The Land of the Free Moon 02
The most common trait of all ponykind seemed to be how completely adorable they could be, which was only multiplied when they were young, like little fillies and colts can give you diabetes just by watching them play or be naturally adorable little terrors. I think that is one of the reasons why I like to spend time with the little ones; it also doesn’t help that they find me hilarious with all the jokes and gags I do around them.
Watching the snarl on a pony that was as dark as the moonless night and with serrated teeth that looked out of place on a pony, well, that was something you don’t see every day and for that I was grateful for that. Now, it looked cool as fuck to tell the truth, but it felt just wrong. Probably that was the reason why Nightmare Moon decided to go with this appearance such a long time ago.
If you wanted to separate your past self from the current one, then go as extreme as you could go. If the situation wasn’t so dire right now I would make a comment of NM being Luna’s gothic years. I can imagine Luna screaming how it was only a phase. Maybe someday in the future I will make the reference.
She does seem to be in a bad mood, but if you were also forced to spend a thousand years in the Elements of Harmony version of ‘go to your room young lady’, then I would be this angry. In fact, having that look directed at me was bad enough to almost send me running for the hills; it was one thing to be a ruler of ponies, another to fight against demons from Tartarus, or in this case from the moon.
If there was a time when I hated to be Celestia, it was this kind of moment, I mean, I’ve been forced to protect all living beings in the planet at several times; and that’s not even counting some of the disasters ponykind create by themselves due to sheer bad luck, or some new would-be dictator that wants more power.
Celestia had a very precise plan before I hijacked this body for some reason or another; confront Nightmare Moon, let her imprison her inside the moon or the sun, depending on the mood of NM, then the villain will go to Ponyville, confront the Elements of Harmony and if everything goes right Luna would be saved. You know, the basic stuff when it comes to crazy stuff and plans to defend the status quo and all existence.
Of course, that was Celestia’s plan, not mine.
“Hi Loony!” I say to the dark alicorn with a huge grin while I wave my hoof in greetings; the dark magic bolt was all the answer I got as it traveled across the sky, practically disintegrating the curtains on the window behind me. My body stays paused with that same grin and my hoof in the air in response as if I had been surprised about that kind of response from the Nightmare.
“Celestia… finally the time has come for me to return to Equestria, did you really think that your precious Elements of Harmony would be enough to keep me away from what is my right?” I can tell you right now, Nightmare Moon was the most clichéd villain I have seen and I have seen many cliché villains over the years; the voice, the mannerism, the words, really, the only thing missing was a mustache for her to twirl like that old cartoon. I could have slapped her on the back of her head and give her lessons on how to be a proper villain, but I was afraid of receiving a dark blast to the face after all that.
“So… should I cancel the ‘Welcome Back Nightmare Moon’ party I had prepared for today?” I think I heard a record being scratched with how fast the whole mood in my office changed with that phrase. Nightmare Moon’s eyes widened in confusion and it was hilarious how much I got her out of balance with that joke.
“What?” that was all Nightmare could articulate at the moment.
“Yeah, I even had a little Nightmare Moon made out of sugar and everything, although I didn’t know if you would prefer a coconut cake or the chocolate one,” I said with a wide grin enjoying the sight of my nemesis’ face flabbergasted, oh, how I enjoy doing things like this.
“Surely you jest” Nightmare had recovered quicker than I had planned; if it had been Luna I was sure she would still be trying to understand if I was joking or not; the poor girl was never good with things like humor or jokes with how surly she usually was back then.
The damn Nightmare had a lot of experience when it came to darkness and magic, but it had a critical weak spot that I have been planning to exploit to the max. Nightmare could only do as much as the host was willing to do, that’s why I was relaxed. That my hooves were slightly shaking was due to how cold the office was at this time of the day of course.
“Of course I jest; I just wanted to break the ice a little bit.”
“The only thing broken will be your head tonight!”
“Jeez, touchy, no need to be like that, can’t we talk like two sisters? Well, we are fighting so that could be considered normal for sisters,” you must be wondering, what the hell am I doing? Why am I antagonizing somepony that was my equal in power?There is a very good reason why I do all this in fact. One, Nightmare Moon was not at the height of her power; just leaving the moon must have used almost all the energy she had stored for a millennia since even from where I am standing I could see she was still panting lightly. She wasn’t as steady and menacing as she thought she was so her regal pose was a little spoiled. Second reason you may be asking? I’m an ass, I cannot avoid annoying the hell out of everypony, and at this point it was almost pathological; almost like a defense system that I developed through the long years.
“Enough of this!” nice firework show, so when she gets mad wind gets stronger, strong enough to destroy the windows of my office; great, something more to add to the budget; I hate having to work with budgets “you know what I am planning!”
“Well yes, but where are we going to get 20 lobsters, a barrel of chili powder and a buzzer?” I said while placing my hoof under my chin as if thinking. At this point I’m milking the situation as much as I can and looking at how annoyed and confused she is, it was well worth it. As much as I enjoy trolling the hell out of her, there were more important things to do “Of course I know what you are planning, the same thing that has kept you alive and awake, the one goal that led you right into the shadow embrace of the Nightmare, to be the sole ruler of Equestria and plunge this world into eternal night” I told her doing a complete one eighty in my approach, I always found this tactic super effective.
“We are getting down to business, for a moment I have thought that you have gone down into madness after losing your precious sister” the Nightmare tried to gain some much needed advantage after the games I have played with it.
“Please, if that is the best you can do in barbs I have a rose bush much sharper than you, but yes, we are getting down to business, so tell me Nightmare Moon, how do you plan to get control of Equestria this time?”
“I will do what I should have done in the castle a millennia ago, kill you on the spot!” with that she started to focus her energy the same way that she did that night, but I was quicker and she now knows that considering that I have the spell prepared before her.
“I incarcerated you in the moon for a thousand years.”
“But that was only because you had the power of the Elements of Harmony, but not this time, I cannot feel their power, this time you are alone.”
“Like I said, for a thousand years you were on the moon, but this time is different, I AM different, who’s not to say that I will do something drastic to save my… no, OUR little ponies.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“What do you think Luna? If our positions were reversed I know you would have done the same.”
“Silence! There is no Luna anymore, the name is Nightmare Moon!”
“Say whatever you want, but my little sister is still inside; I know you Nightmare, I know what you can do and how you operate, you cannot surprise me, but instead of a direct fight, which we know you would lose in your current situation… why don’t we have a nice contest?”
“A contest? What are you talking about Celestia?”
“Simple, you believe it is your right to rule, that because of me you have been relegated to the shadows, well… if you think you are good enough for this go ahead, prove it,” goading someone to fall for the trap they know is in front of them is not easy, is never easy.”
“What contest do you have in mind?” Bingo! There is a sucker born every second!
“Very simple, my current student is now in a little town not so far away from here called Ponyville, just outside of the forest where our old castle was, she is there to check on the Summer Sun Celebration, and I know she will search for the Elements of Harmony, so here it is, my little contest” the next part is critical “if you can stop her from retrieving the elements I will step down as princess of Equestria and give you full power over our Kingdom as is your desire.”
“You will leave the destiny of Equestria in the hooves of a filly? Is that your plan?” Just at that she let out her patented evil laughter, although I gotta admit it was excellent; I wonder how much she practiced it.
“Well, yes, but I still have a couple of rules for you, don’t kill or hurt them, just scare them, besides, you know how skittish our ponies are, just show yourself and they will probably ran away screaming in terror,” The glare that she send my way was enough for me to mark another tally in the score, I swear, villains are the best in reactions to my jokes.
“You have always been a fool Celestia, and this time it shows, soon all of Equestria will be mine!” she said before turning to mist and flying faster than I could see in the direction of Ponyville, while watching the night sky and waiting for the future of Equestria to unfold in front of me I could only do one thing.
“Well, would you look at that? Celestia has the ball, she dribbles and she shoots! No rim! Ballin’!” I do a little celebration in my office all alone, oh, how I love it when they fall for the bait as eagerly as the Nightmare did.
“Please tell me that that dance will not be in vogue for the next ball aunty,” I hear a voice in my office and I would like to say that I acted as a true royal member, as the soon to be half of the diarchy of Equestria I handled it with royal poise, but even though I love to lie the truth was that I was send backwards with the surprise. Standing up I saw a member of the nobility smirking slightly at my reaction, but instead of getting angry I just grinned.
“Bluey!” I said this to him and gave him a big hug.
“Agh! Aunty! No! Careful with the fur! I just got a grooming!”
“Oh Bluey! Everything is awesome! Soon you are going to get a new Aunty! Or get back one, I’m still not sure how this works” I said while I practically danced with Blueblood around the office, of course by dancing I refer to me twirling around the office with Blueblood flailing in the air.
“That’s great, but please, be careful! I’m not exactly made of steel like you are Aunty!” Finally calming down and placing him in the carpeted floor, Blueblood adjusted his very stylish vest and reviewed his mane on one of the mirrors in the office before turning back to me, “so, by your dancing and frolicking I believe it went great then?”
“I don’t frolic, but if you want to know, hook, line and sinker, the Nightmare went straight to Ponyville without even blinking.”
“I suppose it must be expecting a trap.”
“From me perhaps, but not from Twilight.”
“Wait… Twilight? What was your plan? How is she going to defeat the Nightmare?”
“By making friends and waking the Elements of Harmony,” I said while Blueblood arched an elegant eyebrow, I swear he was trying to mimic me.
“Twilight? Miss I-don’t-have-time-for-friends bibliophile? She is your secret weapon?”
“Have some fate, besides, I do remember a certain unicorn that always thought that he was on top of everyone else and never had friends,” Blueblood blushed slightly at that, I think he did remember some of the things that had happened when he was younger.
“Alright, I yield, I just hope you know what you are doing, I don’t know how I will live from now on without my daily tanning sessions from now on if Nightmare ends in control, besides, I would look horrible with dark fur,” I know where he was going, but I had to give him this.
“Why would you have dark fur?”
“Well, the nobility is always following the trend of the Princess, how can I say that I am the greatest Prince if I don’t emulate our divine ruler?” he said, puffing out his chest while I rolled my eyes at his peacock-style jokes.
Now comes the most difficult part of being a ruler, the waiting.
-----
Or it would be if it was still the same Celestia, but guess what? I am Celly, like hell I will play by the same rules, so here I was, finally in the Everfree after all the tumbles and shenanigans that those six ponies have done.
I have to be sincere, Pinkie is hilarious, reminds me a little of Surprise, although considering she is the great aunt of Pinkie is not that weird, but just looking at Fluttershy I had to contain my urges to run to her and hug her until she squeaked like a rubber ducky.
You may be thinking, but Celly? How do you know when to appear or start running if things go wrong? Very simple, nothing like seeing the colors of the rainbow explode out of a window to tell you what happened.
It has gone as Kibitz, Raven and I had predicted; Twilight went to the library, the other 5 following after her and there they go into the Everfree with Nightmare Moon hot on their heels placing traps and trying to make them turn around.
How did I know she was going to follow the rules? Like I said, she was in a symbiotic relationship with Luna; she was not going to break the rules of a contest, especially if she would hurt a pony by doing so, at least that’s what the memories of Celestia told me. You have no idea of how weird it is to have two sets of memories in your head, it makes you lose focus sometimes when something triggers a strong memory, it has taken me years to be in control of these moments.
And sometimes these memories were not nice. Whenever I met ponies that resembled their ancestors, sometimes they activated flashes of memory, you should have seen when I met Twilight Velvet, my memories went back to Dream Valley! That was freaky alright. But sometimes what I remembered was the last time I saw friends and loved ones, those that I have never met but I will always remember thanks to my situation.
Either way, time to stop my moment of melancholy, time to embrace the future!
Is time for the sun to come up and say hello to a new era!
“… but reckon, we do represent the elements of friendship” that southern twang said, oh how I love to hear that accent, never in my life have I been able to replicate it.
“As your brother would put it, eeyup” I said while walking into the room seeing everyone quickly bowing down at me, why do they keep doing that? It gets a little on my nerves to be sure… what? Were you expecting me to do a grand entrance or something like that?”
“Princess Celestia!” Well, at least there was someone that didn’t bow, and she tried to nuzzle me in that neck hug that ponies do, of course I would have nothing with that. Hell no, there is nothing that can be better than a full royal hug; I swear Twilight’s cheeks were a little red while I had her in my hooves like a big plushie toy, I guess she was a little embarrassed for being part of it in front of her new friends. Teenagers, always trying to maintain decorum in front of their peers.
“Twilight! Do you have any idea how proud I am right now?”
“But princess, you told me that it was just an old pony tale!”
“Really? Twilight, the only thing I told you was that you had to stop reading dusty tomes and get out there and make some friends, really, I was this close to start making play dates so you could make some… although it is obvious now that I won’t be forced to do that,” All the other ponies were showing different reactions to my little hug with Twily.
Both Rainbow and Pinkie were obviously trying not to start laughing their flanks off at Twilight’s reaction, Rarity and Applejack were more than a little confused and shocked at the antics of their princess, while Fluttershy did merit her name and was hiding behind her mane.
“But before we continue with this, there is something even more important that I have to do right now” I said trying to switch the focus and my voice was enough to make everyone look at the place where Nightmare Moon was a minute ago, now only the remains of the armor existed around a small alicorn that seemed to have had all the energy zapped out of her “Princess Luna,” I said hearing the gasp coming from the other six ponies in the room.
“Wait, did she say Princess Luna?”
“Look, she looks just like Woona!”
“Woona? What are ya talkin’ about Pinkie?”
“You know, that story, Moonstuck!” I didn’t listen to any of that, all my senses and my attention were put only on the small alicorn that was finally reacting to the world around her, her eyes darting everywhere but on me. I could feel my own heart beating a mile on my chest.
She wasn’t my sister, not really, I was only a thief here, living in borrowed time; I am The Fake Sun, but I felt tears falling from my eyes and happiness from seeing my sister, because after all this, all the memories and heartaches, I can say that this alicorn is my sister now.
“It has been so long, a thousand years since we were face to face” she was now shaking and it breaks my heart seeing her this week, this scared; time to put an end to this “and I have only one thing to say… I’m sorry little sister.”
“Little sister?” the voice of the other ponies didn’t interrupt, for now we two only existed in this world. Luna’s eyes looking directly at me.
“I’m sorry for all I did to you, for how long I ignored you and how little I did to help you, would you ever forgive me?” I swear this felt something directly from a movie, I could feel the looks from the elements of harmony behind us but everything was alright in the world. I felt my sister embrace me and both of our tears hitting the floor. We were united once again.
“I can forgive you, if you forgive me first big sister, how I missed you Celestia.”
“And I you Luna.”
“Hey, you know what this calls for? A pa…” the sound of a party popper interrupted Pinkie Pie’s words.
“A Party!” Everyone’s eyes were on me at the confetti flying around Luna and me, from where did I exactly get the popper or where I had it stashed? Magic! “What? Now I can’t celebrate?” I said with my classic grin. Luna’s inquisitive eyes looked at me up and down.
“You… seem to have changed big sister” You have no idea Luna, you have no idea.
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Can I have some more please?
5427505 Yes you will, soon!
Great chapter.
Blueblood certainly seem's different from his canon counterpart.
Make's me wonder what else will be different.
Like have you had her change certain events in the past? That happend before the series began.
Like Sunset going to the Equestria girl's dimension, or the Dazzlings banishment.
5428411 Oh my dear, that is where the fun begins, aseveral things will be different in the past, but many will remain but with huge changes in them, among them Sunset which is a character that I love.
Definitely enjoyed this Celestia's making up with Luna then the shows. Well done.
Your story is wery funny but the mark 'SEX' worry me. I hope you dont make your Celly fall in love with luna or twilight or something like that, becouse it Will become the exactly copy of the FIC 'Sunbutt the awesome'. What I'm hoping to see is a celestia/molestia/trollestria who make fun with sexy jokes luna's butt and other scherinnegans
5430994 This won't be like that, I made the fic specifically for that reason, the sex tag is not for any clop or anything like that but for several situations and discusions, Celly is not celibate but in no way she is going to get it on with Lulu or Twilight, that doesn't mean she isn't going to joke and other crazy antics.
hnng, this is amazing. i can't wait for the nightmare night episodes, or when discord breaks loose
This is freaking amazing.... Body-swaps are tough to do, and for celestia, the only really decent one I know of is Princess Celestia: The Changeling Queen. Making it a random Human, though, we get our fill of pop culture, though, and the idea of Celestia dancing around, humming "another one bites the dust" after leading a successful defense campaign is too good for me to ignore.
I don't remember the last time I got a queen reference in a Fanfic, thanks for that!
Oh, and added ya to a group, this story needs more ways to find it!
MOAR pls?!?!?
5496353 Been working on it.
This story needs a lot of editing (punctuation errors, grammar mistakes, typos, etc), and it's really hard to follow sometimes, given how much the protagonist likes to ramble. I have no idea what was going on in that court scene in the first chapter. Why are these OCs negotiating mortgages and loan rates with Celestia?
But I'll track this story because the premise is interesting.
5496353 I can only agree.
Hmm, I really hope when the MC finds celestia, he gets an alicorn body, after all, living for as long as he has and going back to being mortal would...irk me badly.
This Celestial human doesn't have any prior knowledge of anything, right? Not even any scrying?
5503426 He does have knowledge of FiM, probably... maybe... the problem is that Celly is quite scatterbrained and forgets some things, that's why Celly has Kibitz
5425492
how does it weaken her character?
5456363
I think discord will need to step aside, cuz there would be a new god of chaos, and she will out troll his ass 10-1!
5515794
Oh, you have no idea what I am planning for that part, it will be epic mates!
5515997
i.imgur.com/zs83r.gif
Ok so I finally have read this, I think celestia is in the astral plane, or that dagger caused her soul to leave her body, and leave this plane of this existence, or something of the sort.
I really like it.
Although like I said, I hope if celestia comes back, he doesn't have to get a super downgrade to mortal status...
More Please!?!?! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU
So, Celly published a Moonstuck book?
5760168 Of course she did. I know I would.
Despite what Equestria girls shows, Twilight and the others aren't really teenagers.
According to Lauren Faust, creator of the show, they are supposed to be in their early 20s (that's 19-25 years old), which makes sense considering all of them already have fostered jobs and occupations, with rarity owning her own boutique business. Instead of beeing high school seniors, aka 17-18 years old in Equestria Girls, in Pony Equestria they are actually in what can be considered "collage years".
The thing is that in EQG the mane 6 are actually about 17 years old, all the same and matching to be in high school, while Princess Twilight, who should be over 20, gets transformed into a human and made younger by a couple of years thanks to that mirror, it even provided fitting clothes.
That means the pony equestria counterparts of their human versions are actually 3-4 years older.
Of course, he can still say this as a joke.
What? Also word repetition.
Wouldn't it have been genetic when Celestia arrived in Equestria?
There are a lot of grammar and tense errors I have noticed.
Headcanon updated.
6118449
Compared to a three-thousand year old alicorn, teenager is generous.
Hold on, wait what!?
So... there was only one Troll, and it was Celestia Dos wasn't it?
5516355
I'm kind of surprised on how realistic that may actually be
Oh heck Yeah this is gonna be hilarious 😂
Looks like an interesting start to a more snarky retelling. I greatly approve this.
s/b "faith"
Unbelievable that this is years old, yet no one spotted this until today?
So... Uh... Using wrong words, missing words in a sentence, sentences that make no sense, hodgepodge of dialogue and thoughts.
Please, just... I guess only rewrite will save that.
"From now on" is repeated, and there is an inconsistency with the past tense.
I like how this is keeping the general events the same, but changes the specifics. Nice to see Celly acting so very casually.