A Demon In Ponyville

by Terciel1249

I Need a Funnel and All of the Booze I Can Get In the Next Twenty Minutes

A Demon in Ponyville
Ch. 22: I Need a Funnel and All of the Booze I Can Get In the Next Twenty Minutes
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to MLP or any of its subsidiaries.

Twilight tried desperately to keep her inner writhing emotions in check. To her credit, Twilight was able to manage a slight smile as she brought her family into the sitting area. Normally Twilight and Spike where fine with eating at the small table in the dining room, but the increased numbers forced her to convert the sitting area into a dining area with enough comfortable sitting around the round table large enough to seat them.

Twilight sat across from her mother with an empty seat on each side of her. Velvet and Night Light sat to the left while Cadence and Shining Armour sat to the left. Twilight’s eyes scanned the facial features of each of the ponies. Velvet’s piercing eyes were on Twilight.

Twilight suppressed a shudder, knowing that tonight would end in a fireball of awkwardness and destruction. At least Matthew will suffer with me.

“So?” Velvet began, her voice warm but conveying an air of accusation.

“So,” Twilight sighed. She was not going into this conversation lightly. If at all if I can help it.

“Where’s this Matthew fellow I’ve heard so much about?” Velvet asked sweetly.

“What have you heard?” Twilight shot back, interested in the results.

“Oh that he saved Canterlot, Cadence said he’s a little loud and Shiny still won’t talk to me,” Velvet turned to look at her son. The white unicorn’s eyes where looking towards the kitchen, intent on the target within.

“That’s about right,” Twilight muttered. “Matthew’s in the kitchen with Spike.”

“Oh that’s so sweet,” Velvet thought happily, “He’s already bonding with Spike. I remember when Shiny and Spike met.”

“Yeah, he used Shining’s tail as a chew toy,” Night Light chuckled awkwardly.

Velvet turned to him with a critical eye, “Don’t dismiss the fact that those two became good friends.”

“Yeah, after I pried Spike off.”

Velvet lightly smacked Night Light on the back of his head. “Don’t ruin this,” She hissed under her breath in his ear.

Too late, Twilight thought. “So Dad, how’s the research going?”

“It’s fantastic!” Night Light exclaimed. “The labs working on creating an isolated environment to test the photon effect of light. I theorize that by bombarding this environment with enough light, we can create a physical object large enough to see.”

“That’s interesting,” Twilight leaned forward intently, a happy smile crossing her face.

Night Light couldn’t help but feel a warmth blossom in his heart. Long gone were the days the small purple filly would spend lying by his side as he worked. No matter how much time passed, Twilight would never lose that pure innocent look in the face of science.

Before Night Light could continue, the door to the kitchen flung open. Spike and Matthew strolled out. Matthew carried a large bowl of greens and a bowl of steaming bread. Floating a few inches in front of him, Matthew’s red aura held the bowl of noodles. Matthew held his pink tongue between his teeth as he concentrated on walking and levitating the dish.

Spike carried between his claws a large pot of still bubbling tomato sauce with an oven mitt draped over the top of the reflective lid. Tossing the thick fabric onto the table, Spike gently placed the hot metal on its center. “Careful, it’s really hot.”

“Thank you Spike,” Velvet smiled at the purple dragon in a fond manner. She turned towards the unknown stallion with his golden fur and shifting mane of red and black. He placed the ceramic bowl down with a mental sigh, Magic’s harder than I thought. Using his jaws, Matthew placed each item on his back onto the center of the table.

Velvet noticed the well defined muscles. Every segment of his body could be seen outlined through his fur. He wasn’t bulky, but Velvet could see the athleticism in his body. Each section tensing and releasing with fluid ease as Matthew moved around the table with a shrewed smile.

Matthew’s eyes scanned the faces around the table. Thankfully, Twilight had managed to finally control her hair while she simultaneously cleaned the library. God I suck at magic, Matthew thought to himself, taking his seat next to the purple mare.

Twilight’s smile was strained and she was showing far too much teeth. Matthew could literally hear her teeth grinding againt eachother. Now any sane individual would know this was going to end horrible. The family was here to meet the new boyfriend and by the way Shining Armor was looking at him, he knew that Shining knew he banged his sister.

Matthew ignored Shining Armor, holding back his grin as he further infuriated the white unicorn. “Hey Twilight,” Matthew planted a soft kiss on her cheek. As he pulled away, Matthew could feel the heat radiating from Twilight. I know I’ll pay for that later, but who cares! Let’s dig that hole deeper and reach China!

“Hi Matthew,” Twilight mumbled, seeing the disturbing twinkle in her mother’s eyes.

Matthew took a seat as Twilight’s family. He took note of the foaming Shining Armor, a hesitant Cadence, an annoyed Twilight, a worried Night Light and the slight gleam twinkling in Velvet’s eye. Good thing Twilight went over their names and descriptions, Matthew mentally sighed at the anal retentiveness of his new marefriend. OH! I will try to have sex with again, but I fear it will not be tonight.

Instead Matthew could see the incoming train wreck. Most people would run for the hills at the clear and present danger. But Matthew instead wanted to sit back and have some popcorn to enjoy the misery about to unfold before him.

“So,” Night Light began, eyeing his wife nervously, “I’m guessing you’re Matthew?”

“Sure am,” Matthew flashed a sly grin. “And you’re Night Light. Twilight said you’re the head of the research department in Canterlot University.”

“Yes,” Night Light nodded. Silence fell as each pony analyzed the other. “Currently I’m researching the physical properties of light and their transitive properties in correlation to matter.”

Matthew blinked at the blue unicorn. He wore a dull look, his black eyes glazed. “I see where Twilight gets her smarts from.”

Night Light decided to ignore Matthew as he mentally struggled with what the blue unicorn said, “Um… Twily, how did you two meet?”

“During the hydra attack,” Twilight mumbled, finding her food far more interesting for some reason.

“Oh, I did read about that,” worry wiggled its way into Night Light’s voice. “I was going to ask if you’re alright Twily?”

“Just fine Dad,” Twilights smiled at her father, the warmth in her smile shining through until Matthew finally caught up with the conversation.

“Absolutely, that foot was about to make you a pancake until someone decided to intervene.”

“Don’t you mean somepony,” Twilight stressed.

“Aye! I will keep my human words, you keep your pony words,” Matthew pointed out.

Twilight rolled her eyes, to her surprise Matthew reached under the table and pulled out a bottle of deep dark liquor. “Matthew, we had a conversation about this,” Twilight hissed to him.

“No you had a conversation. I ignored you.”

Night Light watched the vein in Twilight’s forehead rise, “I said that because I didn’t want you to make a fool of yourself.”

“Twilight,” Matthew said sweetly, “You told me that I was going to meet your parents and when they get here I find not only your parents, but your brother who I’m pretty sure wants to kill me by the amount of froth coming from his mouth. What part of you believed this would end well?”

Twilight turned to the simmering Shining Armor, “The part that thought I could delude myself into believing it.”

“And that sounds like a whole lot of not my problem,” Matthew popped the lid off before taking a deep swig.

Oh dear Celestia, Night Light mentally screamed, He’s just as crazy as they are. His eyes went from Twilight to Velvet to Matthew and landed on Shining Armor. A cold shiver ran down from the nape of his neck to his tail. Slowly, Night Light turned to Cadence. In that brief glance, they knew that this would end in a fireball of awkward horror the likes of which no one had seen since Discord dated Celestia.

“I have a question,” Velvet asked, confusion written across her muzzle. Matthew and Twilight turned to her. Matthew held his eyebrow high as Twilight cringed, hoping against hope that her mother would not ask one of the hundred questions Twilight wrote on her ‘Please Don’t Ask These Questions Mom.’ “What are you a prince of?”

“Prince?” Matthew asked.

“Well all alicorns are considered an embodiment of some element or attribute. Making them a type of royalty,” Velvet held an analyzing gaze on Matthew. “What exactly are you in control of? Princess Celestia is goddess of the Sun and Day. Princess Luna is goddess of the Moon and Night. Cadence is the princess of Love. Twilight’s still hasn’t been given a title.”

“He’s the crown Prince of Douchebags. Long may he reign!” Twilight said, her eyes trying to pierce Matthew’s gold hide.

Matthew ignored Twilight’s ire by taking a swig of his drink. The liquid burned down his elongate neck and throat, “God that burns good.”

Velvet eyed Twilight, “So you both met during a hydra attack? And you saved my Twilight?”

Matthew grinned to Twilight, “Sure did. And it was love at first sight.”

Night Light could see the friction between his daughter and Matthew. Twilight sneered back with equal force. Night Light’s eyes narrowed, “And what did this-“ he motioned with his hoof towards the pair, “-start?”

“Last night,” Matthew’s eyes became distant, looking back on the memory. “Best night every, wasn’t it sweetie,” Matthew leaned towards Twilight with a sappy smile.

Twilight’s horn glowed. The reaction was instantaneous. Matthew’s muscles froze under his skin. His face was caught between shock and horror. “Call me sweetie again and I twist.”

When Twilight’s horn ceased its glow, Matthew’s forehead slammed into the table. He took a shuddering breath, “My balls!”

Night Light’s jaw dropped. This wasn’t love. This was a backwater, sociopathic mind game focused on making the other miserable. Oh thank Celestia! Night Light nearly wept. He didn’t have to worry about Twilight being bound to this simple buffoon. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful he save my little princess. But I don’t wanna think about how my grandkids will turn out to be.

Night Light silently watched Matthew turn to Twilight, “That’s not fair! I can’t do anything like that to your!”

“That’s because I don’t have any balls Matthew. But I understand if you’re having difficulty with that concept,” Twilight wore a sly smirk.

“No. That’s because you’re a girl,” Matthew snapped, a bright light dancing in his dark eyes.

“What does me being a girl have to do with it?” Twilight raised a rather amused eyebrow.

“Ya know. Girls are soft and have to be protected by men,” Matthew nodded in confirmation of his point.

“Really? And here I thought you needed protecting,” Twilight held a hoof to her chin.

“And what makes you say that?”

“Because you managed to almost die twice since you got here,” Twilight pointed out.

Night Light felt the bottom of his stomach drop out from beneath him. He could see the animosity between the pair. She’s playing mind games with an idiot. That’s just unfair.

“Hey! I almost died once! The first time was just passing out! Which means you have one point and I have two points for saving your violet ass,” Matthew said smugly.

“Oh please! You know you love it,” Twilight stuck her tongue out.

“Yeah, I do,” Matthew’s eyes turned to her very perky flank with a very fond look.

“Hey-hey-hey!” Twilight snapped, “My eyes are up here!”

“Don’t care,” Matthew mumbled, his eyes glued to Twilight’s perfectly fine cheeks.

Twilight’s horn flashed, driving Matthew’s forehead into the table. A large chunk of wood and Matthew’s face clashed into the worn wood of the library.

Twilight turned back to her parents. Velvet wore a rather confused expression while her father was horrified at the sudden violence. Before Twilight could say anything, Matthew’s voice rose from the floor, “Don’t worry about me. Twilight likes it rough! Real rough! You should have seen the hole we blew into the ceiling last night! And we managed to break all of her furniture.”

Twilight pointed her horn into towards the ground, releasing a blast of pure purple light. “Ow!” Matthew yelled as he was driven through the flooring and into the basement.

Twilight turned back to Shining Armor, “Shiny?”

“Yes Twily,” Shining Armor responded woodenly, his eyes boring through the floor to his adversary.

“Why don’t you and Matthew have some quality bonding time?” Twilight asked sweetly.

Cadence remained silent, not liking the sick twisted smile crossing her husband’s muzzle. “Sure thing Twily,” He said with great joy. Quickly, Shining Armor bolted from the table and down into the basement.

Cadence looked to Spike. The little purple dragon appeared to be amused by the events unfolding before him. “Spike, how are you doing?”

“Great,” Spike shrugged, watching Twilight and her parents while waiting for the screams from the basement to begin.

“I would have thought you’d be a little more worried about what’s going on her,” Cadence tried desperately to put some sense into the insanity boiling around her.

“Are you kidding?” Spike snorted, “This is better than my novels. I’m just waiting for the cries of pain to echo into the night. Maybe a make out session after the torture is finished.”

“What kind of books are you reading?!” Cadence asked in horror.

“Game of Thrones,” Spike responded in surprise. “What books are you reading?”

“Something you shouldn’t be reading. Like Game of Thrones,” Cadence huffed catching the last bit of Twilight’s conversation.

“-Doctor Sure Hooves outlines that it is unhealthy to bottle up negative emotions. That’s why I want Shiny and Matthew to have a few moments to themselves,” Twilight finished her statement to the perplexed expressions from her parents.

A shot of pink light exploded from the hole in the library floor. Matthew yelling, “Hey! What was that for?”

“My sister!” Shining Armor’s rage vibrated across the wood. The dinnerware hummed as they skidded across the vibrating surface.

Twilight tried to ignore the increase flashing of Shining Armor’s magic. Matthew’s words were not as easy to ignore, “You wanna go pal? Bring it! Bring your pink girly magic!”

Velvet asked, “Are they going to be alright?”

“They’ll be fine,” Twilight tried to sooth her mother’s fears. Shining Armor’s screams did the exact opposite.

“That’s right! Scream like a pig boy!”

Night Light shivered, “Are you sure Twily?”

“Yes,” Twilight hoped her brother would be alright.

“No a pig screams like this! WHEEEE!”

“Whee,” Shining Armor’s feeble voice rose.

“No! Like this, WHEEE!”

“WHEEE!”

The entire Sparkle family just sat in silence. None wanted to speak as the rumbling in the basement slowly settled. Each of the ponies’ ears swiveled towards the door, hoof steps echoing up the narrow stairwell.

Matthew exited first, a wide smile on his face. Shining Armor had two purple bruises under each eye. The fire in his eyes were out, his lips pursed in a furious scowl.

Matthew righted his seat, moving it closer to the table until his was next to Twilight and not falling through the hole in the library’s floor. Shining Armor took his seat next to Cadence. Cadence offered her husband a comforting wing.

Matthew sighed, “Isn’t therapy the best thing?”

Twilight smiled to Matthew, holding back her ire. “You didn’t hurt Shiny too much?”

“No,” Matthew swatted away with his hoof. “I just punched him twice and held his arm behind his back and made him say some stuff.”

“Just ‘some stuff’?” Twilight held her gaze to the lazing alicorn.

“Just some stuff from a movie I say a long time ago,” Matthew shrugged, returning to his meal.

“Like one of those moving pictures from the theater?” Night Light asked, his voice offering a slight tremble.

“You guys have theaters? I thought Twilight had a TV?” Matthew turned to Twilight, red sauce on his chin.

“It’s a relatively new invention. It’s a long strip of film that holds a slowly moving image. That TV you saw in my living room was a supposed gift from Discord for helping him find the friendship of magic.” Twilight recited with a scholarly air. “He created one for each of us. Applejack destroyed hers along with Rarity. Pinkie Pie broke hers and Discord still can’t understand how she did it. Or why he can’t fix it. Rainbow Dash’s fell out of her house and broke. Fluttershy didn’t like it and Discord removed it for her.”

“Huh,” Matthew looked into Twilight’s eyes, trying to figure out if she was lying. “Why haven’t you gotten rid of yours?”

“Because Discord likes to have movie night in my library with some of his inter-dimensional friends and won’t let me get rid of it,” Twilight shrugged, summoning a glass and a bottle of wine. I wonder if I can find a funnel fast enough.

Matthew nodded, watching Twilight prepare a glass of red wine. The dark maroon liquid was smooth. Its surface barely rippling as Twilight gently sipped the rich flavor. Twilight watched Matthew, her eyes never leaving his face.

Matthew felt a familiar feeling entering his mind. It was the warm predatory feeling just like last night. He wanted her. More than just her body, he wanted the fire in her. The way she looked at him, the look of someone trying to dissect him and understand him. But Twilight could not deny the fire she felt for him, both the anger and something deeper.

Twilight felt a cold chill shifting up her spine. She saw it. The flash in Matthew’s eyes was something fierce. But she would not be intimidated or cowed by this bestial display. I am Twilight Bucking Sparkle! And I’m not giving into you bucko!

Night Light and Cadence watched tiny sparks of electricity clash between Twilight and Matthew. The violent flashes of light cast awkward shadows onto Matthew and Twilight’s face. “Night Light?” Cadence asked in a hushed voice.

“Yes Cadence?”

“I’m scared.”

“Me too,” Night Light shuddered.

Velvet’s voice cut between the literal battle of will between her daughter and her first suitor. “I have one last question for you, Matthew.”

“Yes, Mrs. Sparkle?” Matthew’s voice was husky, all his attention on the pony before him. His mind was miles away.

“Grandchildren.”

The sound of shattering glass assaulted the ears of everyone present. Night Light felt his heart stop for several seconds. Cadence froze, a horrifyingly blank expression covering her muzzle. Shining’s eyes sunk so far into his head they were but a small twinkle in a deep dark well. Spike fell back on his chair. His claws were clamped tight over his mouth, trying desperately not to laugh at the slack jawed look of absolute horror.

Desperately her jaw worked, but it was unable to touch the roof of her mouth. Her muscles stiffened, unable to move, but the twitching of her jaw.

Matthew’s irises became unfocused. His brain trying to process what unholy question was asked by Twilight’s mom. His brain was stuck, the gears where unable to do more than grind painfully together in his head. The average person would assume this was from some sort of existential problem of titanic proportions. But those people or ponies have not met Matthew. This happened when he was force to watch a few six graders for an hour and they were asking questions of him inside the Military Volunteer Teaching Program.

In other words, Matthew’s an idiot… pure and simple minded.

When Matthew finally spoke, his tongue thick and felt like sandpaper in his mouth. “That wasn’t a question.”

“It’s not a request.”

Comments

[VikingOtaku6]

Hi, Lor- Lady Frieza!

[FTR2017]

This is an excellent chapter, despite some minor flaws with some words missing or using different letters than what were intended.

Original: Velvet turned to look at her sun.
I think you meant Velvet turned to look at her son.

I hope to see future releases with Matthew and Twilight's misadventures into romance.

[rikithemonk]

Mathew read the story about Mathew. Mathew found the story interesting, but Mathew began finding the over use of Mathew to be foolish. Mathew then opened Mathews story and looked at Mathews sentences and found Mathews Sentences to be Overly Mathew-ly.

It may be because I am blind and I have my Mac read me these stories, but I can't stand Authors who beat words to death. Wither it is the name Mathew used every single sentence, or the word wolf, or the boy, used every sing;le sentence. There are other terms that you can use.

Mathew tossed Mathews toilet paper into Mathews toilet, where Mathew then flushed Mathews Toilet as to clear Mathews toilet for Mathews future use.

There is him, the boy, the man, the putz, the human, the wolf, his, him, it.

There are terms other than Mathew.

The Monk

[rikithemonk]

Im sorry, this seemed like a good story to listen to, and it seemed like a great concept, but I got Mathewed the hell out.

Mathew, Mathew, Mathew, Mathew, Mathew.

Im sorry, It just got ridiculous.

I dislike giving negative feedback because every Author adds to the fandom and every Author, even the first timers, can add true gems to the world of MLP. So take my rebuff as constructive criticism.

The Monk ; )

[Terciel1249]

8408397
The feedback is appreciated. Thank you for the constructive criticism.

[Inugami]

The entire time i have been reading this something was scratching the back of my mind; trying to remind me of a character or a group of characters that fit in this story, It wasn't until this chapter did i see it. Matthew 'Slightly' reminds me of Gomez Addams
In fact the way characters respond IN THIS CHAPTER remind me of the Addams Family.
People like Spike, the Main 6, and Velvet remind me of the family; while, EVERYONE else like Shinning, Cadance, and Nightlight remind me of how every normal persons reaction to the Addams Would realistically respond like.
Even Matt's and Twi's relationship right now reminds me of Gomez and Morticia

[Amos Anon]

Twilight turned back to her parents. Velvet wore a rather confused expression while her father was horrified at the sudden violence. Before Twilight could say anything, Matthew’s voice rose from the floor, “Don’t worry about me. Twilight likes it rough! Real rough! You should have seen the hole we blew into the ceiling last night! And we managed to break all of her furniture.”

Reminds me of a scene from the movie "Sahara".
"Where's my boat?"
"Kaboom."

[Kadigan]

“Hey! What was that for?”

A better one would've been “Hey! What the fuck did I do to deserve that?!“ ;-)