Just figured I'd fess up to being the one that came up with the horn dismemberment, so don't blame Belgerum for it, and I hope you won't discard future chapters, as we won't be doing that again. It may have been a bit much (It was actually going to be worse, but we decided against it) Flutters did make a fair point, though, in that Rarity would be an alicorn, effectively, if she didn't remove her horn. And now that she has possession of it, it'll be an item of significance to the both of them (I see Rarity/Flutterbat as a thing, once all are turned) so it's not all bad. It's also not like it was particularly gorey or anything. There's no blood involved. Still though, sorry it wasn't to your liking and I hope you'll still stay with us for future chapters. Pinkie is going to be something really fun ;)
4301412 4301524 4301654 All three of you have made your points, and I have to say, I agree with most of them. Rarity's horn was Flutter Bully's idea, and I currently have no plans for more mutilation in the fic. I'm sorry if it feels weird to have such a thing in the middle of this chapter, but I did my best to try and write it in a way that feels believable. I'll understand if you don't want to read this anymore, or have been turned off by it, and I'll try to do better in the future.
4301654 4301865 The problem I have isn't so much the mutilation itself, but the reasoning behind it. Fluttershy basically said that Rarity didn't deserve to be an Alicorn because she wasn't a good friend like Twilight. Yes, Rarity can be a bit of a priss sometimes, but we've seen on several occasion that she's is willing to go through a lot of crap to please her friends. Hell, Rarity is usually nicer to Fluttershy than the rest.
Then there's the matter with Twilight. Didn't Fluttershy think about how since Twilight is a unicorn as well, she be quite horrified to learn that Rarity has permanently lost her magic since horns don't seem to grow back in this universe. So, what will keep Twilight from viciously kicking Fluttershy's ass in righteous anger at what has been done to Rarity?
In the end, this whole thing just leaves a real bad taste in my mouth. The kind of thing that I just want to walk away and forget about. Don't worry, I'm not going to stop reading or anything, I just personally feel it would have been better if it was said that the horn was broken accidentally in the heat of the moment or when Rarity was struggling with Fluttershy. After it's over, Fluttershy would feel bad about, then get over it and say "Shit happens."
Remembering last time she had touched the flowers, she knew she didn’t want to be pranked by the mischievous fauna ever again, and most certainly not tonight.
Pardon my nitpicking, but the word should be flora: fauna is the term for animals.
All she had to do was make it through this… and then, her future would be in Fluttershy’s hands.
No way to say this one without sounding obnoxious, so...
Anyway, apart from my slight aversion to the horn's fate, I approve.
I don't want to be overly critical but I will have to agree that the horn could have been handled much better. I mean, if the horn going away was part of the transformation I would be okay with it, but the idea that Fluttershy, even the way she is, would permanently cripple her best friend for such a petty reason really doesn't sit well with me.
4303889 I suppose you do make a valid point here. I guess the whole thing can seem like it's unbelievable at times, but it does all hang on just how much the vampire part of Fluttershy is acting to corrupt her morals and sanity. I'll keep your points in mind as the next chapter gets written, though, so thanks for the input.
4304015 Don't feel bad for making comments! Your feedback and opinions are much appreciated, as they help me see where I could improve, and what I've done wrong. Considering the number of people who seem to dislike the horn thing, I might consider editing things so there's more of a reason for such a thing to happen, and maybe altering the planned story in future chapters a bit. Maybe something about the horn's magic conflicting with the vampire magic, and it needing to be severed for that reason. I'm just thinking about it for now, but if I do make any large changes like so, I'll notify readers with a note at the beginning of the next chapter or something.
Thank you for the praise, though. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story up to this point.
While I could write whatever the heck I want for this story, that doesn't mean I'm a heartless bastard who wants to alienate readers and ignore the feedback I'm lucky they choose to give. If you have ideas, or greatly like or dislike something, feel free to let me know your opinion.
This is totally enjoyable! Oh my! Pinkie Pie is most likely next! That is going to be an intersting chapter! I kinda wonder how well you will do it! I've heard Pinkie Pie is a hard character to properly put into words.
Anyway this was a wonderful chapter! Raritys reactions where wonderfully done and fluttershy, Though rather dark in this chapter was still Fluttershy. Kind, Not so gental but hey... Shes kinda twisted now... But atleast she is doing a kindness to her friends by helping them all stay togeather!
let me go out of character for a sec. instead of making fluttershy cut off rarity's horn i would of had it where fluttershy would take the chance but instead of a alicorn it would make the unicorn two or three times strong magic wise. so that alicorn thing would be fixed?
Only one thing I would love to see in this fic, even though it's not really the focus, but I was kind of hoping to see some transformation unfold. I want to see how you would describe and actual transformation scene. The rape is all good and everything and I guess I'm a bit demanding but gosh I just love TF....like alot.
4302200 4304015 4303661 4307064 Thank you all for your input on the subject. After thinking over Fluttershy's motivations a bit, and ways to make the character more believable, I spent some time editing over the horn severing scene. Now, instead of making it merely Fluttershy saying Rarity didn't deserve to be an alicorn, she states that the horn conflicts with the transformation magic, and the horn must come off, regardless of whether or not she wants to do so. I've also made it so Fluttershy isn't so particularly enthousiastic about mutilating her friend.
I'm not sure if you want to look over the changes, or if you even care much, but I'd just like to let you know, and thank you for pointing out the inconsistencies of the scene, and helping me make the fic better for everyone.
We saw she was indeed sorry it had to happen, but her psychosis remained intact, so she "knew" she was doing the right thing. A bit of remorse, but her certainty of the future made her justify. I still can't say I "approve" of it, but now it's no longer such a jarring thing that it takes me out of the story.
Also, what 4309073 said. Maybe Twilight being an alicorn makes the process accelerate? Or maybe Pinkie's ability to tell physics to fuck off does it...
4310240 Glad to know the edits are appreciated and work well enough for you. While this does mean I'll have to rethink the plans for future chapters a little bit with the new reason behind the horn severing, it should be for the best. Hopefully, i'll be able to avoid more of this kind of thing in later chapters.
With regards to the points about TF you and 4309073 have made, I'll say that Pinkie's chapter should end similarly to the existing three, so if everything goes according to the current plan, any directly described transformation that might occur will happen in the last one, Twilight's.
4309151 i have to say im still out of character but That makes it better i mean it show fluttershy has not completely been corrupted and it show that this is a great story not completely getting rid of the main characters personality and that makes it even better!!! also if you think we dont like or care about it your wrong at least to me I love this and i hope you continue with the great work yours EXE
I'm on my 3'rd read through now, just wondering when the next tale of domination and prey following will ensue, love ths kinda stuff , especially vampires :3
very good story I love a good flutterbat story I wonder who flutterbat will turn next Pinkie Pie or Twilight Sparkle. Having said that I want to point out that a vampony can have a horn. A victim that has a horn turned into a vampony all tha would happen is that their magic turns from light magic to dark magic. because the unicorn's horn is apart of it's body so it would change according to the vampony bite or in this insemenation would also become vamponylike the magic may be pure but if the body and soul get defiled so does the unicorn's horn. A great example of a unicorn vampony is Vinyl Scratch in the fanfic "My Roommate's A Vampire". I will admit this is a great plot point though. But very different from what I am used to reading in Fanfiction. But this is still a great story nonetheless. I eagerly await for the next chapter
Based on that we just have Flutterbat's assertions that cumming into her victims will turn them into vamponies as well, I'm wondering if she's actually turned them or if they've just died from blood loss.
Yes! New chapter!
Wait a minute, I've gotta read a book and have a report done by tomorrow! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
4301093 that comment totally goes with your profile pic. Almost.
4301123
Good point, I can have the book done... After this! 300 pages aren't that much anyways...
4301131 hahaha
4301093
Well, if you HAVE to put this fic off til tomorrow, I won't blame you.
4301296
I already finished it... I'm a fast reader.
IT'S ALIVE!
Aaaaaaaaaand, you lost me. Mutilation? nope.
Just figured I'd fess up to being the one that came up with the horn dismemberment, so don't blame Belgerum for it, and I hope you won't discard future chapters, as we won't be doing that again. It may have been a bit much (It was actually going to be worse, but we decided against it) Flutters did make a fair point, though, in that Rarity would be an alicorn, effectively, if she didn't remove her horn. And now that she has possession of it, it'll be an item of significance to the both of them (I see Rarity/Flutterbat as a thing, once all are turned) so it's not all bad. It's also not like it was particularly gorey or anything. There's no blood involved. Still though, sorry it wasn't to your liking and I hope you'll still stay with us for future chapters. Pinkie is going to be something really fun ;)
4301412
4301524
4301654
All three of you have made your points, and I have to say, I agree with most of them. Rarity's horn was Flutter Bully's idea, and I currently have no plans for more mutilation in the fic. I'm sorry if it feels weird to have such a thing in the middle of this chapter, but I did my best to try and write it in a way that feels believable. I'll understand if you don't want to read this anymore, or have been turned off by it, and I'll try to do better in the future.
4301654
4301865
The problem I have isn't so much the mutilation itself, but the reasoning behind it. Fluttershy basically said that Rarity didn't deserve to be an Alicorn because she wasn't a good friend like Twilight. Yes, Rarity can be a bit of a priss sometimes, but we've seen on several occasion that she's is willing to go through a lot of crap to please her friends. Hell, Rarity is usually nicer to Fluttershy than the rest.
Then there's the matter with Twilight. Didn't Fluttershy think about how since Twilight is a unicorn as well, she be quite horrified to learn that Rarity has permanently lost her magic since horns don't seem to grow back in this universe. So, what will keep Twilight from viciously kicking Fluttershy's ass in righteous anger at what has been done to Rarity?
In the end, this whole thing just leaves a real bad taste in my mouth. The kind of thing that I just want to walk away and forget about. Don't worry, I'm not going to stop reading or anything, I just personally feel it would have been better if it was said that the horn was broken accidentally in the heat of the moment or when Rarity was struggling with Fluttershy. After it's over, Fluttershy would feel bad about, then get over it and say "Shit happens."
Pardon my nitpicking, but the word should be flora: fauna is the term for animals.
No way to say this one without sounding obnoxious, so...
Anyway, apart from my slight aversion to the horn's fate, I approve.
4303424
Thanks for the heads up, fixed those.
I don't want to be overly critical but I will have to agree that the horn could have been handled much better. I mean, if the horn going away was part of the transformation I would be okay with it, but the idea that Fluttershy, even the way she is, would permanently cripple her best friend for such a petty reason really doesn't sit well with me.
My boner was... Conflicted but I managed to crack one off anyway
4303889
I suppose you do make a valid point here. I guess the whole thing can seem like it's unbelievable at times, but it does all hang on just how much the vampire part of Fluttershy is acting to corrupt her morals and sanity. I'll keep your points in mind as the next chapter gets written, though, so thanks for the input.
4304015
Don't feel bad for making comments! Your feedback and opinions are much appreciated, as they help me see where I could improve, and what I've done wrong. Considering the number of people who seem to dislike the horn thing, I might consider editing things so there's more of a reason for such a thing to happen, and maybe altering the planned story in future chapters a bit. Maybe something about the horn's magic conflicting with the vampire magic, and it needing to be severed for that reason. I'm just thinking about it for now, but if I do make any large changes like so, I'll notify readers with a note at the beginning of the next chapter or something.
Thank you for the praise, though. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story up to this point.
While I could write whatever the heck I want for this story, that doesn't mean I'm a heartless bastard who wants to alienate readers and ignore the feedback I'm lucky they choose to give. If you have ideas, or greatly like or dislike something, feel free to let me know your opinion.
This is totally enjoyable! Oh my! Pinkie Pie is most likely next! That is going to be an intersting chapter! I kinda wonder how well you will do it! I've heard Pinkie Pie is a hard character to properly put into words.
Anyway this was a wonderful chapter! Raritys reactions where wonderfully done and fluttershy, Though rather dark in this chapter was still Fluttershy. Kind, Not so gental but hey... Shes kinda twisted now... But atleast she is doing a kindness to her friends by helping them all stay togeather!
So yeah. Love it!
let me go out of character for a sec. instead of making fluttershy cut off rarity's horn i would of had it where fluttershy would take the chance but instead of a alicorn it would make the unicorn two or three times strong magic wise. so that alicorn thing would be fixed?
Only one thing I would love to see in this fic, even though it's not really the focus, but I was kind of hoping to see some transformation unfold. I want to see how you would describe and actual transformation scene. The rape is all good and everything and I guess I'm a bit demanding but gosh I just love TF....like alot.
4302200
4304015
4303661
4307064
Thank you all for your input on the subject. After thinking over Fluttershy's motivations a bit, and ways to make the character more believable, I spent some time editing over the horn severing scene. Now, instead of making it merely Fluttershy saying Rarity didn't deserve to be an alicorn, she states that the horn conflicts with the transformation magic, and the horn must come off, regardless of whether or not she wants to do so. I've also made it so Fluttershy isn't so particularly enthousiastic about mutilating her friend.
I'm not sure if you want to look over the changes, or if you even care much, but I'd just like to let you know, and thank you for pointing out the inconsistencies of the scene, and helping me make the fic better for everyone.
4309151
Much more gooder.
We saw she was indeed sorry it had to happen, but her psychosis remained intact, so she "knew" she was doing the right thing. A bit of remorse, but her certainty of the future made her justify. I still can't say I "approve" of it, but now it's no longer such a jarring thing that it takes me out of the story.
Also, what 4309073 said. Maybe Twilight being an alicorn makes the process accelerate? Or maybe Pinkie's ability to tell physics to fuck off does it...
pls?
4310240
Glad to know the edits are appreciated and work well enough for you. While this does mean I'll have to rethink the plans for future chapters a little bit with the new reason behind the horn severing, it should be for the best. Hopefully, i'll be able to avoid more of this kind of thing in later chapters.
With regards to the points about TF you and 4309073 have made, I'll say that Pinkie's chapter should end similarly to the existing three, so if everything goes according to the current plan, any directly described transformation that might occur will happen in the last one, Twilight's.
4310346 Keeping the best part at the end then. I'll be looking forward to it.
That "one final cry" almost made me lose my boner
4309151 i have to say im still out of character but That makes it better i mean it show fluttershy has not completely been corrupted and it show that this is a great story not completely getting rid of the main characters personality and that makes it even better!!! also if you think we dont like or care about it your wrong at least to me I love this and i hope you continue with the great work yours EXE
Pinkie pie is going to be hardest to get still. Twilight is going to be devastated. lol
Make another story like this but without clop :)
4373931
Define "Like this." Do you mean the way it's written, the Flutterbat, the mane six getting dominated, or what?
4373984 ALL of them.
Heh, I mean I like the tension and everything, it's well-written and Flutterbat is best bat.
Another really well written chapter, good job
I've recorded a reading of chapter 1. More chapters to follow!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGo0FVcUK-0
I'm on my 3'rd read through now, just wondering when the next tale of domination and prey following will ensue, love ths kinda stuff , especially vampires :3
MOAR!!!!.......but that horn HUGE turn off still going to keep reading tho.
I was hoping for some group fun, since and were already vampires... Will you include them at some point in the story?
4599387
Soon enough, my friend. Soon enough.
4599396 mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw10396-96632a44d8afa19ed776f64446d71f6a.gif
4303742 From what I'm seeing in these comments... Flutterbat managed to crack one off too!
Mwahahaha! In order to turn you into a muppet, I must first cut off your left arm!
very good story I love a good flutterbat story I wonder who flutterbat will turn next Pinkie Pie or Twilight Sparkle. Having said that I want to point out that a vampony can have a horn. A victim that has a horn turned into a vampony all tha would happen is that their magic turns from light magic to dark magic. because the unicorn's horn is apart of it's body so it would change according to the vampony bite or in this insemenation would also become vamponylike the magic may be pure but if the body and soul get defiled so does the unicorn's horn. A great example of a unicorn vampony is Vinyl Scratch in the fanfic "My Roommate's A Vampire". I will admit this is a great plot point though. But very different from what I am used to reading in Fanfiction. But this is still a great story nonetheless. I eagerly await for the next chapter
I clopped to this...interesting.
There seems to be something missing here, hmmmmm I wonder what it could be.....Oh I know! A new chapter.
Was this somewhat inspired by Hellsing Ultimate?
Based on that we just have Flutterbat's assertions that cumming into her victims will turn them into vamponies as well, I'm wondering if she's actually turned them or if they've just died from blood loss.
This needs to be finished :D
Update when? I need new beatin' words.