• Published 31st Oct 2014
  • 303 Views, 2 Comments

The Mare Of The Moon - ThePrettyMare



Luna has to learn how to control herself from turning back into Nightmare Moon.

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Silence

Princess Luna paced around in her bedroom, glancing at the clock every few seconds. Soon, she would get to rise the moon.

'Just a few more seconds!' Luna thought excitedly. Luna was always excited about rising the moon. It was her first time in over 1,000 years. The clock ticked. And ticked.. The it reached 12:00! Luna scrambled over to her front porch, and her horn started to glow, sparks sprinkling everywhere out of her horn.

The moon started to rise, glowing in the moonlight. The moon centered in the sky, and Luna's horn stopped glowing. Luna admired the beautiful sky for a while. Suddenly, she felt a hoof on her back.

"You did such a great job," a voice said. "I'm so proud of you." Luna turned to see her elder sister, Princess Celestia, smiling warmly at her.

"Tia," Luna whispered. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to turn into Nightmare Moon.. I never meant to start problems, I-I-I-" Luna was caught off by her sisters voice.

"Luna, you didn't know what your were doing," Celestia spoke softly. "It wasn't your fault. Accidents happen sometimes, and that was an accident. And you most certainly didn't start problems." Luna looked into her sisters eyes.

"Didn't you see how everypony stared at me? They looked at me like I was a scary monster. They all fear me. Perhaps I shouldn't be a princess after all.. Maybe I wasn't meant to be a princess.." Celestia was about to speak again before Luna walked back inside her bedroom. Celestia followed behind her.

"Luna, please never ever say that," Celestia said. The younger sister turned around. She had tears in her eyes. Celestia was surprised and shocked.

"Nobody loves me! All they do is fear me! I'm sick and tired of it!" Luna shouted, her voice growing by every word she said. Celestia looked at her calmly.

"Luna this is unacceptable! Stop it, please!" Celestia replied. Luna looked angry.

"Why can't people just be nice to me?!" Luna yelled. Celestia glared at her sister.

"Luna, stop," Celestia ordered, solemnly. Luna returned the glare to her sister.

"You don't understand me at all! You think I just bottle up my rage! I never do, and-" Luna was caught off by her sisters yelling.

"WON'T YOU JUST STOP IT LUNA?!" Celestia screamed at her sister. Things were silent for a moment before Princess Luna burst into tears. Celestia felt hurt and upset.

"L-luna, I'm so sorry.. I-I-I didn't mean to.." Celestia tried to apologize. Luna just continued to cry.

"Just leave!" Luna sobbed. Celestia sadly walked out, before using her magic to shut the door. Luna cried herself to sleep, dreaming about what had happened.

The next morning, Princess Luna groggily opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry, and took a few seconds to clear up so she could see properly. Luna got up, and looked at herself in her mirror. He'd hair was a ratty mess. Luna brushed her mane out, before brushing her teeth. Then, she walked downstairs.

She could smell breakfast in the kitchen, and she walked in that direction. The smell was delicious. It smelled like bacon and eggs, with some different types of spices. Delicious spices. Luna continued down the hall which had some pictures of the royal family. The wallpaper was red with a tint of blue. Luna found the kitchen door, and opened it. The royal table was seated with Princess Celestia, and the cooks were placing the food on the table.

Princess Luna sat down at the end of the table that was away from Celestia. One of the cooks, Alia Firefly, placed a plate of food down in front of Luna. Luna thanked Alia, and poked at her food with her fork. Celestia noticed Luna, and stared at her.

"Um, Luna, do you need help?" Celestia asked. "I can help you if you wan-" Luna shot Celestia a icy cold stare. Celestia stopped staring and went back to eating. Luna was still upset about yesterday. The arguement kept going on like a video on repeat. Voices kept telling her different things.

One said, 'Never forgive your sister! She'll only make everything worse!'

And the other one said, 'Forgive your sister! She loves you, and that's all that matters!' Luna didn't know which one to trust. She was kind of leaning torwards the never forgive your sister. Luna suddenly got up, and left the room. She had to get some fresh air. She flew out to the Canterlot Garden. She loved the flowers. They were so beautiful. Just like the moon. She continued to stalk through the flowers, gazing at all the pretty colors.

Luna's favorite kind of flower was a rose. She loved every part of it. When she looked at it, it made her feel so special. Suddenly, she felt hoof steps behind her. Luna turned around and saw Twilight Sparkle.

"Twilight?" Luna asked, really surprised. Twilight smiled at her.

"I came to see you," Twilight explained. "I know how hard it is getting used to a place you were born at, and being gone from it for 1,000 years." Luna grew a smile on her face.

"You understand me," Luna said. Now it was Twilight's turn to look confused.

"What? Of course I understand you!" Twilight responded. "Why wouldn't I?" Luna looked at her hooves.

"Well, yesterday Tia and I got in a fight," Luna said. "She kind of yelled at me and I got upset. I thought nobody understood me. I thought I was never going to get respected because of what I did." Twilight shook her head.

"No, no, Luna!" Twilight replied. "Your always gonna be respected! Your a princess for Celestia's sake! Everypony loves you! They even said it at the party!" Luna's eyes widened.

"T-they did?" She stammered. Twilight nodded. Suddenly, Luna felt a hoof on her shoulder. Luna got up and turned around.

"Tia?!" Luna said. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to ignore you and make you feel so bad. It's my fault I kept nagging on and on. Please accept thy apology." Luna was surprised that 'thy' came out of her mouth.

Celestia smiled and nodded, "Of course. I'm very sorry to my little Luna. And thank you for coming Twilight. You certainly made her feel better. Now let's go have some coffee, shall we?" Luna nodded eagerly, and the 3 mares walked inside the castle, and got themselves some tea.

Author's Note:

I hope you guys like it! I tried my best, and hope you love it!

Comments ( 2 )

Okay, I will be blunt, what you have here is more of an outline than an actually story. You have all your key points, such as conflict, and resolution, however that is all you have; merely points. Where are the lines that connect these points together? You have no real details to keep the reader interested, and your characters are two dimensional, they have no real life to them. Overall, the biggest problem is that this is incredibly rushed, you just leap around like a grasshopper from one point to another without giving the reader time to breath essentially.

Now on a positive note, I feel the dialogue is rather good, and it offers a lot of openings you could capitalize on. For example, after Celestia left the room you could have had her pondering over the poor choice of words she used on Luna, and that would maybe make her seek some help from Twilight; which would explain why Twilight was at Canterlot so early in the morning. See, stuff like that gives you a nice transition from one point in the story to another, until before you know it you are at the end.

Anyway, I hope this doesn't come across as being preachy, it is just you have a good idea, but your execution needs some fine tuning is all.

No hard feelings, I hope.

5208926 no hard feelings taken :pinkiehappy: I understand what your saying. :twilightsmile: thanks for the advice!

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