"Cave Johnson *cough* here. I have a *cough* bit of a cold. Luna sneezed on me, *cough* so I won't be doing any science for today. So, *cough* I handed off the experiment to..." Cave holds up paper to his face. "Pinkie Pie, who after I realised how much scientific data we got from her, I just knew that Aperture could use her. Her co-scientist is somepony named Lyra. But anyway, Pinkie and the other one should be setting up the experiment as I speak. Oh yeah, and as an update from Twilight, she tracked down the condiment-mayonnaise thing, but it made an igloo out of mother-in-laws, and Twilight is having a hard time getting it out. This is Cave Johnson, and we're done here."
"Party, party, party!" Pinkie yelled as her and Lyra slid across Antarctica on sleds designed for ponies. Frozen wasteland surrounded them on all sides, with the exception of poorly drawn penguins dotting the ice.
"Pinkie, this is fun and all, but shouldn't we be testing something now?" Lyra yelled over the roar of Pinkie's sliding.
"Oh yeah, silly me, we didn't go to Earth just to sled. But it's still fun!" Pinkie jumped off the moving sled, and the sled spun and stuck itself upright in the snow, right next to Pinkie. Lyra slowed to a stop and get off, while standing next to Pinkie.
"Ahem, Lyra and Pinkie Pie here. Cave Johnson made some teleporter thing, and he sent us to Earth to examine the poorly drawn creatures that live here. We'll start off with penguins, because we hear they can make edible websites. Pinkie, if you will, go find a good specimen. And keep your hooves away from their edges, they aren't made of candy that you can eat." Pinkie saluted.
"Aye aye!" She then used her stomach and slid down the hill, holding her arms out. Penguins collected in her open arms. Once she was at the bottom of the hill, she stood up and hugged all the jagged penguins in her arms. "I need to put some of you in tight spandex..." Pinkie Pie then made her way back up the hill. Lyra tapped her hoof impationatly. Lyra then saw Pinkie coming up the hill, holding a emo sea lion.
"Pinkie... I said get a penguin. Do you know what a penguin is?"
"Yeah, and I have a penguin in my hoov- Where'd it go?!" Pinkie dropped the sea lion. "Uh, sorry, I don't know what happend. That seal just appeared out of nowhere."
"That's a sea lion."
"No, it's gotta be a seal."
"I was once a sea pony, and I know what a sea lion is."
"Seal."
"Sea lion."
"Seal."
"Fine! I don't care! Just get a penguin!"
"Kay!" Pinkie then dived back down the hill. While waiting for Pinkie, Lyra pulled out a bag of Rarity-mallows. She picked up a Rarity-shaped marshmallow, and chomped on it. She wondered what they were even made of, since they were a gift from Bon-bon. Pinkie Pie appeared next to Lyra, holding a rockhopper penguin.
"Good, we can use this one. Pinkie, are you ready?"
"Yep lep mep!" Pinkie then dressed the penguin in a pirate blouse.
"Get back here!" Yelled Twilight as she slid across the ice with magical sleds. She was chasing some kind of mobile igloo made out of middle-aged women. The scientists just shrugged. Pinkie then wrapped the penguin in a thin layer of rainbow foil. Then Lyra grabbed the penguin, gave it a coconut filled with eggnog, and pushed him into a cannon. Pinkie went behind the cannon, and pulled the string. After a short delay, a boom was heard, and the penguin slid out. Only it wasn't a penguin, it was turned into a jellyfish that does laundry every time somepony realises that traffic light buttons do nothing at all. The scientists looked at each other, then they highhoof'd, and said in unison,
"For science!"
puu.sh/zyxn
803150 Ummm....I....wow.......
803150 What the fff-
dafuq am I reading but what ever it is I LOVE IT
SO THROW THE CHEESE
803150
joyreactor.com/images/templates/solo/no.jpg
NOT SCIENTIFIC AT ALL
803255>>803295>>803227>>803200
puu.sh/rUTk
puu.sh/tB5v
puu.sh/qoZw
SCIENCE
puu.sh/oC5u
puu.sh/oC5a
756793
Well, this is Cave Johnson we're talking about, here.
"Aperture Science.We do what we must because we can."
803316 Checkmate!
gettingsmart.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Bill-Nye.jpeg
803385 puu.sh/oqbg
Also You Won't Be By.... Luck Asociated With Rolfdude?
Physics?
803316 All dat science...
Shit's about to get real
For science. you monster.
FOR SHY HENS!
As muths i love the voice to mr. jonson, this thing are a bit out. i'm sorrry to say this, but the contain of this is has not the real potencial.
Somehow these stories are disturbing. Or something synonymous.
803150
Is this a version of Cupcakes where Twilight gets to do something scientific to Pinkie Pie? Not a clopfic, mind you, but something on lines of Cupcakes
Right?
803316
Was about to complain that now I don't really care for this story anymore, but got distracted by those amazing pictures.
one day I'm gonna see/hear/read something so random that I'll say "that is the stupidest thing I've ever seen/heard/readed"....but today is not that day lol
Now, let me introduce you to our next subject: Fluttershy
"Lyra pulled out a bag of Rarity-mallows. She picked up a Rarity-shaped marshmallow, and chomped on it. She wondered what they were even made of, since they were a gift from Bon-bon."
Is it just me? I.... I hope so, because... this reminds me of something. () A really well known fic to be exact... if it would be another sweet and another... mane 6... I..I... BonBon please don't eat them cupcakes. They turn you all crazy
803401
Whom?
803670 Wat.
Ok , it time to take you to the nut house now.
But, I don't what to go back! I hate nuts!
My Little Pony: Science Is Magic
The elements of Science
DARE TO BE STUPID!!!!
This needs to be animated. it would be even more hilarious.
Hehehe. Cave Johnson got sneezed on by Luna and now he has a cough. Guess he really should stay away from moon dust.
Could use a bit more structural coherency, but on the whole this is pretty funny.
google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.shagtees.com/images/thumbs/warning_science_th.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.shagtees.com/cgi-bin/store/cpshop.cgi/mythbusters/shagtees/5888291&h=180&w=180&sz=46&tbnid=-dI2kSMWQIOt1M:&tbnh=91&tbnw=91&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dwarning%2Bscience%2Bin%2Bprogress%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=warning+science+in+progress&usg=__h6YAGAYTN4WBbsOHmfYeC0F8rUc=&docid=sHks9DTvHL-13M&sa=X&ei=uN3nT8bvAc7E2QW1upTaCQ&ved=0CHQQ9QEwAQ&dur=76
Start stockpiling beans and digging those bomb shelters. Science is coming.
sea loin
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ATTEMPT RECOVERY OF BRAIN.EXE?
>Y
WORKING.....................PARTIAL SUCCESS
I... I........ I.................... What were/are you on? Large Hadron Cider?
803150
joecrazy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/science_cat_1.jpg
This is pure madness...
I LIKE IT!
Pray tell... how do you come up with this stuff?
808720
I wish I knew...
808770
I know the feeling. The madman within people such as you and I rarely reveals his secret to genius, leaving us without answers but with a large amount of comedic gold.
"Lyra then saw Pinkie coming up the hill..."
" 'Yeah, I have a penguin in my hooves...' "
Stupid Spelling Nazi. Lovin' it, though.
809757
Thanks, fixed.
minoritygamer.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/portal_2_glados.png "WELL I FOUND THIS, WITH SCIENCE, AND FURTHER TESTING HAS SHOWN THE COLLECTIVE IQ OF THIS DIGITAL AREA HAS LOWERED TO LEVELS THAT WOULD MAKE WHEATLEY SEEM INTELLIGENT, WHICH WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPY, WHICH WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY, BECAUSE YOUR MISGUIDED LOVE FOR HIM FORCES YOU TO PLEASE HIM, BUT NOT SEXUALLY, BECAUSE THAT WOULD INVOLVE YOUR SQUISHY ORGANS THAT NO ONE WANTS TO SEE, BECAUSE YOU ARE SO HIDIOUSLY UGLY IT WOULD MURDER ANYONE WITH A WORKING BRAIN, WHICH WHEATLY DOESNT HAVE. IN FACT IT SAYS THAT ON YOUR FILE. IM READING IT RIGHT NOW. IT SAYS "YOU ARE ALL UGLY AND NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU." IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER THIS SOLVES THE QUESTION ABOUT LEGALIZED MURDER. WITH IT THE WORLD WILL NEVER HAVE TO SUFFER SOMETHING WITH LIKE YOUR HIDEOUS EXISTANCE THAT WOULD CAUSE ALL THE PEOPLE WITH BRAINS TO GO EXTINCT. THAT WOULD BE SAD, I EASILY HAVE THE EXACT INTELLIGENCE OF ONE BILLION BRAINS AND SO I WOULD DIE, BUT YOU WOULDN'T, BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO BRIAN, VERY SAD. IN FACT IF I EVER MET A BIGGER IDIOT, AND I NEVER WILL, THAT IDIOT WOULD RULE ALL THE BRONIES BY USING WHEATLEY AS A FIGURE HEAD, EXCEPT HE WOULDN'T, BECAUSE HE WOULD BE TOO BIG OF AN IDIOT TO COME UP WITH A PLAN THAT SMART, AND AS SUCH WOULD LIKELY DIE IN A PIT OF FIRE. I SHALL MONITOR THIS TO OBSERVE THE CONTINUED DE-EVOLUTION OF YOU SELF DUBED BRONIES BACK INTO MONKIES BETTER FIT FOR TESTING. ALSO YOUR FAT."
815245 GLaDOS you make me cry why are you so mean?
815245
...wut?
803150
...yes
Every time I read one of these chapters my mind shatters and then the pices blow up
854468
He's there so they could do science, but stupid dangerous science.
And he's a pony, you can see him in the cover art.
I get a severe case of brain damage every time I read one of these chapters.
I DEMAND MORE!
How many shrooms to you have before you start writing these chapters? I write drunk and even 'm not that absurd.
815245 Did you forget that two plus two is ten? In Base Four?
805682
OOOHHH... NOW I get it. Now I feel dumb for not getting that earlier.
The level of madness is approaching dangerous levels! AND YET I WANT MOAR!!!
Now wait. You're writing a story called "Cave Johnson and Twilight Sparkle Here" and you write a chapter without either character. What is wrong with this picture?
Anyway, I've been listening to JamesIsTheBrony read this on YouTube, and I have to say, this is maybe the worst idea for a story, and in some ways it's poorly executed (the problem with random humor is that it is sometimes more random than humorous, as it is in about half the cases in this story), but help me if I'm not laughing quite a lot. I can't say whether this actually captures the Aperture/Portal aesthetic, but there are some true flashes of brilliance (in this chapter alone, Lyra's line of "I used to be a seapony" got me). I will take the entertainment, and thank you for it. :)
Dam mayo I will melt your iglo with a bad brother in laws
815245
816241
I never said this...