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Sweet Gum -one shot

We see how Pinkie Pie got her hooves on an alligator.
This is a one-shot, a story that is only one chapter long, yes it's supposed to be short!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Comment posted by epicn00b deleted Jan 9th, 2015

epicn00b

epicn00b #2 · Jan 9th, 2015 · · ·

Ha! You can delete my comment, but you can never erase the text that says you deleted it! MORTAL FOOL!

SERIOUS REVIEW NOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW

1) First off, read the rules before you post. It's not hard, and nobody gets hurt.

2) There are still bucket-loads of spelling and grammatical errors which I'm not even going to correct, because if I do, you'll be sat here until next Thursday transferring the corrections. In short, though, what in Discord's name is an "alliagor"? It sounds like some abomination pulled straight out of H.P. Lovecraft's rewrite of My Immortal.

3) This story has about as much development as Pinkie Pie herself, and so should be a Slice of Life fic IMO.

"Why not?" Pinkie questioned.
"Because the plot demands it."

This would make sense if the conversation were the other way around, i.e. Mrs. Cake wondering why they hadn't got any Sugar Puffs- I mean, Honey Berries in, and Pinkie assuring her it's simply for the non-existent plot development. It hurts my brain to see Mrs. Cake break the fourth wall more than Pinkie.

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_____________ #3 · Mar 1st, 2015 · · ·

It looks like epicn00b has already given a serious critique of everything the story needed to be fixed, but I'm gonna give credit where it's due and say that this was pretty cute. I'm a sucker for fluff like this.
You're definitely in the right direction with where this was going-- taking a small aspect of the show, and expanding upon it with a backstory. A lot of good fan fictions are built on this premise.
I encourage you to keep writing!