Sweet Gum -one shot

by Lemon Pegasus

Sweet Gum

"Ooh, you guys look great!" Pinkie said in excitement as she brought the freshly baked muffins out of the oven. Her sister, Maud, was visiting and she wanted to make some treats for her. Pinkie inhaled deeply. "Aah, and you SMELL delicious! Though you look... plane" Pinkie spoke as she looked down at the pale brown muffins. Then, she had an idea! "These muffins need something special...," she thought deeply, smoke poring from her head. "Honey Berries! These muffins need Honey Berries!" Pinkie excited as always for a fresh batch of muffins sprinted for the cupboard.

She opened them up quick as a flash. "Hmm.. flour, jam, peanuts... no Honey Berries!" Pinkie was awfully surprised. "Maybe I should use something else..." she looked at the muffins, she swore one of them was frowning at her... "No! These muffins deserve: the best!" Lets face it, it's not every day Maud visits! These muffins deserved something super-lee duper-lee tasty!

Pinkie trotted through to the main store of Sugar Cube Corner. The floor was layered with black and white tiles and all across the walls there were delightful pictures of baking brilliances: 6 foot cakes, ice creams shaped like boats, Pinkie's favourite was the mushroom couch!

Mrs Cake, the store's co-owner, stood by the counter. She was was a blue pony with a neatly combed pink mane. She wore an apron and she smiled as she prepared the display cakes for when the customers arrived.
"Mrs Cake.."
"GAH!" Mrs Cake jumped up high, startled! She eventually regained her breath. "Pinkie, you frightened me!" and she giggled.

Pinkie giggled too and replied "Sorry Mrs Cake, know where I can get some HONEY BERRIES?"
"If there's none in the cupboard we must be all out," Mrs Cake explained "if you want more you'll have to go to the riverside in the Ever Free Forest, the store doesn't sell them."
"Why not?" Pinkie questioned.
"Because the plot demands it."
"Oooh, that explains it!" and Pinkie made her way. The Ever Free Forest looked spooky and over grown but Pinkie has learnt that it's not so bad as long as you stick to the paths and go in when it's not during a season premier/finale.

Pinkie happily bounced down the path, surrounded by huge, menacing trees and dark green weeds, yet it was mostly silent apart from Pinkie's happy "la la la la"'s as she bounced away. Soon, the sound of water rushing away could be heard. Pinkie quickly spotted water a few feet from the path ahead of her, as she happily bounced towards it, the river fully came into view.

The crashing waters of the river were around 12 feet wide and stretched all the way from a water fall to your left, out of the sight to the right. Weeds and twigs were thrown about in the tangling torrent of the water, though it looked more like sewage, the weeds and filth around this area had made the river an odd colour. Pinkie gasped at a sight that almost caused her to have a heart attack. "Oh my gosh!" she screeched, and she sprinted to a patch of trees by the river side, under which lay a motionless alligator, head lowered into the water. Pinkie quickly noticed a large gash coming from the the direction of the flowing water.

"Oh no, she must have been hit by a heavy piece of... uhm... something in the water" Pinkie cautiously poked the creature. No movement what so ever. "Poor thing. I'll make some special, green, crocodile like muffins in your honour!" Pinkie said aloud, hoof on her heart. Aaand as if one shock wasn't enough, Pinkie noticed something by the corpses tail; a nest! It was like 10 feet long, massive! Pinkie couldn't resist saying a "wow" aloud at this magnificent site.

Inside the nest, lay a massive massacre of cracked egg shells, not a single one remaining. "Without the mother to protect the nest, the eggs must have all been attacked by predators." Pinkie thought to herself. When, emerging from a pile of broken egg shells, emerged a tiny face. The face of an alligator, no doubt. It's scales did not look tough, they looked soft and wrinkly. The creature crawled out from his pile of broken egg to expose it's small body.

"Aaaw, ain't you a cutie!" Pinkie said to the little thing. It's large purple eyes took up most of his head, a tiny snout covering the rest. Pinkie extended a hoof, and the alligator suddenly SNAPPED at her! Expecting to be in deep pain, Pinkie shreaked! But, as she raised her hoof -even though the alliagor hung from it like a coat- she noticed, it had no teeth!

"Hmm, no teeth? Only gum... heh. I like gum!" She said, and she put down the alligator, who just blinked at her. "You need a mother... OH OH OH, I should look after you! I'll call you.. Stephen!" The alligator stared at her blankly, perhaps that name didn't work for him?

"Tom?" it continued staring. "Hmm..." Pinkie continued thinking.

"Edward?" more staring. "Huh...." now was she was gonna have to bring out the big guns.

"Freddy Mercury?" Aaaaand more staring. "Unbelievable, most alligators would love that name!" What else was there for an alligator with no teeth...

"... Gummy?" and the alligator blinked.

"YAY, GUMMY IT IS!" and she lifted the tiny alligator and pecked it softly on the cheek. "

"Say Gummy, would you happen to know where I can get some Honey Berries?"

Comments

[epicn00b]

Ha! You can delete my comment, but you can never erase the text that says you deleted it! MORTAL FOOL!

SERIOUS REVIEW NOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW

1) First off, read the rules before you post. It's not hard, and nobody gets hurt.

2) There are still bucket-loads of spelling and grammatical errors which I'm not even going to correct, because if I do, you'll be sat here until next Thursday transferring the corrections. In short, though, what in Discord's name is an "alliagor"? It sounds like some abomination pulled straight out of H.P. Lovecraft's rewrite of My Immortal.

3) This story has about as much development as Pinkie Pie herself, and so should be a Slice of Life fic IMO.

4)

"Why not?" Pinkie questioned.
"Because the plot demands it."

This would make sense if the conversation were the other way around, i.e. Mrs. Cake wondering why they hadn't got any Sugar Puffs- I mean, Honey Berries in, and Pinkie assuring her it's simply for the non-existent plot development. It hurts my brain to see Mrs. Cake break the fourth wall more than Pinkie.

[_____________]

It looks like epicn00b has already given a serious critique of everything the story needed to be fixed, but I'm gonna give credit where it's due and say that this was pretty cute. I'm a sucker for fluff like this.
You're definitely in the right direction with where this was going-- taking a small aspect of the show, and expanding upon it with a backstory. A lot of good fan fictions are built on this premise.
I encourage you to keep writing!