Chapter 5 - Ins and Outs
“What,” Bonbon flatly stated. Not questioned as one would expect, but stated as if she refused to even consider learning something she did not want to know.
Sadly, Derpy remained standing in front of the shop's main counter, an uneasy smile plastered on her muzzle. “Uh, well, Bulk is very sorry for the whole thing,” she hesitantly spoke. “He reeeallly feels bad.”
Bonbon shook her head. “And neither of you thought to go after Lyra and keep an eye on her?” she asked, incredulously.
Derpy blushed at that. “Uh, no,” she said, and then dropped her head low and looked at the floor. “She was kind of scaring us."
“What?” Bonbon asked, as she blinked a few times in surprise. “She didn't threaten you two, did she?” Dammit, I knew I should've asked Cadance about the psycho space monkey!
“Oh, no no no,” Derpy replied, as she brought her head back up and then waved a hoof in a negative motion. “She didn't threaten anypony, and even when she said something about punishing Bulk for lying, all she did was tap him on the nose so lightly it wouldn't wake a baby.”
“Punishing!” Bonbon exclaimed, half in shock, half in anger. “Who does she think she is?”
Derpy blinked at that. “Uh, isn't she your friend?” she asked, confused.
Bonbon froze at the questions, and her mind raced. Friend? Right, that's her cover story, and here I am about to blow it! “Er, right,” Bonbon said, and then shook her head. “But still, she's not supposed to be this... kooky,” she added, with a false, practiced grin. At least, I hope not.
“Oh, well, I told you, Bulk kind of got her high on sugar and caffeine so it's not her fault, really,” Derpy said, carefully. Her lazy eye managed to drift over and focus in on Bonbon, to the latter's surprise and mild discomfort. “You really shouldn’t hold that against her.”
“Er… I’ll keep that in mind, then,” Bonbon replied, uneasily. You get so used to her eyes that when she does that it gets really creepy. “Anyway, I do appreciate the head’s up; I should probably go look for her before she gets into any more trouble.”
“And I’ll help,” Derpy replied, with a sheepish smile. “It is kind of my fault, after all.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Bonbon interjected. “But thank you for helping,” she added, and then locked up her cash register before she hopped off of her support bar and walked around the counter. “You keep an eye out for her from above, and I’ll ask ponies if they’ve seen her.” And hopefully we’ll get to her before she causes another scene.
* * * *
Lyra peered intently at her target, her eyes narrowed as only they and the top of her head poked above the barrel she hid behind. “Soon, my precious,” she murmured quietly. “Soon, you shall belong to me, and then all the soldiers of Gondor won’t be able take you away.”
“Uh, miss?” a male voice asked, and Lyra snapped her head up and to the right, to where the owner of the barrel stood behind his stand less than a pony-length away. “Are you alright? Because you’re kind of starting to creep me out,” the caramel-colored, brown-maned earth stallion observed. “Mainly because you look like you’re talking that way about a filly.”
The mare’s head snapped back as she recoiled in shock. “Oh, God no!” she replied, and then shook. “That’s disgusting, don’t even joke about that!”
“Okay,” the stallion with the triple-horseshoe cutie mark said, and he drew out the second syllable in confusion. “So why are you staring at that filly scout, then?”
“The box, m—stallion, the box!” Lyra replied, and then reached up with a foreleg to wrap it around the stallion’s withers and drag him down to sit on his haunches behind the barrel, as Lyra was. The native, shocked and fearful, simply let himself be guided as Lyra pushed his head down and then set hers alongside it so they could both stare out over the top of the barrel, much as the unicorn had been doing. “See? She holds the box which I seek.”
The stallion frowned as he regarded the filly across the way. She was dressed in the typical scout beret and sash, and was doing her best to hawk her cookies. Perplexed at the juxtaposition of this normal scene with the madmare beside him, the male shifted his eyes so he could at least take in the mint unicorn through his peripheral vision. “You mean the cookies?” he asked, tentatively.
“Yes!” Lyra replied, with that curious hissing half-whisper of someone trying to place emphasis on their words without raising their voice. “What do they taste like? Are they like the ones I know back home, or are they different?” She let go of the stallion’s neck at that, and then turned her head to face him as he did likewise to face her. “Do they even have the same types and recipes here? Are there Equestrian Thin Mints? I must know!”
The stallion blinked, and then slowly started to move his head back. “Uh, okay,” he said, slightly stretching out the last syllable. “You do realize, though, that you’re still stalking a filly, right?”
Lyra frowned, and then brought up a hoof to rub her chin. “I suppose I had not looked at it that way; I was focused on the true objective,” she said, and then frowned. “Curses! I must give up this chase, then. The last thing I wish to do is harm a child, for there are special circles of Hell reserved for such monsters.”
“Well, you could always just go up and buy one like a normal pony,” the earth pony suggested, in a cautious tone, even as she slowly stood back up on all fours and took a step back.
“Sadly, I lack the bits,” Lyra replied, and then seemed to stare off into the distance. “And my next paycheck won’t be until next Thursday; stupid biweekly pay schedule, nothing more than laziness on the part of bean counters!” At this Lyra slammed one hoof into the other, and then frowned. “I find myself in the personage of Cyrus the Great staring at the riches of Croesus, and yet having no army to facilitate my conquest.”
“Uhh,” the stallion muttered, as he shifted his gaze from Lyra, to the filly scout, and back. “You... Are talking about cookies, right?”
“Hmm?” Lyra hummed back, as she blinked and turned her gaze to the earth pony. “Oh! Yes, of course, no armies,” she said, and then turned her head around to gaze over the marketplace. “But how to achieve bit acquisition? Short of hashing some algorithms, I mean... I think,” she added, after a moment, her face a study of confusion. “I'm not actually a computer per—pony, so I'm not sure how that works, but I do know bits are involved.”
“Uh-huh,” the stallion muttered, and then took another step back, and to the side so he could settle in behind his counter again. “So, uh, are you done hiding behind that barrel? Because you're kinda scaring away custo—”
“What is your name?” Lyra abruptly asked, as she peered up at the earth pony.
The addressed pony blinked at the interruption. “Uh, Caramel,” he replied, too surprised to think of anything but to answer.
“Fitting,” Lyra said, and then stood up herself. “Thank you for your time, Caramel, but I think I shall venture forth and determine whence I shall claim coinage, and thence return to acquire knowledge and delicious chocolate cookies simultaneously.”
“Sounds, uh, good?” Caramel half-opined, half-asked.
“Verily,” Lyra agreed, with a nod, and then casually walked around the barrel and trotted off.
Her path took her down the market stalls, and Caramel watched her go with a sense of relief. He sighed in tune with the feeling, and then turned around to look at the produce he had come into town to sell. “Thank goodness,” he muttered. “Nopony was going to buy some corn while she was just crouching behind the barrel like that.”
“Who?” a voice asked from behind him, and Caramel started as he realized he had turned his back to the market thoroughfare. He internally cursed at himself for the oversight, and then turned around with a polite smile and immediately recognized Bonbon, the town's dedicated confectioner, standing in front of his counter with a pleasant look on her face.
“Nopony, I think,” Caramel replied, surprisingly evenly given the somewhat disturbing nature of the last mare. “Just some stranger acting really weird.”
A sudden change washed over Bonbon's face at that, and Caramel felt his worry return as the mare gave him a searching look. “Stranger? Weird? What did they look like?” Bonbon intensely asked, even as she leaned forward and jutted her face into his personal space.
“Uh,” Caramel muttered, even as he curled his hind legs and lowered his back end to allow him to lean back from the intrusive pony. “Unicorn, green, mare,” he sputtered, unsure of how to react. “Kind of obsessed with cookies.”
Bonbon's eyes narrowed at that, and she turned her head around to rapidly scan the area. “How long ago did she leave, and which way did she go?” she asked, her tone just as stringent as before.
Caramel frowned a bit in confusion and a growing sense of frustration. It was the latter that pushed him to sound slightly cross as he asked “Why does it matter? Who's that mare to you, anyway?”
The unexpected tone caught Bonbon unawares for a moment, and she quickly snapped her head around and saw the irritated expression on Caramel's face. Ooohhh, I might be getting a bit carried away, she told herself. Bonbon then put a small, sheepish smile onto her muzzle. “Er, she's my friend,” she explained, without a single trace of hesitation or irony in her voice. “Friend,” right.
“Really?” Caramel asked, in surprise. “She’s your friend?” he added, with equal incredulity.
Bonbon frowned as the tone of his voice registered. “Yes, my best friend. Why are you so surprised?” she asked back.
“Oh, just, she seems a bit kooky,” Caramel explained, with growing befuddlement. “Kind of crazy and unpredictable. Not like you at all.”
Bonbon smiled slightly at that. “Yeah, that sounds like her,” she said, with a light chuckle that was as equally feigned as the smile. “So, which way did she go?”
Caramel just gave the mare a flat look for a moment, and then shrugged. “Last I saw her, she was heading off that way, towards the square,” he said, as he raised a hoof and gestured down the road his stand was perched on.
“I see,” Bonbon said, and then turned and started to trot away herself. “Thanks, Caramel!” she called back, and then broke into a run.
The stallion watched her go with a frown. How weird is today going to get?
* * * *
Join up with the Royal Guard and protect Equestria, Bonbon sarcastically recited in her mind as she rushed to find her wayward associate. Nopony ever suggested I might get offered a place in the Aegis, or even that it existed! Nopony warned me that I’d have to deal with crazy aliens and monsters and all the other problems! Nopony warned me about Pinkie Pie! But here I am having to—
Bonbon’s internal monologue halted along with her forward movement as she reached the town’s main square. On one corner stood the aptly named Sugarcube Corner, while along the north side stood Town Hall. Other buildings holding shops on the ground floor and apartments above lined the area, and at the center lay a fountain. The area was fairly crowded—unsurprising given the festival preparations—but most ponies’ attentions were not directed on their own efforts, but on the fountain itself.
As the other, Bonbon watched as a mint-colored unicorn sat in a most peculiar manner: on her haunches, which were resting upon the edge of the fountain. She held her body upright with ease, which let her hold a guitar in her forelegs. Bonbon’s eyes flitted to the side and saw the familiar form of Noteworthy, a blue unicorn with a talent for music and a habit of busking in the town square when jobs dried up. Now, apparently, he had been persuaded to let the newcomer try her hoof, and Lyra strummed the guitar a few times before she nodded appreciatively towards Noteworthy at how well tuned it was. The stallion smiled back at her, and Lyra replied in kind for a brief moment before she turned her head to the curious crowd. “Okay ponies, here’s a song I learned as a little filly,” she said, and then began to strum.
The tune she played was a pleasant one, and Bonbon relaxed for a moment. At least until Lyra began to sing words that had never before touched Equestrian soil.
Ob's stürmt oder schneit, ob die Sonne uns lacht,
Der Tag glühend heiß, oder eiskalt die Nacht,
Verstaubt sind die Gesichter, doch froh ist unser Sinn, ja, unser Sinn.
Es braust unser Panzer im Sturmwind dahin.
Es braust unser Panzer im Sturmwind dahin.
Bonbon flinched as she recognized the guttural language, even if she didn’t know the words. That human trainer, Steiner, spoke it! What the floppy pancakes? She mused, even as Lyra continued.
Mit donnernden Motoren, zu schnell wie der Blitz,
Dem Feinde entgegen, im Panzer geschützt.
Voraus den Kameraden, im Kampfe ganz allein, ja ganz allein.
So stoßen wir tief in die feindlichen Reih'n!
So stoßen wir tief in die feindlichen Reih'n!
The Aegis earth pony began to muscle her way forward at that, even as Lyra began to stomp her rear hoof in time with the song, and to Bonbon’s surprise a number of ponies were stomping along with her as the tune’s cadence affected the natives’ natural affinity to song.
Wenn vor uns ein feindlicher Panzer erscheint,
Wird Vollgas gegeben und ran an den Feind.
Was gilt denn unser Leben für uns'res Reiches Heer? Ja, Reiches Heer.
Für Deutschland zu sterben ist uns're höchste Ehr'.
Für Deutschland zu sterben ist uns're höchste Ehr'.
Lyra’s voice had become rather loud now, though it hadn’t lost its lyrical properties and still flowed into the ears of the listeners in a fashion that made Bonbon’s skin crawl due to the discordant nature of her emotions; she realized what a breach of security it was, yet the loveliness of Lyra’s voice made hearing the song pleasant. Almost there, she thought as she muscled her way through the last ring of ponies.
Mit Sperren und Tanks hält der Gegner uns auf,
Wir lachen darüber und fahren nicht drauf.
Und schüttelt er gar grämlich, und wütend seine Hand, ja seine Hand.
Wir suchen uns Wege, die keiner sonst fand.
Wir suchen uns Wege, die keiner sonst fand.
“Lyra!” bonbon shouted, as she finally broke into the open circle around the busking unicorns.
Lyra paused in her song and looked up, and then smiled at the earth pony. “Bonbon, hey! I’ll be with you in a moment, I’m almost done,” she said, and then began to play again.
Und läßt uns im Stich einst das treulose Glück,
Und kehren wir nicht mehr zur Heimat zurück,
Trifft uns die Todeskugel, ruft uns das Schicksal ab, ja, Schicksal ab.
Dann wird unser Panzer ein ehernes Grab!
Dann wird unser Panzer ein ehernes Grab!
At the last line Lyra strummed the guitar once more, and then lightly pressed her hoof on the strings to stop their vibrating. A moment of silence passed, but was quickly ended by warm applause that made Bonbon blinked in surprise. It’s not the most energetic applause I’ve ever heard, but it’s more than I’d expect for a song they couldn’t possibly understand! Though it admittedly did have a really catchy tune, and the way Lyra sung the words gave them a lot of energy.
Just as she thought that, ponies began to come forward to toss bits into the small basket Noteworthy brought along to collect his tips. Bonbon paused to look on in surprise as a considerable amount of the small, brass coins created a pile that easily topped the small container, and then spilled out a bit. Noteworthy broke her reverie on the issue, however, when he whistled. “Geeze, that’s a lot more than I’d normally get, even for a new song!”
Lyra blushed a bit as she levitated the guitar out of her hooves and then quickly shifted off of the fountain to stand on all fours before it. “Well, at least that’s a good thing,” she offered, with a shrug.
“I’d say,” Noteworthy replied, as he lit up his horn and his magic aura quickly took over from Lyra’s to shift his guitar back to his side. He then smiled at Lyra as he continued to speak. “Guess my fears about letting you share my spot and instrument were a bit unfounded after all.”
Another shrug met that. “Meh, just lucky I guess,” she said, and then eyed the take. “So, fifty-fifty?”
“Seventy-thirty,” Noteworthy countered.
“Please, without my song you’d probably have to spend all day here to get even half,” Lyra retorted, with an eye roll.
“But I’d still have it, and you’d still be looking for bits if it weren’t for my generosity,” Noteworthy countered, evenly.
Lyra pouted at him for a moment, but soon sighed. “Fine,” she ground out. “But remember there’s a special place in the afterlife reserved for cheapskates,” she added, as Noteworthy set his guitar down and then began to use his magic to sort out the take.
“Next to Faust, I’d imagine,” the stallion said with a grin.
“Depends on which Faust you’re talking about,” Lyra countered, with an even smarmier grin.
Noteworthy blinked. “What?” he asked.
“A-HEM,” Bonbon not-quite-coughed, as she took a step forward to make sure she was in the two unicorns’ line of sight. “So Lyra, could you perhaps explain to me why you’re busking in the square?” And why I shouldn’t call Princess Cadance to have her come punt your plot back into orbit, she didn’t say aloud, though the look she gave Lyra certainly was intended to convey it nonetheless.
Lyra, though, simply smiled at her. “For Science!” she said, and then shifted so she could stick her chest out a bit.
“For science?” Bonbon echoed, with a hard blink. “How is busking science?”
“Not busking,” Lyra said, as she glanced down and then levitated her share of the take once Noteworthy finished sorting. The mare glanced to the other unicorn and nodded to him. “Another time, Noteworthy,” she said, and then started to walk off.
“It’d be my pleasure,” the stallion replied, even as he moved to sit in front of the fountain. He then took up his guitar in his magic and began to tune it.
Bonbon glanced at the normal scene for a moment, and then turned and trotted briefly to catch up to Lyra. “Seriously, if you needed bits why didn’t you ask me when we met?” the earth pony asked in a low voice, once she had glanced around to make sure no one else was close enough to hear her.
“I didn’t know I needed them at the time,” Lyra replied, matter-of-factly, in the same quiet voice. She then levitated the small pile of bits in front of her as she walked, and then separated them out to count the denominations. “Hmm, thirty-five bits, not bad if Amethyst Star was right about the exchange rate.”
“That’s…” bonbon muttered, as she gawked at how easily Lyra multi-tasked with her magic. Then she shook her head as the last sentence registered in her mind. “Wait, there’s an exchange rate for bits into—” She broke off then, and then looked around again. Dangit, I almost said ‘human money’!
“Hmm?” Lyra asked, as she glanced over at the earth pony while simultaneously collecting the bits into a small stack. Then a light came over her face as she realized what Bonbon had left unsaid. “Oh, well, it’s not exactly an official rate of exchange since there are no formal banking agreements. But since long-term agents have to have money to live in Equestria the…agency has an informally-negotiated exchange rate setup so we can collect our pay and spend it dirtside.”
“Oh,” Bonbon absentmindedly said, as she thought about it. “I guess that makes se—” She interrupted herself again with another headshake. “Dangit, stop doing that!”
“Doing what?” Lyra asked, with another glance, as she was busy leading herself and her companion through the busy street.
“Distracting me from the matter at hoof with your ridiculous non-sequiturs,” Bonbon countered, with an irritated tone of voice. “You’re supposed to be learning the layout of the town, but instead I had Derpy come in to tell me you’d gone crazy and made a scene!”
“Oh, that,” Lyra replied, and then tossed her head as if to dismiss the idea. “It was some kind of combination caffeine and sugar rush. I think using magic burned off some of the energy though, since I feel kind of better now,” she mused. “I’m not sure how that works. My studies were mostly in practical applications of force in lethal and nonlethal situations. And also in music; we all need a hobby, after all.”
Bonbon just stared at the mare at her side for a moment. “So you didn’t come back because…?” she trailed off, clearly expecting an answer.
“Because you told me to learn the layout of the town,” Lyra replied, with a surprised look at the other pony. “What, was I going to stop working because of a chemically-induced psychotic episode? My father taught me a better work ethic than that.”
Bonbon could only stare at the unicorn as the two walked along, her mouth agape for a moment. Then Lyra halted, and Bonbon snapped back to reality and looked around as she realized she hadn’t been paying attention to where the two were going. Now she recognized the market row she had been in only a short while ago, with Caramel’s stand—and the nervous stallion himself giving Lyra a worried look—to the side, along with several others. In front of her, though, was not a stand, but a small filly in a beret and a sash done in green, wearing a set of saddlebags that looked too big for such a small pony. “Hiya!” the filly said, with the beatific smile of the young. “Did ya want cookies after all?” she asked of Lyra.
The unicorn smiled back and nodded. “Indeed!” she said, and then floated her bits up and waved the roll of coins a bit. “How much per box?” she asked.
“Five bits!” the filly cheerfully replied.
“Sweet,” Lyra said, approvingly. “What flavors do you have?”
“Uhm,” the filly said, her smile disappearing as she frowned in thought. Then she brightened and turned to look into the saddlebags she wore to check, and then began to recite names in the singsong voice of a child reading a list. “Choc’late Hay, Juniper Jam, Coc’nut Cream, Mango Madness, annnnnnn’ Thin Mints,” she said, and then turned her head around to look at Lyra again.
A smile blossomed on Lyra’s face at that. “Thin Mints?” she asked, reverently.
“Yup!” the filly replied, with a knowing grin. “Five whole boxes left!”
“Sold!” Lyra replied, and then quickly separated out the requisite value of bits with her magic. She then floated those over to set them in front of the filly, as the latter used her own magic to pull out the boxes and set them on the ground in front of Lyra.
Both ponies quickly set their magic upon their respective traded items, and the filly beamed as she set the bits into one of her bags. “Thanks a bunch, lady!” she said, happily.
“You’re welcome,” Lyra answered, and then floated the boxes up to rest on her back. She then caught Bonbon looking at her with a slightly gobsmacked expression. “Oh, sorry, did you want some? I’ve still got enough for two more.”
Bonbon blinked at that, and then shook her head. How is she so casually good at being a pony? The earth pony mare wondered. She let none of her thoughts out, though, and instead smiled politely. “Oh no, thank you. I’ve got more than enough to fill my sweet tooth at home.”
Lyra shrugged at that, which caused the boxes on her back to shift slightly. She quickly and almost absentmindedly lit up her horn and steadied them before she spoke again. “Suit yourself. So, what’s next?” she asked, as she began to amble away.
“Next?” Bonbon said, even as she easily matched pace with the unicorn. “What do you mean?”
Lyra glanced around to make sure there weren’t any ponies close enough to overhear them, and then leaned her head towards Bonbon. “Look, I understand you were concerned, but we’ve still got work to do. Since you came out here and since I did kind of lose myself for a bit we’re a bit off plan, so I wanted to know if you’ve got any changes you want to make?”
Bonbon furrowed her brows a bit as she levelled a hard look at the unicorn. “As a matter of fact, there are a few changes I’d like to make,” she said. Starting by having you sent back to whatever tree you climbed down from, she didn’t say aloud. But ‘like’ is not the same as ‘possible’, so I’ll work with you for now. “At the very least we’re going to have you keep a low profile now that you’ve gone and made everypony think you’re nuts,” the earth pony added, as she swiveled her head about to make sure no other ponies were close enough to hear them.
Lyra frowned at that. “Why?” she asked, confusedly.
A blink was Bonbon’s immediate response. “’Why?’” she echoed. “Are you kidding? Half the town must have heard of it by now; there’s no way you can fade into the woodwork anymore.”
“So what?” Lyra asked, with another shrug. “I’m only here temporarily, remember? Besides,” she added, as she grinned lopsidedly. “It’s another form of cover I can use. Who would expect the crazy extroverted visitor from out of town is somepony who actually doesn’t want ponies paying too much attention to her?”
Bonbon actually came to a stop at that in order to give Lyra her full and flummoxed attention. “You’re joking, right?” she asked, incredulously.
“Uh, no, not at all,” Lyra replied, suddenly unsure as she faced the other mare. “That was covered in my training; wasn’t it in yours?”
“No,” Bonbon heatedly said. Then she thought for a moment, and doubt entered her voice as she continued. “We were just taught how to blend in and keep from drawing attention to ourselves.”
Lyra nodded, even as she scanned the street they were on. The two ponies had left the busier core of the market area behind, and stalls and customers were sparse here, despite the houses that lined the street. “Yeah, that’s probably because you local guys tend to be the ones assigned to the fringes, small towns like Ponyville here,” she said, while taking another long look. “Or it might even be a herd thing, I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that from my… that is, from history, we know that sometimes being a loudmouthed and eccentric personality can be dismissed just as much as a no-name bland person with no major defining qualities.”
Another skeptical look was directed from the earth pony to the unicorn. “You’re kidding,’ Bonbon stated, flatly.
“No, I’m serious,” Lyra said, and then glanced around. She spotted a pony at a stall some distance away, and then grinned. “Come on, I’ll show you,” she said, and then turned and walked off.
Bonbon blinked again, and then shook her head and quickly moved to catch up with the unicorn. How is she able to keep blindsiding me this way? The candymaker/secret agent asked herself. Am I losing my touch? Has this quiet post dulled my senses so much that one ape can mess with me so much?
She was still musing on this when she and Lyra walked up to gray earth pony mare who was perusing a carrot stand manned ponied by another earth pony mare, this one with a yellow coat and an orange mane. Both turned their attentions to the arriving pair, and Bonbon almost grimaced openly as she saw the musical notation on the gray mare’s flank. If anypony is going to be put out by Lyra, it’s going to be Octavia!
Unaware of her partner’s consternation, Lyra stopped and gave a beaming smile. “Hiya!” she said, towards the gray pony.
“Hello,” the addressed pony said, hesitantly, and the mare behind the counter frowned a bit as she glanced around. “May I help you?”
“Yeah,” Lyra replied, with a nod. “I’m just wondering: do you know who I am?” she asked, with a tilt of her head.
Octavia frowned herself at that. “Aren’t you that ridiculous mare that made a scene in front of Bulk Biceps’ stand?” she asked back.
“Indeed!” Lyra answered, unphased by the gray mare’s mild disdain. “Do you want to know why I did, though?”
The addressed pony blinked, and then glanced over to Bonbon for a moment. The candy-maker looked as befuddled as Octavia felt, however, and so the posh mare returned her attention to Lyra. “I haven’t the foggiest,” she said, evenly.
“It’s because I’m an alien secret agent,” Lyra explained, cheerfully. “I was turned into a pony and sent here to observe and protect, but Bulk gave me too much sugar for my alien physiology to absorb properly and I flipped out. But I’m all better now.”
A silence fell over the group at that, and Bonbon could only stare at Lyra with her jaw agape, wider than she ever remembered having it before. The pony behind the stand, Golden Harvest, stared at Lyra herself with an incredulous expression.
Octavia, meanwhile, simply gave the mint-green unicorn a flat look, and then sighed. “I really need to move to another town,” she muttered, and then turned to give the shopkeeper her attention. “Harvest, why don’t you wrap up that order we were talking about; I’ll send my sister over to get it later,” she said, and then reached into a small satchel she wore around her neck and retrieved a series of coins that she then laid out on the counter. “And don’t let her dally if this crazy mare is still here; knowing Vinyl she’ll spend all day talking about conspiracy theories and other crazy things.”
This snapped the farmer pony out of her fugue, and Golden Harvest shook her head a bit before she gave Octavia the standard shopkeeper’s polite smile. “Of course, I’ll have your order ready by the time she gets here,” she replied, even a she reached up and claimed her pay.
“Excellent,” Octavia replied, and then turned partially to regard Lyra and Bonbon. “Ladies,” she said, evenly, and then turned further and trotted away.
“So,” Golden Harvest said into the growing, awkward silence that fell over her stand after the gray mare left. Lyra turned her head from watching Octavia trot to see the carrot farmer giving her a skeptical look. “Do aliens like carrots, too?” she asked, clearly doubtful of Lyra’s claims.
“Sometimes,” Lyra replied, with a shrug. “But we really should be going; all sorts of things to get up to, today,” she added, and then turned to face Bonbon, who was still staring at the unicorn. “Uh hey, Bonnie, you’re going to start attracting flies at any moment.”
This snapped the cream pony out of her funk, and she shook her head almost violently. “Uh, right, we should go,” she managed to mumbled out, and then turned and started to walk off.
“Bye, Carrot Top,” Lyra said to Golden Harvest, as she turned and followed her partner.
Golden Harvest winced. “My name’s not…!” she began, but then trailed off as she saw both of the retreating mares accelerating away in a strong trot. She then sighed and shook her head. “Even the crazy newcomer uses that stupid nickname,” she mumbled, and then went to work on her customer’s order.
* * * *
The two ponies stayed quiet as they walked, which started to make Lyra nervous after a time. Some of those nerves abated as she recognized the area of town where Bonbon’s house/shop was located, however, and so she was in good enough spirits when they entered the kitchen door. Bonbon then deliberately closed the door, locked it, and then promptly turned to face Lyra. Then she stood on her hind legs and reached out with her forelegs to grab Lyra by the shoulders, and then turned and slammed the unicorn up against the wall. “What the flying wendigo dung was that?” she asked, in a tone that was paradoxically half scream and half whisper.
Lyra flinched at the pain of being pinned and the harshness of Bonbon’s voice. “I was proving my point,” she explained, cautiously. “Because I’m the kooky outsider nothing I do or say will be taken too seriously, you saw that.”
“You nearly blew our cover!” Bonbon hissed, as her emotions started to wind down.
“No, I nearly blew my cover,” Lyra retorted, with steel in her voice and her gaze. The sudden shift in her personality caught Bonbon by surprise, and the earth pony blinked and came up short as the unicorn continued. “I only talked about myself. You are still Bonbon, small town candy-maker to them; even if they believed me when I told them I was an alien, they’d separate you from me in their minds. Especially if you went ahead and told them a story that revealed me as past acquaintance you never knew well, like from school or something. Hell, you could have told them I must’ve replaced the ‘real’ Lyra like one of those cheesy body-snatcher movies! Nothing was preventing you from making a clear break from me if you needed one, so don’t you go accusing me.”
The heated response left Bonbon speechless for a moment. Then she slowly lowered Lyra enough for the unicorn to stand on her hind legs, and at that the earth pony backed off to let the former human settle back on all four hooves even as the candy mare did likewise. “It was still ridiculously reckless,” Bonbon protested, somewhat petulantly.
“No, it wasn’t, and I showed you why it was not and still is not,” Lyra replied. She gave Bonbon a hard look before then turning her attention to brushing one foreleg off with the hoof of the other. “Now, are we going to get to work, or are you going to just sit there and be mad at me?” the unicorn pointedly asked.
Bonbon frowned at the question. “I’m not sure we even can,” she flatly replied. “You’re too impulsive and reckless; working in Ponyville requires a subtle touch, like any small town, and you don’t seem to have it in you.”
“Oh come on!” Lyra exclaimed, with a roll of her eyes. “I just explained how a temporary agent like myself can use that to our benefit.”
“Surely you can’t expect me to believe that kind of nonsense?” Bonbon retort.
“I certainly can. And don’t call me ‘Shirley’,” Lyra countered, with a smirk at the end.
Bonbon blinked, and then tilted her head as she thought for a moment. “What?” she asked, confused.
Lyra sighed. “Nevermind, it was a joke,” she said, and then shook her head. “My point is, I’m still the only backup you have at the moment, and there’s still shenanigans going on. Or have you not talked to Cadance yet?”
The earth mare grimaced slightly at that, and then sighed as the wind seemed to go out of her sails. “Actually, yes, I did,” she replied, more sedately and slightly more petulantly than before as she looked over Lyra with a frown. “She explained the situation, and about Celestia…” Bonbon’s voice trailed off as she shook her head. “It seems rather impossible, and yet I have no reason to doubt her.”
A moment of silence passed as the native pony mulled over her thoughts all over again, though it was soon interrupted as Lyra cleared her throat. “So you see how important it is that we work together, then?” the human-turned-unicorn asked, in a calm tone. She waited until Bonbon reluctantly nodded, and then continued. “So how about we stop arguing about this? What’s done is done, and since it bothers you so much I’ll try to tone down my… exuberance as much as I can.”
Bonbon frowned again. “’As much as you can’?” she echoed, warily.
A sheepish grin spread over Lyra’s muzzle at that. “Well, it’s kind of hard given how utterly adorable ponies are,” she admitted. The flat look she got in return made the unicorn shift to stand more straight, and she wiped the smile off of her face and cleared her throat. “But yes, I’ll keep the fangirling to an absolute minimum.”
Bonbon stared at the unicorn for a few moments, but soon enough shook her head. “I have a feeling I’ll regret this,” she said, and then sighed. “But we do have a job to perform, regardless of what else is going on.”
“Then let’s get to it!” Lyra replied, with a broad grin, and her tail started to wag a bit.
Bonbon noted that, and then stifled another sigh. I’m definitely going to regret this.
For the song Lyra sings, imagine this but with a singular, female voice:
Don't have much else to say, other than I felt the need to at least finish up this chapter. Perhaps some light-hearted stuff will help me get working on my other stories.
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Well then. I expected Lyra to sing something from the Beatles or something like that. Then Panzerlied happened. And I'm probably one of the few who recognized it the moment I read the first line...anyway, *starts singing*
Ob's stürmt oder schneit, ob die Sonne uns lacht!
Der Tag glühend heiß, oder eiskalt die Nacht!
Verstaubt sind die Gesichter, doch froh ist unser Sinn, ja, unser Sinn!
Es braust unser Panzer im Sturmwind dahin!
I had completely forgotten this story even existed. I had to re-read the entire thing to remotely understand what the new chapter was about.
I am glad it wasn't dead though, because I like it.
6905362 wrote : "Ouch dude it was just a worry no insults intended your story is stilled faved. I just dislike seeing high quality stories abandoned that's all. Its like if J.K. Rolling died before she finished the Harry Potter books. You have really great writing and i do wish too see more of it."
The Harry Potter books were not high quality writing! They were absolutely piss poor! So enough said.
It's good to see you back in form. You have always done a great job with your Lyra shenanigans, and this human version is no different. I don't have much else to say since this chapter was more about relationships than plot, although I do really like how you have them using refuge in audacity as standard doctrine because as silly as it seems at first glance, it actually makes a ton of sense since the inevitable cultural slipups will be written off as the agent being crazy rather than something suspicious like it would be if Bon Bon blanked on a major piece of Equestrian culture.
8419107
You're just trying to collect thumbs down, aren't you?
It lives!
glad to see the fic is still alive. I hope to see more of crazy Lyra
Update Woooooooo🦄
Lyra pinky pie tactic go!
As a German, I'm not allowed to view that video. Ironic much?
Dude. You live in Ponyville.
8419107
Hmmm nope... Harry Potter is medium high writing... It is obviously aimed to a young public, and degrades slightly on the later books as it tries to adjust to older public and themes. Piss Poor writing are the Twilight series and the Fifty Shades series... THOSE are piss poor writing.
HM really hoping that this won't take ages to update...
Shame this updates so infrequently, I rather like it.
Octavia and Vinyl as sisters is a first to me. Nice twist
And I still ship LyraBon, even without the romance tag
8420138
Didn't see this before.
"Too comfortable" in power means to use it without thought of consequence. When you're comfortable with something you don't think about it. Too comfortable here thus refers to abuses of power not necessarily from evil intent, but simply from negligence or thoughtlessness.
8420016
This is before it became a weirdness magnet. It gets much worse soon. Look back and remember fondly, ye poor residents.
Still, they've had five of the six there for some time, so I have to imagine there's some weirdness.
Vinyl and Octavia as sister??? Now THAT is something i have not heard b4
Since the author's note video has gone bye-bye:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bE3SywMSJE
Lyra pouted at him for a moment, but soon sighed. “Fine,” she ground out. “But remember there’s a special place in the afterlife reserved for cheapskates,” she added, as Noteworthy set his guitar down and then began to use his magic to sort out the take. “Next to Faust, I’d imagine,” the stallion said with a grin. “Depends on which Faust you’re talking about,” Lyra countered, with an even smarmier grin. Noteworthy blinked. “What?” he asked.I've enjoyed those line more than you can imagine
Good ol' Refuge in Audacity. Crazy Lyra shenanigans, GO!