Fullmetal Pony

by clearshot01

Hello and Goodbye

“So, he killed you, then brought you back as his shadows? All just so he could kill me?”. “That's how I see it, no matter what he says, but it seems whatever control he had on us got broken when you all knocked us out. I don't know how, and I don't care. All I want is to make that old bastard pay!”. “Well then, truce?”. “Truce, but don't go getting any ideas. I may be sexy, but I've already got my eyes on someone”. “Is it Para?”. “What the? How'd you-”. “I saw you smiling when you mentioned him. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out”. She blushed slightly, but quickly regained her composure, so we went to the center of the arena where everypony was already waiting. We informed them of the situation. Chris spoke up. “Alright everypony, seeing as we're forming an alliance, we need to decide on who's in charge. I say it should be Stephen and Meg, seeing as they were in charge of the individual groups, so who better to lead than them? First things first though, let's get the others out of that barrier thing”. Meg stepped forward. “Allow me”. Her horn started to glow, and the barrier started to shake. Eventually it broke into pieces, and Twilight and the others came rushing up to meet us. RD just tackled me saying “That was AWESOME! For a while it looked lie you were gonna lose but then that bright flash happened and then you had two swords and you totally kicked flank. You have to at least 20% cooler after that!”. “Thanks sis, means a lot hearing that”. “Oooh! Claudy, you wanna help me plan the victory party after this? We need to make some super delicious cakes, and I definitely want your thoughts on them! Not literally of course, who ever heard of putting thoughts on a cake, but how cool would that be if we could put thoughts on a cake”. “BUCK YEAH! IT'S GONNA BE EPIC!”. “DON'T FORGET THE PIE!”. “Ok Chris, we won't!”. “So Riley, what are ya gonna do when this is over?”. “I dunno. Would it be alright if I continued to live with you guys?”. “Well sure, I don't have a problem with it, and I could always use an extra pair of hooves during applebuckin' season”. “Cool, thanks! I'm gonna be the best applebucker you ever saw!”. “Well I don't know about that, but you're welcome to try”. “Well, shall we get going? I do so hate to be pushy, but all this dirt is messing up my mane and tail!”. “Alright then everypony, we have to find the princesses and take down this guy-” “Akumu” I interrupted. “Akumu?”. “It's Japanese, literally means 'nightmare'. My guess is that he's either some sort of reincarnation of the nightmare that took over Luna all those centuries ago, or he's just some sort of ancient spirit that decided he liked the name or something”. She looked worried when she heard my first theory, but she managed to hide it pretty well. “Um, Twilight, a-are you o-ok?”. “Yes I'm fine Fluttershy, I'm perfectly fine. Alright then, let's go save the world!”. We turned to start looking, but I noticed Meadhbh standing off staring into space, so I went over to her. “What's wrong?”. “Sorry, I'm just nervous, you know?”. “Come on, I may not be that good at reading people, but even I can see something's bothering you, so spill it”. “Alright. Before I got here, Akumu appeared before me, and he said something that chilled me to my very bones”. “What? What did he say?”. “He said 'Those closest to you will be the first to die, and I will enjoy watching you descend into the depths of insanity as their lives spill from their bodies, especially that of your brother”. I was shocked to say the least. “Listen to me, no matter what happens, I am not gonna die, you got that? I will not lose, I will not let anypony get hurt, and I will not let that stupid geezer get away with what he's done”. She smirked a little. “Typical, you always have to make your speeches too long. Try being normal for a change”. “But you wouldn't like me if I wasn't me!” I said jokingly. She just laughed. “Fine, now let's go end this!”. “Agreed”. And so we ran to join up with the others, all of us now focused on the task ahead.

Akumu's Sanctum

“Look at that, an alliance. I'm surprised, but not that surprised. So, what do you two think? Do they really have a shot of defeating me?”. Celestia was the first to speak “Yes they do, my little ponies will not fail. They haven't before, and they won't now, especially now that they have allies from another world helping them. Your days are numbered Akumu”. He just smiled. “Oh Tia-”. "Don't call me that, you lost that right a long time ago, when you killed my son!”. Luna was surprised to hear this. “Tia, you had a son?”. “Yes Lulu, his name was Shadow Knight. I called him that because somehow he could literally jump into a shadow and appear from another, even if the shadows were'nt connected in any way. But this monster killed him when he was still a foal. It's been 16 years, and I still can't stop shaking when I remember it”. Luna then turned to Akumu with fury in her eyes. “WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY POSSESS YOU TO KILL A FOAL?”. Akumu just kept smiling, which only further angered Celestia and Luna. “So you still believe he's dead? Oh Tia, I thought you were smarter than that?”. Celestia just looked at him, puzzled. “What are you talking about? Are you saying he's alive?”. Akumu looked at her and laughed. “You still haven't recognised him? After all this time you don't recognise him? I'm disappointed in you Tia”. “I don't understand”. “Fine, if you really can't figure it out on your own, I guess I have to spoil the surprise and just tell you”. He leaned in next to Celestia and whispered something in her ear. Her eyes went wide with shock, and Luna started to worry. “How? How did you-”. “When you thought I had killed him, I had actually sent him to another world entirely, I even altered his body and the memories of the people I sent him to, so that they would think he had always been their son. Fun, huh?”. “Fun? FUN? YOU THINK TAKING SOMEPONY FROM HIS MOTHER, SENDING HIM TO ANOTHER WORLD AND MAKING HER THINK HE WAS DEAD IS FUN? YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!”. Akumu was shocked, not by the outburst, but by who had made it. It was Luna. “YOU TOOK MY SISTER'S SON FROM HER, AND PLACED HIM IN A WORLD WHERE HE SAW THOSE HE KNEW AS HIS FAMILY DIE! HE ALMOST TOOK HIS OWN LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU, AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO STAND THERE AND SMILE? YOU MAKE ME SICK! I HOPE THEY SHOW YOU NO MERCY!”. Akumu then glared at Luna. “I think I want you quiet until the adults are finished talking”. And with that, Luna lost consciousness. “Now, where were we Tia?”...

I ran through the hallways with everyone, hoping that Celestia and Luna were alright. Meg was running beside me, so I decided to ask her “Meg, why don't any of the others talk that much besides you? I mean, when you guys were controlled by Akumu, you were really shooting your mouths off, but now, you're all so quiet. I'm sorry if it's a touchy subject or anything, but I just felt I had to at least ask”. She turned to me and smiled. “No, it's not a touchy subject, they just usually let me be the speaker, seeing as I'm somehow the one who's most likely to win an arguement”. “I see...”. “Don't worry about it, when this is over, they'll be shooting their mouths off like there's no tomorrow”. “I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing”. “Trust me, for us shooting our mouths off means just talking at all, it's just how we lived. Didn't speak to many people, never had the need to, so we just learned to keep our mouths shut unless we were eating”. “Um, I hope I'm not interrupting anything, b-but I think we're here”. We stopped in front of a huge door. I touched it, and suddenly, all of us except for Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie, were in a huge room, and at one end of it, Akumu was standing over celestia and Luna, and both of them were unconscious, but unharmed, as far as I could tell. We could hear the three outside. “What is going on in there, I demand that you open this door and release our friends this instant you uncouth ruffian!”. “OOH, I can't open it, and I can't use my amazing fourth-wall breaking powers to get past! This meanie door just refuses to open!”. “Um, I don't mean to be rude, but would you mind letting our friends go please?”. “Enough, you three aren't welcome at the moment, when I'm done with these ones, then I'll come finish you off. In the meantime...”. Akumu snapped his fingers and the room became soundproofed. “There, now we can get down to business”. Twilight, AJ, and RD stepped forward. “Alright, why are you doing this?”. “Ah'd like to know that too. Just what in the hay do you think you're up to?”. “Yeah, whatever it is, it's not cool!”. Akumu just stared at them, a look of amusement on his face. “You want to know what I'm up to? Why don't you ask Stephen over there? Or should I call you Shadow Knight?”. I was confused. The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite remember how. It must have shown on my face, because a few seconds later, he continued “Ah, I see you still don't remember. Well, allow me to enlighten you. Stephen, you weren't born in the world you grew up in. You were born here, under the name Shadow Knight. And you wanna know something else?”. He took a second to register my shocked expression, and finished “Tia over here is your mother, and for the past sixteen years, she thought you were dead. Granted, I had a little hand in that part, but what most of you probably don't know is that Tia had twins”. All of us felt our jaws drop from that revelation. He smiled, satisfied with the effect. “The reason that none of you actually remember this is because I found it necessary to remove the memories of Tia's beloved daughter from any and all who knew of her existence. But somehow, she never ceased to be anything short of remarkable. Even though she had no family as far as she knew, she still kept trying to make something of herself. Stephen, you were told that Rainbow Dash represented your sister in this reality, when in actual fact Meadhbh was the one who represented your true sister in the reality you spent the past sixteen years in. That's right, you and Rainbow Dash are Celestia's children”. “So wait, what about my parents”. “Oh, you mean the ones you grew up with, the ones you had believed to be your parents? They were just some random humans I dropped you off at, I altered their memories so they truly believed you were their own flesh and blood. What I didn't count on, was Meadhbh over there being able to see you for who you truly were, or her decision to protect you, or her ability survive in a spiritual form after my last attempt to do away with you failed. That's guardians for you. Oh well, live and learn!”. His words struck a nerve. “You caused that car crash? You killed the people I knew as my family? YOU WERE BEHIND IT ALL?”. “Of course, it's my job to kill anyone who can threaten my existence as the original Nightmare”. “The original? I thought the Nightmare was born when Luna was overcome by her jealousy?”. “No, that's not true at all. In fact, she would never have become Nightmare Moon at all, if I hadn't given her a little helping hand”. Now it was Celestia's turn to get pissed off. “YOU DID THAT? YOU TURNED MY SISTER INTO NIGHTMARE MOON? YOU WERE THE REASON I HAD TO BANISH HER TO THE MOON FOR A THOUSAND YEARS?”. “Of course, one cannot simply become a Nightmare, they need my help to transform into one. Otherwise they would simply just let the negative emotions go, and let's be honest, I love the pain and suffering it caused too much not to take the oppurtunity to create more when it arises”. A sudden blast knocked him into the wall. We all turned to see Twilight, her horn glowing furiously, her coat turned completely white and her mane and tail on fire. “YOU HURT MY TEACHER! YOU TRIED TO HURT MY FRIENDS! YOU TOOK HER SON AND DAUGHTER FROM HER! YOU TOOK HER SISTER FROM HER! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY!”. Akumu wasn't laughing. “ENOUGH!”. And with that, Akumu teleported Twilight, and AJ outside, noticing that AJ had tried to sneak behind him to buck him where it counts. “I'll deal with them later. Now, I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago. I'm going to kill you Stephen, and I'm going to do it personally!”. I say him create a massive sphere, composed entirely of darkness. “When this hits, your body and soul will be completely obliterated, there won't even be enough to identify you!”. He launched it. Celestia and Luna were teriffied. Chris and the others, Shadows included, were trying to move, but they were held in place by Akumu's magic. I couldn't move. I had no control over my body. All I could do was close my eyes and hope it was over quickly. “NOOOOOOOOO!”. Suddenly I was shoved to the side. It hurt, but I was able to move again, and I turned my head to see Meadhbh standing where I was only a moment ago. She was smiling. “Meadhbh, why?”. She looked at me as if I was an idiot. “Because dumbass, you've got a family to protect. I've got a family to go back to myself. Do me a favour. Give mom and aunt Luna over there a hug when this is over. I'd do it myself, but I don't think I'm gonna last long enough for it”. I started crying, slowly at first, but then it all came out faster than rapids. “Ok, I'll do that, just as long as you do the same to them for me”. She smiled a little wider. “Count on it. And one more thing. Akumu”. He stared her straight in the eyes. “What”. “You know the rules in regards to guardians. I die, someone else comes in my place. Someone of my choosing. So I'm gonna choose an old friend. Hey Stephen, remember Luke?”. “Yeah, he always had that book which he used to make notes about fire shouts, and he was always shy around everyone, it took months for him to be comfortable around us. Why?”. “Cause he's my replacement. Be nice, I don't want you screwing up like the time you fell on his lunch”. “Aw come on, that was ten years ago!”. She just laughed and started chanting. I couldn't make it out, but I knew what it meant, somehow. She was creating a portal. Suddenly, she was gone, and so was the sphere. In their place was a green bodied earth pony with a yellow and red mane, and a red tail. It's cutie mark was a lighter. He looked confused for a second, then noticed me, somehow recognising me, despite the fact I still wasn't human. He just ran up and hugged me. “Stephen! Been too long. Why am I a pony? Never mind, you can explain later. So, what's happening? Lemme guess, saving the world?”. “Yeah, and no, this is not a dream, nor a hallucination. This is real, so if you die here, you die for real. Got it?”. He seemed a little taken back, but otherwise nodded “Cool, so how do you wanna do this?”. “You have your notebook I see”. “Of course, never leave home without it”. “Good, you're gonna need it. You're gonna be able to use those fire shouts for real. Think you're up for it?”. He just beamed as if someone told him it was gonna be Christmas every day for a year. “No way! SWEET! I am gonna enjoy this”. “Good, just hit the robed geezer, and don't, I repeat don't, hit any other ponies. Got it?”. “Yup. You have my word”. Akumu just stared at us, completely dumbstruck as to what was going on, much to my enjoyment. “Ok, on three...”. Akumu was starting to get pissed off now. He was just about to fire another sphere at us when I shouted “THREE!”. He was caught off guard and the sphere disappeared with his concentration. We charged. The final battle had begun...

A/N: Ok Zoom_The_Kid, this is your intro. I hope you like it. I just started it a few hours ago, and I just kept writing till my brain ran out of ideas. Anyway, I may or may not get back to writing more, since I'm trying to obtain a part time job for the summer. Also, I need to study for my repeat exams in August for the subjects I failed during last week (Computer Architecture and Java Programming). Anyway, remember ZTK, now that you're part of the story, you're in it forever! "FOOREEVVEEEERRR". "Pinkie, what the buck, did we not have a long conversation about breaking the fourth wall?", "Nope". "Oh, well alright then, continue". "Okie-Dokie-Loki. OK, I'm allowed to end the Author's note on one condition. I have to keep it short and sweet, like my cupcakes! Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading this, and, um Stephen?". "Yeah". "Can I say it? PLEEEEAAAAASSEEE?". "Ok, since you said please, I'm giving your permission to use my catchphrase, but pony version only!". "YAAAAYYYY!. Ok everypony, KEEP KICKING FLANK! THAT IS ALL!".

Comments

[Zoomwar]

Epic way for me to get in.

[clearshot01]

550666
Thanks. I just wrote it that way the second I thought of it

[IkioStar]

Ok...Things to fix. Your story needs more descriptive elements and emotion, as I feel like I'm reading the summary of the story I actually want to read. Second, wall of text. Make It disappear please. Your story would work better with proper spacing and even paragraphs. Third, Dialogue. Each new speaker should be accented by a different paragraph, and each new paragraph should be spaced between each other, unless you are indenting them. It would help if you cut back on your dialogue as well. Fourth, momentum, or timeline of events. Your story moves a little too fast. Along with the fact that your characters adjusted far too easily to their, (as they experience it), new bodies, your spacing of time seems a little inadequate. If you wanted the story to feel as if it was moving faster than it should, your word choice should have been a little darker and heavier, so as to show stress. Believe it or not, (GO RIPLEYS!), emotion plays a key factor in storytelling, and I suggest you find an editor to help you with your writing, and quickly.