Based in MadMaxtheBlack's Your Human and You setting, a human brought to Equestria spends 5 years as a pit fighter before being 'rescued' by Cadence, begins some time before the events of Season 1.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The hell did I just read
4652153
Argeed...Though I do like the time loop thing, but would have liked to see a few more iterations.
So after chapter after chapter of no indication of just why he's here, and what he could possibly do that would possibly be of any benefit to Equestria, you present is with this: a Groundhog Day esque scenario. Is this the real reason he's so smart? He's retained all his intelligence and the like from day after day repeated? That he's here to try and break some kind of time loop that's engulfed all of Equestria? But therein is the problem. We assume that somehow it involves defeating Tirek...but apparently no. He keeps going through the time loop. At least, that's how it comes off, this chapter is hard to read. Perhaps getting him to reform? No, that didn't work either, though it WAS surprising to see him bursting into tears. He's got major family issues.
Don't think I didn't notice the whole "why didn't he just speak out" thing and how you applied that to all of the Mane Six in the whole "imposing what you think should be a certain way thing". The difference is they're still just girls, dude. They're not mature. They don't have years of experience and supposed maturity. So it's not fair to compare them to grown mares who should have known better. And then you imply that the ponies enslaved the other non pony races...even though there was no real evidence of that beyond their treatment of humans considering even the cows and buffaloes can talk and the worst they endured...was a pie fight. So that doesn't make any sense, especially, again, given the fact their entire society is literally built off the force of harmony. If it wasn't, they'd all be at the mercy of wendigos right now, remember that? But even if we overlooked that, you then say that they destroyed their home continent and are incapable of change.
Then again, I bring up this very simple question of "of what good is Percy here if he's not going to change anything"? What can HE do that the Mane Six cannot? Besides, evidently, provide amazing sex to Celestia. He evidently feels the society can't change, he must SOMEHOW eventually break the time loop, which apparently is this incredible deal, but...again...what is he supposed to do? What will he contribute to the world that nobody else could? The problem is your story keeps being so against the very core of the show that it's getting rather aggravating to keep reading. Have you ever seen the films Patch Adams, or the Last Airbender film, or Man of Steel? The issue with those is that they built their entire story around a source material and deviated so much from the core of what the main characters or the main themes of the tales were about that they hurt the films. I'm sorry, but your story is doing the same thing. It's deviating so much from the main core of the show and the source material, that it's almost no longer recognizable as an MLP story, it's got MLP names and words and places, but they don't really mean anything, don't resemble the people and ideas we knew and loved so much. And now Percy is becoming overpowered...now he can do pretty much any magic he pleases if he can turn himself into a dragon or transform into...things to better assist in sex...which of course raises the next obvious question. Alright, if he has this kind of magical power now...why has he not spent any time trying to find a way back home? Doesn't he miss his family? His friends? A world where the worst he had to deal with on a daily basis was maybe bad traffic or minor inconveniences at a supermarket, not being possibly raped or beaten? How come there's not really been much focus on him missing his old life, or trying to find a way back home? If he feels this society is beyond saving and he can't do anything to help...why bother being here? Just go home, leave them to sort this mess out.
Sorry it's so long, but...the more the chapters progress, the more questions I get rather than answers.
...Wat.
My brain hurts!!! Too much thinking!!!!
So many wats have been had.
Ah, groundhog day loop. That is a dangerous game to play. With all the knowledge that Percy gains he will become incredibly OP. Hope you have a plan for all this.
The Thulsa Doom and Smaug quotes were a very nice touch. I like that Percy quotes villains instead of heroes, when he wants to make an impression. It really drives home the fact that when compared to human villains, pony villains end up seeming like they just need the grumpy cuddled out of them.
Kinda worried that he's getting too overpowered now, though.
He was scary enough without decades of magic research, and vast insights into how everyone will react to anything.
This chapter is immensely confusing and hard to read. It's hard to understand what's going on, and Percy is becoming severely overpowered. Not to mention remarkably condescending. He truly is becoming very unlikable as a protagonist.
This story has now officially entered ' WTF!?' territory.
My level of entertainment is being buried under a barrage of confusion and nonsense.
Will we know who Maria-Ann is in future chapters? I kinda find the character interesting due to being both Celestia's lover and student.
Excellent! Every time I think I can see where this story is going, something comes out of left field. It's refreshing to read something that can surprise me.
I didn't particularly care for the Omake, however.
With great power (writing ablity) comes even greater trolling? Still liked it more the the actual groundhogs day
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
4653264
I managed to get most of what was going on, but the Omake lost me. Man, I like your writing, but I sometimes wonder about the coherency of your plot. It's too structured to be random, and seems at least internally consistent, but sometimes man, you go strange places.
Also, in hindsight, this time loop thing? Absolutely brilliant. If I had to guess, this is Discord's payback. It's an extra special kind of hell, this one. Really looking forward to the next chapter.
So... does Percy get out of the loop? Cause other than giving him an ungodly amount of time to learn and perfect enough skills for one hundred men, this chapter doesn't really do much. I'm just confused.
I don't know why people are having such a hard time understanding this chapter, but then again, I study philosphy as a time-sink.
One thing I don't get though, is why Tirek is free in the first place. It fucks the canon.
...
Maybe it's just my OCD.
I cant understand what is going on.
Time loops, other parts... Take one line pls.
You did this same thing with "Cultural Artifacts".
You start out with a straightfoward plot and then keep adding more fantastic and bizare elements until we are vastly removed form the original story.
It's not bad, don't get me wrong, it's just a bit schizophrenic or overly ambitious.
A lot of readers are calling this chapter confusing. I think it makes a lot more sense after you read it twice.
The chapter is full of things that are only hinted at, at first, and not explained until later. I think this works okay as an experimental writing style, because it helps the audience understand the confusion that the characters are feeling. Percy knows what's going on, and his audience doesn't, just like the author knows what's going on and the readers are left saying, "Wat?"
Having seen Groundhog Day is a must, also.
I wouldn't miss the omake if it were removed, or moved to a side chapter, though.
So the actual end of the chapter has him admitting that he's done everything he can think of and still doesn't know how to get out. But maybe Philomena can help.
The Omake has him subdue Molestia who's somehow gotten into Equestria proper. Celestia plays along when she finds out.
Sound about right?
4655919
Agreed, on that last point.
....snrk. Sorry just, wow I didn't expect THAT to pop up.
Is Maria-Ann Smith related to Granny Smith or the Apple family? I just feel curious because I want to know more about Celestia's past like her ruling days or her relationship with her previous students. BTW, will you include Celestia's POV in the omake when you make the side chapter or are you going to ommit the omake in the side chapter?
looks like someone was reading 'All You Need is Kill'
Oh you magnificent bastard you!
btw, I noticed a small error here with the smaller text:
It didn't generate properly.
4652329 ...Did you even read the entire story and did you even noticed that this is one of those alternate universe and that this is not exactly following the canon universe and that in this world, humans became animal because of ponies, cows and sheeps became cattles because of ponies despite their appearent sapience? So yeah, enslavement and a whole lot of other crimes.
And the whole mane six thing? Even if they are not exactly mature as you see it, they still need to be taught a lesson so they can become better when they are matured...
Um, okay.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
So....what the fuck just happened?
The time-loop thing is kind of off-putting. Inserting it so late into a story feels wrong. Especially since the events of the time-loop now eclipse the prior entirety of the story. If he ever gets out at this point he'll be traumatized by not knowing what's about to happen at all times and have to re-learn how to live in the moment.
He won't be the same person he was going in.
quickmeme.com/img/95/95dd50199e1208bc9b65ade8522fd68d3ac75e548f5b3380f404e8a89056837f.jpg
Your characters are written well, interactions are interesting and mostly believable and the world is well thought out. But sometimes you just pull something like this dragon transformation and time loop plot literally out of nowhere, which is ridiculously jarring, breaks immersion and any sense of credibility even with the way the story does not take itself very seriously.
To quote Austin Powers in reference to time travel: Oh know. I've gone cross-eyed.
So... Celestia and Luna WERE in charge when ponies committed their genocide? That wasn't entirely clear.
Frankly, this chapter really made me empathize with Percy in just how exhausting everything felt. I don't even know how it all ended.
4654811
If you understand it then please explain it to us lower lifeforms
Nevermind i got it and i had to do was pay attention instead of doing X things at the same time... even if it is fun
Ok what the heck happened at the "Omake" section, what is omake and what does anything happening there mean?
This chapter made my brain hurt but I think I know whats going on.