Chapter 2 Long Away
Applejack thought herself to be a levelheaded pony, especially considering the amount of oddities that she’d been through in the span of a few years. Dealing with monsters, tyrants, and party ponies on a regular basis would do that. Though, she also knew that everypony had their limit.
“Everythin’s fine…” she repeated to herself, “Everythin’s fine.”
Having forced herself into an upright position, her pillow sandwiched between her back and the bed’s frame, she clung to her mantra, stuck in a repetition with no clear end. Each time she uttered the phrase, a part of her hoped it would suddenly come true, despite how irrational she knew the wish was; though, sometimes it was better to dream than not at all.
As her mind hurdled through a course of thoughts, the images of her own family fought to overtake her focus, and she winced whenever it did. She couldn’t bear the idea that her own kin had been left alone and grieving for the apple that had fallen too far from the tree. Picturing her brother and granny were harsh enough, but picturing dear Applebloom was suffering to the mare. Applejack knew far too well what it was like to grow up without parents. Hers had passed when she was barely into her teenage years. The loss tore had torn at her, driving her young mind into a spiral she sometimes felt she still hadn’t entirely moved on from. Her and her family had tried their best at raising Applebloom, trying to fill the shoes that had been left empty. If there was one thing she was grateful for, though, it was that her sister hadn’t had to know the loss of her parents. She was too young to understand at the time. But now, if Applejack had been gone for a time too long, her blissful ignorance would be shattered. She couldn’t allow that. She couldn’t!
“Everythin’s… Ugh.” She needed a distraction.
Tossing her blurry vision to her surroundings, she tilted her head as the nearby window came into her view. “…I am in Ponyville, right?” she wondered aloud. The window’s curtains were drawn, but it was just a few steps away.
Applejack hesitated. On one hoof, she could barely hold the mug, but on the other hoof, she’d never actually tried getting up. Taking one longing glance at the window frame, she made her decision. She needed to see her town.
She threw off the bed covers and, after giving an experimental stretch of her foreleg, was pleased to find that she could move it around with only the smallest bit of soreness. See? she thought, Just needed to wake up. With a breath, she slid her hind legs off the bed and dropped the short distance to the floor only to let out a shriek of surprise as they buckled underneath her. Rear end landing on the wooden floor and the rest of her still hanging off the edge, she sent a glare down at her traitorous legs. “If ya’ll can buck a trees for five hours with no breaks, then ya’ll can hold your own weight…” she grumbled. Steadying herself, her front two hooves made a slow crawl as she touched them to the floor, one after the other. She glanced to the window suspended above her, pleased to find it was quite close to her already.
Standin’s a good place to start, she decided. As she leaned forward into a crouched position, she was made all too aware of her body’s unwillingness to continue. Her muscles shot flares of protest at each movement they made, trembling as if they were soaking wet in a snowstorm. Applejack gasped from the resistance, but she bit it back along with her lip. Steeling her irritated limbs as best she could, she pushed against the floor, sending her front hooves into the air and landing down onto the window sill with an audible thud.
Applejack was forced to pause for a breather, and her body had no complaints for it. Nonetheless, she let out a few hacking chuckles at her victory. Success on her mind, she pushed aside curtain, spilling the evening, shady sunlight into the room.
Squinting for only a moment as her eyes adjusted to the glare, she looked through with the added benefit of being on the house’s second story to be greeted by the sight of wooden homes sprawled across a town square, drowsy in the setting sun atmosphere as a few pastel ponies meandered on by. Applejack couldn’t see the scenery clearly, but she was quick to realize one rather important detail: this was not Ponyville.
Whereas Ponyville was admittedly simple in its buildings, an effective opposite of the concrete jungle of Manehattan, this was a notch lower on the totem pole. The houses were built with simplicity as the corner stone. The streets were a stream of gravel laid over the dirt, flowers and other greenery unceremoniously scattered about as if on their own uncoordinated choices for residence.
Applejack stood stock-still as her eyes weaved through the sights the window could provide. She could feel her heart’s beating increase in succession, trying to break free of the confines of her chest. With each moment she spent looking out, the assuredness in her heart only grew that this was not her home. Just look at those houses! Their style was something you’d never see in her tone what with their lack of consistency between them. And the forest was scraping the outskirts of town, practically jutting into the town and splitting a street in two at some points. As if that wasn’t enough, Ponyville certainly didn’t have a castle just a few blocks down the road.
She blinked, shortly followed by her eyes expanding to saucers.
“Wha…?” she uttered as she made out the unmistakable form of a castle jutting over the line of trees and houses. It was no Canterlot Castle, but it held its own as it brandished its own regality. High towers loomed over the town as the stone walls stood sentinel, ready to protect the royalty it may have housed. Applejack may not have recognized the town, but she recognized the palace, and because of that, her mind faltered. No amount of argue or debate with herself would deny the fact that this was the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters in all its glory.
She dropped to the floor, her eyes still wide awake. “There’s a town around the castle…” she murmured, “But there ain’t never been a town around the castle.” The town didn’t look like something that could spring up in a week. Despite its roughness around the edges, it was an honest to goodness town in its youth. But it couldn’t be! Where’d it come from? How did it get built in the Everfree? When?
“When…” she realized, her voice a whisper that overshadowed the silence of the room, “…How long was I—”
“Applejack?”
The mare’s ears perked. She whipped her head around, taking only a moment to recognize the form of Skylight trotting through.
“Everything alright up… You’re out of bed? Is that what the noise was?”
She moved to approach but stopped in her tracks at seeing the mask the farm mare wore on her face. Applejack’s eyes spelled out a wild, fearful desperation.
“Skylight,” she called, nearly pleading, “Where am I?”
The mare hesitated for a moment, frozen mid-step, but shook herself into focus. “I already told—”
“No. The town, Skylight, the town. Where am I?”
“Village Green.”
“Village Green?” she repeated, her voice jumping a note, “What about that castle? That’s the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters?”
“Uh, yeah. It is. What’s wrong?”
The mare gaped, no sound except for a strangled squeak escaping her throat. With a swelling terror weighing down her heart, her gaze pierced the helpless pegasus. “There’s not supposed to be a town around the castle. Hay, there’s not supposed to be a town in the forest at all!”
Skylight’s demeanor shifted into anxiousness for a few fleeting moments, but she steeled herself. “Right,” she said with a sharp nod of her head. Shifting her wings around, she set down a thick textbook she’d been carrying.
“What’s that?”
“Gift from a friend. It’s what I was looking for when I left,” she answered, throwing open the cover. Applejack caught sight of “Equestria, a History” emblazoned across the title page. It sent mixed feeling through her system. Skylight said, “Okay, um… Here’s the plan: tell me about yourself, and I’ll see if I find you in here. You said you were an Element right? I think that’s big enough to make it into a history book. Even recent ones.”
“Is that a recent one?”
“Mm, it has recent events but goes… back some time.”
Applejack stared for a moment, no words coming forward. “…Alright then.”
With a grin, Skylight gave her a playful punch on the foreleg to which Applejack cringed at. “Read my lips: everything’s going to be fine. Now tell me about yourself.”
Applejack watched her race through the book, a dread making her not to keen on answering right away. To her, it was crystal clear that the upbeat pegasus truly did want to help, and Applejack knew she would have to thank her properly once this had all blown over, but for now, she wanted nothing more than to move forward despite the fear of what may lay ahead. “As I mentioned earlier, I was given the Element of Honesty when Nightmare Moon returned. Me and my friends restored her back to Princess Luna.”
Her page flipping gradually slowed until stopping entirely; her eyes skimmed through pages before looking back up at. “…Thanks… Could you tell me something else? Something more… recent?”
“Uh, sure. As I said, I’m Honesty, but I gave up the fancy gem that came packaged with it when the Elements were given to the Tree of Harmony.”
“Okay,” she said, her muzzle scrunching up in thought, “Can I ask you a few things?”
Applejack raised an eyebrow, caught off guard by the sudden shift, but she nodded anyway.
“Lovely! Now, were those ponies who were also the Elements named Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy—”
“Pinkie Pie and Rarity. Yeah, that’s them,” Applejack finished, a mix of excitement and anxiousness creeping into her voice.
“And… do you happen to have a sister named Applebloom?”
“Yeah! I do!”
Skylight rotated the book around for her to see. “That’s you in this picture, huh? Unless you happen have an identical twin.”
The mare caught a glimpse of columns of text, but she was instantly drawn to the single picture displayed on the page. It was a simple yet joyful picture of her and her friends posing for the camera in Ponyville’s town square. She could see herself on the side bearing a modest smile but still enjoying herself. “It is!” she exclaimed. She knows who I am! she rejoiced, She found me in the history book!
Her smile faltered. She was found in a history book… A book about history… Realization struck her.
She was history.
“Skylight…?” she said, all traces of her giddiness leeched away, “How long ago was this?”
The pegasus’ eyes glanced down to the page once more. In a moment, a flash of… surprise? Anxiety? Concern? Whichever it was, it broke through her face of optimism for a second, but it was a second too long.
To Applejack, it said a mountain’s worth more. “Skylight?!” she rasped, panic striking her words.
“Uh, I…”
“What?!” she cried, taken aback, “Just tell me, consarnit!”
For the last time, she gave the book back to Applejack, pointing out a line. In a blend of worry, frustration, and terror, she read it over. “Shortly thereafter, former Element bearer, Applejack, went missing. Despite numerous searches over the next few… decades…” Everything about her—her mouth, her body, her mind—froze as the simple word registered. This wasn’t a matter of weeks or months.
“I… don’t know what to say,” Skylight said, not daring herself to look away from the displaced mare, “But you’ve been gone a long time. Years. Applejack, it has been eighty years.”
Applejack was as still as she was silent as the next few seconds turned minutes. …Eighty years… For eighty years she’d been gone, missing without a word of explanation. Nothing to excuse her absence to everyone she loved. Then it hit her.
Her lungs stole a sharp gasp from the air. “N-no…” she said, her voice cracking, “I… that can’t…”
One glance into the mare’s conflicted eyes preached everything she feared. There would be no use in asking—no, accusing her of playing a sick, sadistic game with her. She was honest, truthful… and for once in her life, the former bearer never wanted a lie so badly.
A sniffle marked the crumbling of the dam of tears, letting sour drops cascade from her eyes, down her cheeks, and onto the floor. “No!” she shrieked, “T-t-that! I-I…” She had no words, only the strangled sound of her own grievances as she was broken down. What struck at her, however, wasn’t the turmoil of years. No, it was the images of her family waiting as an incomplete quartet for a sister that wouldn’t return. Those were what seared her vision and planted themselves in her tears.
She felt the hesitant touch of Skylight next to her. “I’m sorry…” she heard her say, but she had no words to answer. Even if she could speak a response, she had nothing to say.
Instead, she wept, sobbing on the floor like a filly. She barely registered the sound of leaving hoofsteps and the door closing, but she wouldn’t care either way. She’d let them down, her mind hissed. She was supposed to be there for her family. How would they manage the farm without her? How would they sell…? Oh, forget the farm! What about Applebloom?
As her sobs twisted into a grotesque mixture with her hacking throat, Applejack wiped her foreleg across her face but only succeeded in matting her fur and dampening it.
She was supposed to be there for her sister when her parents couldn’t! She was supposed to be there! And now she’d failed.
Her head thudded against the floor as she threw her hooves against it, slamming the wooden surface with a weak, trembling force. Catching a glint of the thick volume of history still situated near her, she lashed out at it, but the crash against the wall brought her everything but satisfaction. Tears streaming, body exhausted, and mind frazzled, Applejack had nothing but herself and her dreadful thoughts as she laid across the floor.
“Oh, Applebloom…” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry! I’d do anything t-to fix this. Anything! I-I’m sorry!”
She could only weep.
Applejack’s eyes fluttered open as a new day’s light flittered in through cracks in the window curtains, landing across her face.
As her drowsiness wore off, her heart skipped a beat as her eyes refused to focus, but it quickly fell into a heavy reminded her of the situation she was in. At the thought, a ball of emotions welled up inside of her, but she pushed it back, trying to distract herself. “Ah won’t cry. No more,” she declared, “…It’s too early to be cryin’.” She’d already done enough the night earlier until sleep had caught up to her. Applejack scarcely remembered anything other than the torrent of crying, but she figured she must have cried herself into exhaustion at some point. To say she was feeling better was only a half-truth. Her emotions were tamed at the moment, but that was like saying a dam had been repaired with duct tape.
A familiar sensation telling her to find the nearest restroom, she fell out of bed and forced herself onto four hooves. Slightly wobbly in her joints but bearable, she crept across the room and nudged the door open, stepping aside as it pivoted.
She realized that this was her first time actually leaving the room, but she didn’t dwell on it for more than a second. Glancing around the wooden innards of the house, she found herself in a small hallway, four doors surrounding a staircase with two on each side. Taking a wild guess, she figured those lead to the other bedrooms; though, as far as she knew, there was only one pony living under this roof. Leaning against the staircase’s railing, she couldn’t help but notice the gentle silence hanging in the air. That was fine by her. She wasn’t too keen on having a conversation for the time being. So… where’s that bathroom?
Applejack shrugged as she pushed open each of the doors one at a time. Other than her own and the door opposite it, the rooms were void of anything apart from dust. The one other room that was furnished must have been Skylight’s if the messy, lived-in atmosphere said anything.
“Least I know what’s around here,” she muttered. Options exhausted, she turned to look down the stairs, not quite sure if she was up to the task. However, she wasn’t one to give up so easily. One hoof at a time, she made a crawl down the flight of steps, only stumbling a few times. The mare was breathing deep by the time she made it to the bottom, but she felt a hint of satisfaction at her success. Finding herself on the border between a kitchen and a living room, she spotted one familiar pegasus lying down with her forelegs dangling off the couch.
“You’re up!” Skylight called as they made eye contact. She hopped onto all fours before scrambling over and snatching Applejack into a surprise hug, forcing a gasp from the farm mare.
“Uh, Skylight?” With one last squeeze, the pegasus broke away. Applejack opened her mouth to say something, but any words she had were cut off as she saw the concern flowing from Skylight’s eyes. “Are you okay? Ya look… Have ya been cryin’?”
She shook her head, saying, “No, I’m fine. Being the silly filly I am, I just get emotional, and that can make my eyes all puffy. Really! But yourn’t the one who should be asking who’s alright.”
Applejack didn’t bother questioning “yourn’t.” Her mind was miles away. “Uh, yeah…” she said, still staring into Skylight’s sympathetic face, “I’m okay.”
“Okay?”
The farm mare sighed. “As okay as I can be.”
“…Right then. Let me just say that I’m here. I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through, but if you ever need something, I’ll be glad to help.”
“Thanks.” Glancing around, she said, “Uh… Would there happen to be a bathroom ‘round here?
Skylight laughed as she pointed her hoof toward a nearby door. “That one there.”
“Thanks,” she said, waiting not a moment more. Stumbling into the bathroom tucked beneath the staircase, she found herself taken aback by the face that greeted her from the mirror. Widening her eyes and seeing her reflection do the same, her own haggard appearance entranced her. Her orange coat had lost all of its luster, her eyes were bagged and weary, and her mane was a tangled, uncombed bird’s nest. Not only were her hair bands missing, but she didn’t even have her classic stetson! …Not that it made sense that she would have had it. Sighing, forced her vision elsewhere.
Applejack emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, fanning a stray few droplets of water on her fetlocks. “Want some breakfast?” Skylight spoke up, gaining her attention, “Or brunch, considering it’s almost noon.”
“Uh, sure. Yes please.”
“Coming right up! I think you’ll find I can prepare some of this and that.”
Seeing nothing else to do, Applejack turned to look over the living room. It preached function over fashion as only the typical features of a living room were present—a couch there, an armchair here, a table and bookshelves tucked away, along with a few other crystalline thingamajigs in sight. She raised an eyebrow at them, seeing the cube-shaped crystals scattered here and there, but she wasn’t in a curious mood to ask about it. Beyond the room, she noticed what she presumed was the front door. Only needing a moment to make up her mind she said, “I’m gonna go out.”
“Out?” Skylight called, poking her head back around the corner, “Out where?”
“Outside.”
“You’re in no shape to go exploring, Applejack.”
The mare almost rolled her eyes. “I just need to get some fresh air. I’ll be right past the door. Good enough for ya?”
“Heh, fine. How about I bring breakfast out there once it’s ready? Feel free to take a seat at the patio table.”
“Sounds fine by me.” She walked her creaky legs to the door and pushed against it only for it to not budge an inch. She tried again to no avail, but was stopped as she heard Skylight snicker.
“Try pulling,” she suggested, failing to hide the laugh in her voice.
“I-I knew that.” Grumbling, she pulled open the door.
Glad to be taking a breath of fresh air, Applejack walked out onto the porch, floorboards creaked beneath her weight. Looking about, she got her first real look at the wooden town sprawling all around her and down the streets. It gave her a small-town vibe, not unlike Ponyville’s own, as she saw the color palette of ponies going about their daily lives, but that didn’t serve to make her any more comfortable. Just a reminder of where she wasn’t.
Applejack pulled up a seat at the table, keeping her gaze pointed at the town. As a few minutes went by in silence, she once again found herself trying not to think about the white elephant, as impossible as that was, but the thought of her home had already led into memories. All gone, her mind hissed, brutal and honest. She didn’t want it to be true. She wanted to cling to the notion that everyone she knew was still alive and well, but Applejack was a sensible mare. It only took simple, unbiased addition to know that the odds were not in their favor.
“And here’s… breakfast?” she heard Skylight say as the door opened, trailing off as she came closer.
Applejack wondered for a moment what had caused her change in mood, but then she felt the dampness creeping down her face. “Ugh…” she sighed. Using the tablecloth, she dabbed at her face and forced herself to steady her emotion. “I’m alright,” she said, trying to sound firm.
Skylight was silent for a few seconds. “…You want to talk about it?”
“I’m… Ugh, I just was thinkin’ of my friends.”
“Your friends?”
“Eeyup. I-I hadn’t thought of them before since my family is more important to me, but… they might as well be family too…” She glanced at the pegasus, seeing the expression across her features. “Skylight, I really can’t believe this is happenin’. I know I must seem calmer now, and maybe that’s just because I can’t believe it, but this is tearin’ me up inside like a nest of termites to a barn. Just… I want nothin’ more than to wake up and find out this was all a horrible, horrible dream.”
The mare opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out right away. Applejack just nodded. “Don’t worry none about it,” she dismissed, her tone a whisper, “I ain’t expectin’ ya to know how to respond.”
Skylight only looked away, peering at nothing in particular.
“So… breakfast?”
“Oh, of course!” Taking the seat opposite her, Skylight set out plates of food for both of them. She wasted not a second as she dug into her own. Applejack took a few bites of her fruity cereal, trying to pinpoint what flavor it was.
After swallowing back a spoonful, Skylight spoke up. “So, really, how’re you feeling?”
“Better. But still sore.”
She nodded, her gaze not leaving Applejack’s face. “That’s a relief to hear. How about your vision?”
“Still blurry.”
“Mmhm. If you don’t mind, I’m going to be inviting the doctor I mentioned yesterday over. She said to call her as soon as you’re up.”
“Alright.”
“Okay.”
Letting out a huff of air, Applejack crossed her hooves and rested her head on top. Still save for the gentle rise and fall of her breathing, the displaced mare stared out at the new town, the scenery painting a backdrop for her state of mind. She didn’t want to think about anything. Not the town, not her town, and certainly not her life. That would only serve to lead her down a painful path. However, she knew she couldn’t just ignore it even if she would love to.
She glanced toward Skylight. She needed a distraction.
“How about ya?” she started, “I don’t think we’ve gotten a real chance to know each other.”
“No, we haven’t. It’s been a bit hectic since you woke up, heh. What do you want to know?”
She shrugged. “Just talk to me. How about this here town? Live here long?”
Skylight grinned, appearing to have been brought to some good memories. “Not too long—just a year or two—but I still love it as the home it is.”
“Where’d ya move from?”
“I started in Canterlot but then moved around a bit with some friends. Eventually I settled out here on my own because I fell in love the town. The atmosphere, the scenery, the ponies.” She sighed. “Lovely.”
“I know what that’s like,” Applejack said, nodding along, “When I was a filly, I left the farm to live in Manehattan for a bit. I liked the city, but I knew it wasn’t the place for me soon enough.”
“Yeah, I’ve tried Manehattan too. It’s grand and all that, but it’s too loud and businessy, huh?”
“My thoughts exactly,” Applejack agreed, “I came back to the farm, and have been there ever…” She paused, her tone dropping. “…Since…”
Quick to speak up again, Skylight said, “So yeah. Discovered this town a few years back and knew it was the spot.”
“You mentioned some friends, but now you’re living alone?”
“Right! We went separate ways, but we keep in touch. They may be elsewhere, but they’re still close to me.”
“Mmhm...” Applejack looked over the pegasus for a moment before cocking her head. “Not tryin’ to say somethin’, but aren’t ya a tad bit young to be on your own?”
“Young? How young do you think I am?”
“Erm… still quite young?” she answered, memories floating into her head of how one certain friend would get offended if you called her a year over her age.
Skylight giggled. “I’m twenty-five.”
“Shoot, girl! You don’t look a day over nineteen.”
“Aw, thanks! You make me blush,” she replied, waving modesty with her hoof. Applejack, however, couldn’t quite make out a blush considering the natural color of Skylight’s coat.
The farm mare sent a small smile her way before she glanced down the road, away from the castle. Based on its position, she figured Ponyville was in that direction. “Ah wonder how Ponyville’s doin’.”
Skylight followed Applejack’s gaze before turning back to the farm mare. “Oh, is that where your farm was?”
Applejack frowned. “It’s where it is.”
“Oh! Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that! It just came out, I swear… Ugh.”
“It’s fine,” she replied, waving her hoof dismissively, “Don’t worry none about it.”
As their conversation died down, Applejack’s thoughts only grew in proportion. I bet everythin’s so different, she thought, I bet there’s a new group of mares stirrin’ up trouble every week. I wonder how the farm’s doin’… if it’s really still there.
She flinched at her own mind, appalled that she could ever think such a thing. Of course it’s still there! Why wouldn’t it be…? The earth pony shook herself out of the train wreck of thoughts, cursing herself for letting Skylight’s little word get to her. No way in tartarus the farm was gone…
…Right?
“Ponyville…” Skylight said, tapping her hoof against her chin, “I’d say it’s doing alright. Just what you’d expect from a town like that. Oh, I know! Applejack, can you walk well?”
“Huh? Why?”
“Just answer.”
“I can walk, but I don’t know how well.”
“Hm… Well, I had an idea. I was thinking we could go to Ponyville.”
Applejack nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.”
“But…”
“But what?”
Skylight chuckled. “You should probably see that doctor first.”
“Probably.” Rising from her seat, she took a moment to stretch out her limbs. “Sooner the better, I always say.”
“Sounds good to me. Just let me take care of these dishes…”
As Applejack watched the eager pegasus reenter the house, she turned her head, her eyes drawing a panorama from the high towers of the castle to the road leading home.
“…I’m comin’,” she said, “…I’m comin’ home.”
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Did... did you just repeat a previous chapter? This one sounds oddly familiar to the last one.
I like the way you keep some of the events of the originals chapter eventhough the changes. Do you think bringing Skylight's friends at some point?
uuugggh you kept the second town
.
Makes no sense to have another town that close. so currently the only gripe but a fine chapter none the less.
i think im enjoying this verson better so far :)
This sounds a bit like Captain America...
5762184 I seriously don't understand why you see that as an issue. I already told you why it's there. Ponyville as the main setting is completely unnecessary and is so common in other fics already. So what if it's close to Ponyville? It can just be considered a district of it if it's really that close.
5761996 Yes, yes I did with revisions here and there.
5762728 It was rewrite or cancel, and I think I know what most people would prefer.
5762802 Because the Castle isn't that far away to justify a whole new town. Not story killing but annoying.
“Right! We went separate ways, but we keep in touch. They may be elsewhere, but they’re still close to me.” - I see what you did there
Actually, I love the idea that they're heading to Ponyville. Given how easily the main cast used to walk from the castle to town, it makes sense to get that plot point moving earlier than a trip to Canterlot. I was skeptical of the OCs' roles being given all to Starlight, but it's actually doing a nice job of making the two feel like equals in the story. So far I'm really thrilled with the rewrite.
great stuff I can't wait for more. gotta say love skylight's personality
5762870 I have to agree eith the author here. I don't find the second town to be unnecessary at all. I mean it's basically the town of everfree forest and it makes since since I assume that's where AJ was found.
Plus there are plenty of towns in the real world that are mere minutes apart. Hell, some cities fade right into others. I live in a town set up that way.
Besides that, if you remember Hurricane Fluttershy, Cloudsdale was quite close to Ponyville in regards to travel time (for pegasi). But it's a cloud city so it probably floats around.
White elephant is a gift on Christmas. Perhaps elephant in the room is what you were looking for?
5763975 Oh, I see what happened. I originally wrote "white elephant in the room" but cut off the end. Ah well, I'm keeping it.
Wouldn't Twi still be knocking around, considering she's an alicorn princess and everything...
Pacing is terrible and the fact that there isn't a pegasus around for quick notification of anypony who might know Applejack.... Is the town built up or is AJ just imagining things? Sky couldn't contact the doctor to have a look over once she awoke?
Also, literally, I've been bedridden and I doubt AJ would have made it to any facilities the time it took her to get around.
Still following for the AJ.
5765322
slow–paced
adjective
: moving at a slow rate of speed : slow-footed
I think keeping the half-dead mare under constant supervision for when she wakes up is more important.
Refer to previous response.
Well she did.
5766785
So the doctor was summoned without notification the first time? I doubt the pegasus is qualified to look after an unidentified mare that became un-petrified after an unknown amount of time. Why isn't Applejack in a clinic or have the doctor come around on a regular basis? Are you brushing off constructive criticism because it would be hard to rewrite it again?
I was going to save this question for later, but your responses beg me to ask it now: How did AJ become un-petrified if cockatrices are so obscure?
I still feel weird there is a town near the old castle but there is nopony important in it. Could be the castle of Twilight or at least some scholars that Sky could seek for help
5767820
Yes. That's what happens when someone is brought into a hospital for urgent care. There's no one there to tell the doctor more than a few minutes ahead of time. Nor can a doctor be there constantly because they obviously have other patients to attend to. Skylight alluded to asking for Applejack to stay at her home since 1) she was already there and 2) Applejack wasn't in terrible enough condition to need to stay in a hospital.
I don't recall ever mentioning cockatrices are obscure. The average pony may not know much about them, but someone with knowledge of the forest is bound to have heard of them since they're so dangerous.
And let me tell you something about constructive criticism. That is where you ask about a possible flaw and offer advice and feedback that can actually help the author. All you did was list off complaints and things you didn't understand. Had you actually offered feedback, I might not be "brushing it off" as you put it.
5768221
I don't have options because this isn't my story. I figured you can think of some yourself. If you are having trouble, I won't mind offering more constructive criticism.
Pacing is still terrible. Getting a severe case of food poisoning when I lived on my own kept me down for a week with two weeks after to recover with no income at all(Hospital was out of the question b/c there was a time they didn't treat anyone without ins be it law or not). To me, AJ is recovering faster from petrification than any other statues I have seen. You slowed down the rest of the story to speed her recovery.
I have not read your outdated chapters so I have no idea what pace or MacGuffins you have in use.
Why isn't AJ still in the hospital if she wasn't even awake? If she was in the hospital, why did a doctor need to be summoned? Don't doctors work at that hospital? Moving a comatose Earth Pony mare to a 2nd story in a house with facilities on the first story is extremely stupid and short-sighted unless dialysis or bedpans are involved and I doubt that Pegasus is qualified to care for others in that fashion.
5768234
The heck?
Just how many people-turned statues have you seen? If you're comparing this fic to other stories that feature petrification, then that's completely groundless. This is a matter of headcanon.
Wait, so something moving faster is slowing down the pace?
I really don't see the logic in that. I'm just going to tell you what my thought process is. After being revived, her body was exhausted, sore, and in need of food. Nothing more. There's no viruses running around in her system. All she needs is rest and to take things slowly, which is what she got and is getting. You may disagree, but that still comes down to headcanon as I said. You still haven't actually told me why you dislike the pace, only what you think the cause for slowness is.
The hospital I said was an example, not what happened to her, so I apologize for the confusion.
What happened was that she was brought to Skylight's home since, you know, hospitals can't take care of a statue. Then she was revived and Skylight, once seeing she really was a pony, contacted the doctor where she then requested that Applejack stay there. Yes, there's little nuances like what you mentioned, but I have a rule. If it's not important to the story, don't bother mentioning it. Whether or not the doctor or Skylight took care of Applejack's needs while she was asleep doesn't affect the outcome, so I didn't write much into it.
5768595
Interesting thought process to ask that question and not Occam's Razor another conclusion.
My thought process didn't come to that conclusion. I've reread it several times and I can now come to that conclusion, but without that being mentioned, another sequence of events happened that started her de-petrification process when Sky came back with the wagon. I still don't know how AJ became de-petrified to be honest and that is bugging me. Even in a land of magic, there should still be some type of harmonious rules..... Oh. OH. I think?
Do I dare ask how or why she got a statue upstairs? Or I'll just go with that I missed another mundane sequence of events. Yeah. I'll go with that.
I wasn't thinking you were slowing down the pace, but speeding it up. AJ's recovery. I guess I can see de-petrification as that type of process, but she still had problems. I wouldn't trust myself with stairs...
5768789 They never showed how Twilight recovered in the show, so there's really nothing to go by. I mentioned some fancy magicks, and I think that's all there needs to be.
Sorry if I've been irritable, but I've been short-tempered with this story. This story's gone through a lot already, and I'm tired of seeing people point out issues with it when I don't consider them real issues.
5769069
Oh. As for the show, wasn't it inferred that the cockatrice that initiated the process could reverse it? No matter. I'm still planning on reading it because it's an interesting enough premise, you participate with your commentators, and it stars Applejack.
I throw critical thinking on stories I think I might enjoy to see if the author is open to the comment system on the site. I'm a terrible writer myself, but I'd like to think I have some ideas when I'm not actually thinking of them.
I'm liking the reboot a lot too. :)
5769069
Oh shush you. I think yer doing just straight up fantastic on the reboot. I know I'm loving it.
Keep it coming I'll devour all of it with my eyes
5779629 Didn't even realize that was a pun.
I want to read the outdated chapters since there's no new chapters, but if I do then the new ones will seem exactly the same, what do I do?!?!?!?!
5779811 The new chapters are going to break away after Applejack sees the doctor, so it won't seem familiar. However I still wouldn't read the outdated ones because of spoilers.
5779816 ok
!
5779830 I'm still tempted
, more story right in front of me, must...resist...reading...
I suggest that you delete the old outdated chapters.
5811027 Why's that?
5811906
To make the story look clearer and more professional.
5811921 True, but I'm keeping them there for two reasons. One is that I want them there for archival purposes because I'm obsessive like that (could just put them in a blog, but that would be messy). The other is because I don't want to erase all the stuff they have like comments and upvotes. I know the latter wouldn't be deleted, but it's those chapters that got all those upvotes, not the new ones.
5811942
Just unpublish them. You will still have them as you are the author. Also you could use the download option and save them in your computer.
5762802
If it's THAT close then why bother. Some town far away, that's fine but putting it a brisk 20 minute walk away? I'm with him, not deal breaking in any way, just "why bother?"
It just feels like a waste of time and effort, especially considering the town is presented as very 'meh' and if you follow the original path it's not all that important to the story either.
Give it a unique vibe. Everfree Castle just isn't enough to make it seem unique. Hell you could replace it why Twi's castle and voila, Ponyville!
It NEEDS to be established as a unique place and give us some reason to care about it before we move on. Otherwise, like I said, why bother?
5843722 Allow me to list off the reasons I already gave to the other person in a different place.
-Don't want Applejack seeing Ponyville as soon as she wakes up because I have plans for Ponyville
-It's a tool to show how much times have changed. As Applejack saw, a whole town had sprung up in her absence
-It's also similar to Ponyville so Applejack doesn't go into culture shock
-Ponyville as the main setting is overdone. Sure it's the main setting in the show, but it gets old
No it doesn't. Have you forgotten that Applejack and Skylight are leaving for Ponyville in the next chapter? The town isn't meant to be some interesting place you want to see more of. It's served its purpose and now the main cast is moving on. At most, it'll be a place to touch base at when they're not going anywhere. If it turns into something more, then I'll put more emphasis on it.
P.S. The most we've seen of the town is Applejack describing it from a porch and a window. I think it's a bit early to make assumptions.
5811975 But I'll be dang honest with you. I LOVE the previous story. (Srslytheboysintherearejutssoawesome)
5890062
You cannot keep both old and new versions in the same story it makes things a mess. You could publish the new version apart or something.
But if you want to confuse your readers, is up to you.
5890583 I'm assuming people are capable of reading the giant disclaimers posted at the top of each chapter and the main page as to not get confused.
5891329
Is the equivalent to presenting your homework with words crossed over and writing next to the crossed over words what you really meant, but whatever.
5891354 The only reason that matters on homework is because you're turning it in for a grade. This, obviously, is not. This is my story, and I'll format the chapters how I like. You seem to think that this is a problem, but would you know that you're the only person to say anything after over a month since the story was first revised?
No, I will not be deleting the chapters.
5891329 you are ruining your story by doing this. What you had originally was perfect. I loved what I was reading.
I appreciate your work i really do but if you are doing a rewrite i suggest you get it done. Ive been waiting for updates for a while now.
Please do not abandon this story.
5915901 Sorry if you liked the original, but I was not happy with it at all. My blog has all the reasons.
Don't worry about slow updates. I've just have way too many things happening as of recent that take up my time. I'm far from abandoning it.
5917277 Slow updates is like a recipe for the story to be discontinued like the countless other stories I've Favorited.
5918023 All I can say is that you'll have to take my word for it. I like this story and plan on finishing it. If you'd like to know, I'm already over 1000 words into the next chapter.
5919123 Look I know I'm probably coming off as a Duche but you were already 24 thousand words and 3 months in the fic before you decided to change it. I don't know what happened but you wrote it. You had to have liked writing it since you were writing so much at such a fast pace. Now it's like your just completely went in reverse. If you had changed your story before you had already established the plot as far as you did I wouldn't be upset. It's the fact that you went so far and wrote so much before changing it.
I just do not like it when I'm given something nice and have it taken months later. Sorry if I'm coming off as rude but this is the kind of thing people hate. I'm not trying to guilt trip your or anything just speaking my mind. I guess I have no choice but to wait and see if the rewrite is any better. Keep up the good work.
5919279 Trust me, you have every right to be upset. I would feel the same way. What happened was that the more I wrote it, the more dissatisfied with it I became. I wasn't very involved by the time I was grinding out the last chapter of it.
As for slow updates, it really is that I just don't have time to write as much as I could. I could literally write out a list of things going on right now that's taking up my free time.
If it's any consolation to you, I like where the story is headed now. It annoyed me at how slowly Applejack wanted to discover what had happened. Like, she would probably go straight yo Ponyville, not hoof around in this random town. Which you fixed. +1 to you.
As soon as I read the name Village Green I put on "The Village Green Preservation Society" album by The Kinks. Awesome stuff.