Derpy, on her normal delivery route, notices that a Zebra running across town has dropped a piece of paper. After returning it, the two talk, and soon become great friends...and more.
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Man, you keep pouring these out like a steam train!
Good Chapter.
Just a word of advice, this
can be pretty disruptive to the narrative, if you want to warn readers about explicit content, then it is a better idea to do it in the chapter titles.
It's so bloody adorable! More please
Great story so far but a little recommendation. New speaker -> new paragraph. No exceptions. Makes it a he'll lot easier to follow who is speaking. Not following it is usually frowned upon and can even turn some people away from the story.
5319651 Well, I usually try to put a little, "He/Rush said" or, "She/Derpy said" at either the beginning or ending of a sentence when the speaker changes.
Please keep these coming this is an amazing story so far
5319988 Even then it's recommended to start new paragraphs when the speaker changes as it improves the readability quite a lot. I'm not saying that your story is hard to read. I have gotten this even though I'm quite strict on what I expect from writing. I'm telling this so you can further improve your story and yourself as a writer. Constant he/she said sentences are sometimes considered a sign of youth and inexperience.
5321050 This man/woman/possibly hybrid/possible alien speaks the truth. It's actually the correct way of doing it. Meaning if you were to do this sort of thing for any sort of school (e.g. English Writing class), you would be failed. Point being, even if it makes the new paragraph a singular sentence, it is still more correct to make it a new paragraph than to combine speakers in a single one.
New speaker, new paragraph. Absolute law of writing.
5321733 Alright...but does that mean whenever a new action is done by someone else, I have to start a new paragrapgh?
Or just speaking?
5322737 Just speaking. Though if you feel it flows better, you can make a new paragraph for a new action. Though, again, the rule is for speech, not actions. You can combine as many actions between two or more characters as you like into a single paragraph. Though just be careful not to make it a massive wall of a paragraph.
5355633 Who knows?
5422214
It's a children's story, but I replaced "Old Lady" With "old Mare".
Funny enough I was listening to this http://youtu.be/9o4kvBI5A98 when Rush woke up.