Imbalanced

by Nameless Narrator

Bronze Armor: Feral

[Blazing's Entry]

I'm writing this into the diary only because I don't care anymore if somepony finds it or not. If there's even a bit of justice in this world I won't be here for long but I can't end it myself... believe me, I tried.

The hunger I've been feeling for so long finally became unbearable but as much as I knew it was a part of my changeling transformation I had no idea how to sate it. I haven't seen Choking since the... incident and even then I don't remember her having the sun around her for me to feel. Well, I decided to ignore the pain and just eat more food which usually at least helped temporarily but eventually that stopped working as well.

I remember lying in my apartment where I crashed on the bed immediately after coming from my evening session and fell asleep or something like that. It's difficult to describe as the next thing I remember is prowling the Canterlot streets at night looking for a suitable victim. I was able to control myself only for so long and unfortunately when it became too much the first encounter was with a mare being followed by a small filly.

I really, REALLY hope the kid will be all right after me throwing her halfway through the street. I hope somepony found her soon after. The mare though... I don't know what happened. I bit her just like I did when I went berserk while fighting Valiant Charge but I didn't tear out her flesh. I just bit her and felt the familiar sun appear and she began acting all friendly and such. It freaked me out but the shock didn't last long and something I consider an instinct took over, draining her until she was just shaking on the ground and trying to raise her front legs to touch me.

I banged on few of the closest doors and ran away as fast as possible.

Now comes the bad part. Despite everything, I wasn't going to visit Sole Regret because I was afraid I might end up hurting more patrons or even Singer, the bartender, so my legs took me home. I tried to do the right thing for once and grabbed my shaving knife to end it all. For the first time in my life I had strength and determination to do it but when I slit my throat the damn green fire just burned the wound and it closed instantly, leaving me almost as tired as before. I don't want to attack anypony anymore but I have no choice - if I hide away then I'll eventually go crazy and attack somepony again.

That means I have to find a way to either isolate myself completely or to feed without it being fatal. I'm just too tired. All I've ever wanted was a low-responsibility, dead-end job and a place to hide from the world where I could rot.

Evidently trash like me doesn't deserve even that.

[End Entry]

---

I've always known that I'll have hard time putting food on the table but this really is an unexpected development. My problem lies in two things - first, to get somepony to release their energy I need to physically bite them and wait for it to work, and second is that I have to do it at night, somewhere isolated, and hope the victim doesn't remember.

Despite being a part changeling I have no way to change my appearance. I've been experimenting a lot and exploring my body which, despite sounding dirty, is not much fun but at least I wasn't too bored at home and I've come to some conclusions. One - I'm really bad at anatomy. Two - When I knocked out one of my fangs and compared it to the drawings in a book about snakes in the castle library I found out it isn't hollow which means the venom isn't held separately in some sack. That means changeling saliva is partially a venom and a hallucinogenic substance which doesn't work on oneself. Three - I bleed green goo.

I was able to control myself during the second attack, the one after trying to end it all, and after I stopped panicking I stayed on the spot with the victim to find out a bit more. The bitten ponies become extremely suggestible after just few seconds if I manage to bite their neck. Considering the blood flow I imagine it will work even if I bite them in the rump but that's out of question unless they keep running away really fast and I can't catch up. Not only they become suggestible but extremely affectionate and eventually the surge of energy I always percieved as red sun begins to appear and becomes 'edible'. My guess is that I can feed on desire, lust, friendship and love. The first two were obvious when my second victim tried to kiss me multiple times and began furiously humping my leg. The third one I assume from the times I used to be able to feed from Choking and the last one is just a guess but when the mare called me some name I don't remember it dawned on me as a possibility.

Also, pegasi can do some real nifty things with their wings. Too bad my chances of landing a partner for real are below zero.

Ehm, the final thing came up when her advances became a bit too personal, not unwelcome but definitely new to me, and she focused her attention on my nether regions. That was when I ran as fast as my five legs could but apparently the changeling venom also causes the victim to ignore its limits and follow its desire with impossible strength and speed.

Thus we ended at my place where I, erm, got... raped? I mean I wasn't going to do anything sexual to her at first but whoever she was, her drive was too much for me and I wasn't going to harm her physically so I let myself get ravaged. Wasn't that one of my fantasies anyway? The one where I can't make the first move so she takes charge, hard. There and then I found a change which eluded me for I don't know how long - my junk looks different. Well I would have noticed eventually but unicorns don't really have to use hooves to relieve themselves thanks to magic and I had a lot on my mind anyway past months so any 'stress relief' done in that matter was forgotten instantly. I did some exploring after she left with me trying to get a 'you don't remember any of this' suggestion into her head. I still have no idea whether it worked but she seemed happy enough. Maybe all of it wasn't the venom and she was unsatisfied at home? To be fair my complete lack of skill didn't even matter with the way she was acting and her venom-fueled, often replenished just by kissing, stamina and my feeding off her keeping me going ended up causing a pleasant night. Also, I not only bleed green goo but apparently more than that. The shower when we tried to get that stuff off her face was a lot of fun though.

So... I don't cause as much pain as I expected if I stay in control. Perhaps I could bite a stallion... just for experimental purposes of course.

Why am I sitting in my apartment drinking without even bothering to go to work, then?

I was on the way when I saw a news headline about Canterlot security.

That itself wouldn't be a problem but it turned out that the writer based his article on a mother being brutally attacked while returning home with her filly from her recital. The only good news was that she's slowly recovering in home care but the mental damage might remain. At that point I just bought the newspaper, a bottle of something called Rotgut and went home.

"knock knock"

"Dun wanna more pamph-, paper!" I raise my voice to be heard through the door.

The bottle is almost empty. I've never been good at drinking strong alcohol and this stuff you could clean windows with.

"Open up, citizen. Royal Guard business!"

Oh crap. So they found their culprit. Well I knew this was going to happen and I'm not going to run, hide or hurt anypony. Time to open the door which takes longer since I'm too drunk to use magic and unlocking the three orbiting locks is difficult.

"Whzzup offisr?" I ask when I finish the puzzle of holding a key, balancing on my hind legs and trying to jam it in the keyhole.

I'm pushed back and fall unceremoniously on my rump where I stay until the pony's done with examining my place. When some of his seventeen legs stop in front of me again I just raise my front hooves to be shackled.

"Got anything to say, criminal?"

"Izz she 'n the kid 'kay?"

"Yes."

"Tha's good," I smile to myself and wish the pony would just shackle me already. Holding my hooves steady is taking its toll.

Finally I get tied up but the pony just pushes me down on my bed and I fall asleep even before she closes the shutters on the window.

I wake up remembering everything and being incredibly surprised at my head not blowing up from hangover. Trying to get up I just crash face-first on the floor.

Right, I'm tied up.

"That took shorter than expected," says the voice and I finally recognize her.

"So they sent you to arrest me?"

"You remember something? Surprising. I was kidding about the official business but when I looked around I put two and two together."

"Fouwr," I immediately try to prove to myself my brain is working.

"Shut up. What should I do with you?"

"Me, prison. You, promotion."

"As if I'd do that, idiot. Sit down and I'll bring you some water. Then you're telling me everything cause I snooped 'round your diary and need a bit of explaining."

Contrary to what she said she doesn't untie my legs even after my story is over. There is something Choking wants to say I feel but she doesn't know how to start.

"So you love me?"

She certainly doesn't like dancing around problems.

"I do, I mean I don't. I don't know, right? Something like having somepony to spend life together is impossible for me so I never bothered thinking about it too much but I just like having you around."

"I broke up with Fairfax."

"What? Why? When?"

"Few days ago. He was getting too pushy and I kinda remembered Valiant and you."

Hearing both of us in one sentence doesn't put me at ease but then she continues.

"And then I remembered how easily he gave me up when you threatened him and something just didn't feel right from the point when he came back to me again. You know that from the guys Valiant scared away you were the only one who bothered defying him? I'm not even talking about putting your life on the line."

"So are we friends again?" I explore the distant possibility.

"Not even close but I'm not going to tell anypony on you."

"Oh," I look down and sigh.

"You know you asked me why I was spending my Heart's Warming with you. I don't have too many friends... I mean real friends who I could rely on. I know pretty well how popular I am around the castle but sometimes I need a bit more and you give me that. Plus I can rely on you doing the right thing... eventually when there is no other option. Like with Valiant, Fairfax and even the attacked mare. Witnesses remember somepony knocking at their door shortly after without anypony in sight."

"I couldn't just let them freeze to death."

"That's what I'm talking about."

"I shouldn't have done it at all. I should have tied myself to one of the pipes in the bathroom and wasted away to nothing."

"Eh... you're too hard on yourself. Look up!" she orders and I blink when the ceiling light blinds me a bit.

"I-"

"You know... you have really pretty eyes. They are more blue than grey in the light."

I have no time to react when she kisses me.

"Wait! The venom," I push her away when I gather my senses.

She licks her lips and thinks for a second.

"Hmm, I do feel a bit weird. Not bad though. I trust you enough so why don't we spend the night here?"

I have no clue about the time but I must have slept through most of the day.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"You overthink things too much," she kisses me again and suddenly things are as close to before as they can be.

I give up.

"You're terrible at this," she breathes out when our kiss breaks.

"Not... much... experience," I start breathing again and recieve a short flashback.

"Then let's correct that."

A 'practice' kissing session with my best friend who is drugged. I remind myself not to plan anything ever again, stuff just never works out like it would on paper. Perhaps I should stop seeing the worst in everything.

Comments

[Igabugalo]

I gotta admit, for the lack of attention this fic has recieved, it's actually pretty good. Could use some polish, but definitely worth a read. Good work so far!

[LlamaSama]

4003585 i comepletely agree XD

[An Alternate Universe]

"Things you would never expect Choking to say?"
"Too sexy?"
"Survey says:"

"Eh... you're too hard

[Amos Anon]

Aaaand somehow the train wreck becomes functional again... have I said that I enjoy this story?

[Anonymous Critic]

Okay, I still don't like him though...

[JazzyWaffles]

Well. I've never seen a train wreck somehow train wreck itself into being a relatively normal train again. But there's a first time for anything.

[Teraunce]

Yo Dawg! I heard you like Train Wrecks so have a train wreck inside your train wreck so you can train wreck your train wreck into a normal train.

[ProjectRabbid]

He is just lik me