Case #1: The Arcade Machine
Judge Celestia: Upon the Throne of Justice
Case #1: The Arcade Machine
Princess Celestia stared at the little microphone that had been placed in front of her. It was black, short, and unintrusive. It didn’t stick up far enough to be seen by those below the dais of the throne, but it still looked up at her like an expectant foal. After the poor thing had been dismantled, scanned for dark magic, had half its parts replaced and been loaded down with kill-switches and other doodads, it had finally been deemed fit for her majesty’s use.
After the events and eventual fall of the ‘Judge Luna’ show, ponies from all over the nation had been clamoring for more, despite the events that had befallen her poor sister. It had taken over a year to convince Celestia that something akin might be a good idea. After all, if ponies showed an interest in their government, shouldn’t they be able to at least listen in? It was hard for Celestia to say no, since all of her decisions and rulings were public knowledge anyway. If her little ponies wanted to listen in live each day, that certainly didn’t seem to hurt anything.
So, after much preparation and careful selection of staff (along with Luna’s blessing, mind you), posters started appearing. Once per week, Princess Celestia would broadcast the Noon Day Court over the radio and ponies the nation-over could listen in. Of course there was plenty to be worried about in terms of security, trusted staff, and timing. The Princess’ only firm request was that half of the royalties go to a list of charities she’d named off. This was quickly agreed to, of course, and after months of prep-time—it was finally time for the show to start. They’d nicknamed it ‘Upon the Throne of Justice’, which Celestia thought was silly, but it wasn’t about her—it was about fairly deciding cases. She’d let them name it how they wanted, so long as nothing interfered with anypony’s day in court.
It was high noon when ponies in-the-know turned to their radios to 106.9, pausing during their lunch breaks or simply stopping work. First episodes were important after all! If Princess Celestia was going to be on the radio, this was going to be historic!
Dun dun dun dunnnnn!
You are about to enter the Noon Day Court of Princess Celestia.
The ponies are real!
The cases are real!
And the rulings are final!
Join us—Upon the Throne of Justice!
Celestia fought a little giggle at the announcer that echoed lightly through the room. As soon as the stallion was done with his announcing, he quickly sat and didn’t make another peep. Well, at least he was respectful, she thought. He wasn’t going to make commentary or anything, it was merely going to be her normal court day with a few microphones placed around the room. She cleared her throat just a little, “Noble Cause?” she asked softly.
The armored stallion turned, saluting. Coming easily up the steps of the throne, he gave Celestia a marked folder. “Your majesty this is case number #001337 in the matter of Mash versus Bio-Mare. Parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready,” He bowed then returned to his post nearby.
Celestia glanced through the folder a few times, noting the pictures and highlighted phrasing. She looked up at the two ponies that were before her. One to her left, one to her right, both behind tables. One was a brown stallion with a curled mustache. The other was a slick-maned middle-aged mare with a broad smile. “Please state your names and vocations?” the sun princess asked.
“I’m Game Mash!” said the stallion, “I own a small arcade in Ponyville,” he said, turning over a colorful sign to show her. Celestia nodded, looking the other way.
“I’m Digi Paint,” said the mare. “I represent the gaming company Bio-Mare.” She gave a short and curt bow.
“I understand, Game Mash, that you are suing the company Bio-Mare because…” she paused and looked down at her notes. “Because of false advertising?” the stallion nodded smartly. “Please explain.”
“Well, I’m getting up there in the years and I don’t always know what’s cool to the kids these days,” Game Mash smiled a little, cocking his head to one side. “So, whenever I get a new game for my arcade, I run it by my son Button Mash.”
“How old is your son?” the Princess asked.
“He’s eleven,” Game Mash said, holding up a quick picture. On it was a colt leaning intently over an arcade cabinet, his tongue sticking out to one side. “Since it’s mostly foals and birthday parties at my arcade, I gotta make sure every game there is fun and not just some gimmicky contraption that won’t make me money.”
“Understandable. I have quite the board gaming collection, but I do read reviews before I buy,” Celestia related. A few ponies in the pew’d audience behind them whispered amongst themselves. “Tut-tut, now,” Celestia hushed them so Game Mash could speak and be heard. They quieted.
“Well, arcade games aren’t cheap so I let Button Mash run through a game for a week or so, and then see what he thinks. Since my target demograph is kids his age, if he doesn’t like it I send it back,” Game Mash said. “Being that each cabinet can run about forteen hundred bits it can be months before one pays for itself, much less before I start earning a profit.”
“So where does the Bio-Mare company come into this, Mister Mash?” Celestia prodded gently that he should get to the point.
“Er-well, I bought a game from Bio-Mare that was supposed to have different endings, you see. Turns out all the endings are the same!” Game Mash said, slapping the table with a hoof. “I think you’ve got the pictures up there?” he gestured.
Celestia had five pictures in front of her, each portraying the same scene. A group of colorful characters standing in front of a conquered castle, a Princess in tow, with fireworks in the starry sky behind them. The only difference between the five photos appeared to be the color and positioning of the fireworks. Everything else was precisely the same. “Hrm,” said the sun princess with interest. “I hope this isn’t supposed to be me, Miss Digi Paint?” she gestured to the white alicorn princess in the picture. The cutie mark was hidden in the picture behind the flap of a dress, but it did look pretty similar.
“E-er, of course not!” Digi-Paint said. “Somepony just used you as a template, no doubt!” she smiled nervously.
“I’m flattered,” Celestia said mildly. “Now then, how did you obtain these photographs, Mister Mash?”
“My son’s friends come over to play the new games with him when they arrive. It’s a good way to spread the word that the arcade is getting something new,” Mash smiled coyly at his rather genius marketing strategy. “One of them always has a camera with him, and they take pictures of the screen at the end of the games to show they did it. Like a trophy.” He shuffled his papers for a bit, “Then my son and his friends noticed that all five endings for this game were the same, just different-colored fireworks.”
“And what claim has the Bio-Mare company made that this game may have multiple results upon its completion?” Celestia was looking at several pictures of the arcade cabinet itself.
“Well it says so on the cabinet, just here,” he turned over another picture, and gestured for Celestia to find the matching one. It was of the control panel where a foal was supposed to stand to play.
Big Adventure! Choose Your Own Path! Five Different Endings!
“That is a pretty explicit claim, Digi Paint,” Celestia turned to the representative of the Bio-Mare company. “Tell me, is this game advanced enough to have its own story? Or is it merely for a high score?”
“Er, both your majesty, it’s an arcade game,” Digi Paint was trying hard not to sound snobbish. “Bio-Mare prides itself in telling an excellent story, even letting players pick what they want their characters to say during conversations!” she described.
“And your game has an explicit narrative, then? Events that happen in a certain order to tell the story?” Celestia asked.
“Yes, yes of course,” Digi Paint said, nodding a few times.
“Then why claim that your game has multiple endings?” Celestia gestured to the five nearly identical pictures. “Tiny tweaks of color do not seem to make a large difference when it comes to narrative, if your medium is as advanced as you claim.”
Digi Paint blushed hot. “Er-well, each set of fireworks is a different meaning. That might have escaped them since they’re so young.”
“Explain,” Celestia said, fanning the pictures out in front of her to look at each in turn.
“Well, if you get red fireworks at the end, it means that you were mostly attacking enemies with physical force, like swords and bows,” she pointed to one picture. “The blue fireworks are for if you mostly favored magic during your journey,” she gestured to another. “The green means you mostly bypassed enemies,” she pointed again. “The purple are for those that mixed all three in roughly equal amounts,” she turned over one of her papers. “And the rainbow ones are if you mixed them all and found every hidden item in every level.”
“I see, and did the narrative story change based on these factors?” Celestia asked gently.
“Er… no,” Digi Paint finally admitted. “The scripting and fate of the characters is unchanged so long as you cross the finish line.” She stared at the floor, embarrassed. “So long as you traverse all the levels, you still save the Princess and conquer the castle at the end.”
“So the reward screen remains the same regardless,” Celestia turned the pictures back to herself. “But the variations are player-driven, yes?”
“That’s right,” Digi Paint said.
Celestia sat for a time, looking at all five pictures, then she turned back to Game Mash, “Mister Mash, I understand you are sueing Bio-Mare to get your monies back for the arcade cabinet, time wasted and wages lost because of false advertising on the part of Bio-Mare’s cabinet design?”
“Yes your Highness,” Game Mash nodded and his mustache suddenly peeled off, fluttering to the table in front of him. Celestia startled. He snatched it back up and pressed it to his lip before the audience saw, hem-hawing and coughing aloud. The Princess decided not to comment. Suddenly asking about his mustache wouldn’t make much sense over the radio.
“I understand you paid for this cabinet up front and in full?” Celestia asked.
“Yes. Bio-Mare is just about the highest pedigree of gaming company you can ask for,” Game Mash said with respect in his tone. “I have half a dozen of their games in my arcade. I had faith this one would be great like the rest.”
“Did you set this game up in your arcade after your son told you of the false multiple endings?” “Yes I did. No use letting it sit in the corner while I wait for my court date.”
“And little colts and fillies came and played on it, yes?”
“Yes of course.”
“Did they like it?”
“For the most part, yes. The ones that got to the end more than once were mad, though.”
“And you’re here on their part to express anger for false advertising. I understand.”
“That’s right.”
“Did you refund any of their monies when they discovered this falsehood?”
“Well… no, once the bit goes in the machine, it’s in there. It belongs to the arcade. So long as the machine didn’t eat your money, it’s not my fault if they just plain don’t like something.”
“I see,” Celestia said, tap-tapping the photo’s to neaten them and put them together in the folder. “I think I know enough to reach a judgment now,” she smiled. There was a short silence as she thought how to word it. “Digi Paint, I know you are the representative of a far larger company, so do not think my disappointment is for you alone.”
Digi Paint wilted some. She’d lost this one, she knew it.
“I do find that Mister Game Mash is correct. Differently colored fireworks and an identical, scripted story do not constitute a set of ‘multiple endings’. He is correct, this is false advertising on the part of the Bio-Mare gaming company. I am hereby ordering Bio-Mare to re-design their arcade cabinets to exclude this bit of writing here,” she gestured to the part that said ‘Multiple Endings!’
“Yes your Highness,” Digi Paint bowed low and without hesitation.
“However, at the same time, Game Mash, I cannot award you your monies,” Celestia said.
“What!? Why?! They sent me a product that wasn’t what they said it was!”
“Your son’s screening process was correct, and had it ended there I would have granted you a complete refund,” The sun Princess stretched her wings a moment, then refolded them for comfort. “However, despite the poor review Button gave you, you placed the arcade machine in your arcade and made monies from it in the meantime.” She made a sweeping gesture. “This is no different than watching half of a movie, or eating half of a meal. It’s not something that can be resold, repackaged or anything of the sort once it’s been used or tampered with. As long as the product itself is not explicitly defective-- you still used it in your business regardless.”
“They sold me a lie!”
“And knowing this you made monies off of this lie regardless,” Celestia said a little more firmly. “You cannot return a used product to the company that made it and demand a refund. There is wear and tear, safety requirements, and a list of things that they would need to spend time and money to put right—if they could ever sell it as used machine at all,” she closed the folder as she spoke. “I am sorry my little pony, I cannot rule in your favor either. Please be more careful in the future-- and listen more closely to your son when he tells you not to put a game on the floor of your arcade,” she added with a slight smile. Game Mash hung his head miserably. If only he’d listened to Button! Digi Paint looked over at him, then up at the Princess. “My judgement is made. Go in peace, my little ponies,” Celestia bade. Both of them bowed, then turned to go.
“Well there you have it,” said the announcer into his microphone as the audience started to talk and mutter between cases. “Bio-Mare has to change their arcade cabinets, but Game Mash doesn’t get his money back either since he made money off of the machine. Rough time for both parties. See you during the next case!”
End of Case #1
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So does Bio-Mare have to come change the cabinet that Game Mash owns?
I hope that Bio-Mare at least had the decency to release a free patch that put a longer and more elaborate ending sequence that made the difference in outcome plainer and easier to understand. Maybe each different ending having a different narrator?
Yes, I am saying that this is a parable of Mass Effect; I don't think you could have made this any clearer!
4642071 Change to what? All Celestia decreed was that they should drop the Multiple Endings advertising. Also I imagine Celestia is equivalent of the Supreme Court (just an example), I find it quite amusing she'd bother with this kind of stuff.
Aegis! You're alive!
4642287
And the one he owns says that. I'm asking if they have to come change what it says on the one he owns.
Seems like Celestia is fairer when it comes to her judging.
4642071 No, I assume it would be good under the grandfather clause, and the fact that it's his machine now. It isn't a recall.
4642169 Release a patch? This is talking about arcade machines, not a regular gaming console, "patches" are literally impossible to release for them, the machine itself must be opened and reprogrammed for anything but the high-score to change in any due amount. just so you know.
4642615
Depends on the hardware; provide a new ROM board with the new cut-scenes maybe?
Luna was better
This is great!
Looking forward to more.
Banish Bioware to the moon.That should fix your problems.Stupid Mass Effect endings.
Tune in next time when Celestia forbids gaming companies from using her likeness in games!
Very logical.
4651230 Or at least gets them to ask permission first!
4642409 She does seem a bit less... emotional than Luna, since almost all Luna's cases involved her getting fired up. Of course, this is a case about video games; there's less to get worked up about than in Luna's welfare fraud, assault, bigotry (homophobia), bigotry (classism), and bigotry (sexism).
needs to be on a separate line.
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Ks ... so far so good. I'm going to upvote and fav so I can see if we get any Steel Wing or other interesting action.
4650172
Stupid Bioware, releasing the first and second games on Steam, then neglecting to release the third...
What was the game's title?
Seriously, I'm interested to know.
ok this needs to be said, bio-ware wasn't responsible in total for the horrible multiple endings thing that i believe is the one your refrencing. that was do to electronic arts forcing some of there 'talented' writers into bio-ware's normally outstanding staff.
the court case number!!
The court case NUMBER!! 
001337
I saw this and burst out laughing.
double 00 LEET
DAMN YOU LEET SPEAK. 8U7 W311 D0N3!
Shouldn't that be "bits," since it's Equestria?
5058281 I think monies still applies. It just means currency. For example, in our world, Euros, pesos, dollars and yen are all 'monies'. It would be the same for bits in their world.
Heheh, case number #001337.
Separate line.
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5100669
Yep. That and their world probably has currency other than bits that are interchangeable (like how stores can take an American dime or a Canadian dime.).
The bio mare pun caused me physical pain I will see you in night court