Chapter 4 - Ups and Downs
“…You’re kidding,” Bonbon stated, as she stared at the screen.
“I wish I was,” Princess Cadance replied, with a sad shake of her head. The two were conversing using a satellite relay that Bonbon’s little antenna farm could reach, even underground, and the virtual window that was the chat program displayed the feed from Cadance’s private terminal.
Just like the embedded camera in my computer is relaying my image to her, Bonbon reminded herself, as she fought to keep from showing the shock and anger that were running through her mind. The latter feeling was irrational, she knew, which is why I need to keep it under wraps, she mused. Outwardly, she sighed, and then shook her head. “I don’t understand it at all. Why would Celestia betray us?”
“I’m not exactly sure what she’s doing, Bonbon,” Cadance steadily replied. “Given what I know of my aunt, she might just be running a game whereby she’s placing the weight of the outcome on her back, while keeping us out of the way so we won’t get hurt.” Even as she explained this, a pained look came over the pink princess’ face, and she had to shake her head. “But at the same time, I don’t know that, either. That’s the biggest problem out of all of this, is that she isn’t telling anypony anything, and so we have to assume the worst and try to prepare as best we can.”
Bonbon frowned at that, but she nodded. “I understand, your highness,” she said, and then drew herself up so she sat on her cushion a bit more straightly. “I’ll do my best to find out what I can, while working to keep Equestria safe.”
“I know you will, agent,” Cadance said, with a sad smile on her muzzle, though it soon disappeared. “Just be careful. All of this started to ramp up fairly rapidly, and nopony was prepared for the idea that Celestia could do anything but the very best for her people. The system just wasn’t built for this, and so it’s pretty much blindsided the organization. Because of it I won’t be able to rescind Celestia’s orders and get our part of the Aegis moving again until something big and very public happens.
“Something like that might very well be beyond your ability to control, or even affect,” Cadance continued. She paused briefly to sigh, and then stared through the camera and into Bonbon’s eyes. “If that’s the case, your primary duty is to get clear and inform myself and/or assistant director Novak of the presence and nature of the event so we can respond appropriately.”
The earth pony felt a chill run down her spine. “Even if that should require abandoning the duties of my station?” she asked, carefully.
Somehow, Cadance looked and sounded even grimmer as she replied. “Yes, agent,” she said, slowly. “This is princess Celestia we’re talking about; she moves the sun and the moon. If the worst comes to pass and she really has… slipped…” Cadance had to pause and draw in a deep, calming breath at this. “If she really has become a threat, then all of Equestria, and even Equis itself could be at stake. If that is the case, then Ponyville may only be the least of casualties that could occur. Your duty isn’t just to your station, Bonbon, it’s to Equestria as a whole, as well. Remember that, please.”
Bonbon could only stare in disbelief for a moment, but soon recovered and nodded again. “Yes, your highness. I understand.”
“I know, agent, I know,” Cadance replied, with another sad smile. “And now, unless you have anything else to ask, I must be off; I have an appointment with a griffon diplomat and I can’t have him asking what this funny little box is doing behind a false wall panel.”
Despite herself and the situation, Bonbon managed a faint chuckle. “No, princess, thank you for your time. I know it must be rather strained given what’s going on.”
“Given your position, I’m willing to strain my schedule a bit more so I can help,” Cadance confidently replied. “But for now, we both have work to get to. Goodbye and good luck agent Bonbon.” With that the virtual screen closed as Cadance terminated her portion of the call.
Bonbon closed her program as well, and then set her terminal into sleep mode. “Definitely work to do,” she muttered. Then she blinked, and then face-hoofed. “Darn it, I forgot to ask her about Lyra!” If I’m going to be in this position I need to know more about the p—the agent I’m working with.
The earth pony sighed, and then placed her hoof back on the ground as she stood up. I guess it can’t be helped, she thought, as she turned to leave her small workroom. I need to get back to my shop; any strange happening will have a rumor spreading like wildfire in the charged climate of a festival, and ponies will be wondering why I shut down the shop on one of the biggest treat-splurging days of the year. Besides, Lyra seemed rather competent and pony-ish for a human. What’s the worst trouble she can get into before tonight?
* * * *
Lyra Heartstrings nee Lisa Heinkel, human turned pony, stood in astonishment. I was prepared for a lot of things, she thought, as her mind struggled to process the available information relayed by her senses. But I was never prepared for this!
“So, um, do you want to buy a box, miss, or not?” the little filly in front of her asked. Her tiny, green beret and uniform sash only compounded her inherent cuteness, and Lyra found herself gobsmacked at the spectacle of the unicorn filly holding a box of cookies in her orange magical aura.
This is unfair, Lyra mused. This is weapons-grade adorable! This is cuteness beyond compare! Battalions would fall at her feet—hooves—and empires would crumble to dust at the merest whimper she could issue! The odd look the young pony gave her finally broke through the former human’s mind, though, and Lyra had to shake herself a bit. “Uh, no, I’m sorry, but I don’t have any money on me right now,” she said, sadly.
“Aww,” the filly moaned, and then looked downtrodden as she levitated the box back into one of the saddlebags she wore. “Okay then. Thanks for your time,” she added, and then turned to walk off.
“Good luck, though!” Lyra replied, and the filly glanced back at her and gave a small smile and nod, before she resumed walking away, this time with a bit more spring in her step. Forget empires, entire star systems would have heart attacks. Hell, am I having one? She asked herself, and then spent a moment in mental evaluation of her internal sensations. Hmm, no, not today, but I wouldn’t want to let great-grandpa near that filly until he’s had his biannual artery cleaning.
Lyra shook her head again to clear it, and then looked around. She had wandered aimlessly after leaving the Sweet Treats candy shop, but the nature of a smaller town had worked to inevitably draw her towards the marketplace near town hall. Now as she looked around, the unicorn could only gaze in wonder and a bit of awe as she watched the various denizens of Ponyville go about in frantic activity, buying and selling in haste. The festival probably has them all worked up, Lyra reasoned, as despite the pacing most ponies wore smiles or other expression of happiness or eager anticipation. Her heart melted at the sight, and the voice of her inner fangirl squeed almost constantly. They’re all just so darn cute! If it wouldn’t ruin my cover I’d just go around hugging random ponies!
Yeah, but you can’t so you won’t, the more reasonable side of her said, and Lyra had to stifle a sigh. Right, right, her main internal voice allowed. Then she started to walk off, once again just picking a random direction. Her head was practically on a swivel as she ambled along, her gaze constantly shifting as she absorbed the sights and sounds of a farming community ready for the biggest party day of the year.
All around her were stalls manned—ponied? She wondered—by various mares and stallions, hawking their wares or haggling with buyers. Most contained food of some kind, typically a stand dedicated to one crop and one crop only, Lyra noted. Odd. Is that because of the ponies’ individual talents making them predicated towards one crop over another, or is it merely the farmers around here reaching an agreement, spoken or unspoken, that everyone picks his or her cash crop so there’s no drastic competition to undermine their prices and make them go into the red?
So busy she was with her thoughts that Lyra didn’t notice the shadow that fell over her. The ponies around her did, though, and they all quickly stepped away from the distracted unicorn just before a shape dropped from the sky and slammed into her.
Lyra yelped in pained shock as the weight shoved her to the ground, and then flopped over her. Prone on her belly, with all four legs spread out, Lyra felt a brief moment of panic. At least, until she heard the object atop her speak: “Oops, my bad.”
“Bwuh?” Lyra muttered, still in a bit of shock at the sudden, unintentional tackle.
“Are you okay?” the shape asked, as it climbed off and then walked around in front of the unicorn. Once there, Lyra could see it was a gray pegasus mare with a blonde mane and a set of golden eyes, one of which was skewed off to the side. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Lyra shook her head a bit to help clear it. Seems like I’m doing that a lot, lately, she mused. “I said ‘bwuh’, and I stand by that statement,” she flippantly replied, even as she began to stand up. “What happened?”
“Uh, sorry,” the pegasus sheepishly replied, with an embarrassed smile on her muzzle. “I don’t always make the best landings and I kind of didn’t see you there.”
Another look at her eyes showed Lyra that this was certainly possible, and then unicorn sighed. “It’s okay, I forgive you,” she said, and then offered a friendly smile of her own. “Everypony makes mistakes.”
The addressed mare seemed to brighten considerably at that. “Oh, thank you!” she beamed. Then she held up a hoof. “You look new in town; I’m Derpy Hooves.”
Lyra blinked, and then shook the hoof while she wore a grin. “Lyra Heartstrings,” she introduced herself. “And yes, I’m visiting my friend, Bonbon, for the Summer Sun Celebration.”
“Oh, that’s awesome!” Derpy said, with a smile so broad she had to close her eyes to help express it. Then she opened them again and flapped her wings a bit. “I’d like to stay but I gotta go,” she said, as she began to hover above the ground.
“Uhm, okay?” Lyra asked, in confusion. “But didn’t you just land?”
Derpy blinked at that, and then took a few moments to think. “Oh, right!” she said, and then promptly dropped to the ground, her knees bent to absorb the impact. “I forgot, I wanted to get one of Bulk’s smoothies before I head home,” she said, as she folded her wings up against her sides. “Thanks for reminding me, Lyra.”
The unicorn smiled and did her best to hold back an amused chuckle. “You’re welcome, Derpy,” she said, friendlily.
“Hey, I know,” Derpy added, and her expression brightened even more. “How about you come with and I’ll buy you a smoothie to make up for landing on you?”
Lyra leaned her head back a bit at that. “Oh, that’s alright, it was an honest mistake,” she said. “There’s no need to get me anything.”
“I know, but I want to,” Derpy replied, and her expression turned sheepish once again. “Most ponies who visit town aren’t so understanding, so I really want to make it up to you. Please?” Her countenance grew pleading at this, and the pegasus' eyes widened and watered slightly.
You'd think that a lazy eye would lessen the effect of 'puppy eyes', Lyra mused. But no! It makes it worse! She struggled to resist, but the cute overwhelmed her defenses, and the unicorn sighed to signal her defeat. “Alright, I accept,” she said, and then smiled. “Thank you.”
“Yay!” Derpy exclaimed, even as she reared on her back legs and then clapped her front hooves together. Her eyes closed in an expression of joy as well, thought the whole display lasted only two seconds before the pegasus dropped back to all fours and then opened her eyes to once again study Lyra and a point of space somewhere off to her left. “Come on! Bulk's stand is close!” Derpy added, and then turned and started to walk away at a brisk pace.
Lyra shook her head and tried to stifle the smile that threatened to cover her muzzle. Dear God, these ponies continue to find new ways of being adorable, she mused as she started off and trotted a bit to catch up with the gray mare. If I'm not careful I'll need to get a pancreas replacement before the year is out!
She didn't have time for more thoughts as the crowd thickened a bit and Lyra had to focus on following Derpy through the throng. Fortunately Derpy was right, and the stand she led Lyra to was only a short walk away and soon the mares were standing in line behind two other ponies at a market stand. Lyra couldn't tell what made this one so special, other than the sign above it had a cartoonish drawing of wheat on the front. “So, smoothies, eh?” she asked of her companion while they waited.
“Yup! Bulk Biceps makes the best smoothies in town,” Derpy replied, even as the pony up front got his drink and then left the line, letting the remaining ponies advance. “He adds some kind of secret ingredient that really gives you a lot of pep.”
Lyra raised an eyebrow at this. “A secret ingredient?” she asked, and then grinned. “It’s not Soylent Green, is it?”
Derpy blinked at the question. “Uh, I dunno, it’s a secret so maybe,” she replied, with a wing-shrug. She then frowned as the unicorn chuckled. “What?”
“Nothing, I was just making a silly joke,” Lyra replied, and then sighed to help calm down. “But I guess it’s not funny if you don’t get the reference; sorry,” she said, a bit sheepishly.
The gray mare stood there for a moment as she thought. Then she smiled. “Ah, that’s okay,” she said, friendlily. “Was it a funny joke, at least?”
“That depends on your taste,” Lyra replied, and then snerked. “Hehe, taste,” she chortled. “Ahh, but seriously, I have a weird sense of humor, so even if you got the reference you might not find it funny.”
“Oh,” Derpy said, and then fell silent for a moment as she studied the mint unicorn. “You're kind of an odd pony, aren't you?” she asked.
Lyra chuckled. “That would be a fair assessment,” she acknowledged, with a grin.
A cough sounded from up ahead, and the two mares turned their heads to see that the ponies ahead of them in line had cleared off, having been taken care of, and now a very large, well-muscled white pegasus was looking at them with an unreadable expression. “Welcome!” the bulky stallion bellowed, as Derpy and Lyra moved up to the counter. “I'm Bulk Biceps! This is my stand! You want a shake?”
Lyra blinked at the stallion's loud and rather simplistic approach and held still as she tried to parse out how to respond. Derpy, however, walked up as if unaware of the oddity and smiled up at the larger pony. “Hiya, Bulk!” the gray mare began. “Meet my new friend,” Derpy added, and then gestured to the unicorn.
Lyra mentally threw off her fugue at that and then smiled as she finished walking up to the counter. “Hello,” she began, as she extended a hoof. “I’m LyraaaaaAAAAA!” Her voice rose into a yell of shock as Bulk Biceps reached across the counter with a foreleg to shake her hoof, but instead ended up lifting the unicorn up and down several times before he set her back down.
“Always nice to meet a friend of a friend!” Bulk opined, as he set Lyra back down. “Though you could use some more hay in the bales,” he added, while Lyra shook herself a bit to regain her wits. “What you need is a POWERSHAKE!”
“Power shake?” Lyra asked, as she blinked her vision back into focus and then looked up at the grinning stallion. He nodded at the question, which pushed the mare to continue. “And what is a power shake?”
“It’s CHOK FULL of hyper-nutrients and mega metabolizers!” Bulk replied, even as he turned and began to work. This prompted Lyra to focus on the area behind the stallion’s counter, and she noted several freestanding shelves and a worktable filled with bags, bottles, and not a few piles of different fruits and vegetables. Bulk himself worked quickly, and his hooves darted out to various ingredients before combining them into an extra-large blender. Said device then roared to life once Bulk finished assembling the confection, and within a few moments the stallion poured the off-white mixture into a disposable waxed paper cup that he then topped off with a plastic lid and a straw. “Here! Taste if before you buy it!” he said, as he handed it over to Lyra, who took it up with her hoof rather than her magic. “I'm that confident you'll LOVE it!”
Either that or you're kinda dense, Lyra thought. Ah well, best give him the benefit of the doubt, she added, and then held up the shake and then took in a long, deep sip through the straw. The mixed drink was surprisingly thick and so it took a moment to draw in a full mouthful, but once she did Lyra hummed her approval. Mmm, rich and fruity and tasty and is thatcoffeeIthinkitmightbealittlestrong—
“Uh, Lyra?” Derpy asked, carefully, as she saw the unicorn freeze and widen her eyes. Then the aforementioned pony started to move again, but only to close her eyes and resume slurping up the smoothie through a straw. She remained incommunicado, though, which prompted the pegasus mare to turn her head and look up at Bulk Biceps. “Bulk, what did you put in that smoothie?”
Biceps frowned a bit, as he, too was puzzled at Lyra’s perplexing state. “Well, she looked a bit low on energy,” he began, slowly, and then lowered his head a bit. “So I, uh, used more of my special ingredient than usual.”
“And what is that special ingredient?” Derpy pressed. “Because this is starting to scare me; I don’t want to freeze up and go mute!”
“Uhm,” Bulk temporized, while the sounds a straw sucking up the dregs of a drink were heard. “Don’t tell anypony, but I buy a batch of Pinkie Pie’s special triple-expresso white chocolate cupcakes and then grind them up when they go stale to mix the powder into a shake.”
Derpy’s eyes widened at that. “Are you nuts? Those shouldn’t be eaten by newcomers who aren’t used to Pinkie’s food!”
Bulk blinked at that. “She’s new?” he asked, confused.
“Indeed I am, good sir pony!” Lyra finally spoke, which startled both Derpy and Bulk, who turned their heads to find the unicorn giving them an unsettling grin. “Verily, the pony who stands before you is an outlander, hailing from the distant corners of your reality,” she continued, and then slammed the now-empty smoothie cup on the stand’s counter. “And this, this concoction of flavonoids and long-chain proteins and psychotropic molecules tickles my fancy in ways that no common fare has ever done afore!”
The two native ponies stared in silent confusion for a moment. “Uh, okay?” Bulk finally said, bemused.
“Okay? Okay? This is far from okay, mister Biceps,” Lyra replied, and then set her front hooves on the counter. She didn’t stop there, however, as she pulled herself up to stand on said counter, and then pushed her forward half up to lean onto Bulk Biceps shoulder. The pegasus’ expression changed into one of discomfort and fear, but he remained steady as Lyra pushed her face into his and stared into his eyes with a manic gaze. “Because of this drink I have seen them: the strings that vibrate at the edge of existence. They sing praises of your work, even as they tremble in fear and sorrow at the appearance of such temporal genius.”
A brief silence fall over the trio again, and Bulk gulped as Lyra simply stared into his eyes, as if expecting a response. Thus, he gave her one: “Uhm… okay?”
“Truly a unique individual such as yourself has never before graced the far-flung annals of history, and woe betide those who seek to counter the claim,” Lyra added. Then she blatantly sniffed the air, and then slightly narrowed her eyes at the stallion. “I smell fear upon you; do you fear me, Bulk Biceps of Ponyville?”
“Uh, a little?” Bulk replied, confusion still filling his tone. “You’re kinda scary right now.”
“Scary? Scary?” Lyra echoed, as her face twisted in surprise. “Do you not see the strings, Bulk Biceps?”
“Uh,” Bulk temporized, as his eyes flitted side to side in hopes of finding help. All he could see, though, was Derpy standing in front of his counter with a gobsmacked expression, and a small crowd of ponies who had gathered around a pony-length behind the pegasus. “Yes?” he guessed, and then offered an uneasy smile.
“LIAR!” Lyra shouted, and then shoved off of Bulk to stand up on her hind legs on top of the counter. She then pointed a foreleg down at the proprietor. “You besmirch your own name with falsehood, and for that you will be punished most heinously!”
“Punished?” Bulk asked, in surprise, and then flinched as Lyra started to fall forward again, as if to slam her hoof into his face. He tried to back away, but alas his stand was not that large to begin with, and the bodybuilder pony was outsized enough that he could only go back a single step before his retreat was blocked by his worktable. He closed his eyes and clenched as Lyra fell forward, intending to ride out the strike.
A moment passed. And then another. When a third and more rolled by without any change or impact, Bulk opened his eyes again to see that Lyra had landed on three legs on top of the counter. The fourth—the leg that had been pointed at him—was still raised, and its hoof was held only an inch from his muzzle. Lyra grinned at him, and then lightly pressed the hoof against his nose. “Boop,” she said, cutely, and then pulled the hoof back.
Bulk could only stand there in utter confusion. “Boop?” he echoed.
Lyra nodded, and then lightly tapped her hoof against his nose again. “Boop,” she repeated, and then drew back her leg. “Such is befitting punishment for good little ponies who make silly mistakes,” she added, and then promptly did a backflip off of the counter to land on the ground in front of Bulk’s stand. “And now I go, never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen! In which case, if I see you before you see me… look out.” At this, Lyra turned and then dropped low to the ground and began to creep along on bent legs, as if to avoid being seen, though everypony around did indeed see her and the crowd in fact parted for her as she crept away at a surprisingly fast pace.
Silence fell over those who had just witnessed the scene, filled only by the soft murmur of the marketplace beyond the immediate area. Eventually, though, the crowd of spectators began to chat amongst themselves as they broke up and went back to their business. Derpy and Bulk, though, remained frozen in place for a solid minute before the former finally recovered. “Well… how much do I owe you for the shake?” she asked, though she kept her head pointed in the direction Lyra had gone.
“Tell you what, you promise to not let anypony know I did that to a newcomer and it’s on the house,” Bulk replied, though he, too, simply stared off at the direction of Lyra’s departure.
“Mix me up a blueberry-banana smoothie and it’s a deal,” Derpy replied, and then sighed as she turned her head to look at Bulk. “I’m gonna need the comfort food when I go tell Bonbon her friend from out of town is running around hopped up on sugar and caffeine.”
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Well, good to see that Bon Bon is going to be in for a shock when she finds Lyra. Though from the effect those cupcakes would be effective truth serums...
I'm really enjoying this story so far, but I think that you're right that you're wrong about the chapter stopping point, because in essence nothing happened. Bon Bon confirmed what we already knew, and Lisa had a wacky but (hopefully) pointless misadventure--and the story did not advance. The alternate interpretation is it did advance, which would mean that the plot hinges on Lisa being hilariously out of her gourd for the rest of the story, and which would thus be an abominable waste of a fantastic setup. So yeah. Probably should've kept going.
Am I to assume that hijinks will continue to ensue?
7202904 Indeed, though perhaps not quite as extremely silly as this. I mainly just wanted to get Lyra to loosen up and thus prepare the way ahead.
7201744 Thank you for the feedback. I am still a bit on the fence but it shall be taken into consideration.
7201744 To be perfectly fair, she did make a new friend (Derpy) and established a reputation for herself (fucking nuts), so this chapter isn't really pointless, especially when you consider the fact that Bonbon did firm up her position on the current situation and her priorities in the conversation with Cadence so she is now ready to move forward with the mission. That is perfectly respectable for a 4000 word chapter, and the shift on Bonbon's side makes this a good place to split the chapter to separate laying the groundwork from reuniting and moving forward.
7204515
Ironically being a little loopy will blend right in if this Equestria sticks to canon in any way. As compared to a more 'normal' place where someone might actually think about what she said and wonder.
This is a great and entertaining take on Lyra and the HiE genre. The entire setup works and has me eagerly anticipating more.
Please update soon and frequently!
This is an amazing story setup so far. I love Lisa/Lyra's personality. She is functional enough, but when she goes off the rails, she REALLY goes off the rails. It helps that she is brilliant instead of crazy-crazy like some stories portray.
I can't help but think how this will play out, and all the flack she'll get for establishing herself in a very high profile position as a raving eccentric, especially from those in the know, and her fellow humans. Such a reputation means that she can't be trained to blend in better lest she break the masquerade, and Ponyville being Ponyville she'll not stand out. I mean, they have Pinkie Pie after all.
So... Lyra's alone, new in town, still getting the hang of ponyisms and pony culture, and doped up while in a small town. This is a bubbling pot of all sorts of awesome!
Ha! I was honestly expecting Lyra to let slip her secret during her high but her little tirade was so much better! Great work!
Very interesting...Hope this story doesn't die...or receive too slow of an update rate.
Also, It's Alicorn.
This is quite enjoying! I really enjoy Lyra's personality and love how you're putting this whole story together. Very nice!
Too bad this got cancelled. I'll leave a Tracking tag on it just in case that changes, though.
If Lyra needed an excuse for any human-style weirdness, she has one now. Well played.
Nice. Pinkie by proxy.
Well, that's a good excuse now. "I'm sorry for acting weird, I had an overdose of caffeine again."
Hilarious, I like a dose of absurd from time to time