Mischmasch

by SpiralWriter

The Hunger

Through total darkness we descended at a rapid pace, the only sound around us echoing rocks and my volatile shouting. From my mouth came the longest string of utterable curses, I spewed a good mixture of slurs and violence from my maw as we fell down, down, down. Any mother would faint, any child would giggle, any sailor would nod in approval.

I had no idea what was going on with Alamo, considering the pitch black entirely surrounding us, but as for me, my descent was as far from comfortable as possible, if falling miles below the surface of the earth into an abyss populated by ravenous worm-beasts was at all possible to being comfortable. I smashed into unseeable rocky walls, hitting bits of debris that had fallen with us, it was like my first day in Equestria all over again, ending with an all too familiar crash as I painfully kissed the ground with my entire body.

".....Bloody fucking thunder and spit..."I muttered as I stood back up as slowly as possible, measuring how much pain I had accumulated in the fall. Sore here and there, definitely felt some cuts, but nothing as serious. I was okay for now. But the questioned remained, where was the cowpony?

"Ya'll alright over there?"

I jumped at the sudden voice from the shadows around me, only for them to dissipate in fear from a silvery glow of magic exploding from a certain unicorn's horn, his magic acting like an welcomed arcane torch. I sighed in relief to see Alamo was generally unharmed, only banged up here and there like I was.

"Yeah, I'm good."I nodded."...Where do you think we are now?"I squinted my eyes to peer past the radius of light around us and try to catch a glimpse of what laid ahead. Nothing to report back, however.

He turned slowly, revealing the details of our newest surroundings with the gentle glow from his horn, his hat dangling loosely around his neck from a drawstring to make sure it stayed with the grizzled old coot. We seemed to in some sort of tunnel, solid, craggy walls outlining the area, the size of the tunnel easily the thickness of one of those nasty worms. Yep, we were definitely in the stew now.

Small vibrations were felt here and there, movement from the beasties, but nothing too close to cause alarm. We must've landed in one of their unused tunnels or something.

Alamo began walking, and as the loyal companion that I am, I followed. I made sure to stick close, didn't want that precious light to escape and leave me in a place where at any moment it would be chow time for a worm.

"So...what do we do now?"I questioned after ten minutes of silence."I know we gotta blow the place up...but anything specifically? Like, do we even have a plan beyond that?"

"Find three important areas to those flabblasted worms, blow 'em ta smitheroons, then high-tail it outta here."

"Care to elaborate there Mr. Spaghetti Western?"I raised an eyebrow. Seriously, it was getting really old with being left out of the plan. Well, okay, even I had to admit it was a good idea to do so with me having the tendency to trip on nothing but thin air, but still, at least drop me some key points so I'm not left entirely in the dark.

"Gotta set up some of the red stuff in the Hatching Chamber, takes care of them their babies, the Mother's Den, takes care of any reproduction, and last but not least, the Main Support Pillar, any good cave system would have one, on the plus side once we get there, it's a straight shot up with the pillar. Then blammo! No more worms, and Appleloosa's safe and sound."

"Sounds easy enough."

"Not really, pardner. The Hatching Chamber's probably all a-guarded up by their biggest males, and the Mother....you don't wanna know bout the worm momma."

Once again, no plot points dropped to ol' Oddjob. It stung, it really did.

"C'mon Alamo, don't leave me hanging here."

He turned to looked at me, his wizened features holding a sense of something ominous. I shuddered and instantly regretted my words."Let's just say pardner, we're gonna wanna get in and get outta there as quick as we can."

His words silence me, but only momentarily."You...seem to know a lot about these things."

"Once you've been around as long as Ah have pardner, ya pick up a couple tips here and there."

I considered his words as I looked at him intently, examining every line and wrinkle. Obviously the guy was old, no doubt about it, but I didn't want to be rude and ask him how old he was. Considering that I had no knowledge whatsoever about horses and their physiology, I couldn't quite pinpoint how old he was exactly. Sixty, seventy, eighty? Fuck, Celestia and Luna were thousands of years old, but did magic apply to the lifespan of lesser unicorns like Alamo? I really had to investigate stuff like this soon. Maybe finding a library would be nice, especially Twilight's. Knowledge is power, and I would need all the knowledge I could gather for such a world as convoluted as this.

From there on, we remained quiet as he continued our trek into the lair of the worms.

---

"Quick, through here."

I decidedly ducked underneath a wall of stone jutting out of the ground as another worm slithered by, unaware of the two unwanted visitors scurrying about it's home. Alamo peaked over to check that we were safe. He seemed that he had decided the worm was a good distance away, and he unlatched his bag, pulling a thick bundle of dynamite sticks strapped together haphazardly, a long winding string falling from it, acting as a tail for the bright red explosives.

"Alright..."Alamo went onto hovering the bundle in the air with his magic while searching for something else inside the bag. He retrieved a set of matches and shove the items into my mitts.

"Right, it's real simple pardner,"He began.

"You want me to blow it up."I looked between the stuff in my hold and Alamo's stoic gaze with uncertainty.

"Go into the nest, plant the dynamite,"

"You're trusting me with something that can kill us both."

"Light the match, set 'em to the fuse,"

"Matches....AND dynamite. Both, in my hands. You want me to..."

"Then skedaddle out of there. We only got so much time 'fore the next male comes in ta check on the eggs."

"..."

"..."

"DYNAMITE. ME."

"Get yer flank over there 'fore I right way kick it there instead."

With a sigh I stood up and slunk my way over to the center of the massive cavern we now found ourselves in, tip-toeing as lightly as possible, thinking at any moment the slightest of sound would signal for a worm to come charging in here and devour me.

I couldn't tell the exact size of the 'room' per say, given Alamo's magical glow could only extend so far, but it did carry an echo. Smack dab in the center of it though, a large crater big enough to easily hold a football field took the attention of any eye, equally massive sacs as tall as me holding writhing, slimy grubs inside their pustular eggs were scattered across the ground, held by tendrils firmly dug into the dirt.

"Oh God...gonna puke..."I forced down the dry taste of vomit as one of the pods nearby popped and splayed me with greasy, clingingly thick slime, a pure white grub the size of a puppy falling to the ground screaming. I continued on despite my utter disgust, shivering as the goop almost instantly hardened and attached to my fur. Didn't have time to try and peel it off, Alamo said we were on a strict schedule here, get in, blow shit up, get out and have a party. Sounded really good right about time.

Once I arrived in what I thought was the center, I knelt down and deposited the large chunk of raw destructive power into the ground, freeing my paw and claw up to settle with the matches. I awkwardly held the case in my bear paw, and with my much more nimble hand, the match. I struck it time and time again against the friction strip, but it refused to light. Peering my head over the eggs, I called out in the direction of the cowpony in a hissing whisper, the kind you want to make quiet, but it comes out as loud as a shout. Happened to me all the time when I was in class trying to find ways around the teacher's watchful eye and ever alert ears. Old bat was like a trained machine when it came to busting me passing notes or speaking to another friend.

"Alamo!"

"..."

"Alaaamoooo!"

Still no reply.

"ALAMOOOOOO!"

"WHAT is it yer consarnitted loud mouth?!"

"The matches won't light."

"What do ya mean 'ther matches won't light'?!"

"...The matches. Won't. Light."

I could hear him grumble all the way over here.

He arrived with stomping hooves and an overall displeased disposition towards me. I greeted him with a cheery fanged smile."Give me those."He snatched the matches right out of my hands with his fancy telekinetic powers, striking the matchstick once and lighting it in the first try.

"...You got lucky."

"And yer an eem-bee-cycle."

"Imbecile."

"That there too."

He held the match to the fuse and in an instant it was lit, showering the ground with sparks as it slowly dwindled in length to meet the body of the explosives.

"Now c'mon, let's amskray."

Before we even began walking a tremor knocked us off our collective hooves and paws. Landing with a dull thump on my back, I looked up to see one of those big nasties boring it's way horizontally through a wall then switching to vertical, heading straight for us with mouth agape and teeth a-bristling.

"....Manure."I heard Alamo whisper under his breath as he hopped right back up and armed himself with his revolver, the firearm loaded before I could even blink. I just kinda stood there beside him with my hands in an awkward fisticuffs stance.

The worm rushed us with as much speed and ferocity as a bus crammed with senile old people. Alamo swiftly sidestepped the thing, I rolled out the way with as much action-hero gusto I could muster. It zoomed by, kicking up a cloud of dirt in it's wake, and coincidentally, putting out the fuse right behind us. Me and Alamo shared a glance."I'll get on that."I muttered as he tossed me the matchbox back.

While I fiddled with figuring out how simple fire worked, I could hear Alamo behind me, firing off his gun and reloading it an an incredible rate. But I knew he would run out of bullets eventually, and I believed I wouldn't be able to fathom the matchstick before then. My fucking bear hand kept snapping them as I clumsily pulled them out the box!

All of a sudden I heard a grunt and the sound of something metallic clattering to the floor. I turned around to see that the worm had fucking wrapped itself around Alamo like a boa constrictor, his revolver helplessly on the ground below."Don't worry Al, I'm coming!"

"Never call me Al."He even managed to be annoyed with me as the life was being squeezed out of him.

I dashed at the beast and rammed my shoulder into the body of the worm closest to the ground, only succeeding in budging it a few inches. I even tried punching the blasted thing, my fists harmlessly bounced off the thick skin. Reverting to plan three, I fumbled around for Alamo's gun, picking it up and firing at the worm, only to find that it clicked harmlessly with an empty barrel.

"Shit..."I worriedly looked around for any help at all in the cave to save Alamo, his gasps of air overhead growing more and more raspy."Shit...."I hit my head to come up with an idea. Something to help!

"Shiiiiiit...."I was getting angry. And I mean really angry. Mad enough for a low, menacing growl to escape my throat, I was positively fuming.

....I paused, sniffing the air. Aside from the dank cave smell and slime, I could pick out something else lingering out there. Smoke.I looked around for any source of fire, maybe the fuse had miraculously relit itself? This was Equestria after all. If talking ponies who go on zany and humorous adventures fun for the whole family was possible, why not a self-lighting fuse? Turning around, the dynamite string remained unlit. I was surprised to find a foul taste growing in my mouth, and as I opened it, a mass of wispy grey poured out.

"Okay....I'm smoking. Literally smoking."It didn't choke me up, in fact, it felt good, like something warm had nestled itself inside my chest...

"Anytime thar...pard....ner...!"Alamo choked out the last word with a few spittles of blood.

Oh right, I was angry.

I turned to look at the worm with Alamo still ensnared in it's coiling body, and the fire inside me seemed to brighten, heating me up from the tip of my tail to the spikes on my head. I didn't know what I was doing, but it felt right. I roared. A terrifying, bone-shaking guttural sound from the very back of my throat. Any death-metal vocalist would be jealous. And you know what I got in return for my shout? A glorious spew of red and orange and fire exploding from my maw, a stream of brimstone heading straight for the worm. The fire engulfed what I thought was it's head, and it recoiled it fear from the heat with a shriek, releasing Alamo, who toppled to the ground as the monster retreated with scalded skin.

Slowly the heat inside me turned down, and I ceased firebreathing, but I could still feel that spark deep inside me.

I rushed over to Alamo and helped back to his hooves. He retrieved his Revolver and reloaded it on reflex, hovering it nearby in case any other worm decided to come by and snack on us.

"Ya could've told me you could do that."

I shrugged as tendrils of smoke lazily drifted through my nostrils."I didn't know I could either."

"C'mon, let's hurry. Ol' burned worm over there is probably alertin' the whole colony that we're here. Gotta get to the Mother and fast."

I nodded and approached the dynamite, this time sure that I could do this. I bent down, breathed in, and puffed out an ember from my mouth, the small round orb of fire rolling off of my tongue and tasting of charcoal, the fuse relighting instantaneously. Alamo and I were out of the Nest before the explosion even went on, and when it did, a satisfying boom erupted through the caverns, along with some shrieking worms who were probably caught in the blast radius as well. Why is it so satisfying to blow stuff up?

---

Over the course of three hours we worked our way deeper and deeper into the caves, occasionally having to hide out until a worm lost track of us. Our actions definitely had them all riled up. Screeches and shaking were much more frequent now. The whole population of beasties were pissed at us and seeking blood.

Finally we looked up to see fully illuminated in Alamo's silver magic, a gigantic hole easily thrice the size of any worm we had encountered. Suffice to say, Momma Worm was big.

"Ready, pardner?"Alamo looked over to me as he unholstered his gun.

"Last time you said that, the ground just went up and disappeared beneath us."I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to make sure the fire was still going strong inside me. I was replied with smoke and swirling twists of fire shooting out. I grinned.

We both nodded and stepped inside. The further we went in, the sounds of distant worms grew even further until we couldn't hear them at all through the thick stone. It went so far as we didn't even need Alamo's magic anymore, some sort of luminescent fungi was growing up everywhere, bathing the area in an eerie, soft green-neon glow.

Alamo was walking ahead of me, then he suddenly halted, holding out a foreleg to signal me to stop as well."We're here."

I looked around, the walls had widened to a gargantuan chamber outlined with the lava-lamp fungus. It was empty save for some boulders scattered here and there. Even the stalagmites overhead were empty of any dripping water, something common you'd find in a cliche' cave as this.

"I don't see anything..."I said, walking further in."No Momma Worm, no regular worm, no nothing."

"Wait for it."Alamo replied, tensing himself."Big Momma likes to make an entrance."

"Wha-"

From the ground up exploded a body that could rival a skyscraper if it wanted to. I was knocked flat on my back as I watched the singular thickness of the Momma Worm rise higher and higher into the air, only for her featureless face with nothing but a wide open O-shaped mouth to gaze down at the trespassers into her lair.

"....We're going to kill that thing."

"Eeyup."Alamo replied, the dynamite bundle already in the air.

Tell me boy, why do you invade our home? A sudden voice whispered in the back of my head. Now, either I was going crazy, or I swore something was telepathetically speaking to me. I held up a paw for Alamo to stop."Wait! Just...just wait."I told him, and he reluctantly agreed, lowering his weapon. Big Momma Worm had done nothing, only stood there staring at us.

"Did you..."I pointed up."Did you just talk to me?"

You bear a portion of dragon in you. As do I. We can communicate through means far beyond that of simple words.

"..."

You still not have answered my question, boy.

"Well....we kinda...wanna stop you from attacking Appleloosa. So we..."I restrained from saying the words 'Blew up some of your cave. It was fun!' If I knew these things were sentient and nothing feral, I wouldn't have agreed to something like this. But those ponies up top needed my help...but what if I had been endangering a creature that could think and feel? Oh fuck I'm heartless.

Ah yes...the four-legged ones. We wish them no harm in our migration, but we were forced to retaliate when you endangered us.

"Alamo...please just believe me."I turned to him."This thing...Big Momma here....is speaking to me....through my brain. And she said her worms were simply migrating."I looked back up at her."Then why didn't any of the other worms try making conversation? A whole lot of complicated stuff could've been avoided!"

They are merely children...barely in their adult stages. They could not speak with you if they wanted to. But.....Wait...

Big Momma lowered herself towards me, and I couldn't help but flinch at something so big nearing me, but no dangerous movement was made. It seemed she was only...sniffing the air or something.

You smell of......Him.

"Of whom do I smell of?"I took a quick whiff of my pits and scrunched up my snout in disgust. Man did I reek. A shower and a couple detoxifying chemicals were definitely needed...

You smell of ancient and evil and anarchy....you smell of the Chaotic One.

I knew that title anywhere. Big Momma Worm obviously meant Discord.

"Yeah, I know I look like him and everything, but trust me, I'm nothing like the guy..."

You lie boy, I can taste the filth of your magic in the air. It stains the very soil you walk upon.

She was getting mad. Her tone inside my head was taking a turn for the nasty."Look, I can't do magic, at least I don't think I can. I can breathe a little fire, and I could try some card tricks if you give me some time..."

SILENCE BOY! I will have none of your jest today! Her words became a scream inside my skull, forcing me to clutch my head in agony. It was like some teeny tiny person took a nail and was slowly punching it through my bones straight into my brain. I'd have more than a headache after this. Alamo jumped, aiming his revolver straight at her. I doubt bullets would do nothing but leave her itchy.

Every step you take desecrates this hollowed ground, me and my children have lived here in peace to escape the Chaotic One, and you bring his presence back here. We have tried to escape him for so long, even when he appeared not a fortnight ago. We try to leave and rebuild a new nest, but you and the four-legged ones above kill and force us back into hiding.

Even through the pain I heard that."Wait....Discord forced you guys to the surface?"

And you keep us here in purgatory, with the Chaotic One growing closer everyday.

Well there we go, I was finally getting a plot point without having to pester Alamo about it. I slowly shook away the aching in my head to gaze up at the massive beast hovering overhead."Look...when I arrived here, Discord said he had a plan. He obviously meant for the ponies of Appleloosa and your....children to fight. If you just give me some time, I can convince them to let you pass..."

NO!

And my brain exploded for the second time that evening.

You are allied with the four-legged ones! Yet, you are also with the Chaotic One, you bear his taint within you! This is obviously a trick, a trap set up by the beast!

"No! Just listen to reaso-"

We will have you here no longer. You will die and will feed us, just as the four-legged ones of 'Appleloosa' will feed us. The Chaotic One will not reach my children!

Well...I had no words but shit.

With that, she reared up, towering even more over my diminutive form, then charged, her gaping maw and rows of angry, bristling teeth aimed directly at me. I jumped out of the way just for her head to slam into the ground, shattering any foothold I had and forcing me onto the closest solid object: her. I clung to her side for dear life as she arched back up and shook what I considered her head to and fro, trying to shake me off as violently as she could. My claws dug deep into her thick skin, so I was going nowhere fast. My vision was a blur, but my head was clearing. Sounded Alamo's gunshots in the background. Obviously I needed to do something, I couldn't just let an entire population of ponies get eaten alive. Taking out Big Momma here sounded a good a plan as any. I took in a deep breathe, swelling my chest to as much air as my lungs could hold, and felt the tinge of heat well up inside me. I could get used to such an amazing power. With a roar, I unleashed an inferno upon her, blasting a steady stream of fire at what I thought was the bitch's eye. It seemed to work, as her roars joined with mine in a melody of mayhem that made the chamber around us shake, sending chunks of earth and stalagmites shattering to the floor. Looks like this chamber wouldn't last very long, a few more minutes both me, Alamo, and Momma here would both be taking a dirt nap, both in the literal and figurerative sense.

I ceased my firebreathing to try and make logic once more."Hey, maybe we should take this topside, so that, y'know, we don't get buried ALIVE?!"

"Good luck reasonin' with the bitch,"Alamo called up, his bullets meeting their mark but hardly doing any damage."That worked perfectly a minute ago!"

There will be none of your sarcasm today, Alamo. I sort of flipped off of her in a haphazardous acrobatic way, tumbling through the air to land on my face beside the cowpony. In any good worm fashion, she charged at us, both of us moving out of the barely in the nick of time, I could feel the sheer force from her movements as she whizzed by. This went on for some time, she'd charge, we'd dodge, and the pattern would repeat while the world around us crumbled. Started looking like a videogame to me, a boss battle of sorts, expect no weakness could be found on this one. Her thick, elephantine skin fully protected her like armor from bullets, and my fire could only do so much as irritate her.

"Any plans here?"I muttered to Alamo, the two of us starting to breathe heavy. To be honest, I liked it. Adrenaline was pumping and my head was dizzy with the energy I exerted. I always loved stuff like this that got my endorphins rushing, considering I had a very boring life back on earth, so anything with excitement was a godsend. I could use without the danger of dying though.

"Not a thing..."He replied, only to look up at the splintering chunks of rock at the ceiling. He raised his gun, reloaded it in a flash and unleashed a storm of six bullets, sending several massive chunks of earth falling, their destination: Big Momma Worm below.

We almost sighed in relief as a massive part of the ceiling landed straight on the Mother, pinning her to the ground, but we didn't know for how long. She was struggling greatly, and there were already cracks forming in the chunk of earth, signaling she would be free any second.

"Dynamite."Alamo chucked the bundle at me and I barely caught it, fumbling around with it between my hands."Y'know what ta do, pardner."

I nodded slowly and ran off towards the great writhing body of the monster, a small spark from my breath already had the dynamite fuse going fast. Once I was as close to her as I could get without getting crushed from her flailing form, I popped my furry bear elbow back, eyeballed my aim, and with my best quarterback imitation tossed the explosive as hard as I could into her open mouth, the red dissapearing into the abyss of her insides.

"Enjoy your meal!"I called out to her between cupped hands as me and Alamo ran out as fast as we could, Alamo galloping at an astounding pace, me slinking behind as fast as my patchworked body would take me, leaving me a couple paces behind. I twisted my neck while still running at the sound of a massive, collective boom echoed through the caves, the entire tunnel behind us collapsing. We high-tailed it out as the ceiling and floor gave way as fast as we were, trying it's best to consume us into the depths.

"Go, go, go, GO!"I screamed as I merely kept instinct and followed Alamo in front of me, pumping my arms and legs in rhythm with his thundering hooves. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe.

He seemed to know where he was going. Must've had some sort GPS magic in use, or we'd have ended up lost and digested long ago."Stop!"

I slammed right into him at his words, and the two of us tumbled in a mass of bodies and limbs until slamming into something solid and breathing. Another worm towered overhead, and he barely scrambled out of the way before it dug it's head into where we were just seconds before.

It's funny what life-or-death situations did a person. Some would panic and wet themselves, others would take charge and find a way out, others thrived off of the excitement and did fantastic shit only movies could imitate. I was doing a little bit of all three right about now. My senses were tinged with fear, but it heightened them. I made out several more shrieks, several more bodies of worms heading for our location. And there seemed to be some sort of light overhead, outlined with a rod or something.

I looked up, a column of solid stone shooting up for God knows how long, ending with a circle of light so far above. The support pillar!

Alamo had already set up the dynamite, this last and third bundle having the longest fuse of all, wrapping around it multiple times. Obviously enough for us to make our escape up this thing. I approached him and lit with a whiff of my breath."Okay, what now?!"I looked between the pillar and him. Ponies didn't exactly have the right bits and pieces to be climbing up a sheer face of stone. He replied by casually trotting behind me and leaping onto my back, gripping his forelegs tightly around the base of my neck."Giddeyup, pardner. We ain't gettin' outta here with ya'll just standing 'round."

I turned my head around to give one are you fucking kidding me? stare, then with a sigh I latched onto the rock with my claws, finding that they were helpful tools for our ascension. I climbed at a furious, almost monotonous machine-like pace, I didn't have time to slow down. Worms were awaiting us below with hungry gaping mouths, and a mess of explosives were ready to go off at any moment.

I was only halfway up before the boom was heard, shattering the pillar. and separating it into chunks of falling debris. i clung to one in hope that gravity would love me today and not try to kill us again.

"Double time Oddjob, c'mon!"Alamo blasted in my ears, and I slowly unhooked myself from the rock, looking up for any escape path at all. The pillar was falling in order from top to bottom, the explosion had erupted cracks all the way to the top and had divided it into falling pieces that still gave us a way to the light, but it was a diminishing window. Soon, no piece of earth would be close enough for us to leap out to sweet, sweet freedom.

I breathed in, crouched at the knees, and jumped, my legs springing us through the air like a rocket. I couldn't help but "WHOOOOO!" Like if I was on a rollercoaster, my strength vaulting us ever upwards against the rocks. I leapt from each one as fast I could, ascending up bit by bit. Finally we reached the last solid piece of ground, the hole, 30 feet in diameter, only looking several yards up. Last chance, final ride. I shook my head and sprang with every last bit of energy that remained in my fuel tanks, I'll admit, I was exhausted. My muscles screamed, my head ached, but Newton be damned that I didn't fly, my hands gripping onto the rim of the hole. With a heavy grunt I hauled us up into the desert sun, collapsing to my side onto a gritty, sandy landscape as the sounds of screams and crashing rock echoed below.

"Let's..."I breathed."Never do that again."

Comments

[Lionheart]

MOOOOORE

[SethTheWizard]

Me boomsta

[Paladin Redflare]

Well that was pretty epic, momma worm reminds me of the Riftworm from Gears of War 2..... that there was a skyscraping worm, ah tell you what.

[Alpha Scorpii]

This was so amazing that my brain exploded. I don't know how am I typing this now.