Welcome to Ponyville Mr. Demon (Revised)
A Demon in Ponyville
Chapter 2: Welcome to Ponyville Mr. Demon
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. All other characters are mine.
A shadow rippled across the land of Equestria, moving into the cursed trees known as the Everfree Forest. The shadow held within its mind a sinister purpose, to rain destruction upon all of Equestria’s inhabitants. Deep into the forest it traveled. The shadow winding between the thick vines and trunks until it reached its destination. Stretching before him was a swamp of swirling brown and black water.
The shadow’s iridescent green eyes found their target. Sleeping under the surface of the swamp, a four headed hydra slept peacefully. Hunger filled these horrendous eyes. Without any hesitation the shadow rushed to the sleeping beast, sinking into its left head. The hydra squirmed under the dark conscious. The spirit wasted little time to take control of the hydra’s body, filling its dreams of pure darkness.
The hydra open all eight of its eyes, revealing them not to be their natural blue color but a glowing green. The water and ground of the swamp exploded into the open air. The hydra rose above the murky water, all four scaly heads scanning the surrounding land to find its destination. Ponyville.
0 0 0
Matthew continued along the riverbank, following the direction of his senses. His limbs and muscles started to develop a deeper tension, making his joints complain. Matthew decided to take a small respite, taking a refreshing drink of clear water. Lifting his head from the water, Mathew once again caught a glimpse of his new face. It’s going to take some time you get use to this image. Sitting on the bank, the stallion eyes followed the river finding dark rooftops and colorful housing standing against the bland earth. Oh you have got to be kidding me. That’s a long a** walk!
Groaning, Matthew got to his hooves and continued his walk. The only sounds that accompanied him were the sound of the wind, the babbling river and the dull clopping of his own hooves against the hard earth.
I wonder if the species are horses? Wait, I don’t think I’m a full horse. I’d be a lot taller and wouldn’t have such a freakishly large head. I think I may be a pony. But I’m still happy about one aspect. Heh. Heh. Now who’s the real stallion in school? Too bad I never went to school. Matthew thought. To the matter at hand, it’d be pretty awkward if a Pegasus/unicorn suddenly walked into the middle of a town full of humans. That’d be an awkward conversation! If worst case scenario, I’ll just have to punch my way out.
Matthew chuckled at this, questioning his own sanity with every step. The distance continued to disappear. The closer the stallion got, more details were revealed to Matthew. The town was medium-size, the colorful housing a bright beacon in the distance. Each house ranged from light blues to pinks to oranges to a gingerbread house which raised more questions.
Matthew stopped in his tracks at the border of the town, unable to travel any further. Oh my God! I am in hell! It finally happened! Sprawled out in front of him was the most colorful town he had ever seen, a town full of nothing but ponies. The town in front of him appeared to be something out of a cartoon show for children with bright colors, clear crisp lines, a bright blue sky and many smiling faces.
Ponies of all colors and sizes filled the streets. Pegasus and Unicorns lived alongside the average pony, some even flying across the air or sitting atop fluffy white clouds.
The former human was stunned. These seemingly simple ponies continued about their work; whether it was running a shop, buying goods or exchanging pleasantries. These pastel creatures built a town and a thriving economy. With only hooves? Matthew decided not to ask how they did that.
Matthew steeled himself, preparing to move through the crowd. Inside he was nervous. Meeting a new civilization was probably not as easy as the movies made it out to be. Just don’t do anything stupid and you’ll be fine.
Matthew moved through the crowd, weaving between the various ponies as he quested out with his limited senses, feeling the energy of everyone within ten feet.
Limited as he was, Matthew could not feel any malicious energy.
The energy he sensed was the basic image of a soul. Each one had a distinct feel to it, no matter who or what it was. Plants were light, sluggish as they produced energy to grow and bud. Animals contained more energy, but they were simplistic and only focusing on survival. With a more complex being, the variety of personality had a completely different imprints and colors. Good attributes such as love, kindness and such would lead to a bright soul. While the negative attributes lead to a darkening of the soul, until the soul was nothing more than a dark stain. With these ponies, they all felt “good.” Some malicious imprints were there; the compulsion to lie, to cheat or the beginning of greed. But these attributes were outweighed by the light.
Jesus! Mother Teresa ain’t got nothing on these ponies. Matthew though in awe, marveling at the shear scope of good souls. Matthew simply watched these ponies, taking in their physical shapes.
Most ponies were shorter, more curved with long flowing manes and tails. Why’s that? Matthew questioned as these shorter ponies moved more fluidly with longer eyelashes, then it dawned on him. Man! Guys are outnumbered five to one here. Even I could get a date here, Matthew commented, no one noticing the cold shiver running down his spine.
Matthew’s presence began to draw unwanted attention. Several mares’ eyed the Pegasus with some interest. One even calling, “Looking good their boy!” Matthew’s face turned a beat red, never had he been considered attractive by the women on his planet. Oh the naughty things I could do here.
While passing a large group of giggling ponies, Matthew noticed a gingerbread house approaching on his left with a sign reading ‘Sugarcube Corner.’
Matthew had to take a closer inspection to reveal that the building was made out of wood and plaster and not food. I am so disappointed right now. The sweet smell of baked goods wafted from the open door, tempting Matthew to enter the busy establishment.
Matthew remained vigilant, remembering that he had no money and should not waste his time looking at delicious creations just to make him hungrier.
A growl from his stomach argued its point. Hey! Business first, food second. Firm in his position, Matthew reentered the crowd.
Moving away from the bakery, Mathew hear a sad, “Awwwww,” float over the murmur of the crowd. Choosing to ignore it, Matthew continued to venture forth inyo this strange colorful town thinking deeply about where to ask for some information.
Now let’s think. . . A bar?
Do ponies even drink? Probably not.
A passerby? Maybe, but then I would draw attention to the fact that I have no idea where I am and no self respecting man would ever do that.
A library?
Matthew hummed to himself; A library would have a map and there are multiple excuses to look at a map. With a plan in mind, Matthew moved deeper into the town.
0 0 0
Pinkie Pie woke up today with a smile on her face, but today wasn’t just any day. Today her Pinkie Sense was telling her a new pony was going to arrive in Ponyville and that something big was going to happen. Big with all CAPS!
The day proceeded as normal. Pinkie helped the Cakes around the bakery. The mare taking turns to care for the twins and taking their orders. Each customer received the very famous, and in every way creepy, Pinkie Pie smile. All of her best friends, which literally included every pony she had ever met, were having a great time. Then he showed up.
Wondering up to the door, Pinkie saw the new pony. His gold coat shone in the bright sunlight, his spiky mane making him look like a porcupine. His dark irises looked at the bakery with an interested eye. From behind the counter Mr. and Mrs. Cake looked inquisitively at Pinkie as she jumped up and down muttering, “He’s here! He’s here! He’s here!”
Before they could ask who, Pinkie pointed towards the stallion. Standing in front of the door stood a single pony, his gold coat shimmering in the sun’s bright light.
Mr. Cake asked Pinkie, “Do you know that pony, Pinkie Pie?”
“Yes!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, “He’s my bestest friend!”
Mr. and Mrs. Cake chuckled, “Pinkie Pie, everpony’s your bestest friend.”
“I know! Isn’t it great!” Pinkie bounced, until she looked closer at his face noticing the dark bags under his eyes and the frown on his muzzle. “But he looks sad,” Pinkie said, halting her bouncing.
“Who do you think he is?” asked Mrs. Cakes, looking over the markings over his muzzle and body, unable to make any sense of the designs.
“I don’t know, shugarplum,” commented Mr. Cake.
Before they could continue, the stallion walked away from the bakery to disappear in the crowd. Pinkie Pie wailed, “Awwwwwwww,” wanting nothing more than to meet this stranger. Bursting through the bakery’s front door, Pinkie Pie’s head swiveled in every direction.
There he is! Pinkie Pie’s voice vibrated in her head. Following closely behind the gold stallion, Pinkie Pie devised a brilliant plan. OK! First, I’ll give him a surprise hug! Then, a cupcake! I wonder what kind of cupcake he likes? Oooh! My voice sounds funny in here! Hello. Hello. Hello Hello.
Pinkie Pie snaked her way through the crowd, taking cover behind any object as she stocked her prey. She soundlessly moved from a stand selling lettuce, to under a wagon, to behind a small filly until she jumped into a large pitcher for sale. Surprising the pony behind the stand, but Pinkie always kept her eyes on the gold pony. Matthew stopped in the center of town, his eyes taking in all the sights. His ears swiveled back and forth, the sounds of the content shopper a pleasant change of tone to him.
Now’s my chance! Pinkie Pie jumped from inside the pitcher and into the air. Pinkie flew towards the stallion in a wide arch, with her forelegs held wide open. Time slowed for the party pony, slowly getting closer and closer to her new friend. Her legs were almost around his neck, ready to give him the biggest hug Pinkie Pie could muster.
And then…
There was nothing. In less than a second, the stallion vanished into thin air. Pinkie Pie crashed into the brown earth, sending up a cloud of dirt in all directions. Pinkie’s head spun around in all directions, not knowing what happened. “Where’d he go? Did he disappear? Or was he never there to begin with?!”Pinkie asked, her eyes bulging in her head scaring all of the ponies near her.
“Oh wait! There he is!” Pinkie called spinning around to look at the building to her back. Matthew watched from the top of the thatched rooftop of a light tan house.
“Eep!” Matthew squeaked in a very unmanly way as the pink pony that had just tried to tackle him moments ago disappeared in a cloud of upturned dirt. Jesus she’s fast! Matthew felt her moving around the building to get to him. All the while, Pinkie wore a wide smile to show all of her shining white teeth. Her blue eyes bulged out of her head. It was the kind of smile that a psychopath would use while asking if they could touch your skin.
In a burst of energy, Matthew flew over the heads of the ponies to the roof adjacent to him. To anyone looking, it appeared as if he had vanished into thin air. In reality, Matthew had simply used his energy to push himself a short distance at high speeds.
Whipping his head around, Matthew caught sight of the pink pony standing where he was a moment ago. She looked angry now, determined to catch him. To Matthew’s growing surprise, this pony pulled out a small pink canon from her mane and placed it on the roof. How did she fit that in her hair? Dumbfounded, Matthew continued to blankly stare at Pinkie as she jumped into the canon.What is she doing? Is she crazy! Wait . . . Matthew’s pupils contracted and his hears flattened against his when he realized where she was aiming.
With a loud bang Pinkie Pie flew straight at stallion at high speed. Confused, Matthew stood there like an idiot as she slammed into him. The pair flew off the roof and into the open air. Every eye followed the pair flight trajectory.
Pinkie and Matthew tumbled through the air, sailing towards a large oak tree.
0 0 0
Lying next to a tall stack of leather bound books, a purple alicorn drifted through the pages of the ancient tome. Her mane flowed to the floor, a darker purple than her fur with a pink highlight to accent it. Princess Twilight Sparkle was enjoying the peace of a day off, taking time to enjoy some of the new books added to her collection. She hummed to herself in content. A small purple reptile with green underbelly made his way down the worn wooden stairs, calling “How’s it going Twilight?”
Twilight looked up from the pages, smiling at Spike, “Pretty good Spike. How about you?”
Spike shrugged, “Kinda bored, wanna do something later today?”
Twilight chuckled, stretching her legs, “Sure thing, Spike. What would you like to do?”
Spike scratched his chin, thinking deeply, “How about we check out that new movie? What was it called? Slender-something?”
Twilight raised an amused eyebrow, “Isn’t that a little adult for you? I don’t want you crawling into my bed because of some nightmare.”
Spike dropped to his knees, pleading, “Aw! Come on Twilight! I promise I won’t get scared! Please! Please! Please!”
Twilight tried to turn away, but Spike was giving her the puppy eyes. No pony could resist the puppy eyes. Twilight sighed, “OK, Spike. Let’s head out and grab some tickets for a later show.”
“Yes!” cheered the little dragon, fist pumping the air.
“But,” Twilight added, “You can’t get a large popcorn.”
“Oh come on!”
Twilight continued, “I don’t want you getting a stomach ache like the last time I allowed you to get that much popcorn.”
“Ok,” Spike said, slightly defeated but still happy to be going anyway.
Twilight’s horn ignited with purple energy, all of the books next flying into the air before returning to their correct locations on the shelves. Twilight announced, “There! All nice and cleaned, let’s go Spike!”
Spike was about to jump onto Twilight’s back, but a blur of pink and gold burst through the roof into the bookshelf behind him causing the reptile to run behind her in fright.
Books rained down on the intruders as Twilight cried, “My books!”
Twilight and Spike slowly approached the pile of books with apprehension, making sure to stay a safe distance. The pile shifted, causing them to freeze. Their muscle ready to bolt out of the library if need be.
A pink head and cotton candy mane popped out of the pile of books, giggling, “That was fun! Let’s do it again!”
Twilight gasped, not sure what to make of Pinkie Pie at this very moment. “Pinkie Pie are you alright?”
Pinkie turned to Twilight, “I’m fine! I landed on something soft.” Taking a hoof, Pinkie rummaged through the books until she found what she was looking for. Rummaging in the pile, Pinkie pulled out Matthew’s head.
Twilight looked at Matthew’s swirling eyes and gapping mouth in concern. Twilight asked, “Are you alright?”
“Here kitty! Kitty! Kitty!” Matthew slurred, the world spinning before he collapsed in the pile of books. Either he suffered from brain damage from his head being used as a battering ram or was still calibrating from the fact that he had just been shot at with a pink pony. Thankfully, black nothingness welcomed him to sleep.
Twilight looked at Pinkie Pie, “Pinkie, what did you do?”
Pinkie Pie took a deep breath, “Well-I-was-following-this-pony-to-give-him-a-surprise-hug-and-to-be-best-friends-but-he-kept-disappearing-so-I-shot-myself-out-of-the-party-cannon-and-we-flew-through-the-air-until-we-crashed-into-your-library! Sorry Twilight!” It was surprising she was able to say that all in one breathe.
Twilight shook her head, tension building up between her eyes, “So let me get this straight.” Twilight ironed out the detail, “A new pony arrived in Ponyville?”
“Yep!”
“You wanted to be friends with him, right?”
“Yes, ma’am!”
“So you chased him around Ponyville and he kept disappearing on you?”
“Yes sir!”
“When you couldn’t grab him, you shot at him with you cannon and came crashing through my library wall?”
Pinkie jumped out of the pile of books to stand triumphantly, the shift in weight causing the air to wheeze out of Matthew’s lungs. “And we had the bestest time!”
Twilight rubbed her temples, “Pinkie, did you ever consider just talking to the guy?”
Pinkie’s ears dropped slightly, “Where’d the fun in that be?”
Twilight decided not to ask any further questions. Covering the gold pony in violet energy, Twilight lifted Mathew from the pile of books. Gently placing him on one of the sitting cushion, Twilight noticed the markings all over his body. The intrigued alicorn took an interest in the symbols along his mussel, the calligraphy were like nothing she had ever seen before. Pinkie Pie appeared next to Twilight, asking, “Whatcha looking at?”
Twilight’s brow furrowed, “These symbols, I’ve never seen them before.”
Pinkie Pie commented, “Maybe he’s a foreigner, or a space alien from the planet Mongo, or a traveler from another dimension!”
Twilight chuckled slightly, “Pinkie, he looks like a pony to me. These strange markings don’t make him an alien or an inter-dimensional traveler.”
Pinkie pointed out, “But have you ever seen a male alicorn before?”
“Wait, what?” asked Twilight, turning to see the wings attached to his back. How’d I miss those? Twilight thought.
Spike chimed in, “She has a point Twilight, has there ever been a male alicorn before?” Twilight shook her head. Spike jumped on the stranger’s back, looking closely at the swirling design, “These are some cool tattoos. I wonder how he got them.”
Twilight lifted Spike off Matthew’s back, “Spike you can’t just jump on anypony’s back, that’s rude.”
Spike comment, “It’s alright Twilight. He’s out like a light. Here watch!” The dragon demonstrated by poking Matthew several times in the gut.
Matthew muttered, “But captain, I don’t wanna do kitchen duty. The cockroaches are going to try and eat me again!”
Twilight scratched her head, “What do you think we should do? We can’t just leave him here?”
Spike answered, “We can’t just throw him outside. He probably has no place to go.”
Pinkie jumped up and down excitedly, “How about we just wait for him to wake up? We can ask him all the questions we want. I still don’t know his name yet!” Pinkie shouted this last section. For it was a personal insult to her Pinkie pride.
Twilight sighed, “Sorry Spike, it looks like we’ll have to cancel the movie tonight.”
Spike sighed, “It’s cool. We can hang out here.”
An idea popped into Twilight’s head, “Hey Spike, how about we play one of your favorite games? We can play while we wait for this pony to wake up.”
Spike grinned sheepishly, running down to the basement to grab the chess board. Twilight turned to Pinkie Pie, the pink pony bouncing in place, “Um, Pinkie?”
“Yes?” she sang.
“What are your plans today?”
Pinkie suddenly jumped high into the air with a loud scream, hitting her head on the roof in the process. “Oh my gosh, I forgot to I was suppose to meet Applejack at the market! Gotta go! Bye!” In lightning speed, Pinkie Pie flew through the hole in the wall leaving a bemused Twilight shaking her head.
Spike returned a moment later carrying the black and white board over his head. Twilight was finishing fixing her wall.
0 0 0
Standing among a myriad of other stands, a worn down wooden wagon filled to bursting with the biggest red apples one could image. Standing next to it was an orange mare with a mark of three apples wearing a cowboy hat over her long blond braided mane and tail. A southern accent called, “Apples! Come and git yur fresh apples!”
Applejack jumped, a pink blur suddenly appeared in front of her nearly scaring her half to death, “Geez Pinkie! Can ya at least give me a little warning when ya do that?”
“Sorry,” Pinkie apologized sheepishly, smiling the entire time.
Applejack asked, “Is there anything I can help you with?”
“Yeppery!” Pinkie said, “The Cakes wanted me to get five dozen apples, they're working on a new kind of cake!” Pinkie’s mane quivered as she could barely control her excitement.
“Sure thing, Sugarcube!” Applejack smiled, “I’ll bring them over when I’m finished.”
Pinkie cheered excitedly. Three fillies made their way to Applejack. One was a yellow Earth pony with a large pink bow, the second a white unicorn with a curling purple mane, the last was an orange Pegasus with a rougher purple mane. Applejack greeted, “Howdy Applebloom! Is school out already?”
“Sure is Applejack!” Applebloom asked, “Can I go crusading with Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo? Please?”
Applejack smiled, trying to resist those big puppy eyes the girls were giving her. “As long as you can promise me ya’ll won’t do anything dangerous.”
“Oh come on!” Scootaloo exclaimed, “When have we done anything dangerous?”
Applejack answered in a deadpanned expression, “Need I remind you about the time you three thought it would be fun to get your cutie marks in fire rescue.”
The three girls blushed at the memory. Sweetie Bell tried to remedy the situation, “At least we didn’t burn down the entire barn.”
Applejack gave the three a stern gaze, “Just don’t get into any trouble. Got it!”
“We won’t!” cried the Cutie Mark Crusaders before tearing down the street.
Applejack turned back to Pinkie Pie, but before they could continue the ground shook ever so slightly. Applejack raised an eyebrow, “Pinkie, did ya’ll feel that?”
“I’m not sure,” Pinkie Pie answered. Another tremor shook the ground.
boom.
Both Applejack and Pinkie looked around. Applejack moved away from her stand, her eyes moving across the crowd of ponies. None of them had felt it yet. Applejack called to Pinkie, “Pinkie can ya help me grab those three before they wonder off too far?”
Boom.
Now, other ponies were starting to look around. The shake knocked produce off their shelves and several item of merchandise. The sudden movement drew the attention of several ponies, particularly one white unicorn with a long curling mane working diligently on her newest dress.
Rarity cursed as the fabric skewed off the sewing machine, “What in blazes is going on out there?”
Twilight turned from the chess board in front of her, several books falling off of their shelves. Twilight and Rarity exited their houses, with Spike following behind Twilight.
Everypony gasped in horror. On the horizon, a large reptilian figure made its way towards Ponyville. The creature sent more powerful vibrations into the earth. The hydra’s four heads opened wide before releasing an ear splitting roar. Everypony covered their ears in pain.
Twilight yelled to Spike, “Stay here! I’ll see what I can about that hydra!” Without waiting for an answer, Twilight vanished in a flash of purple light.
Spike yelled after her, “Be careful!” A sudden breeze caught Spike by surprise, almost toppling him over. The dragon turned around, Spike saw the stallion that was unconscious moments ago had disappeared. Spike grumbling, closing the door behind him before racing up to the balcony.
Rarity rushed towards the marketplace, worried about the lives that were in danger. Many ponies ran in the opposite direction.
Applejack sighed at Twilight’s sudden appearance. The hydra began its rampage on the town, stomping on all of the homes closest to it. “What do we do?” Applejack yelled, Pinkie Pie next to her.
A yellow earth pony with a poofy orange mane screamed as the hydra’s foot came down on her. Instead of death meeting her, she found herself two streets away from the rampaging monster. Having no idea who saved her, Carrot Top ran for safety.
Twilight thought for a moment, “We need to distract it. Pinkie use your party canon to draw its attention! Applejack, you go for its legs! I’ll hit it with a spell when it’s stopped!”
Pinkie gave a salute before dashing towards the hydra. Applejack prepared a lasso. Twilight built up a spell in her horn, casting the surrounding area in purple light. The hydra ripped the top of a home before tossing it at the crowd of retreating ponies.
The roof tumbled through the air, straight at a pair of ponies running for their lives. When it was about to crush into them, a blue blur ripped them off their hooves before placing them on the side of the street. The cyan Pegasus with a rainbow mane yelled to them, “Get to safety! I’ll deal with this!”
The roof rolled through the street, a tall blue earth pony in danger of being crushed. The stallion started to move, but the speed of the roof was moving too fast for him to dodge. Until, the stallion suddenly found himself on the other side of the street. The roof broke into a thousand pieces of splintered wood.
Rainbow Dash flew straight at the left most hydra head, bashing it with her hooves. Pinkie on the opposite side, blasted the thing’s eyes with her canon. The head howled, blinded by colorful confetti. Applejack ran around the varmint’s front legs, a thick rope following her path. After the fourth pass, the hydra’s legs were tangled. Applejack called to Twilight, the rope still in her mouth, “Go Twi!”
Twilight unleashed the power of her horn onto the beast. To her and every other pony’s horror, the strong magic splashed against a dark barrier over the hydra’s scales. “But that was my strongest spell,” gasped Twilight.
The hydra pushed against the ropes that bound it, snapping them with ease. Applejack crashed through a nearby wall. The hydra swatted away the charging Rainbow Dash with one of its heads, sending her flying back several hundred feet. Rainbow Dash was about to crash into the ground, until a purple aura halted her fall. “I’ve got you Dashie!” Rarity cried with joy. The unicorn gently placed the dazed Pegasus on the ground.
Twilight tried to think of something. The hydra turned its attention to Pinkie Pie, one of its heads diving down to devour her. It’s got a dark energy protecting it! How do I get past that! How! Twilight racked her brain. Pinkie Pie jumped at the last second, landing on top of the hydra’s head.
The hydra thrashed about, throwing its head back and forth to dislodge its passenger. Any pony close to the stampeding monster, suddenly found themselves either farther down the street or on the other side of buildings to separate them from the hydra.
Pinkie Pie closed her eyes, screaming for dear life. She wrapped her legs around one of the hydra’s spikes. Pinkie stopped screaming suddenly feeling warm dirt under her hooves. Opening her eyes, she found herself on staring at a tan home. The hydra’s heads rose above the roof.
Rainbow Dash shook the dizziness from her eyes before jumping back into the air, turning to face the reptile.
Everypony’s hearts sank at the unmistakable cry of three fillies. Twilight’s eyes went wide as she saw the CMC huddled together, cowering in fear. The hydra’s foot fell towards the three children. Twilight vanished, placing herself between the hydra’s foot and fillies. Erecting a powerful purple barrier, the alicorn gritted when the hydra’s claw crashed into her magic. The barrier shattered under the force of the blow.
Rainbow Dash flew at the hydra, head butting one of its heads. Unfortunately, Rainbow ricocheted off the beast’s head and into a nearby building. Splinters of wood and stucco covered the mare.
Applejack pealed herself from a pile of ruble to see her sister about to be crushed by the hydra, “NO!” Applejack cried rushing towards her sister, tears streaking across her cheeks.
Pinkie Pie zoomed around the corner of the street, heart racing. Rounding corner, Pinkie gasped in horror at the sight of Twilight and the CMC were in the line of danger.
Rainbow Dash rubbed her head, feeling wetness on her fur. But that didn’t matter. The three fillies cried holding each other tightly. Twilight’s horn flickered weakly in an attempt to create another barrier. The cyan Pegasus burst from the home at top speed.
Rarity rushed headlong down the street, her breath ragged. Rarity was determined to find her sister and make whoever made her scream suffer. The white unicorn’s sight fell on her sister, friends and Twilight. “Sweetie Bell!” Rarity cried pushing her legs to go faster. Her horn glowed as she tried to stop the hydra’s foot.
The hydra’s foot was almost on Twilight and the CMC. Rainbow pushed her wings to the limits. The four ponies closed their eyes, waiting for their demise to occur. All of the ponies screamed. Tears streamed down all of the girls’ faces. The mare froze in their tracks. No pony able to comprehend what had just happened. The hydra let loose a roar of victory, shaking the entire town. Other ponies started to cry alongside Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash.
The hydra stopped roaring. The hydra looked down at its feet in confusion. To the shock and awe of everypony, the hydra’s foot started to rise up. The ground shook, the hydra applying all of its weight on the foot. The force under it was stronger still. Everypony looked at the foot, trying to see if Twilight and the CMC were still alive.
Ponyville had seen many strange and confusing things over the years that would be remembered for a very long time. This was one of those times.
Twilight and the fillies slowly opened their eyes, met with an impossible sight. The gold alicorn Matthew stood on his hind legs and lifting the hydra’s foot with only his right hoof, said appendage’s skin was covered in a swirling dark mass of fire. Matthew turned to the four ponies, offering them a comforting smile. Twilight was surprised by how deep the pony’s voice was,
“It’s all right. You're safe now.”
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More please! This is awesomeness!
3973932
LET THE BADASSNESS CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
interesting can't wait to see what happens next!
That's a new one.
2# oooo
Mathew x celestia. Lolol
Matthew stopped in his tracks at the border of the town, unable to travel any further. Oh my God! I am in hell! It finally happened! Sprawled out in front of him was the most colorful town he had ever seen, a town full of nothing but ponies Favorite part
You need someone to help you edit with your Their There and They're + They.
Example:
The 'their' marked in red should be 'they're' meaning 'they are' because 'their' is an ownership word. You only use 'their' when you are describing something that you own, or another person owns, or some noun owns.
Their cakes taste great!
They're working on a new kind of cake!
edit again:
You're* - You are
Your is an ownership word goddammit.
When did you write this???
edit: I realize how old this story is. XD
there's something amiss in the storyline buuuuuut, ill let it be since this is a FANFIC!!
nice story bruh!
woot~!
OH MY GOD! did he just roast himself?
That foot stomp lasted forever!
This is silly, but it's fun so who cares?
9015087
r/suicidebywords
MAH BUKS!!!
Not a bad story so far, but there were two minor problems that I do see here. Both arent really big deals but do tend to be common mistakes by new authors.
For example, there is no doubt in my mind the main characters name is Matthew. You used it 47 times in this chapter alone. Invest in words like Him, He, The demon, our hero, the putz, the nitt-whit.
Just not, "Mathew lifted Mathews sword and admired the sharp edge. Mathew swung the sword and looked to Mathews left. Mathew decided to head in the direction of the sound, so Mathew slid Mathews sword back into Mathews scabbard and shook Matthews sore hoof. " This is an easy trap to fall into as a new Author and it tends to be more common than people realize.
Also, you have two different spellings for Mathew. Mathew Matthew. Both are correct spellings, but you should choose one or the other.
So far Im liking the story, just needs a bit of a clean up. Ill give a more in depth review once Ive caught up.
The Monk
“And it's the cowgirl with a disturbing love of apples.” -Hawker Hurricane
Okay, that's gold. :D
10443791
U said it he is going to pay