City of Canterlot
17 Years Before the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration
It was the time between day and night, the end of light and the beginning of darkness, fitting for the act she was about to carry out.
The mare was average size at first appearance, and hung back in an alleyway as ponies trotted past. She wore a thick brown cloak with holes for her wings with the hood hiding her face. Her coat was the color of freshly fallen snow, and looked as soft as clouds to any that would look at her, highlighting the almost fluffy pink tail. Her face was hidden in the cowl of the cloak, but if a pony were to look closely, they would have seen two magenta eyes underneath a pink mane that sparkled with intelligence.
If one looked even closer, they would have seen the tears as well.
There were few ponies left on the street at this time of day. Many slept or were holed up in buildings, their windows softly lit as the sun made its descent on the distant horizon. Very few ponies watched the stars awake or the moon arise to shepherd the night.
The silent mare watched as a young couple slipped past her and trotted quietly down the street, oblivious to the rest of the world as they rounded the corner, and fell out of sight.
The street was finally empty.
The mare stepped out of the shadows slowly and checked the street again, her magenta eyes sweeping the city like a lighthouse searching for ships in the dark sea. A small bundle was on her back, tightly held between her wings like a basket.
Or a cradle.
In the dimming light of the dying day, as the sky turned to lavender and stars began sparkling their greeting to the world below. The mare trotted quickly, but silently, her hooves barely making a sound on the cobblestone as she approached her destination.
It was not a poor building, but neither could one say it was well off either. It was the type of building that didn’t attract the attention of admirers nor gain the pity of those seeing a ruin, in short, it was an everyday building that ponies passed by and let the memory of said building slip through their minds, never to remember.
It was perfect.
The white mare reached the doorstep and stopped, her head turning slightly under the hood as she once again appraised the street for errant ponies. Making sure of her isolation, she turned her head towards the distant horizon where the sun glowed like a dying ember.
A faint golden glow illuminated her features slightly as a horn lit up underneath the cloak. As if sighing in relief, the sun sank gently below the horizon, leaving the sky to fade into darkness as the orb slumbered and rested, waiting for the new day.
The mare turned then, to the opposite horizon, and the glow continued as the moon arose and graced the night sky with its presence. A scar in the shape of an ancient mare marred its pearly face as the orb ascended. Underneath the gentle light of the moon, more tears fell down the mare’s face as the golden glow died and the stars danced in the sky.
Facing back towards the building where she stood, she looked up at the sign that could barely be read in the dwindled light.
Tender Heart Orphanage
Without a sound, the bundle on the mares back lifted in a gentle glow and came around to rest in her snowy hooves. The mare looked down into her bundle and stared at its contents, as if memorizing it, branding it into her mind like burning iron pressed into wood, scarring it so as to never be forgotten.
It was a foal.
She had a lavender coat with a short horn that parted her hair. Her mane was a dark shade of purple with a pink highlight running down like an arrow through the straight and orderly strands. The foal’s eyes were closed, and she breathed gently as her chest rose and fell in her slumber.
I am so sorry.
Slowly, as if regretting every inch she put between her and the foal, she lowered the sleeping child until she rested upon the doorstep.
Reaching with her magic the mare pulled out a small piece of parchment from within the folds of her cloak and carefully placed it in-between the folds of the blanket in which the foal slept.
It had only two words on it.
Twilight Sparkle
There was nothing more to be done, and yet still she lingered. Sitting as still as the statues that watched over the city, as if frozen in time and place. She stayed there for several minutes, thought it felt like hours, and still she did not move, not even appearing to breath.
Breaking the trance, the cloaked pony lifted up its gaze and turned around, her pink tail brushing the foal slightly as she left. She traced the path she had made earlier and found herself upon the entrance back into an alleyway when a noise broke the quiet of the night.
The foal was softly crying.
Again she stood still, a fore hoof lifted in pause as the foal gently cried behind her. Setting it down gently, she looked back slowly, as if torn between the alleyway and the child on the doorstep. Her eyes flashed as she could no longer wait and her gaze once again found the foal.
Two small magenta eyes stared back at her.
The foal’s lips were trembling as small tears escaped her wide eyes, her hooves reaching out to the empty air in front of her, searching for the mare that was not there.
It’s not too late.
A decision had to be made, one which the mare thought she had already decided upon. But faced with the actual event, her thoughts betrayed her and regret assaulted her conscious.
Only the sound of the child’s cry drifted through the street as the mare contemplated. The night itself seemed to hold its breath as she juggled her choices, as if glaring down in contempt upon the white mare.
She made her decision.
Like glass breaking the moment was over, and the mare turned back down the alleyway, her bright coat disappearing in the darkness of the city.
The child’s cries broke into a desperate wail.
But nopony answered.
I can already tell that this story is gonna be good! Please keep the chapters coming.
Nice !! Please more !!
i can imagine how pissed or shocked twi will be.
This sounds like it will be good, Twilight's reaction won't be good when she finds out but it'll sure be interesting.
cannot wait for more, if only the season 4 finale was sooner than now
Great Scott.
Oh my stars! This was a good introduction, poor Twilight!
The feels! Fave for sure:P
Ohh this seems interesting and dammit that first chapter was sad
The only thing about this chapter that bothers me is the fact that Celestia doesn't actually knock on the door, that coupled with the fact that it seems apparent she wasn't expecting Twilight to start crying and I'm left wondering how Celestia expected the orphanage workers to know a foal had just been abandoned on their doorstep
4297564 DONT SAY THAT!!!! Then wed have to wait another year for more mlp
*crosses arms and taps fingers* First off you better make a damn good reason why she would abandon her own foal like that, and 4298249 has a point.
4298249 Well since its almost universal that it is expected for Foals to eventually wake up and begin crying, Celestia didn't knock since the orphanage workers would appear soon after the crying started and be seen. Also, she expected to be out of earshot once Twilight started crying, have some distance between them. Celestia didn't expect for the crying to start immediately after she left.
the way you told this story was spot on, I would love to read more and I cant wait to mlp season 4 is done I \be waiting so please update when you can after the season is over and mega thanks for the awesome story.
p.s. it was a bit sad but it still was a great ch :
4298660
That's exactly my point. While there is a high chance that Twilight would start crying fairly quickly, Celestia had no guarantee of when, if at all. There is always the chance that Twilight could have been a heavy sleeper for a foal. I'm not saying that's the case, I'm just saying that there is a dissonant between the emotion your trying to have Celestia express, and her actions. Why would she take the chance that her foal could be left outside for who knows how long when a simple knock and dash would at least guarantee some response? It ruined the chapter slightly for me because the entire chapter basically focuses around how hard this is for Celestia and how much she obvious cares for her daughter, and then she doesn't knock and suddenly I'm drawn out the story.
4299132 I'm sorry you feel that way, but that is the way I wanted to write the scene.
Hasbro never intended its show to cover any deep topics. (It's a show aimed at little girls) They also have a history of throwing past events out the window/tweaking character personalities when it suits a particular episode. You'd probably be better off making your own interpretation of Equestria, since you'd have more control over the "feels."
Not really dissing Hasbro, but if you are going to try to match your fic with the show word for word, then you're going to be tearing your hair out.
4299166
That is not a good answer. I didn't really have a problem with the scence, but he makes a good point, and saying "but I want to" is not a good way to respond to criticism.
Cheers
4299654 I'm sorry if you misunderstood my wording. I mean I had SPECIFIC reasons for not putting it into the scene, not just a whim. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
4299574 I do see your point, but there are some things I would not want to jump the gun on and see how the show plays out. I am not so strict as to be completely correct in regards to canon but I would tell you what I am looking for but that would reveal story plot points. I may press on regardless of the finale though.
4299756
Ahh, that's good. Well, carry on then.
The basic idea has been done before but I have yet to see it done with this quality of writing. I cant tell yet if this will be good but it has potential and that excites me.
I shall be watching this one closely.
Really good chapter. This is good so far. Im going to make sure i keep an eye on this story.
Good chapter, too bad we have to wait so long for the next part... But I'll be waiting
Good luck.
And so it begins anew. and nice beginning. Deffently going to watch how you develop this story. Have a fave and like
I can imagine a number of very good reasons for why Celestia would give up Twilight like that. All are rather plainly obvious and painfully valid, too.
Like how if she had kept the foal, she would never grow up normally. Twi would forever be seen as 'Celestia's Foal' and would never have a normal life, doomed to the kind of ever-present scrutiny and judgment of the nobles. Not to mention having to deal with fake friends that hang around her because of their parents' insistence or through their own selfish desires, both seeking to increase their own social standing through affiliation with the young princess.
Another one would be that because of Celestia's duties, she would be exceptionally hard-pressed to make time for Twilight, which going by Celestia's maternal nature, would be a massive no-no. She would want the foal to grow up feeling loved, rather than sidelined, which could make all kinds of problems in the future.
The last I'll list is the last I can think of off the top of my head. She could fear for Twilight turning into one of those self-absorbed nobles (or, heaven's forbid, another Blueblood) and potentially hurting others. Having Twilight grow up as a, relatively, normal pony would hopefully ensure that this would not happen.
In the end, all are valid, albeit painful, reasons to give up Twilight. I look forward to seeing your reasoning for this.
My hearts, the both of them. they have broken... i await more eagerly as I am a glutton for punishment.
Hmm.
Author is currently writing fic where Twilight is Luna's daughter.
Author starts writing fic where Twilight is Celestia's daughter.
...just be sure you know what you're doing there, and don't get them mixed up when writing them!
4313621 Don't worry, I won't. Besides the obvious, there is a distinct difference between "In the Sun's Shadow" and "Heir of the Nightmare." I would tell, but that would mean revealing spoilers.
Did you read my post on the forum but if you didnt this story is very close to my request :D
4314294 No, I didn't. I don't even look at them. This is my own story idea. With all the same characters, settings, and since (Celestia is Twilight's mother) is such a common theme I'm not surprised if your initial impression is of the similarity.
4304986 Yeah I like your last reason
There. Are. No. Words.
In a
GREATAWESOME way!i think she gave up twilight cause 1) i don't really think she would want to do the same thing to twilight that she did to Luna just my thought dunno maybe im right maybe im wrong .
Right in the feels
Okay. When an intro to a story make me just about cry, I say it's good. Of course i'll wait and see how it goes, but it's off to a poignant start I say...
I say, this story has inflicted quite a harsh blow upon my feel glands.
Curse you, fine fellow. Curse you.
Wow...
This is great so far...
fuck you.
no really.
now i have to hide in my janitorial closet at the school i work for until i can stop crying.
you are fucking vile to right that so well that its all i can see.
upvoted faved,following and will likely never forgive you.
Obviously the 2 people that downvoted this are heartless
hmm i think ill keep an eye on this one..
This is looking fairly interesting so far... I think I'll keep an eye on this.
I like it is there going to be more???
Update
SO when are you updating?
I can't believe a single chapter has such an emotional impact on me that i cried so hard! I have to tip my hat to you good sir, very detailed and heart pulling. And I think another reason for leaving Twilight: Nightmare Moon is to return in 17 years-if the first line in the chapter says so- and Nightmare Moon is A) evil and B) hates Clesetia and would most likely used Twilight as hostage. For isn't that a classic villain move? (I need a Nightmare Moon laughing evilly face here)
"though", no "T"
Since we all really know who it is, "its" really isn't an appropriate pronoun; should be "her".
Typo:
mare's back
That... That first chapter man. Pulling at my heartstrings. Instant Like and Favorite.
5429506 i have to agree.
Damn it, author. I knew what was coming when i entered this and yet you still broke my heart with that first chapter.
Being honest, this chapter feels like it tries far too hard. Celestia giving away a daughter she had is something that can work. Her abandoning her foal in a basket in the footstep of an orphanage with but a blanket and a note with her name not so much. She's the immortal ruler of her lands, her subjects all but worship her, it'd take very little effort to actually go to the orphanage and actually giving her away properly as an orphan. Something like her being the daughter of some lost family, or finding her in the wild, and any reluctance could be justified with something like "I've cared for her for a few days while I researched where would be best for her to stay." or something.
Like it is comes as if Celestia forgot who she was and the resources she has at her hoofs.