Imbalanced

by Nameless Narrator

The Worst Two Days Ever: Outburst

[Blazing's Entry]

I've got few minutes to kill before the recruits come and scribbling words helps make the world a more understandable place. Or maybe it just helps drawing a little map of my head good enough to keep me stable or understand what to do next and how to repair the damage I usually do.

How to deal with earthponies? I'm now just a simple sword trainer and they lack the magic necessary to learn unicorn style. Too bad we are so understaffed that we have to limit guard training to fit some rules which haven't been reworked in ages meaning it's swords for unicorns, spears and staves for earthponies and pegasi. If anypony is interested in special weaponry they have to ask personally for help.

Even worse is that it keeps unicorns with great polearm fighting potential stuck in my group until they become real guards and can do whatever they want as long as they are fit enough to pass re-evaluation every six months.

Most pavement pounders don't care though. Clean armor and stern looks are the most important things for apprehending drunks armed with broken bottles evidently.

Damn, panicking all the time is annoying but when I'm calm I get bored really easily. Thankfully, the earthpony recruits are coming.

[End Entry]

---

As the group of ponies approaches the part of training grounds meant for my recruits I get up and try to get into the spirit of things. I usually don't adhere to the standard sargeant persona but these guys are practicing under Rising so being a bit hard on them wouldn't hurt, or at least it might make them feel at home. It's time to channel my inner 'loudmouth army sargeant'.

"Sargeant Rising Thunder is out at the moment so I will be dealing with you for now."

Needs more shouting.

"MAGGOTS!" I add uncertainly but loud enough for even the back line of recruits to hear.

The ponies take that in stride and don't look at all harrassed.

"To start the day in a nice, relaxing way DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!" I continue.

They don't object nor grunt disapprovingly. Evidently Rising's been driving them way harder before which makes me curious how far they can go compared to my guys.

"WHOEVER FINISHES LAST WILL BE CLEANING LATRINES TONIGHT!"

The recruits finally react by speeding up as much as they can. The changeling invasion screwed the training schedule horribly so these ponies only have about two months of training behind them and probably have no idea that there are no latrines within large radius of Canterlot. The picture of one of them in a rubber outfit holding a toothbrush in his hooves is enough to motivate anypony though.

"Alright. Since you're done it's time to warm up a bit. Twenty laps everypony, have fun!"

Their painful moans finally hint that I'm doing my job properly. One recruit comes closer and his question explains why they aren't doing anything.

"Around the entire training grounds or just our practice area?" he asks and I can almost feel the fear of everypony around. I grin.

"Guess!"

"Are you serious?" slips out of his mouth.

"Hmmm?" I raise an eyebrow. It's a gesture that never ever fails.

"Nothing, sargeant!" salutes the recruit and begins running.

With all of them busy I finally have time to observe the group. Newbies always look similar - full of imagination and vigor, usually as a result of stories about chases in moonlight and protecting the princesses from danger at the risk of their lives. The right hoof of justice in Equestria, unfortunately for them, usually counts walking six hours in a circle around castle library as one of its more interesting duties. There are the two branches of The Guard and then there are the Elements of Harmony and these recruits are too new and still believe they are closer to the second category.

Hmmm. Perhaps Rising's excessive shouting hasn't melted their brains yet.

I try to find out what my 'better' half, constantly monitoring my surroundings, means and my gaze falls on one female recruit. She's either smarter than the others or just naturally slow but while the others try to finish their assignment as fast as possible she is running at calmer pace. I often give my guys a chance to make their tasks a bit easier if they use their head as something else than a helmet rack. I didn't say this was a race and her noticing gives me time to do my own warm-up and burns enough time for my group to start streaming to their lesson. I wave at one of them when they questioningly stand around watching the earthponies trying not to die from exhaustion.

"Tell the others we have an intergroup training session. Is anypony excused today?" I ask the unicorn when he comes.

"No, sarge."

"At least try to make it seem like I have some authority around here."

"Sorry, sargeant!" says the unicorn with a crisp salute to get into the spirit of things.

I don't really believe in forcing respect but Rising's training methods must have something to teach me because even when the earthponies finished the exercise in the least efficient way possible they still were extremely fast and are beginning to pick themselves up from their half-comatose state already. Perhaps some kind of contest between my group and them could prove interesting.

That won't work. Physical ability is way too stacked in earthpony favor naturally. Contest of combat skill on the other hoof is the exact opposite.

For once the second me isn't completely correct. At this stage of training even the unicorns are unused to using telekinesis for combat purposes and while it's not as difficult as earthpony staff/spear style the difference should be enough to balance out the earthpony inborn strength and stamina. I drop the 'abusive sargeant' act and talk to my unicorn group.

"Alright guys, fifteen minutes of standard warm-up. I'll have a small surprise for you after that."

Remembering last year's combat bootcamp in the mountains I believe a bit of practice in advance wouldn't be so bad. After my guys, and ladies of course, disperse to stretch and do all the little things I've been teaching them since day one I find the earthpony mare who isn't slumped on the ground trying to keep her lungs on the inside.

"Gather your group, go to the armory and bring practice weapons. Swords and your polearms, enough for everypony."

"Why?"

Any other day I wouldn't have trouble ignoring the obviously intentional lack of 'sargeant' but for some, ehm, totally unknown reason I feel a bit fragile.

"Because I said so, recruit!" I hiss at her.

That is enough for her and I'm grateful because I don't want to shout at her. She rushes away to do what I said.

It doesn't take long. Earthponies, however tired, are used to carrying heavy loads and hauling crates helps them keep warm while the others practice. Minutes quickly tick away and finally all ponies are ready and so are the weapons.

"Now, everypony grab a weapon you are the most familiar with and find a partner from the other group. You will be having a small taste of weapon practice today. I don't know how good you earthponies are but I'll make sure you don't get stomped too hard."

I get exactly the reactions I was aiming for - amused grins from the unicorns and angry scowls from the earthponies. The goal here is to make the earthponies show what is in them and to wipe the smug expressions from faces of the unicorns. If my groups lets their overconfidence control them then the angry earthponies will stomp it despite lacking the experience of their unicorn counterparts.

Unicorns usually fight using their two main resources - might and magic. Controlling weapons using telekinesis and using their agility to avoid blows counts as might. The second element is magic which is bound to their natural ability, if it helps in combat somehow. I remember a stab of pain from fighting soon-to-be prince Shining Armor and regret not being able to use any magic to speak of.

And I'm what?

Incredibly annoying. When the changeling invasion drove away most of the skilled guards and my martial arts skills were deemed not useful enough to be taught to fresh recruits I found out that my ability to use two swords simultaneously while keeping track of my surroundings is absolutely unique. Holding more items magically in the air isn't the trick but what I call 'two minds in one body' helps with controlling both blades as if they were alive. Still...

...buck you, me, whatever.

He he he.

Earthponies, on the other hoof, have no magic just like me and their polearm styles revolve around balancing on hind legs and holding the weapon in their front ones while swinging it and spinning around their body, it looks pretty cool actually if done well. Some earthponies do try to use swords by holding them in their mouths and slicing around which looks stunning up to the point when somepony else hits that weapon really hard and knocks all their teeth out. That of course works only for standard weapons and not custom ones like glove-swords or pegasi wing razors.

I notice the cheeky mare isn't looking for a practice partner.

"Scared of a little unicorn squabble?" I ask her.

"No."

Still no honorific from her.

"Then why aren't you looking for somepony to work with?"

Her look clearly conveys that there is nopony else free but she says:

"I've already found somepony."

My raised eyebrow works wonders again and she continues:

"I want to prove myself against you!"

I just blink. There is no way she could be that stupid. With such little training every unicorn has an advantage over an earthpony and the obvious experience difference can't have escaped her.

"Excuse me?" I just manage to say.

"I want to practice against you. Why would I want to deal with somepony who can't even swing a sword properly?"

The unicorn expressions change from smirks to something way less pleasant. The stab at my group gets to me as well. My head still hurts from the hangover, I didn't have my usual cup of tea and I'm hungry.

And now I have somepony acting as a lightning rod.

"Alright, missy. Grab whatever you want. I will be unarmed to begin with but don't come crying when I take your toy away."

The mare looks scared for a second and I know she finally realized she's overdone it. Too late, girl. Unsubstantiated self-confidence and stupid bravado won't help you here and I'm going to make sure you remember and that your friends remember and remind you as often as possible. I address the assembled pairs.

"I suppose you all also want to prove yourselves. Well then, now is your chance. If you are still standing by the end of this lesson you don't have to come to tomorrow's practice and you don't have to carry the weapon crates back. That goes only for my group, of course. You others just try not to swallow your tongues by mistake when you get hit too hard."

Perfect, they are motivated enough it seems.

I don't think this is a good idea. You know how nasty can recruits be to one another and she might get into serious trouble.

That's kind of the point.

"WHOEVER MAKES THEIR PARTNER SCREAM THE LOUDEST GETS A PUPPY!"

I turn back to the mare approaching me and holding a practice spear in more experienced fashion then the rest. She must have been training more than the others then but that doesn't matter and it's time for her to learn that actions have consequences... mostly unforseen ones. If I set things up right then she's going to have a serious talk with her mates after practice in some dark corner. The length of such 'talk' will depend on how horribly the earthponies get beaten.

I could spend the entire lesson on improving her technique. I could mold her into a much better fighter than she is. I could also teach her manners in an intelligent way but in the end I decide that pain is the best teacher.

All I want is a breakfast... and somepony to hurt to relieve my frustration from the annoying morning so when the mare sloppily attacks me I kick her, grab her spear and in one swift, fluid motion break it in two pieces by hitting her straight on the nose.

She flies away in a splatter of blood and tries to get back up which in her concussed state fails horribly. Getting up must be impossible thanks to shaky legs, blurry vision and ringing in ears. We all have been there, girl.

I stare at her coldly and the sight of bleeding mare on the ground makes the rage evaporate and leaves only shame. I really shouldn't have unloaded on somepony who couldn't have possibly defended herself. It's not even noon and I've managed to screw up already. The situation is similar everywhere around me and when the massacre is over one of my unicorns comes to me.

"Do we really have a free day tomorrow, sargeant?"

"You wish. Now gather the rest, do some finishing exercises and then the lesson is over. Let the corpses clean up."

The dazed mare comes to mind once again and I address my group:

"And don't let this go to your head or one day you'll end like her."

Comments

[Nameless Narrator]

My laptop is screwed so while I'm waiting for new cooler I can't really post updates so I'll put up next week's chapters up tomorrow.

[Anonymous Critic]

Never underestimate your opponent.