Sonata & Gilda

by LunaSpark1000

Off To A So-So Start

"So what do you think?" Sonata asked as they both stepped into into the siren girl's apartment.

Gilda looked around the room in complete disbelief. This room was a whole lot nicer and slightly more spaceous than the one she had. She wondered how this geeky blue girl could afford all this.

"It's alright I guess." She responded.

Sonata walked over to her small kitchen area in the corner of the room and sat the bag of tacos down on the counter. She immediately began going through and taking everything out, the eroma of the mouth watering food filled the room in an instant.

"So, how many of those tasty things do I get?" Gilda asked as she quickly made her way over to the kitchen.

Sonata grinned. "Halfsies. Two for me and two for you."

Gilda took a seat, glanced down at the delicious tacos in front of her and sighed. She was hoping for more, but I this would have to do.

"What kind of tacos are these anyway?"

"Palace Royals" Sonata replied with her mouth full.

Gilda stared blankly at her new roommate. She clearly had no idea what a Palace Royal was.

The blue siren shook her head in dissapointment. "It's a larger version of the regular taco. Duh!"

"Whatever." Gilda muttered. The conversation was going absolutely nowhere.

-------

After dinner, Sonata took Gilda on a small tour of her apartment. As she talked and talked about where certain items were located, Gilda could feel her patience running thin. She hated it when people talked too much about things she didn't even care about in the first place.

"Well, that's everything." Sonata concluded finally as the two girls made their way over to the living room area.

Gilda let out a sigh of relief and fell on to the turquiose couch in front of her.

"You seem tired." Sonata said as she took a seat next to her.

"Nah, ya think?" Gilda grumbled sarcastically. "I really didn't need to know how the sink, toilet and shower works. It's common sense. We could have saved so much
time."

Sonata giggled. "If Aria and Adagio were still here, you three would get along so great!"

Gilda scratched her white hair in confusion. "So you had roommates before?"

"They were my friends" Sonata sighed sadly. "My family, my bandmates, my world."

"They ditched ya, didn't they?" Gilda asked with a cold chuckle. "Been there. Can't rely on anyone for loyalty these days."

Sonata turned her head and looked away. This conversation was becoming way too personal and melancholy.

"Can we not talk about this right now?"

With a roll of her eyes, Gilda slowly nodded. "Fine. Whatever."

The two sat in silence for a few moments. Then Sonata cleared her throat and spoke.

"Wanna hear a funny joke I heard?"

"Is it funny?" Gilda irritably replied.

Sonata nodded. "Two moo cows walk into a bar..."

Author's Note:

Don't know when I'll have the next chapter done, I mean it is the holidays and everything
So if you enjoyed this story and want to read more chapters, please have patience. I will continue when it is convenient.

Comments

[Thalorrianspellweaver]

Oh come on! I wanna hear the joke! It sounds like it would be fnny!

[LunaSpark1000]

5338341 I'm working on it for chapter 3. It'll be incredible corny

[Lord Seth]

It's kinda amusing. I do hope the story won't pointlessly ship the two, though. Way too many stories have fun interactions between characters like this and then for some reason screw it all up by needlessly putting them in a relationship.

There are some issues with the writing, though. A few paragraphs--most notably the first two in the story--for some reason have a line break midway through their second line. I'm talking about this sort of thing:

"Nah, ya think?" Gilda grumbled sarcastically. "I really didn't need to know how the sink, toilet and shower works. It's common sense. We could have saved so much
time."

Why is everything that comes after "so much" a new line?

Another issue is one that's all too common: Wrong punctuation for dialogue. This is a hugely common problem in stories (even some that otherwise have impeccable grammar), so I'll try to nip it in the bud for you right now. Right here is a great guide for punctuating and writing dialogue, and it's right on this site. I would really urge reading through this in order to get the punctuation right.

One other common mistake I spied in the first chapter:

The shadowy figure quickly reached out it's hand and grabbed the bag of tacos from the poor girl's clutches.

This should be "its" with no apostrophe. "It's" with an apostrophe is a contraction (like he's, we've, wouldn't), which is when you combine two words by using an apostrophe. Thus, if it has an apostrophe, it's standing in place of the phrase "it is" or "it has." The easy way to determine whether you should use the apostrophe or not is to try replacing the word with "it is" and "it has." If either one works, then use the apostrophe. Otherwise, it's a possessive (saying something belongs to "it") and should not have an apostrophe.

[recca pony]

good story so far i like stories with gilda and put her with a good character from the rainbow rocks movie

[Alticron]

This is a really interesting premise, but there's a couple of small things you may want to edit.

She immediately began going through and taking everything out, the eroma of the mouth watering food filled the room in an instant.

First, that should be "aroma". And lastly, there should be a hyphen between "mouth" and "watering". I look forward to seeing what comes next.