(Don't let the name dissuade you. Again, if you find an error, inform me.)
You rolled around in bed, sleep having long since released its tenuous hold on your conscious mind. It was only six in the morning, and you knew that Sunburst would likely still be asleep. You didn’t want to do a run, since you didn’t want to take any unnecessary risks while in Manehattan. It wasn’t that you couldn’t handle yourself, it was just that if you did have to take matters into your own hooves, it could get messy, and that wouldn’t be a desired outcome. Instead, you spent another half hour desperately trying to bid the merciful release of sleep to return.
Finally, enough was enough, and you crawled out of bed, and to the bathroom. You quickly took a shower, and after finishing up in the bathroom, you went to the kitchen. You stopped dead in your tracks as soon as you entered the kitchen, though, as you saw, and remembered, what the kitchen looked like. You gingerly picked your way through the kitchen, and the living room, and you exited the apartment. It had been a while since you went up to the roof, but you desired the tranquility provided by the view, and the remarkable lack of noise from the city below.
The entire building was quite tall, and so it took you almost fifteen minutes to make it all the way to the roof. The sun had long since risen, so you didn’t get to enjoy the sunrise, but you still got to enjoy the beauty offered by the impressive cityscape sprawling before you. Your apartment was far from the tallest building in Manehattan, but for the area, it was the tallest, and so that afforded you an uninterrupted view for quite some distance in nearly every direction.
And, yet, even with the tranquility provided by the view, you couldn’t get your mind off of Applejack, and the entire situation that you’ve put her in. And to make matters worse, this probably could have been avoided, had you simply taken the initiative to deal with Scootaloo before she found the letter. Hay, if you hadn’t hid the letter outside your home this could’ve been avoided. Better still, your sister could have simply not written the letter!
No. I can only control what I do. No matter how much I want to, I can’t change what others do, only how I react to it. You approached the edge of the building, and you looked over the edge. There were already ponies making their way along the street, and the road was beginning to fill with some carriages heading to work, or taking their cargo to some new warehouse. You pulled your head back from the edge, and you took a seat, staring once more up into the vast blue infinity of the sky.
You were lying in that position when some pony made their way up to the roof. It wasn’t that strange, so you didn’t divert your gaze. What was strange, though, was the fact that the pony hadn’t said anything to you yet. It used to be that when you came up here anypony that came up would offer a greeting of some sort. Whether it was a polite ‘hello,’ or a simple grunt to acknowledge your existence, there was always something.
“I figured I’d find you up here.” Sunburst’s voice confirms your suspicions, but you don’t make any moves to look at her.
“Yeah. I woke up early, and so I came up here.” The sound of hoofsteps grew louder, gradually, as Sunburst came closer to where you were lying down. “We should get going soon. Our first stop isn’t very far, but I want to hit as many places as we can today.”
She spoke your name, and so you rolled over to look at her, but instead of a smile on her face, as she used to have whenever she used your name, she was serious. You adjusted your position until you were seated, and you motioned for her to start.
“Why are you doing this? I understand that you like her, hell, maybe you love her. But what you’re planning is just stupid. They have more goons than you could ever hope to beat, they’ve got more hiding holes than you could ever hope to find. What you’re trying to do is noble, brave, and undeniably adorable, but it’s a stupid, stupid, thing to do.” She moved a step closer, and she placed a hoof on your chest. “You’re one stallion. One stallion against the greater part of Manehattan’s criminal underground. What chance do you have?”
You brushed aside Sunburst’s hoof, and you stood. It only just struck you that you were taller than your sister, and for just a moment she had the tiniest spark of fear in her eyes. “I may just be one stallion, but I’m not going to just give up because it’s going to be hard. If I die, at least I’ll know that I tried.” You allow a small smile to grace your lips as you remember a small running joke that had run between you and your sister for years. “But, what are the chances of me dying? Just like that old doll of yours, I’m indestructible.”
“I still hate you for what you did to it.”
The moment of family bonding persists for a moment, and then you move past your sister, and towards the stairwell. “Come on, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover.”
You walked out of the warehouse, a slight limp plaguing your every step. Sunburst followed behind you, but she kept a good distance between you and her. After walking just a few feet you finally just sat down, and you raised your left front hoof to your face, so you could get a better look at it. There didn’t seem to be anything visibly wrong with it, so you just shook it out, hoping for the throbbing to stop.
“Jeez, bro, I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“That creep was asking for it. And it was a good way to vent some frustration. Besides, it’s not like he’ll remember what happened.”
“Still, just one punch to take that stallion down? He was a full head taller than you are.”
“Size isn’t everything.” You gingerly placed your hoof back on the ground, and it seemed to be less painful, but it still tingled uncomfortably. “Let’s go get some dinner, and then we’ll hit that last place… Where was it again? Some porn shop?”
“Yeah, Madame Carnal’s Shop of Wondrous Desire. It’s one of the most successful shops in the area, although I don’t know whether it’s for the shop, or the prostitution ring in the back.”
“Either way, it’s next on our hit parade. Now let’s go, I’m famished.” And so you both made your way to a little diner on the corner, tastefully named Diner 69. The two of you quickly got a table, and you began looking at the menu. It all seemed palatable enough, so when the waitress came over you and your sister both placed your orders.
Your drinks came quickly enough, and so you let your mind wander just a bit. Before you could dive into a topic for mental exercise, though, you caught a tiny snippet of some conversation that perked your interest. Sunburst began to speak, but you waved her down, and she fell silent.
“… And so this guy tried to take on Lock Jaw. One tiny guy, against Lock Jaw.”
“Heh. Poor kid never stood a chance. So, why’d he attack Lock Jaw anyway? No one’s dumb enough to do that.”
“You’re telling me. Anyway, Red took this kid’s mare, and he tried to attack Lock Jaw, hoping to get her back. I can understand why, though. Mare’s a feisty one. A real looker too.”
“Is she now? She up for public use, or…”
“Nah, Red’s got her in ‘training’ for a special client.”
“Damn. Ah, well. There’s still plenty of tail to chase.”
“Yeah, this one mare I found, she had this thing stuffed up her…”
You quickly tuned out the conversation, no longer interested in where things were headed. You looked back at your sister, and she had a curious look on her face. You shook your head, and she just nodded. You let out a sigh, and then you glanced at the clock over the entrance. You’d been checking out the city for the past eleven hours, and you were no closer to finding Applejack than you were this morning.
The waiter came over before too long, and placed your food in front of you. You looked down at it, suddenly feeling less hungry than you were a minute ago. Still, you managed to eat most of it, knowing that you’d need the energy. Sunburst finishes before you, but she still keeps her silence, knowing that you’d talk about what you’d overheard when you were done.
You finish, and pay, and soon enough you and Sunburst are walking down the street, heading for the porn shop. You quickly explained what you heard, and Sunburst just shook her head.
“Not many mares are able to hold up under the special training. From what I’ve heard it’s a terrible mixture of pleasure, pain, and mental stimulation. It just breaks down the mind, and then rebuilds it for pure pleasure. If we don’t find her soon…”
“Don’t say it. We’ll make it in time. We have to.” Silence fell upon the two of you as you continued making your way down the sidewalk. You looked up at the sky, and you could see that it was nearly the same color as the day you had given AJ her massage. And when you had tucked her in, and given her that quick kiss.
The memories spur you on, and your pace picks up just a tiny bit. Soon you arrive in front of Madame Carnal’s Shop of Wondrous Desire. There’s just a single neon sign to indicate its presence, but it’s enough to attract a fairly steady flow of customers going in, and coming out. You manage to get yourself in line, and you realize just how quickly the line is moving. You move along quickly, and then you enter the door, and you head down several flights of steps before you start to hear the thumping sound of a bass system.
When you finally reach the main store you just stand still for a moment, the images you see searing their way into your mind. There were ‘toys’ everywhere, and even some mares, and stallions, demonstrating their use on themselves, and each other. You made your way through the shelves, looking to see if you could find someone who works here. You pass by a shelf, and despite your focus you can’t help but stop for a minute to stare.
It was a strange pink colored appendage. It had a single large flat area, with four thin extrusions sticking out on one side, and then another thicker, but shorter, appendage sticking out on the side. A mare approached, and picked it up, before looking at you.
“Hey there, my name’s Bucking Wild, welcome to Madame Carnal’s Shop of Wondrous Desire! Are you interested in this hand?”
“This what?”
“It’s a hand. Based on some ancient mythological creatures, or something. All I know is that they’re great for some serious foreplay. Want a demonstration?”
“Sweet Celestia, no! I’m not here for toys, I’m here to see the living merchandise.” Her eyes quickly narrowed, and her tone changed from teasing to serious.
“Oh. Well then follow me. And say nothing till we reach the back.” You nod, and Sunburst follows you, her face red from the strain of holding back her laughter. The mare you followed led you through the back door of the place, past two mares doing unspeakable things to each other, and then you were going down a new hallway. There were dozens of doors leading off the hallway, and from behind some of them you could hear some groaning, or shouting. You even heard the word human shouted from behind another door, and you marveled at the absurdity of the situation.
After several more doorways you were ushered into a small room with a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling by a wire. There was a table in the middle of the room, with a chair on either side. You took one seat, and then you waited. Your patience was rewarded soon enough, as an earth pony eventually entered, and took a seat opposite you.
”So, kid, you looking for something quick and dirty, or you looking to get involved?”
“I’m looking for a pimp, actually. He’s stolen something of mine, and I aim to get it back.”
“Look, kid.” His tone quickly grew agitated, and you knew you needed to wrap this up before he found out why you were really here. “We ain’t in the business of being honest. If he’s got something of yours, just accept it, and move on. I mean, what, did he take one of yer girls?”
“Yeah, that’s what he did. And I aim to get her back.”
The stallion heaved a sigh, and then he put his hooves down on the table. “You ain’t a pimp, are you? You ain’t even interested in a quickie, or nothing. You just want your mare, and that’s it?”
“Yes.”
“Fuckin’ white knights… Fine, what’s her name, cutie mark, and coat color?”
“Wait, are you serious?”
A small smile grew on the face of the stallion, and he nodded. “Yeah, kid. I am. I see a tiny bit of myself in you, and I wonder what would’ve become of me if I’d done what you’re doing. I mean, do you know what could happen to you if you said the wrong thing? Or if you pissed off the wrong stallion?”
“Yeah, I do. And the stallion I pissed off is Red.”
“Shit. Kid, your mare’s screwed. Short of a miracle, you ain’t getting her back.” The stallion turned to look into the shadows behind him, and then he looked back at you. “If she hasn’t been shipped off already, you’ll find her at Dock seventeen. It’s a warehouse along the river. You’ll need to hit it around midnight if you want the best chance.” The stallion leaned close, and you leaned in as well. “Kid, don’t be like me. Not all the mares and stallions in this business chose it. I know I didn’t. Save her. Save her, or die trying, because if you’re going through all this for her, then you won’t be able to live without her.”
Gaaahhhhh!!! I can't wait to see what's gonna happen!
Moooooooaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
Hooley shet.
GAH! the suspence is killing me *gets out the write faster whip*
This reminds me of the movie Taken a bit.
WHERE Du FUCK DID I PUT MY SHOTGUN
more or i get my gatling gun. (i really have one)
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952849 Ok, now I kinda wanna see the character go all crazy fighting like in Taken. Bring on the righteous fury!
Dammit she's going to die isn't she? You've brought her along for all this and now you're going to kill her?
Wait, no....no you're not, the tone isn't right for that. You'll injure her instead. Saving him. I'll bet bits on it.
Me at the start:
Me about half way through:
Me at the end:
Obligatory cause I forgot it last chapter:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5302-shitst.jpg
I require more!
Dayum.
This.
Is.
EPIC
You would think that just by mentioning the Element of Honesty (a national treasure by all rights) has gone missing. You would have undercover cops coming out of the woodworks.... Why is this one story making me all sorts of anxious?
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go punch a wall because of the suspense.
I keep reading this and I keep getting all....
Suspense! Why you so suspenseful!!!?!?!?!?
953710 Same!
I demand that these stories start coming out faster they are really good.
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I need to know what happens next! MOAR!
Dock 17 RUUN
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954048 Yeah, I started to get that feeling...
Mass reply time!
952654 Me neither! This is good stuff, isn't it? So... Suspenseful. -pulls out popcorn- Can't wait for the next chapter!
952659 I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I thought you said more, but I'm not quite sure.
952765 Let's leave my poo out of this. I know it's holey and all, but that's a problem I'm dealing with... And I'll thank you not to bring it up again...
952767 Please, sir! Stop whipping me! It makes my writing get darker, and AJ's chances of survival begin to drop!
952849 Yeah, I suppose. Never saw it, but I read some synopses.
952899 Why not indeed? I'd answer here, but I've already taken care of this question. Read this, and your questions shall be answered.
952952 Did you check behind the sofa? It's where I keep mine.
952988 Quite impressive. Perhaps you should... I dunno, really. Thanks for the comment, I suppose.
953011 Strong the force is, with this one.
953090 There may be some combat. Just wait and see.
953138 Oops. I'll have to fix that! And yes, shit has become real. The fake shit has transformed into real shit.
953197 I will say nothing regarding this. Other than the fact that -redacted- is going to -redacted-. Hope that clears things up.
953313 I sense some anger in you. Perhaps you should take a quick breather. Or continue to be enthusiastic for my writing, that is good too.
953440 Don't we all? Trust me, as soon as I write the next chapter it'll be up here.
953462 Oh, you. You'll make me blush.
953525 I've answered this already. Read this, and be informed.
953577 Don't do that! What did that wall do to you?
953710 Because without suspense no story would be worth reading.
953784 Yes, we all like our suspense. It leaves us wanting more, but it is always beyond our reach.
954004 I can only write so fast! And I have a job, so that takes up a big amount of time. And thanks for the compliment.
954048 I also want to know what happens next! The suspense is killing me!
954186 You'll never make it in time! Mwahahahahaha! Nah, I'm kidding. Or am I?
954321 All of my yes. I... Just... yes. He's going to say that now.
955136 Don't we all get that feeling?
955511 That wall watches me when I sleep, I KNOW IT.
955642 Oh. Well, in that case, beat the living shit out of it. Teach it a thing or two about watching you sleep.
I really hate to sound mean, because you are definitely a good writer, and this story was just an engrossing read thus far. I mean, the characters are true to themselves, AJ's relationship, refreshingly, had a modicum of restraint (unlike other fics where the involved parties cant wait to slobber all over each other or more at the word "go"), it was adorable, and heart wrenching when Scoot found the letter, and was devestated.
I really liked this story right up to when AJ and the reader's character went to that bar, and she got kidnapped. I felt that was really dumb, in that "who DIDNT see that coming?" Kind of way, leading me to skim the latest chapter with halfhearted interest, hoping it would pick up again.
Again, wonderful story, and utterly adorable, but my interest just fell through the floor towards the end. If the endng, however, blows my mind, I'll be sure to delete this comment, and fill it with far more praise akin to my first points
955511 I'm always angry, if I wasn't then my ego would consume me and I'd be nothing but insanity and chemistry books...
955869 Every story has it's shortcomings, and mine happens to be a measure of predictability in these kinds of situations. With all the different stories out in the wild world of writing there is bound to be a measure of predictability. There's just so much out there that things like this are bound to happen.
Was it obvious? I don't really think so. Sure, after a certain point it was quite clear, but up until you actually read it, did you see it coming? I'll admit, some things in this are cliched, but that's just how things go. I don't really put a ton of thought into any of these chapters. Really, I just write them, and then post them without doing a lick of editing, or anything like that. Nor do I plan anything major out ahead of time. I'm not trying to tell you that your opinion is wrong, far from it. I'm just trying to explain why it ended up the way it did.
As for the ending? Well, it'll be a bit of a shocker for most. I know I just said that I don't plan things out, but that's not completely true. Since this story is going to be reaching the conclusion fairly soon I need to begin wrapping up the loose ends, and making sure that I know where things are going. If anyone claims that my ending was predictable needs to just... well, I don't know. I can't think of a single instance where the ending I have planned has been used. Either way, thanks for your input. I hope that I don't disappoint, but I can't please everyone.
Suspense is bad and you should feel bad!!!
Nah im kidding, I love this story! Can't wait for the next chapter!
955918 I regret nothing! Nor will I repent my suspenseful ways!
955916
Predictability isnt always bad. I mean, a lot of my favourite stories on here are Shipping stories, where the characters may as well wear bloody neon signs emblazoned with their desires, but it didnt stop them hooking up from being as sweet as expected.
Maybe the problem is me since, now that I think about it, it just felt cheezy, like an 80's action movie, and all the "die trying" stuff seemed to reinforce the thought in my head. I'm sure everyone else took it for the serious scene it was (because I did feel bad AJ got kidnapped), but I couldnt help rolling my eyes when it got to that point.
Again, sorry, because I do like this story, and eagerly await the next chapter. But since I do like this story, thats why I was blunt about how I felt about it. If its any consolation, I started readingg Tenebrae Invenit, and i rather like it!
Also I respect your writing style, too. I wrote "Noise Pollution" similarly, just on the fly, and its pretty fun writing that way
956013 I understand. I'd be offended if you sugar coated your review. As for the cheesiness? Well, the next chapter, I'm working on it right now, is a bit more action-y, and I hope that you find it more to your liking.
Oh, and I'm glad that you are looking at my other works. Although you never finished your sentence....
"If its any consolation, I started readingg Tenebrae Invenit, and" And what!?!? I must know!
955511 ah found it it's time to low up some no good dirtbag ponies sky high!
Shit can't get to equestria
956043
Ugh I know... this website has a nasty habit of crashing my phone, and I guess it decided to hit "submit" mid crash, and before I finshed typing. Refresh and give it a read, please.
To sum it up,the story is good, maybe I'm just a sardonic tool, and Tenebrae Invenit is good so far.
You cliffhanging little bastard... I MUST HAVE MOAR
956079 Ahh. Yes. I see it now.
956242 You didn't just walk away. You first got beat to hell. Then you left.
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“Oh. Well then follow me. And say nothing till we reach the back.” You nod, and Sunburst follows you, her face red from the strain of holding back her laughter. The mare you followed led you through the back door of the place, past two mares doing unspeakable things to each other, and then you were going down a new hallway.
reminds me of the fast and the furious movies. Whenever the characters are walking to the back of a shop, there's ALWAYS lesbians doing shit.
> "Size isn't everything."
> Previous chapter - 'Size Trumps Determination'
But anyway, a great chapter...but another cliffhanger?!
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955511 Oddly enough that is indeed very enlightening.
956872 Size isn't everything, that's true. But I never said that determination was what it took to beat size.
957743 Yeah, I know I need to work on showing and not telling. But as far as editing goes, well... Not a single chapter of this, or any of my stories has ever seen an editor. These are all put up pretty much as soon as I finish writing them, unless I spot something glaringly obvious. But I do appreciate your criticism, and I do intend to come back to all the chapters, once I finish the whole thing, and making the whole thing flow a bit better.
I'm still confused. How long after "Rising Sun" is this?
*Possible Spoiler*
(Or is it still in that one year dream because Storm is married to Rainbow and RS isn't even complete.)
Dayum!!!!!!
While I understand him not calling the guards and shit.. I cant see the apples not missing said sister after she has been gone, unless its not been as big a time as I think. Sides... an angry Big Mac in fandom is like two Luna's. Shit gets real, the Big Mac happens. Its like.. Nightmare Moon and Discord tried to fight Big Mac, and he just laughed. HE JUST LAUGHED!
958559 The dream sequence that Storm gets involved with ends just a short while after it begins. And this takes place about 1 year after the FINAL chapter of Rising Sun. please note that the FINAL chapter of Rising Sun hasn't been posted yet.
958752 They've been gone for a day. And Applejack told her family that she'd be going.
960574 Major spoilers then...
960630 Not really. I haven't said anything here that would spoil anything for Rising Sun. Other than the fact that Storm gets with RD, which was obvious.
960673 Well, yeah. I was about to change the comment so that it wouldn't say "major". But it could've gone different (key word: could've). Or you can retcon the comment (and prevent Word of God) and make this part of the dream (which would definitely be a mind-blow to those who read and didn't.)