Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Case #5: 300 Coupons
Several Months Later...
“All parties in the matter of Pincher versus Dough, step forward please!” Noble Cause said with a snap in his step. Fetching the proper folder in his teeth, he walked ceremonially up the dais to the throne where Celestia sat. Leaning a bit he placed it before her. She smiled and nodded once, reaching to flip it open as he turned and was away.
A pair of mares were standing behind either of the tables, frowning over their own papers and folders of evidence. Celestia coughed once for attention, then stamped a hoof to call for quiet. “Order please,” she didn’t even have to raise her voice. The radio show Upon the Throne of Justice had grown so popular over the past months that everyone knew the procedures now. Rather pleased, she deferred to Noble Cause once more.
“Your majesty this is case number 40723 in the matter of Pincher versus Dough, parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready,” Noble related, going to stand in his usual guarding spot to her left and down the dais stairs.
“Thank you, Noble,” Celestia said, shuffling a paper or two. “Miss Penny Pincher,” she looked to the pale-with-scarlet-mane’d mare to her left. “I understand you are suing Madam Sour Dough and her associated business— a pretzel, bread and cakes shop— for false advertising and wrongfully refusing service,” Celestia looked up, cocking her head.
The earth pony mare nodded, “Yes your Majesty.”
There were a few moments silence, so Celestia had to continue. “V-very well, I have an open account here, but why don’t you lay out the events for the court’s records?”
“Well you see, my family and I fell on hard times some time ago,” Penny Pincher said, looking to one side with wilted ears. “I have four foals you see. My husband works two jobs and I watch all the children and make sure everyone’s fed, doing their schoolwork and so on.”
“Being a stay at home mother is as ambitious as any career, I can more than wager,” Celestia acknowledged. “And a noble cause to boot,” she added. All around Equestria, the stay-at-home mothers were smirking in delight as they listened to the show over the radio.
“Yes well, I always had some hours where the kids were away at school and the garden had already been tended,” Penny Pincher said, making a circular you-know-what-I-mean sort of gesture with her hoof. “The housework is pretty easy to keep up with, and so on.” Celestia nodded patiently as she spoke. This was a diligent housewife, she could tell. “So, I took to coupon-clipping to help with our finances. I’m quite good with numbers, I just wasn’t quite smart enough to become a banker or an accountant,” she cocked her head sadly. “But my husband takes as good of care of us as he can, financially.”
“Are you on government welfare, Miss Pincher?” Celestia asked, pawing through the paperwork in front of her.
“Oh no, there’s ponies out there that’re way worse off than we are!” Penny looked just a little bit miffed at the idea of being on food stamps or something of the sort. “I’ll admit we’re borderline, but we stay afloat just barely with all the time and effort we put in.”
“I see,” Judge Celestia nodded.
“To ease the stress of our money problems even just a little, like I said, I took to coupon-clipping and smart shopping. It makes for some weird dinners, odd furniture and such, but we get by,” she said, a certain ache in her eyes.
“I understand,” Celestia said. “So how did you come across Madam Sour Dough and the bread shop in question?”
“Well, there was an ad in the newspaper,” Penny Pincher said, ruffling through her papers and picking up a clipping. The alicorn gestured and Noble Cause went to fetch it. Holding it expertly under his wing, he extended it so she could take it from him when he arrived before her. A single feather fell from him as she did so. He looked horrified, but a flick of Celestia’s magic sent it under her pillow and out of sight before anyone might see. Noble composed himself, almost sighing in relief before returning to his post.
The Princess held up the ad and read it aloud, “One free large pretzel.” She scanned it over for expiration dates, limits and so on. There were none. “I see, so you saw this coupon and clipped it out, then went to claim said pretzel?”
“Mhm!” Penny Pincher said. “Being in my situation, free food is something I need to pounce on when I can. Happy foals and a healthy hubby are my top priorities!”
“So what happened next?” Celestia asked.
“Well the first pretzel I thought was a good reward for myself, being done with all the housework and gardening for the day. It’s bread, so it’s an okay staple food if you eat it while it’s soft. The cooks there were even kind enough to keep the salt off so I could call it halfway healthy!” There was some tittering laughter from the five or six ponies that knew how to cook in the audience. Large, fluffy pretzels were technically a bread, but not the healthiest thing in the world. “Anyhoo, I was sitting on a bench outside the shop, when I saw somepony throw away a newspaper in a bin next to me.”
“Ah, I see,” Celestia could see where this was going.
“It wasn’t even rumpled, so I took it out and saw it still had the same coupon inside. Same as the one I’d just used. Another free pretzel!” Penny Pincher looked excited at the very idea. “So I got to thinking—!”
“What if you went looking and gathered a great many coupons?” Celestia said with a sly nod. “And got many, many pretzels to take home to your family?”
“That’s exactly right!” Penny said, feeling rather clever about herself. “So over the next week or so I went a’looking, and I found quite a few. Ponies don’t use coupons as much as they should, they could save a lot of money!”
“I imagine so,” said Celestia gently. Her eyes flicked over at Sour Dough. The mare had not moved or made comment since they’d begun. The well-mannered thing was waiting patiently to be addressed. “Sour Dough, did Penny Pincher come to your shop with a plethora of these free pretzel coupons and demand to have them all at once?”
“That’s right, your majesty,” Sour Dough nodded. “We counted them out on the counter, she had around three hundred of them! I only had five hundred printed in the local newspaper!”
“I see, that’s quite a bulk order all at once. What happened next?”
“Well she came in wanting three hundred free pretzels and we told her we couldn’t do it. Makin’ all those all at once would stagger my orders for a week, and I would’ve lost a lot of business! You know— PAYING business,” Sour Dough shook her head. “I keep about a dozen big pretzels in the display case every day. I gave her all those straight away, but I told her I couldn’t make all the rest right away. I had wedding cakes, banana breads, and other stuff that had to be seen to before her.”
“Did she get upset? What did she say?”
“She said that she’d done all the work to gather up the free Pretzel things, and she wanted them right then.” Sour Dough said… well… sourly. “I turned her away and told her to come back tomorrow.” Celestia looked over at Penny Pincher, who nodded that it was true. “So she came back the next day and got a dozen more, then the next day for a dozen more, finally on the fifth day I told her no more free food for her.”
“Why is that?” Celestia said.
“Those free big pretzels were for everypony! Everypony that got a newspaper that might wanna stop into our little shop!” Sour Dough said with a stamp of her hoof. “Then this Penny Pincher lady comes in with more than half of the ones I had printed and wants them all for herself! It’s just greedy and wrong!” she pointed accusingly at Penny.
Penny Pincher shook a hoof at her opponent. “I’m a good coupon clipper! I was just looking out for my hungry family!”
“Silence,” Celestia said less gently than before. Noble Cause flinched in the tips of his feathers. “You’re not to argue with each other, merely speak to me when spoken to.” Both mares quieted, looking guiltily at their own papers. Clearing her throat a bit, the Princess picked up the ad again and studied it. “I do notice, Sour Dough, that your coupon is rather plain. It doesn’t say anything about an expiration date, limiting one per customer, or anything of the sort.”
“N-no, your Majesty,” Sour Dough wilted. “I had my oldest daughter make the design, and she’s nine. I didn’t think about putting any fine print on it, I just sent it off to be printed.”
“That’s very honest of you to say, My Little Pony,” the Princess smiled a bit. “You understand there is not much I can do about miss Pincher’s… dedicated coupon-finding,” Celestia said, placing the ad back into her folder. “Fine print is specifically made to protect this sort of thing from happening. As a small business, I imagine this is the first time you’ve been exposed to this type of consumer. However, I do want to go into a bit more detail with you, Miss Pincher.”
“Your Majesty?” Penny Pincher asked, perking.
“You must understand that although yes, you were very clever to do this to gather food for your family, going into any business and demanded three hundred of anything is rarely going to work out well,” Celestia stretched her wings and then refolded them. “Your dozen-per-day is clearing out the display case at this establishment and nopony else is having any at all, much less paying for them.”
“I’m okay with that,” said the mare a little bit boldly.
“P …perhaps,” said Celestia with just a grain of salt. Noble chanced a look over his shoulder. The Princess’ subtle facial changes were betraying a strained sort of patience, like a mothering hen coaxing the last chick into the nest. “As there are no expiration dates on these coupons, and no limit-per-customer notes either, this court cannot regulate their use in any way.”
“Yes!” Penny shrieked, thrusting a hoof into the air. “I can put tons of them in our freezer, they’ll last for months!” her eyes were darting back and forth on a calendar only she could see, planning the use of all the free food she was about to receive.
“However, I must caution you, Miss Pincher,” Celestia said. “If you were to go and claim all of this food all at once, the shop in question may go under for not filling its other orders on time, as Madam Sour Dough said.” She gestured lightly. “Things are tight in your household, would you put another household at risk for the benefit of your own?”
Penny’s ears wilted. She didn’t dare look over her shoulder at the audience behind her. She knew thousands of ponies were listening over the radio. “I… I suppose not,” she sighed.
“Therefore, on Madam Sour Dough’s behalf, I will make this request. Not an order by the court by any means, but a request from your Princess,” Celestia said. “Limit yourself to six of your free big pretzels per day. That is one for you, your husband, and each of your foals everyday as long as your coupons last. In addition, that will leave six more in the display case every day for other ponies to purchase and keep Sour Dough’s business running in the meantime.”
“I… I can do that, yeah,” Penny Pincher finally agreed, nodding. Celestia looked over at Sour Dough. The mare didn’t look happy, but seemed more relieved than before.
“I imagine you’ll be a bit more careful making your coupons from now on, Sour Dough?” Celestia smiled gently. Sour Dough nodded slowly. “Very well then,” she straightened. “Judgement is for the plaintiff in the amount of zero bits. That is all.” She stamped a hoof to end the case.
=-=-=-=-=
Noble Cause knocked lightly on the Judge’s chambers. “Enter,” said her muffled voice. Celestia smiled when she saw who it was. “Losing feathers to stress, my little stallion?” she asked playfully, for she was playing with his lost feather from earlier. She dipped it into the ink well on her desk and wrote his name with some rather impressive calligraphy.
Noble went hot in the face, his sandy-furred face going scarlet. Having feathers nice enough to write with was a high compliment to any pegasus , but seeing the Princess write with one of his feathers! Wow! “I thought I would come check on you,” he said, taking off his helm as the door closed behind him. “You seemed a little stressed today, is all.”
“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” Celestia smiled just a little tiredly, setting the feather down and going to the hearth. Sitting by the fire, she flicked her tail about until it was comfortable. Noble stared dumbly, but soon went to join her. The past few months had been rather kind to their quote-unquote relationship. Though rumor was rampant through the castle, somehow it had been contained therein. Most ponies weren’t willing to gossip about their princess to others, much less about her un-confirmed relationships. Heck, a few years ago ponies were saying Celestia planned to get together with national hero Twilight Sparkle! How silly was that?! They weren’t about to pay attention to this new rumor of some super-stud lighting up Celestia’s bedroom either.
Noble Cause smiled quietly, for he knew she enjoyed pregnant silence. He leaned into her without letting his cold armor touch her sides. She laid her head down to rest a moment, and he planted a chaste kiss on the top of her head. Smiling playfully, he extended his small wing over her head to block out the world for her. Her horn poked up through his primary pinions, then wiggled back and forth a bit. She giggled despite herself. They shared a long, warm quiet. Noble stroked Celestia’s shoulders and back with a firm hoof. She purred quietly, eyes fluttering closed after a time.
Poof-! Magic split the quiet moment of comfort when a scroll burst into existence before then. Snatching it before it rolled into the fire, Celestia popped the purple wax seal, “Ah, mail from Twilight!” she said. “Let’s see what she’s been up to lately, huhm?” Noble Cause smiled and nodded. He’d witnessed about half a dozen Twilight Sparkle letters in the past few months, and they were always interesting. Celestia unrolled the scroll and a polaroid photo fluttered out. It danced about like a leaf, so Noble pawed around to catch it before finally seizing it on the floor. He brought it to his nose as Celestia murmured over the letter.
In the picture was a black, crystalline stallion. He was on crutches for his front legs, and was looking rather timidly at the camera. Strange, skeletal wings hung heavy on his sides, almost touching the floor. The picture barely showed his details at all, and only the whites of his eyes were sticking out much at all. Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon were standing next to him, beaming. “Hey, isn’t this—?!” Noble gasped, eyes widening.
“Steel Wing,” Celestia murmured, shifting uncomfortably. “My sister’s attempted assassin. My most faithful student has finally found a way to reassemble him from all the pieces.” She paused to glance at the nearby calendar. “Sixteen months, she should be commended for learning a new branch of advanced magic so quickly. She’ll make archmage before she’s thirty, the brilliant mare.”
“What happens now, then?” Noble whispered, all too aware of the shields that were rising up in Celestia’s expression and mood.
“Now we go to court and decide his fate, Noble.” Celestia rose with a flourish of her wings. “I must fetch my sister. I want you to go and send for Steel Wing. Immediately.”
“Yes, your majesty,” Noble Cause knew the time for play was over. All of Equestria would be tuning for their next case!
End of Part 6
Ice to see that you're back. I also like Steel Wing's return.
Please be gentle on the poor golem pony.
She better bring the Royal Pets as a just in case.
Ooo, plot.
Oh god why?!?!
Anywho
__________
I hope they forgive Steel Wing, after all, he did save Luna ... kinda in the end and fought his programming for his favorite Princess. That and it'd be a cute ship, especially if they EoH can make him a real pony via Transmorgification.
Well now, I must say this was an interesting case.
And it seems next chapter will be the state vs. Steel Wing in the case of attempted assassination of Princess Luna? That could make for a very awkward case...especially if Luna insists on being Steel Wing's defense attorney.
...although personally, I don't think the persona of Steel Wing can ethically be held responsible for the actions compelled from him by Sombra and his basic programming, especially since said persona was created specifically to conceal those two things, and said persona was able to - against magical law - override the base programming and command magic in order to save Luna at the last minute.
That's definitely going to be an interesting case.
Seems like Steel Wing's only act of free will was sacrificing it/himself to save Luna, and pancake Sombra.
Putting it/him on trial for Sombra's crimes is not only a dick move, but it makes the premature assumption that Steel is competent to stand trial.
YES! Oh man, I've been waiting for this. If I remember correctly, he threw himself in front of a blast to protect Luna, and was blown to pieces. Now I'm hyped for the next chapter.
These puns (especially on my name, don't think I didn't notice that!) are killing me.
Also, YAY for Steel Wing's return! This is awesome~
5488124 Actually no, he just rammed Sombra through the barrier and then fell.... five stories I think, probably landing on top of said baddie too.
5488529 Either way, he definitely took one for the team.
I was checking your status just the other dsy, it's great to see an update. You were the first author I followed on this site, and this is the latest in a long line of amazing storirs
5488539 Plus one has to consider that he was actively under Sombra's control during his misdeeds as he wouldn't obey otherwise, I don't think there's too much legal standing against him there, it's like trying to blame a murder on a knife instead of the one using said knife, just doesn't work, resentment might be held towards the knife at some level but the focus should be on the one who wielded it, a pony which in this case I think is dead.
5488596 Pretty sure all of this holds for me too, actually. I forget if you were the first I followed or not.
5488539 After he betrayed Luna. Taking out Sombra doesn't excuse his earlier treason.
5487818
Either is acceptable. I personally almost never see it rendered as anywho.
5488117
Sort of, you have to understand, a trial is needed to clear his name, not necessarily blame him for Sombra's crimes. Also, we don't know what the letter said, it could have said that he is fit for trial. Or perhaps it said that he wants to face trial to clear his name.
5490396
I've never in all the books / stories I've read seen anyhoo used in the written word, or spoken (although people who only spell by sounding out the letters I can see it almost, but never have I seen it in professional work, or any story so far. Yet as you can see in fics that usually use the Wisconsin, mid-west accent (which the word is mostly used / Rare's family) is anywho. It's synonymous with anyways or anyhow.
5489355 What happened to Steel Wing can't even be called duress. Sombra basically flipped a switch that turned him into remote controlled crystal robot. He was some sort of advanced gollum that gained sentience (I'm assuming through friendship.) It would be like if someone forced Robin Williams' character in Bicentennial Man to do something bad, and his programming forced him to comply. If Luna truly hadn't forgiven Steel Wing by this point, she could have just swept his pieces away into the garbage instead if having Twilight reconstruct him. Besides, it's been a while since I read the original, but didn't he sacrifice himself to save Luna? In a magic based society, I'm sure that there are clauses in their legal system that account for actions under mind-control. Otherwise, Lyra Heartstrings and a number of other ponies would have been arrested for being an accomplice to kidnapping royalty, aside from aiding a foreign power during an invasion. My two cents at least.
I just noticed a minor error. Even though Penny Pincher is married, she's still referred to as "Miss" throughout. That is only used for a woman who is not married. "Ms." or "Mrs." is the correct ones to use ("Ms." is used if you have no idea whether she's married or not, or if the woman in question wants to keep it ambiguous. "Mrs." is used if you know the woman is married, or if the woman doesn't care whether people know she is).
5494993 You are right on all accounts.
However, his name is still tarnished in the eyes of the public, and he resisted Sombra while still under Sombra's command, which brings the whole mind control argument into serious doubt.
After Judge Luna turned from an interesting fic about equestrian law into a torture porn, I'm kind of afraid to give this one a try.
I don't know if this is threatening or sexual, but I'm slightly aroused either way.
5696222
In the words of Spike Spiegal,pics.me.me/allani-memanga-quote-t-unblr-com-i-love-the-kind-13824921.png
Cletus did the same thing to Marge in one episode of The Simpsons