It took weeks for Rainbow Dash to finagle a date with Big Macintosh. But there's something that she couldn't shake when he was around. Why does he always act so distant? As she'll come to find out, he may have a good reason.
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Wow, dude!
Interesting, those plot threads coming together. Also, the plot was rather juicy, if I may say so! I'm wondering what is to become of this new threat, and is Princess Luna going to need the help of the resident O.F.C's?
Will Rainbow Dash be on top in any of the sex scenes in this story?
7270864
She was lol. Three times at least. Two this chapter actually, and I think on their first tryst. Probably others but I don't knew when exactly. I don't memorize those sorts of things
Started off strong, but it feels like you were starting to run out of motivation, there at the end. The most noticeable flaw is the voicing of Princess Luna, and Zecora to a lesser degree - though i can't really blame you for that one, writing everything in rhyme certainly isn't easy. Back to Luna, though, her lines seem way too informal. Keep in mind that, though she's certainly had time to pick up the modern vernacular, she still has that slight awkwardness/standoffishness as a part of her basic personality. Habits built over centuries take a long time to go away - and i'll be honest, none of her dialogue in this chapter has the force of her personality behind it.
On a brighter note, the sex scene was quite well written, and i love to see how the romance between Mac and Dash is progressing. Seeing that sort of natural, organic growth in a relationship is, i think, the major selling point of this story, and the Weather Board subplot is fascinating as well. The artifact subplot is off to a bit of a rocky start - there seems to be no logical reason for its existence, it just sorta popped up. That Zecora automatically knew what it was without even seeing it kinda stretches suspension of belief - but it's still salvageable, certainly.
I could probably write more, but at this point it would be rambling XD
TL:DR
Voicing, artifact subplot need work.
Romance good.
Weatherboard subplot also good.
Keep up the great work, can't wait to read more.
This was a great chpater
7270561
What are these ofc things you speak of?
7271818
Luna will always be a character I have trouble wring for, but I'll try to take what you said into account. My idea here was more aimed at her comments of celestia being stuck in tradition, something that she wanted to actively break from. In any case, you're probably still right lol. The artifact, however, just hasn't been developed yet. There's a story behind it I promise, and it's something Zecora recognized for a reason.
7271948
Thanks man
7272413
Orbital Friendship Cannon.
Basically, the Mane six going Elements of Harmony (or perhaps Rainbow Power) on a fool!
Nice chapter!!!
Awesome chapter dude, I'm always glad to see a new one show up on my favorites list. Can't wait for the next one.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Nice to see you here.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
She's doomed.
Awesome work. It was indeed long, but a lot of good experimental stuff in this chapter. And it's always nice to see RD and BM get down
7277258
I'm actually getting a lot done, so it won't be the last you see for several months like it seems to be. Fingers crossed, but I hope to put out the next chapter of this this weekend along with EoD. Don't know if you read that one, but just fyi. Nice to see you around, still. I always look forward to seeing your comments.
7291413
People seemed to like that part. I'm glad I did a good job.