You Made Me the Only Rational Person In the Room. I Hope You’re Happy!
A Demon in Ponyville
Ch. 24: You Made Me the Only Rational Person In the Room. I Hope You’re Happy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to MLP or any related properties.
Night Light stirred, feeling the warmth of his wife against his body. A sliver of light cut from the slight opening between the violet curtains. Soft flecks of dust floated across the source of light, creating an air of random indifference.
Inwardly, he groaned. Absentmindedly, he rubbed his tired eyes. His sleep was light and Twilight’s bed was a little too small for both him and Velvet. The tired father mentally recalled last night’s events with a sour taste filling his mouth. The taste became bitter as he replayed the expression of shock that crossed his daughter’s face.
Slowly the blue unicorn extracted himself from the bed, taking extra care not to stir his sleeping wife. With gentle hooves, Night Light left the bedroom and moved down the stairs with great care. The worn wood groaned lightly under his weight. The slight singing of sleeping bodies emitted from the lower floors. He took a second, freezing in his steps as he listened to the sounds. There were only two distinct patterns of snoring. But there was suppose to be three.
Continuing further down the staircase, Night caught a sight of several golden rays of light spilling from the kitchen door. His sensitive blue ears could hear the sizzling of a pan and the quiet tip tap of hooves on the floor.
Without caution, the blue unicorn made his way to the kitchen. What he found was quite the surprise.
The golden pony his daughter was infatuated was currently cursing at the hissing pan he held in his hoof. “Sun of a b**ch! Why can’t I flip these eggs? Agh!” His gruff voice seethed with anger, trying desperately to flip the infuriating eggs with a floppy plastic utensil.
The older pony stood in the doorway wearing a rather amused expression. The angry mutterings and clear frustration at not breaking the fragile yolks was the height of comedy.
“Screw it! Scrambled eggs for everybody!”
When Night Light chuckled, Matthew spun around with furry, the frying pan held high as if to strike. “You think you’re better than me?! You think you’re better than ME?!”
A soft voice broke through the morning air, “Matthew, shut up! I’m trying to sleep.”
“Sorry,” the enraged stallion brought his voice to a harsh whisper. He turned to the blue unicorn with a slight heat entering his cheeks. Blue eyes met the dark brown and the pair continued to stare at each other. The older pony saw the dark lines under the younger stallion’s eyes.
“You need some help?” The older pony asked, the sides of his muzzle twitched with amusement.
The younger stallion snorted, turning back to his burning eggs. Deciding his life was worth more than a couple of eggs, the older male began to prepare other items such as levitating several jugs of juice, fruit and toast.
Matthew snorted at the sight of Twilight’s Dad using his glowing blue aura to toast several slices of toast without effort or a toaster. “Showoff.”
“You could learn the spell too. It’s not that complicated,” The older stallion said, noting the glare his daughter’s coltfriend threw at the glowing magic.
Said coltfriend grumbled to himself a sort of mantra he developed with his last girlfriend, “Must not punch girlfriend’s family. Must not blow up girlfriend’s family. Must not castrate males in girlfriend’s family. Must not throw brother down several flights of stairs. Except for that one time, he really deserved it.”
“So… How exactly did you become Twily’s (cough, cough) coltfriend?”
Matthew was taken aback, “What do you mean?”
“Well,” the blue unicorn rubbed his chin in deep thought, “You told us how you met and that it just happened. I don’t buy it.”
The blue eyes bore intently at the younger male. The gold pony was stuck in a dilemma. He could be fully honest and tell Night Light he f***ed his daughter. I don’t think that will go over well. He could tell him that she threatened him with extreme violence if he disobeyed her. Which is true and kinda hot. And there is nothing wrong with that. Or he could lie.
Decisions, decisions.
“I f***ed you daughter and she threatened my physical wellbeing harm if I didn’t become her boyfriend to impress her parents.” Somewhere in the universe, Matthew’s dad was rolling in his grave. And Matthew was just fine with that. Screw you and your hopes of me finding a respectable relationship!
The gold stallion watched the blue unicorn’s mouth open and close repeatedly in imitation of a goldfish out of water.
I feel like I made the right choice in this situation.
“Y-y-yyyyyyyyou had sex with Twily?” his voice was a trembling whisper, his eyes filled with an unbridled horror only fathers with daughters would ever feel.
“Sure did,” the gold pony said with a chipper smile, sidestepping the blue pony with the plate of eggs held firmly in his mouth. He thought about using magic, but the headache from using the voodoo power was not worth it.
He continued past the slumbering Twilight towards yesterday’s dining table. All the table needed was a plate of fresh and totally-not-burnt-and-do-not-talk-about-it-or-I’ll-kill-you eggs. Sliding the glass onto the table, Matthew took a moment to look at the sleeping Twilight. She’s a cute as a button. If said button was labeled ‘Self Distruct.’
Now normally, the man would be gentle and caring when waking up his woman. But Matthew was in the best of moods. That meant bad things were about to happen.
“Breakfast is ready!” his voice boomed through the small library. A pillow flew past the gold pony’s spiked mane.
Unfortunately for Twilight, she had just used the object that was blocking the sun’s rays from entering her eyes. “Grrrr. Matthew, why did you do that?”
Light reflected off those bright white teeth, “Because you where just so cute. I just had to do something about it.”
“Like rudely waking up half of Ponyville?”
“It was a very strong urge and could not be fully contained.”
The purple alicorn pulled the covers over her head screaming, “I hate you so much right now!”
“I love you too. Now get up and have breakfast with your folks. You dad looks like he wants to talk to you about something,” the joy in his voice made Twilight groan, grinding her teeth at the sudden pit in her stomach.
Slowly she rose; the hollow sound of hoofs traversing the wooden stairs announced the rest of the Sparkle family. As Shining, Cadence and Velvet took their seats, still rubbing the sleep from their eyes, her purple eyes caught a particular surprise. Her dad walked up to Matthew and asked for a word.
He was just as stunned as she was. The funny response was lost on his tongue, following the older pony into the kitchen again. There the pair stood in awkward silence. His dark eyes stared deep into the blue eyes. Across the blue muzzle, Night Light wore shock, confusion and something else… something that he couldn’t put his finger.
The blue unicorn moved. Matthew flinched, then found blue furred hooves wrapped around his neck in a rather unusual bear hug. “What the hell?”
“Thank you.”
“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” the harsh voice of Matthew broke through the sudden dryness in his throat. “This is not how its suppose to go! Threaten, mock me, do something! Don’t be weird.”
“Thank you so much,” Twilight’s Dad blurted, looking up into his brown eyes. “You finally got Twilight out of her shell! You have no idea how hard it’s been with her mother. She wallpapered an entire room with potential suitors with all their genealogies, personalities and family history in alphabetical order.”
“S-stop being weird! You’re her dad! You’re supposed to threaten my life or say something like ‘hurt her and I’ll castrate you myself.’ You’re not supposed to thank me! Cliché’s exist for a reason man,” Matthew tried backing up, but the older pony was holding onto him with a surprising amount of strength. This ended up dragging Velvet’s hind hooves against the polished floor.
0 0 0
Cadence’s eyes shot from the ponies at the table in front of her and towards the kitchen. It’s far too early for this, she rubbed her bleary eyes with a tired sigh. Turning towards the purple alicorn, she asked, “Twilight, how was your night?”
The white unicorn tensed, his muscles visibly bunching under his fur. Cadence had to roll her eyes at the over protectiveness her husband was displaying. Cadence wasn’t thinking anything dirty, she noticed the dark lines under Twilight’s eyes. “Fine, those cots aren’t very comfortable.”
Shining’s eyes turned to the door to the kitchen, seeing a rather annoyed alicorn with Night Light’s forelegs wrapped tightly around his neck. “Stop crying! Men don’t cry! They bottle up emotions and bury them so deep they never pop up again.”
“But you don’t understand,” the blue unicorn sobbed, “She made me sit for days going over her list. I had to go through thousands of photos to pick a coltfriend because my daughter is anti social.”
“Hey! I am not anti-social!”
All of the ponies’ eyes turned to Twilight with blank stares. Before she could respond, her father continued sobbing out his life’s story, “I’ve had to deal with this since she was born. Velvet was driving me crazy. Then you came along and solve the problem. Thank you! Thank you!”
The gold pony was revolted when Night Light pecked him on each cheek in a gesture of deep gratitude. Matthew however didn’t see it as such, “Twilight, why didn’t you tell me your family’s crazy?”
“They are not crazy!” his marefriend snapped along with her family snapping, “We are not crazy!”
“Damnit Twilight! This relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies!”
“I’m not lying!”
“Then how do explain your mom building an entire room to pick your perfect suitor, your dad brought to tears and thanking me, and your brother swearing to wipe me from the face of the earth?” he finished, jabbing the air with a definitive gold hoof.
“Iiiiiii… wellllllllll…”
“Hey!” Big brother snapped, getting to his hooves, “Don’t you talk to her like that.”
Before he could move further, an iron hard hoof met his shoulder and easily forced him back into his seat, “Sit your five dollar ass down, before I make change.” Turning his red eyes towards the purple alicorn, Matthew’s voice was a forced into a sweet note as he said, “Now Twilight, could you please talk to your mom and dad before I turn Shining Armor into glue.”
Twilight turned to Velvet, her husband joining her side. Gulping, she began, “Have you two read-“
“Twilight! Pull on the big girl panties and talk to them!”
“Hey-“
“Hush Shiny, he’s doing a thing,” Cadence placed her dainty pink hoof on her husband’s free shoulder. She had some misgivings about this entire affair. It was the kind of misgivings you get after seeing a burning railroad cart speeding down the train tracks, lighting up the night like a vengeful jack-o-lantern on a direct path with a train full of orphans and puppies. The one thing she could agree with is that Twilight really needed to have a conversation with her mother. Avoiding her was only driving things further towards either insanity or a cliff.
By the Old Gods I wish this ends well. If they didn’t, at least she knew who to blame and crucify if it went wrong.
“Twily,” Velvet began, her ears were pulled back and her tone worried, “I don’t know what really going on, but if you and Matthew are having a spat… I do have a list.”
Oh for the love of Sweet Baby Jesus!
“Just stop mother,” Twilight sighed, her shoulders sagging. “Just stop with the lists. The constantly trying to put me with stallions I don’t know. Sending books on why I should get married. Please just stop.”
“But Twily…”
“No,” her lavender hoof slapped the table. “I know I’m not good with ponies. I know I can’t be normal. But please just let me do things on my own.” She turned up to look at each of her parents, “I want to have a relationship I want. Not one for me just to have foals.”
“Twilight,” her mother said, “I just want you to enjoy the miracle of motherhood. I don’t want to be an old mare that never got the chance to have children. Or to have children and instead barely give them a fraction of the time you spend with your books.”
“Wait what?” Matthew asked, rubbing his chin. “What does that mean?”
“Please, Matthew, this doesn’t concern you. You just won’t understand what it’s like to live without a mother.”
“Uh, excuse you. Bitch my mother’s been dead for over a decade. I think I know what that’s like!”
Mother held out her hoof and lightly touched her daughter’s, “I don’t want you to end up like me. I don’t want your children to regret their mother. I hoped you would grow out of that solitary phase, but you just got worse.-“
“Hey! Don’t you ignore me! I will slap you with my dick!”
“-You barely had friends and I know how you neglect Spike’s feeling when you are stuck in a tome for several days.”
“Do not bring me into this,” The dragon snapped, jumping out of his seat and leaving the room.
“I am not that bad,” Twilight felt the heat rise in her cheeks at the accusation her mother was throwing around.
“You didn’t even notice him when he left home and dedicated his life to fulfilling a life debt with Applejack. That entire problem could have been solved in under five minutes by talking with him and telling him that doing extreme acts like that can destroy a friendship or lead to further problems later for both parties,” Velvet responded.
“But-but-“
“Then there was the whole Dragon Migration. I talked to Spike and he pointed out that by you and your friends pointing out his flaws as a dragon where the main reason why he left. He felt incomplete and stuck in an identity crisis with very little guidance,” Velvet counted off. “Also the whole being replace by an owl. You could have actually listened to Spike and noticed his feeling on more than one occasion.”
“Spike’s not like that,” Twilight pushed, “Right Spike?”
Thankfully, Spike was smart enough to have already left the building and decided to visit a café with a few bits from his allowance. If he wasn’t trying to hold Shining Armor back, Matthew would have cheered on the little dragon. God’s speed, Spike.
“Are you saying that my studies have prevented me from being a good mother? That I should stop and pop out a baby to understand the miracle of being a mother just like you?” The tone of her voice was emotionless, giving the rest of the ponies a very bad vibe and shivers down their spines.
“Yes.”
We are going to die! Matthew was about ready to jump out of the room through the nearest wall or window and run for the hills. Future dad! Get in there and stop them! I’ve made a terrible mistake!
“Because that’s what life is like,” Twilight turned her red rimmed eyes towards her mother. “Pop out a baby and then everything is better. Just ignore the nationwide threat that pops up every few months that Celestia can’t get off her fat flank to stop. No instead my friends and I get to solve her problem. The problem she sealed away until they suddenly broke out to see another day. No Mother, I get it. I’m a nerd that has social issues. But you know what, I’m happy with my life and I’m happy that I found Matthew.”
That’s so sweet, he thought, his heart swelling in his chest.
“He is the most bone headed, stupid jerk I have ever met. He may never be better than punching things, but you know what, I think I learned something last. I learned that I should have had this conversation with you a long time ago and that I should be open to new ideas,” violet eyes flashed with an inner strength.
That went a different way than I thought it would.
Taking a deep breath, Twilight finished her tirade, “I love you mom. Please just stop. I’m going to live my life the way I want too just like my coltfriend and I don’t want to continue avoiding you. If I have children, great. If not, then it was my life. Can you accept that?”
The mare was silent, her eyes downcast. Night Light placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder and squeezed. “Have I really been that bad?”
“Yes,” all of the ponies except Matthew said.
With a trembling sigh, Velvet looked up into her daughter’s face, “Well then Twilight. I’ll start by saying… I am sorry. I just wanted you to be happy. I don’t want you to grow up like your Grandmother. I have no right to put you through that and you’re right to avoid me. I will try to do better. Will that work?” Tears pooled at the corner of her eyes, trailing down her cheeks.
Twilight felt the hot tears on her cheeks, “Of course. Thanks mom.”
The two embraced and all was better in the library. Unfortunately the food had gotten cold and the small group had decided that a trip to the local café would be a good idea and much to the irritation of Matthew. Before the gold stallion could leave, Twilight had to have a few words with him behind the thick wooden door of the library. Oh god she’s going to try and kill me. I just know it.
When the door was firmly shut and locked, he took a deep breath and prepared himself mentally for the assault of words and magic. “I freaking hate you,” Twilight said, turning around to face him in the center of the library.
“Not again! What is with you ponies and tears?”
Clear tears spilled from the corners of her eyes, “You keep doing this to me. Why do keep making things so depressing and hard? This is like the second time we’ve had to deal with parent issues. Have you stopped to think how I feel? Maybe I want to be the one to cause the problem? Make you cry! Maybe I want to fix what’s wrong in your life?”
“Do you know you sound like a surly drunk when you cry?”
“Yeah? Well it’s your fault I’m like this!”
“Oh you bitch,” he whispered, planting a kiss on her lips.
To add to the moment, she returned the kiss wrapping her forelegs around his neck and pulling him closer. “Hey Matthew?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for the help. I never really thought I would ever talk to mom about that.”
“No problem. I do have a way with women after all,” he snickered, also getting one from her.
From outside, the Sparkle family stood close to the door listening in on the two star crossed lovers. Velvet turned to Shiny, then Night Light and ending on Cadence with a smile, “I like him.”
“You did hear him call you a bitch right?” her son said in a deadpanned voice.
“Oh please, your father and I say worse when we’re alone.”
After a series of groans and mental screaming, the Sparkle family plus one where able to have breakfast and enjoy the day before they had to part ways. When the sun set and Ponyville quieted down to night, the ponies of this community learned a very important fact.
The Sparkle family was out of their minds.
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That went well.
Im loving this.
welp...they truly are as crazy as we thought.
You know... I'm glad. This episode ended perfectly.
Mathew gets a girlfriend with very few negatives.
Twilight Velvet no longer presses her daughter for kids.
And shit is about to go down once more. After a break of course.
All in all: tan outta tan.
I would post a gif here, but fimfiction doesn't allow you to upload from your computer.
Not images for comments anyway
You need an unconventional, super-blunt stallion to win a heart of an ultra-nerd, bookish alicorn.
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8339-you_don__t_say_by_mamandil-d5iwo9c.png
8636401
You know you could always just upload it to a site like Photobucket and link from there, right? It's what I do.
Hey! Don’t you ignore me! I will slap you with my dick!”
Best way for someone not to ignore you but how would one go about that jump 4 feet and spin in a circle......is there a picture of this on the internet if so some look my mind must know
I wonder if Matthew's ever watched the show Married With Children?
Of course, ponies don't have hands so trying to sit back on the couch and shove a hoof down the front of your pants would get awkward.
SAO Abridged reference ftw!!!! YEAH HIGH FIVE!