Rainbow Dash Eats a Kitten

by Shark8

Chapter 8: Break the Cage

Chapter 8: Break the Cage
(Or Dance of the Meat-Weasel.)

‘Yes! Another chapter of Rainbow Dash Eats a Kitten!’ you think, clicking on the link for the new chapter, ready to read more crazy randomness. Unfortunately, as the chapter loads you drop your keyboard which falls to the ground like a brick, landing on the spacebar and scrolling down the chapter.

‘No!’ you cry, unable to ever read those portions of the story, because unlike a book you cannot merely turn the page back to reread it… you scramble to lift the keyboard from laying on the spacebar so that you’ll get to read at least some of it. ‘Well, at least I’ll get to read some of it.’

_____________________________________________

The meat-weasels half-marched half-danced counter-clockwise in a thick ring around their prey, the shadows cast by the three bonfires both illuminating the meat-weasels as well as giving a certain ambiance to the whole scene as they cavorted and capered around their captives: Rainbow Dash, her friends, Spike, the other Spike, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were all huddling together as their relentless chant continued — “Yummy! Yummy! Yummy! Yummy!”

Even as the ponies watched, a small ring broke from the first and, as they marched clockwise, against the rotation of the larger ring, they punctuated the chant with a counterpoint of: “In the tummy! In the tummy!”

Applejack, already unnerved by the meat-weasels, let out a panicked shout of a question: “What are they going to do to us!?”

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that they intend to eat us.” Twilight replied flatly.

“How!? How can you know that!?” Applejack almost shrieked.

“‘Yummy, yummy, in the tummy.’” Twilight answered dryly.

“I don’t wanna be eaten!” Applejack yelled at Twilight, shaking her by the shoulders, “Ya hear Twi, I don’t wanna be eaten!”

“Um, I’m s-s-sorry to i-interrupt…” Fluttershy said, before trailing off into the chant around her.

“What’s that,” Spike said, cupping a hand to his ear, “If you have something to say, now’s not the time to be a Stuttershy.”

Pinky glared at the young dragon, with a glare that said ‘that’s not nice’ but before she could say anything the other Spike knelt down in front of the pegasus and laying a comforting hand on her withers spoke to her.

“C’mon luv, if you know of a way to get out of this, let us know, ok?”

“I-I, w-well, you see…” Fluttershy trailed off, took a big breath and nearly shouted, “We need my meat-weasel cage!”

“A cage?” Twilight asked, her attention torn away from Applejack’s nervous behavior of trying to look every direction at once. “I might be able to summon one…”

“But, Twilight,” Spike interrupted, pointing a claw at her, “You haven’t done any actual summoning spells.”

“But I know the theory!” The unicorn replied, “Solidly.”

With that the purple unicorn began inscribing runes, magical circles and other geometries upon the earth in the space between them and the meat-weasels — she continued work for several minutes before she stopped and gave everyone a nervous grin.

“Alright, here goes.” She said, pouring magical power into the array at her hooves.

There was a bright flash of light and, in a small crater that looked like a sphere had cut out a portion of the earth, there was a figure, crouched, naked, and slowly rising to its feet.

“Hey, does anyone have some clothes?” The figure asked, the voice hauntingly familiar to the elder Spike who stood dumbfounded for a moment before the realization hit him.

Before he could react, from out of nowhere Pinkie Pie pulled an oversized Rainbow Dash costume, one that had huge bulging eyes that were not just a little creepy, and said, “I do!”

The figure, in no condition to be turning down clothes reached out and took the proffered apparel, “Thank you.”

“Tha- that’s bloody Nick Cage!” Spike finally got out, pointing at the figure clambering into the Rainbow Dash costume.

The shy pegasus, finally gathering up enough courage to speak again, said to Twilight, “I don’t think that Cage will work.”

From the outer ring a rock came and hit Nicholas Cage, instantly the mood changed as the actor whipped around glaring at the ring of meat-weasels, “Who threw that?”

When none of the meat-weasels spoke up the actor took an angry step toward the direction the rock had come from, causing both the inner and outer rings to step away from the angered actor, keeping him centered.

“Seriously! Who does that!?” the actor screamed, pointing an accusing finger at the meat-weasels.

“Or, well, I could be wrong.” Fluttershy said quietly, staring at her forehooves as she played with the dirt on the ground.

“Darling,” Rarity said, pointing out how the other side of the enclosing circles had come closer to the group, “I don’t think that this Cage will be enough.”

“It’s ok, I’ve got another costume!” Pinkie said, pulling out a Nicholas Cage costume and shoving it into Rainbow Dash’s hooves.

“Pinkie!” the pegasus protested, “Why are you giving this to me?”

“Because we need another Nicolas Cage, Dashie!” Pinkie explained cheerfully.

“Bu- bu- but why in the heck would you have a Nicolas Cage costume?” Rainbow Dash sputtered, utterly perplexed at the turn of events.

Pinkie gave Rainbow Dash a flat stare, as if the blue pegasus were asking why gummy was in interrogation. “Who doesn’t have a Nicolas Cage costume?”

“I don’t know, it just seems oddly specific, and awfully convenient.” Rainbow Dash said, hoof behind her head as she gave a nervous laugh.

“What!?” Pinkie said in surprised offense, “Did you just call me a deus ex machina?”

“Um, maybe?” Rainbow Dash squeaked out, hugging the boneless visage of Nicolas Cage close to herself as if to derive comfort from the costume.

“Rainbow Dash! I can’t believe you!” Pinkie shouted, turning away and angrily crossing her forehooves.

“Look, I’m sorry… I’ll wear the costume, see?” Rainbow Dash tried to mollify the pink pony as she put on the Nicolas Cage suit, but all that it elicited was a ‘humph!’ and jerk of the head away.

So Rainbow Dash took a step toward the meat-weasels, already upset with herself for calling Pinkie a deus ex machina, and began to fight the meat weasels just as Nicolas Cage was doing on the other side of the group, yelling angrily enough that little ribbons of spittle flew from his mouth and into the meat-weasels.

* * *

Rainbow Dash and Nicolas Cage sat back to back breathing heavily, the bodies of meat-weasels strewn across the forest floor and their friends huddling uselessly nearby.

“That was pretty intense.” Nicolas Cage said, wiping a bit of spittle from his mouth.

“Yeah, I’ll say.” Rainbow Dash said, adjusting her posture.

“You know, you did pretty good.”

“Yeah.”

A moment passed and then Cage got a mischievous gleam in his eye as he smiled.

“I guess you could say I’m pretty into you.” he said, gesturing at the Rainbow Dash costume he was wearing.

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash said, totally not getting his reference.

From the group of friends, Rarity spoke up, loud enough to echo across the clearing if the trees wouldn’t block the sound, “Oh, she’s so clueless! A confession of love like that only comes once in a lifetime!”

“L-l-love!?” Rainbow Dash sputtered.

“Oh, yes, it’s quite obvious…” Rarity said, breaking from the group and pointing a hoof at Rainbow Dash, still clad in the Nicolas Cage costume, “that you’re into Nicolas Cage as well!”

“W-what!?” Rainbow Dash said, blushing hard. “There’s no way!”

“I’m afraid it’s as plain as the clothes on your back, luv.” Spike said, in mock sad resignation before winking at the real Nicolas Cage and whispering, “Can I get an autograph? Later, I mean.”

“I don’t know, it looks like you two were made for each other!” Twilight said, joining in — usually she was the one that didn’t pick up on these sorts of social teasings, so she decided to join the herd and, for once, get in on it. And you know something? It was fun!

“So, I’m thinking they need an embarrassing nickname…” Sweetie Belle said, eyeing the two.

“Rainbow Cage!” Scootaloo yelled out her vote.

“Nicolas Das— no, that just sounds dumb.” Apple Bloom said, sitting down to think of a good name.

And so the group made their way back to Fluttershy’s house, teasing the new ‘couple’ along the way.

Author's Note:

(Click the pic.)

Sadly, not meat-weasels, but close enough for government work.

Comments

[boombox89]

Good thing I'm reading on a tablet.

[Aurora Dimmet]

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mccnniD2rh1qdai6ao1_1280.jpg

TWO Nicolas Cages? Time for an air guitar solo! DO THE WINDY THING!