Within the rubble

by JustGracey

HAZEL!

“-And then out of no where, my coffee spills! Out of nowhere it just tipped and Lyra- Yes! Lyra! She tells me, “Mommy, your coffee is going to stain my book!” The audacity! I mean, my pristine white tablecloth cost me thirty bits! And she is worrying about a book?” Melody Heartstrings rambled as Hazel flicked through her saved photos. Smiling upon occasion at the sight of her beautiful foal smiling at the camera. PhotoFinish was such a good baby sitter to her daughter. After all, she worked very close with Vinyls father and was more than helpful around Hazel’s house when Hazel was working. Vinyl adored her babysitter, even with the funny accent that she knew was put on as an act. When PhotoFinish was alone with Vinyl’s family, her accent was thrown away immediately and her voice was quite deep for a mare, but Vinyl knew better than to mention any shape or form of flaws to anypony. Especially since her mother suffered from so many.

Her mother was an average mare from Ponyville, A white coat with a soft texture and her mane had many imperfections. Curls in all the wrong places. Frizzing at a drop of water. Her mane was almost a faded shade of crimson with cherry red strands running through it. Hazel was named Hazel because of her bright green eyes with brown specks sprinkled within them but the left eye was clouded at the right corner and her eyesight was almost useless anyway thus her thick rimmed glasses sat upon her face. A pony with glasses…Something wasn’t right there. She didn’t suit them, nopony suited them. Hazel was not far from adolescence herself, in fact she was a young adult. Her left ear was cut off just above the half way point but even throughout all of this, Vinyl still saw her mother, as perfection.

“Hazel? HAZEL!” Melody yet, stomping her hoof against the oak floor boards, Hazel snapped out of her little trance and looked at her friend.

“Sorry, Melody…I was just looking at these.” She flicked the photos upwards with a smile tugging her lips. The green mare smiled slightly, looking at the photos. She wrapped her foreleg around her friend.

“They are gorgeous photos Hazel. But we need to talk about last night.” Melody said firmly attempting to keep eye contact with the white mare.

“I don’t want to speak of it yet.” Hazel almost growled, her shoulders tensed as she forced Melody’s comforting hug away.

“This is no time for you to start sulking, Hazel! What about your house? What about Vinyl?” Melody’s voice raised, her hoof hitting the floorboards to emphasise the importance of the unicorns foal.

Hazel turned to the green mare, her eyes blazing with anger and leaking with tears. “Don’t you dare act as though I am in the wrong! We did all we could to protect Vinyl. And I am scared Mel! I am scared that my foal will not see her father for the rest of her life. I am scared that my foal will not receive the right amount of nourishment because I can no longer afford it? Look at my house Melody! It’s gone! How can I afford to have it rebuilt and still manage my daughter’s needs? She must have food, water, toys, a warm bed, a sturdy house- And I can’t give her that anymore because it is all gone!” Hazel cried out and reared up on her hind legs and slammed back down in a tearful rage. When realisation hit her, her body collapsed in a hopeless slump. “I can’t raise her alone…”
Melody immediately ran to her friend’s side and draped over her, wrapping Hazel in a tight hug. Melody was lost for words, she would offer to help Hazel but that was a promise that she couldn’t keep. After all she had a family too, a husband and three foals was hard enough to look after. “I am so sorry, Hazel… I really and truly am.” Melody said quietly to Hazel with a sincere and sorrowful tone. There they lay, two mares in one miserable situation that would change their lives forever.

Author's Note:

I apologise for the way the story is being written, this is my first time writing a fan fiction so my sincerest apologies. I am trying to overcome my shyness and try to be prouder of my work. So why not turn to my favourite and friendliest fandom for support? Thank you for reading. I love you for it -Gracey
Thank you very much to sa starla who helped me realise a few mistakes in this chapter. -Gracey

Comments

[JustGracey]

5503384
Thank you so much for the feedback, as I have previously established, this is my first time writing for an audience. I am literally just trying to overcome my shyness and believe it or not but most errors you have pointed out is all for a cause. However the Q was a mistake which will be dealt with. The detail is over lengthened because this is how Hazel sees everyponies reactions to the catastrophe that had occurred the previous night, a catastrophe which I will release later in the story. I am purposely holding back information about Hazel and Vinyl's previous night as much as i can because the event will be released during a climax point in the story. Now, about the dialogue, Yes the dialogue is boring and really drawn out within the edge of its life and that i've unfortunately taken it too far but my reason being is because Hazel is this boring dull pony, similar to a mixture between Mrs Cake and Maud Pie, with character development being released in later chapters she will liven up whilst herself and Vinyl are challenged. The length however is something that i have no excuse for however

[JustGracey]

5503467
Well i certainly appreciate the offer and i would love it if you reviewed my redraft of chapter two for me once posted which will be up in the next twenty or so minutes,

[JustGracey]

5503467
Is chapter two any better?

[JustGracey]

5503628
I most definitely changed it up a lot