My Little Seaweed

Buried Treasures (Stories that Deserve More Attention)692 stories ·595 members

Seaweed Marine is a new filly in Ponyville, who moved from Canterlot. She has no cutie mark, and no friends. Maybe, just maybe, she can become friends with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 7 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 7
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Pinkamena777

Pinkamena777 #1 · Mar 23rd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

good story

are u going to make chapter two anytime soon?

BaconHazard

BaconHazard #2 · Mar 23rd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Whoa...

Wind Whistler is love

Wind Whistler is love #3 · Mar 23rd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Pretty good. ^^ This is pretty short to form an opinion on, but I don't see any major mistakes. I think maybe I could use some more details on Seaweed to make her seem a bit more real and alive to me, she doesn't have a whole lot of personality when she's defined solely by the fact that she's bullied (though clearly she is letting that define her, poor thing, so I don't expect a whole lot. Still, you could throw in a bit of background about her family or what she likes to do or how she did in school before, etc.). Anyway, she seems like a sweet little filly, and I'm hoping things get heaps better for her with a bit of help from the CMC.

The convention is to start a new paragraph every time you have a new speaker--it helps clarify who is talking, and usually makes the conversation flow a little better.

Few minor typos/grammar errors
>>This Earth Pony
Capitalizing the pony races shouldn't be necessary...

>>She couldn’t bare the thought of going to school.
You want bear in that case, not bare.

>>Seaweed walked into the school and blushes,
Blushed

And ironically, in the note at the end there's "ect" instead of "etc".

Other than that, grammar and spelling look good. Writing style could stand to be a bit more descriptive here and there, but it's decent, surprisingly good for a first fic. Yeah. I will track this and look forward to more.

CherryNekoPony

CherryNekoPony #4 · Mar 23rd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

- Hazard

Whoa in a bad way, or was my story good?

-Tunderbolt

Chapter 2 will be up today.

(I'm probably not replying the right way. XD I'm still new on this site.)

-Wind Whistler is love

Thanks! It makes me really happy to see that you like my story, and I'm happy you put constructive criticism. I'll defiantly keep those in mind when I'm writing chapter 2. I'll also go in and fix the typos.

BaconHazard