustration to an extent. Before hand we had seen her do at least a decent job and we saw this afterward as well.
But that everyone had to be so obviously dumbed down to make that walking, talking deus ex machina of a changeling queen look competent alone derails this from being able to be called good. The whole things is so painfully shallow and lacking even the most basic semblance of creativity it's actually insulting. It's damn near cynical in some ways.
And the changelings aren't the least little bit interesting at all. Their presentation was lowest common denominator and fell into every shapeshifter pitfall I personally have ever seen. Instead of being and intriguing new part of the world they were just a species of tropes.
8706796
Agreed on all counts (although I'm not sure it's fair to call any one thing deus ex machina when the entire "plot" is basically a series of arbitrary events strung together more or less randomly ), but you do have to remember that while the handling of the changelings was abysmal, there was also virtually no content there (at least in season 2, things REALLY went to shit later) so there was tons of room for the fans to do interesting things and still comply with the tiny amount of canon information we got. The other point to remember is that some of the plot holes like "why are thy invading in the first place" had some interesting implications when combined with other information like the xenophobia against Zecora, although at this point I'm fairly certain that that was just bad writing that happened to line up in interesting ways rather than deliberate planning and subtly hinting at a more complex and interesting story behind the scenes. If you want a more detailed discussion of this kind of stuff, I wrote these up a while back which are more focused on the changeling-specific details rather than the broader episode and do not acknowledge the later stupidity, just the season 2 content.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/267195/brouhaha#comment/6587983
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/216725/sowhat-do-i-do-now#comment/5013223
8707262
Okay that is a good point there. It's not like I don't make mistakes after all.
But the overwhelming amount of forced contrivance was very obnoxious. more so for me personally because of long history with the fantasy genre. I have seen once too often, because once is too often and it's been a hell of a lot more than that. Anyway back on track here I have seen these beings with unlimited storytelling and world building potential reduced to no more than common power hungry Saturday morning cartoon super villains out of laziness and a lack will to be creative way too many times.
It gives me headache to be honest. That's why I am so glad we have fan fiction writers like Jimbo here. That way creativity isn't totally missing.
8707294
I wouldn't call myself creative by any stretch of the imagination...
8707301
Well you're doing an awfully good job of proving yourself wrong my friend. Why do you think I've asked you for advice at times?
Oh and since this is really important, I do honestly like what you've done with this so far. It has been really interesting to see Darren's journey. And I do look forward to seeing more.
8707294
Yeah, we're very much on the same page here.
8707301
Well, that hack McCarthy doesn't exactly set a high bar to beat, but you have been doing good work so far.
8707367
Yeah.
Yes. Updates. They feed me.
In all honesty nice update! Looking forward to the next chapter.
8706623
It does. Thanks for the info, Friendo.
I can't wait for more. Keep up the good work, Jimmy.
They might also read some disturbing implications into the lack of a name.
For anyone who doesn't get the reference (because it really makes the joke)...
8708142
Hey, you got the references! At least somebody did.
aww the episode Amending Fences pinkie makes this a super fun episode.
grate chapter.
She may want to pick at your other brain more than anything else.
But happy pony squees lead to great friendships and sex.
In more ways than one would they get along.
You won't be complaining that much when it will be Raindrops and Twilight that you'll constantly see.
Just evil enough to get in him in your bed.
media1.giphy.com/media/uocOywWJPcVXy/giphy.gif
Well now I'm interested to see how this is going to go to even get a sequel.
For some reason all the em dashes are boxes. Not sure of that's my phone or actually in the chapter.
8714914
Probably your phone. Looks fine to me.
8705610
Yeah, Moondancer did kinda come across as a jilted lover in Amending Fences. I was going to have Derren point it out as a kind of joke, but the way I did it felt both a) too forced, and b) like it came out of nowhere, so I changed it to its current form.
8715831
Had a feeling it was. Almost corrected a mistake not even present, haha.
Is this a RGRE story?
8717283
Not really. While this version of Equestria is nominally a matriarchy, just by dint of the male/female ratio and the presence of herding, it's much more cosmopolitan than in your average RGRE fic.
8717338
Makes sense it was hard to tell some times nether gender is to be the dominant one
Excellent story with some of the best writing and prose I've seen on the site. I really look forward to more in the future! Darren's adventures, and eventual loves, are truly fascinating... the boy needs to get some plot, though. If one thing could help a guy feel better... its some plot.
Also, I really love the use of in-universe details to make a human end up on Equestria, using the mirror and Shimmer and all that. Very well done!