It took weeks for Rainbow Dash to finagle a date with Big Macintosh. But there's something that she couldn't shake when he was around. Why does he always act so distant? As she'll come to find out, he may have a good reason.
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Clop or not, this is good.
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^make
^this should be rephrased. like, "she didn't jump into relationships; she could muster the patience to wait."
^this sentence has the word mare two times. Also, LUS.
^the 'anyway' is not really needed, also, this eludes to the start of a conversation, but it actually doesn't, so really, this entire line of dialogue is not needed.
Also, a persistent mistake you have in the entire story is the fact that you do not put a comma after dialogue. When you have a line of dialogue which ends with any variation of "she said" there needs to be a comma. The only time there would be a period is if the dialogue is followed by an action. So like "Blah blah blah." She rolled her eyes. "I can do what I want." is perfectly fine.
^huh?
^none of this is really needed. 'He replied' is enough. Everything else is over stating what we already know, and frankly uses the word 'usual' way too much.
That's all I have, really. Actually, it's not, there are a lot more mistakes in this piece of writing, such as your need to have words like 'inquired' or 'queried' when you can just say 'asked'. Granted, you didn't really use them too much, but regardless.
This is not bad , though the constant grammatical mistakes make it painful to read. That, and I'm not the biggest fan of MacDash.
Alright you got my attention. I'm sort of wondering where the fetish stuff is going to kick in and interact with a story that's this vanilla so far. I enjoyed the interaction between Dash and Mac in this chapter, though I thought Dash would be just a little bit excited about the prospect of more cider.
I wish that there was some kind of filter for just clop, as I have no interest in that but there are several good mature stories without it, but don't like having the page hogged with suggestions for porn
Futa Mac? Take the emoticons of my expectation of Dashie on learning it.
This is superb! More, please!
WHOO! God, I love this shipping!


A'ight, let's do this
Came for the MacDash. Doing pretty good so far.
Anyone else see that capitalized Straw Hat and think 'The Luffy Special'?