Rainbow Dash Eats a Kitten

by Shark8

Chapter 10: The Prettiest Rainbow To Date

SPECIAL JUMBO SIZE!

Chapter 10: The Prettiest Rainbow To Date
(Or Obligatory Romance Subplot Chapter.)

Rainbow Dash led Nicolas Cage to her new favorite restaurant after a small detour to the library for him to stow his new clothes, and she had to admit that she liked the suit, which was a light cerulean a few shades a darker blue than her own coat, and contrasted nicely with the dark red shirt underneath, both the shirt and jacket offset by the purple handkerchief and cummerbund which matched her eyes.

If anything, Rarity’s work in matching Mr. Cage’s clothes to Rainbow Dash seemed prescient… though Rainbow Dash couldn’t make up her mind as to whether or not it was Rarity getting in on the “you were made for each other” joke or simply working off the pattern of Pinkie’s Rainbow Dash costume for his admittedly strange body-type.

“I hope you like Chinese food.” Rainbow Dash said, leading him to Cāntīng mă māo for one of their excellent lunch-specials. Not only were they really good, but she noticed that it seemed to really alleviate her craving for kittens for some reason.

A shadow of guilt crossed her face for a brief moment as she remembered trying to frame them for the neighborhood’s missing cats. But, apparently they forgave her, at least enough to allow her to buy food from them. (Rainbow Dash didn’t know it, but the affirmation that they were not putting the town’s cats into their food by Twilight Sparkle really helped their business… so much that they were having to import three times as many crates as before.)

“So, you look like you have something on your mind.” Nick Cage said as he took a seat which was just the slightest bit too small.

“Um, yeah…” Rainbow Dash said, looking away as she brushed a strand of her mane out of her eyes.

“Look I’m sorry about how you’ve become the butt of the joke with your friends.” Nick said, taking a hoof in his hand and drawing her attention to his face.

“I… No, don’t mention it. I’m tough enough I can handle it.” Rainbow Dash said, resisting the urge to look away even as she felt a blush creep to her cheeks… she didn’t know why, but it was nice being the center of his attention, and he really was quite sweet caring for her like this.

He nodded, “That’s part of why they do it.”

Rainbow Dash sat there for a minute before she broke the silence with a plain “Thanks.”

“Hello.” the waiter interrupted, setting down two glasses of water and derailing Rainbow Dash’s thoughts which actually were getting dangerously close to romance, “I’m Wong Wok, and I’ll be your server today.”

The startled Rainbow Dash blushed furiously and grabbed her water to take a big drink, while Nicolas Cage calmly took the offered menus with a nod of thanks.

“Thank you,” He said, nodding again in thanks before turning back to Rainbow Dash, “Can you recommend anything?”

“I think I’ll have my usual: the Lóng Hŭ Fèng.” Rainbow Dash, indicating her choice of the ‘Dragon, Tiger, Phoenix’ —it was particularly good at alleviating her more base cravings… and the taste! If she could have, she would have purred just thinking about it. “They say that it’s amazingly awesome for the body.”

“Hm, there’s a thought.” Nick said, looking over the menu… “Though the wonton soup and the spicy blood-orange chicken looks good.”

“Chicken?” Rainbow Dash cocked her head, it was kinda weird hearing someone order chicken… though with as much trouble as Elizibeak had been that one time she couldn’t fault someone for wanting to strangle a chicken, and then of course you’d have to do something with the body.

“Can I take your order?” Wong Wok interrupted, spoiling whatever else she was going to say.

“Ah, the ‘Dragon, Tiger, Phoenix’ for me.” Rainbow Dash answered, slightly glad that he’d interrupted her before she could say anything embarrassing.

“Yeah, I’ll have the wonton soup and the spicy blood-orange chicken.” Nick said, handing back the menu.

The waiter nodded, “Very good, it’ll be a few minutes… would you like any appetizer?”

Rainbow Dash shook her head, as the entree would be more than enough for her, while Mr. Cage simply said ‘no.’

The two talked about various things until the main courses arrived, with Rainbow Dash learning about his love of acting and, surprisingly, singing; Nicolas Cage, on the other hand, learned about Rainbow Dash’s love of flying and acrobatics, he was also mildly surprised when she blushed mentioning an adventure series she liked to read.

And then, in what seemed like no time at all, their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of their food… and while they did start talking afterwards, the mood was dampened from what it had been. They did share a small bit of each other’s food, Nicolas saying he could “taste the dragon” and Rainbow Dash slightly intrigued by the different texture of the chicken.

* * *

The next day Rainbow Dash took Mr. Cage to see her clear the skies of clouds, and afterward to Ghastly Gorge where she treated him to an aerial acrobatic show.

* * *

The next day she took him out on a picnic and, reclining on the traditional red-and-white checkered blanket the two got to talking.

“So, I heard from Twilight that you can’t go home.”

“Yeah, just like the saying.” Nicolas said, and with what might have been a sad smile, he gave the saying: “‘You can never go home.’”

“But… well…” Rainbow Dash stumbled, trying to ask ‘do you like me’ before coming at it indirectly, “Everything here isn’t so bad, is it?”

“Yeah, it’s not bad here…” he gave a sigh, “but it’s really not what I was expecting a week ago…”

“And?”

“I’m not sure what I can do here…” he said, running a hand through his hair, “You see, I’m an actor… and there really doesn’t seem to be much demand for one here, especially one that’s not a pony.”

“Yeah, I think I can see how that would be…” Rainbow Dash searched for a word to describe the apprehension and uncertainty of the future but unable to think of one, just letting the sentence die.

“Unsettling?” Nicholas Cage asked.

“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash nodded, feeling a little sad for the misplaced human.

Mr. Cage shrugged, indicating a small dismissal of the problem, “I’ll find something to do.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you will.” Rainbow Dash said, her eyes darting down to his hands, “I saw how you helped Time Turner repair the hour-glass’s stand yesterday.”

“He needed my help.”

“And you gave it to him.”

Nicolas shrugged in reply, “It wasn’t a problem, I just had use the hammer while he held the hour-glass steady… I was more worried about slipping up and breaking it.”

Rainbow Dash smiled at him, he really was kind… and he was brave, too, with how he had charged the meat-weasels… and he was fun to be with, every time she saw him her heartbeat would quicken and she found herself really enjoying it when he looked at her, even for the briefest of moments.

‘Yeah,’ Rainbow Dash thought, ‘Being married to him wouldn’t be too bad…’

She watched his hand come towards here and ruffle her mane, it was… different.

‘But…’ Rainbow Dash asked herself, ‘does he like me?’

* * *

That night, Rainbow Dash found herself staring at the ceiling of her cloud-house thinking about the human she’d been spending more time with, she even saw his face form in the textures of the clouds which formed the ceiling of the room — if this was a movie, this is where the camera would zoom-out while spinning as she said ‘Nicolas Cage’ in a long and drawn-out manner. (But this is a fanfic, so you’ll just have to imagine it.)

* * *

The next day Rainbow Dash avoided Nicolas Cage, feeling entirely too flustered and unsure to talk to the human. While the pegasus put up a tough front, it was also true that she didn’t have a lot of experience dealing with ‘mushy stuff’ like romantic feelings and the directions that her thoughts had taken disturbed her… not because she didn’t like them, but because she was scared that she liked them too much.

On the other hand, Mr. Cage was bewildered about the sudden loss of his lunch/afternoon companion. He tried to think of anything that could have offended her but he couldn’t think of anything except teaching her the game of HORSE using a rock and a makeshift hoop.

Returning home early, he asked Twilight Sparkle about it.

“I don’t know what happened,” he said, “everything was going fine and then she just disappeared.”

“Well, I’m not sure…” Twilight said, “The only thing really different about her recently is her spending a lot of time with you… oh, and eating kittens?”

“Kittens?”

“Yep,” Twilight said, nodding, “Apparently she liked it enough that she started eating them regularly.”

“I… see.” Nicolas Cage said, not really seeing it. “And are these kittens…”

“Yes?”

“Fluffy?”

“I believe so,” Twilight said, “I haven’t had them myself, but she’s made several comments that indicates she likes the texture as well as the taste.”

“I see…” Nicolas Cage said, “Is that normal?”

“Eating kittens?”

“Yeah.”

“No, it’s not…” Twilight said, shaking her head, “well, unless you’re a Gryphon… or Chinese.”

“Do you think that’s the reason?”

“What?”

“Well, do you think it is possible that she is ashamed or afraid of eating kittens in front of me?”

“That could be.” Twilight admitted.

At that moment Spike returned from the basement where he had taken a set of books for repair, seeing Twilight and their new tenant so deeply engaged, he couldn’t help but pry.

“Wha’cha guys talking about?” the dragon asked.

“Oh, Nick here was just wondering if something happened to Rainbow Dash recently.” Twilight explained.

Spike nervously gulped, glancing from unicorn to human and back again, when neither of them seemed particularly interested in him he sighed in relief.

* * *

Rainbow Dash sighed, looking out the window of her house toward Ponyville. That was where he was, but how could she go and see him and let him know her feelings when it was obvious that they were so different? Was it even possible for a man like him to accept her? …especially when it was so obvious that she was a freak, a pony that ate kittens.

She sighed again, wishing that they could just be together… wondering what he was doing… desiring to know what Nicholas Cage felt… it was all tearing her up inside, and she didn’t know what to do, so she sat and cried.

* * *

The next day Rainbow Dash also avoided Nicholas Cage, but she was thinking about him. She was thinking about what she should do, about the wedding invitation, the princess, Nicolas Cage, and everything…

She went to talk to Rarity, getting to the door of the boutique before her courage ran out; she took to the air screaming at herself and completely missing Nicolas Cage call out her name.

Back at her home she sat down at her table with a cup of tea and thought about the situation again. Finally, though, she thought she had a way to see if Mr. Cage really liked her, if he really accepted her — ‘Tomorrow,’ she thought, thinking about her plan as she exited her home and flew toward her favorite pet shop.

* * *

Finally, the day —no, the hour— came and Rainbow Dash swooped in to surprise Nicolas Cage as he helped Carrot Top with her garden. She looked at how he deftly handled the hoe, as if his hands were meant to guide the instrument so precisely…

Shaking her momentary fascination from her head, she looked at the man and said, “Hey, Nick!”

“Hi, Rainbow Dash.” he returned, not looking up for more than a moment. “I missed you yesterday.”

Her heart fluttered hearing that he had missed her, he really was so sweet!

“I was wondering if you’d like to take lunch with me…” she said, trailing off, about to lose her nerve.

“Sure.” He said, agreeing.

As the two walked along, he asked her about what had happened, why he hadn’t been able to see her the past few days.

“Ah, well…” Rainbow Dash laughed nervously, she didn’t really want to let him know that she’d been agonizing over him, “You know, I had some personal stuff come up.”

“I see,” he said, nodding in understanding, “I hope you got it all cleared up.”

“Yeah, I think I did.” Rainbow Dash replied, checking out his butt as he entered the café in front of her… the real reason that she had rushed to open the door for him before he could open it for her.

After he ordered a bowl of the menudo and the waiter had set out the chips and salsa he asked her if she really had her personal stuff worked out, offering to help if she needed it: “You know, if you need me for anything, you can just ask…”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash asked, a little surprised at the offer.

“Yeah,” he smiled at her, “I like you.”

“But… you know I’m different from other ponies, right?” she asked, suddenly feeling unsure of herself.

“Yeah, I know.” Nicolas Cage wasn’t blind, of course Rainbow Dash was different: nopony else had such a colorful mane or tail. Obviously she was sensitive about her appearance, just like many girls…

“I– you do?” Rainbow Dash asked in shock, “You know I eat kittens?”

“Yeah, Twilight told me about it.” He said, taking another bite of his sandwich, as if he routinely ate lunch with people that ate kittens.

“Uh… yeah.” Rainbow Dash admitted, putting a hoof behind her head in embarrassment before taking a deep breath and continuing with her planned revelation to Mr. Cage.

She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a kitten, a delicious looking white one with big blue eyes.

“They’re really quite delicious.” She said, dropping it in her mouth, chewing and swallowing the tasty morsel… nice and slow so that he could get the full effect, so that she could see if it disgusted him, or if he really liked her… if he really could love her.

“I believe you.” He said, calmly and with a possible hint of a smile.

Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe how calm, composed, and nonchalant he was about the whole thing… it was as if his feelings for her overrode the natural revulsion most ponies had about it.

Maybe it really could be love. Rainbow Dash smiled at him…

“Yeah, I recently went to court over it,” Rainbow Dash admitted, though she wasn’t about to admit that it was over the catnapping and not the cat-napping she’d done when the hunger had been so intense.

“I got a zipper too!” She said, raising her wing to show it to him, “Most ponies find it unsettling…”

She took the opportunity to unzip it, reaching in with a hoof to retrieve the kitten… only to find bloody ball of fur and bone in her hoof.

“I forgot… it doesn’t work when you chew.” Rainbow Dash said indicating the former kitten as a wave of embarrassment swept over her.

Nicolas Cage stared at the red mass atop her hoof for a long moment, enough to think that maybe her display had utterly disgusted him — then, he reached over, took a chip and scooped a bit of kitten from the fur-ball examining it for a split second before chomping down and eating it.

“It’s good!” he said, displaying the usual Cage relish for the kitten.

Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but smile, and it was the sort of smile that comes from being completely and totally accepted.

Author's Note:

♫ Imagine Nick and Dash, so cute. ♪
♪ Their romantic plight, and ill repute, ♫
♫ It's Nick Cage and Rainbow Dash; ♪
♪ So happy together. ♫

{Note to self, finish mutilating the song's lyrics... hopefully my readers will hear the new words as they play the song. }

Comments

[nightwalker]

Heh, a good one. Only recommendation would be for the first section, in the restaurant, add in a bit more and have the food arrive. Give Rainbow's thoughts (again about how her kitten craving goes away) and then Nic's about how he enjoys the flavor of the food and "whatever kind of meat they use here."

[Shark8]

5708673
Ok, I expanded the first scene a bit, changed the link for the alternate chapter-title, but couldn't quite fit in the meat comment.
Thank you for the ideas.

[nightwalker]

5709016
Cool. I see the new song link (Oh god...), but don't see new material.

[Shark8]

5709089
There, I think I fixed it.
(Apparently having two tabs open to edit the story can lead to confusion on your edits.)

...is that a good "oh god", or a bad one?

[nightwalker]

5709128
It's Nic Cage singing, what kind of "Oh god..." do you think it is?!

New part is good. Didn't go quite as expected; since it's a restaurant in pony-majority/only area, I would haven't have expected them to have explicit meat options, let alone more than one. Hence was expecting Nic to get something vague, along the lines of what RD ordered, and the make the comment that whatever (ie, kitten) the meat is, it's great. Then when we get the inevitable reveal of what Cāntīng mă māo's primary protein source is, they can both realize that they're kitten eating companions, and have their love deepened further by having that in common, too.

[Shark8]

5709155
True, but we had to get Cage up to speed on kitten-crunching... hence the chip-scene.

We can't rush things.
( Ah, who am I kidding? This is Rainbow Dash Eats a Kitten, where we've seen Spike, Winnie the Pooh, Nickolas Cage, and Aquaman in less than 10 chapters! )

[nightwalker]

5709178
This is true. Though it would have been a nice head-fake, like he's ordering something that he doesn't know what it really is, while the audience does and is like "Oh noes!!"... and true, then you have the chip scene later. I still think my point stands about non-explicit meat ingredients in the dishes, though.

[ghost8472]

You haven't corrupted the song for me yet but keep up that batman laugh regardless

"down two glasses" instead of "down to glasses"