Based in MadMaxtheBlack's Your Human and You setting, a human brought to Equestria spends 5 years as a pit fighter before being 'rescued' by Cadence, begins some time before the events of Season 1.
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All hail Moonbutt!
Hehe, I really shouldn't be reading this instead of studying...
Duuude! That was awsome! Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
The sunbutt/moon but bonus chapters in other YHAY stories were really starting to annoy me, you you pulled it off in both epic fashion. Have a dash of awesome:
Lad, I don't know where ye've been, but I see ya won first prize
Little bits and pieces... someone just dropped a shout-out to the adorable Nyx. :)
For the sake of Moonbutt and Purple Menace, I hope the fragments survived (maybe by hiding in Percy?), and weren't "found".
.
Okay, the whole thing with Percy doing stuff and the ponies glossing over it was funny and entertaining at first, but I think it's becoming a running gag that's gone on for too long. At this point, the "vehement" denial is all the way into impossibility, even for cartoon horses; they know he is biologically different for certain, so the idea of him having intelligence should no longer be so hard for them to believe. Not to mention that Luna, who even as Nightmare Moon is not purple by the way, should know now Percy is intelligent. Even if she passes it off as Celestia's doing, it would require her not to ask her sister about it for the belief to hold, which I find unlikely.
As for Percy, I really think you should either have him reveal himself or stop doing things to bring suspicion unto himself. By continuing as you are, you are taking a initially intelligent protagonist who was reasonably cautious and are making him the dumbest of the bunch. Seriously, you have him constantly state how, socially stunted, oblivious, and unobservant the ponies are while having him do the same thing. Five years in the pit or not, it is quite obvious revealing himself would not lead to his demise or suffering, and a character whose constantly dissing others for being paranoid or acting irrationally shouldn't be doing so himself.
Lastly, this chapter contained one of your recurring... flaws, for lack of a better word, as a writer, and that is your glossing over of climatic points and appearing hectic. You seriously just had Nightmare come in, say a few words, run, then be defeated out of scene, in record time. This is just like Cultural Artifact when you had a apparently huge conflict occur in, like, one chapter so fast that my head was spinning and I didn't realize it was over. In the case of this story, it is the result of the limited first person POV, it results in a lot of the context being lost. The Twilight scene in the beginning is a great example, not only did I think she was a filly, but it is never explained why she was trying to catch a butterfly in the first place. Then there was the scene with Shining coming in crying; you didn't explain what was happening until later, and even then, it was vaguely along the lines of he came across a bad scene. Simply put, a great deal of what happens in your story seems random because you never share with us the context in which it is happening, like the assassination attempt on Cadence and Shiny in the beginning, or the one on Percy later. On a side note related to this, who was the human with Twilight and the gang?
Sorry if this seems like a rant, but I don't like it when people don't tell me why they dislike my story, so I avoid it when down voting others... Sorry.
YES! FINALLY! ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS ROYAL FLANKS!!!
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3635-1329671840700447.gif
Mighty Poof, I'm wondering if he is biding his time with Percy. Studding him would make for some powerful offspring Poof would want to take advantage of.
Concerning sizes when it comes to horses during fun time, it doesn't matter.
All hail Sunbutt
All hail moonbutt
May their royal flanks entertain us for another thousand years
Oh yes, this chapter was perfect, but i bet, the perfect-est chapter would be the one where ponies would finally get that he's as intelligent as pony, if not more.
3946844 or it could end up like the IDW comic with nightmare rarity.
An elegent dark lady of the night? Rawr.
Or it could explain why the pony of shadows came from. Not all of it was banished, but it only happened recently, not a thousand years ago.
3948426
Heh. My first SO was a goth and a professional, and she dressed the part. (Lady Heather, if you get my drift.) So Nightmare Rarity was quite the cutey from my point of view.
For that matter, Nightmare Moon was appealing as well. As for Nyx? A little sweetheart who'll grow up to be a heartbreaker someday. (Perhaps even literally. ^_^ )
Nice
my stomach... why are you doing this to me?!
Time turner was about the only pony who could call bullshit on Percy. Nicely done with his placement and dialogue
it slowly gets more and more ridiculous how vehemently oblivious the ponies are to his more and more agressive displays of his intelligence, his talking to parsol and it seeming like a dream to her was kind of justifiable but the scene here with pink and armor is unbelievable.
3947009 You would be surprised what we can believe... Especially when we vehemently claim to stand above something... Let's just say that some people will believe any explanation possible except the one right in front of them.
I hate it when Doctor Who dimension travels to random places then acts like a smartass to random people. This guy really, I mean REALLY needs a female companion
3922133 Celestia believes most humans are dumb, but she already knows Percy isn't.
3946662 No you shouldn't, the story will be here tomorrow.
3946699 3949465 Thanks. Working on it.
3946726 I have the advantage of setting mine when Luna first arrives, that's really the best time for it.
3946844 3946883 Or to the real origin of Batmare. Their fate will appear later.
3947009 3948236 3950798 3951091
Octavia knows he's not only intelligent, but can talk. So does Philomena, and if she knows, so does Celestia. Celestia arranged for him to get the cello. Cadence and Shining Armor they know he's intelligent, they might not have known he could speak. They definitely don't know why he makes even fewer sounds than a standard human who at least grunt. They do know that no human has ever been 'rescued' from the fighting circuit and reacclimated to normal life. The ponies don't exterminate them for the EVULZ, they have tried, and failed, to rehabilitate them. Cadence considered that her special power would give her a better chance. So they know they are dealing with a very badly damaged psyche, and if he only reveals his intelligence and talents slowly and when he's comfortable, that's fine with them. They are willing to play his game if it appears to be helping him.
What shocked them in this case (Chapter 8) was that he felt secure enough to open up another layer of himself to them, in this case something central to everypony's heart: singing. They are also wondering if there's anything he can't do. He can fight well enough to teach martial arts to the standing military, keep up a convincing deception for years, play the cello well enough to keep up with a prodigy, now he can sing too? Also, Celestia made herself available to him, in part to test his reaction to having a pony, and arguably the pony who has a big stake in his current status, completely at his mercy. In every case he has looked after her safety and welfare. Whatever his psychological state, and his willingness to attack without mercy, he isn't a mad killer, but a caring, compassionate person.
I think I need to do a side story Rashomon‑style, to show all of this.
As for Luna, you'll have to wait for it. It won't be the standard reaction.
You are correct, he is becoming guilty of exactly what he's been complaining about. That's intentional, because I intend to have someone call him on it. Right now he gets away with shocking ponies once or twice, but more? No. He revealed himself to Octavia, and she accepted. Cadence and Celestia talk to him and expect him to understand. So he has his own habits to overcome.
In this case, the conflict with Nightmare wasn't what I counted as the climax. The climax was Cadence basically telling him that he should go do what he needed to, he did, and he came back to their loving embrace.
If you love something set them free, if they don't come back they were never yours to begin with. But Percy came back.
With Armor hurt, he couldn't go after him, Cadence had Armor and a dozen other ponies to look after, so she couldn't go after him. She basically let him walk away a third to half the way to his intended goal, the Everfree Forest, after she announced he just went toe to toe with Nightmare, so no one on the train was going to stop him. He even met a Time Lord, someone he recognized as a Time Lord, who told him he could kill himself to escape, or Percy could use some leverage on to go to another Earth and escape Equestria, and Percy chose to return to Cadence and Shining. Four chances to leave, three with Cadence's full permission, and he only briefly considers returning home.
Not a problem, I prefer detailed constructive criticism with actual examples to vague complaints.
3947721 The Mighty Poof and Percy shall have a complicated relationship.
3950206 Because I can.
3950619 3951170 As noted above, Percy was in the middle of a perfect chance to run away, and didn't take it. Time Turner was on his way to see Derpy, does that make it better? And I don't think he was being a jerk, he was pointing out that Percy had already decided what he was going to do, he just needed a swift kick to acknowledge he'd already made his decision.
3951263 i'm stealing that, by the way.
3951263
Yeah, if what you said is true, (which as the author, it is) then you should have some writing dedicated to the ponies perspective, because none of that came out in the writing itself.
In the story, he did the universal symbol for crazy to her and she apparently accepted it. So what you're saying is that she didn't really but is just acting like she did; but we, the readers, had no way of knowing that at the time.
Another example, you had Percy hear them say that they figured his singing was Nightmare Moon's dream magic or something as the cause, again making it impossible for the reader to know any different. Same with the Cello, you had the ponies say he was parroting what he heard and saw ponies do, but apparently they believe differently. Rule of thumb when writing, what is written is what is happening; you can't expect readers to know these things and when you reveal it, most likely all in one chapter, the readers are going to feel cheated and lied to.
Well, at least the ponies aren't apparently complete morons; I'll read on and if things turn around, I'll change my down-vote to an up-vote.
3951263
The story will really pick up when they finally open up to each other and stop dancing around the issue. Percy can talk. There are others out there like him, lets go find them.
Luna just might take him up on his offer that he gave to NMM.
3951524
Yeah, though I'm not a huge fan of just throwing in the fact that there are apparently a bunch of other sapient humans in Equestria, and probably has been for the last 5+ years, it does give the story somewhere to go after Percy reveals himself. That being said, it should probably be a different story (Like story 2 or something) as it will probably be more adventure orientated than slice of life.
As for that last question in my other comment, who the hell was that other human? At first, I thought maybe it would be Max, but thinking about it, Max wasn't there at the time, so he's out. Guh! These darn "out of scene" things are getting frustrating.
On a side note, it is a bit late, but I think there was a little problem back when Celestia revealed that she could talk to Percy. She told Shining and the others about her first conversation with him and the whole, "You killed his mate thing," and they made him steak after, then, in a more recent chapter (maybe it was this one?) you have her tell them about the alicorn-transforming/ ability-to-talk spell and you have them act surprised again, as if the first time didn't happen. Not sure if this is a mistake or not what with your odd way of revealing things.
It would be very interesting to see events from the POV of Cadance and Shining Armor.
Also, Time Turner's suggestion that he could off himself to escape seemed rather dickish.
3952182 maybe that wasn't the Doctor, AFAIK Doctor is good and kind(to friends and people he feel he should protect aka basically everyone good), not a "kill urself lol" dick.
ALL PRAISE TO BOTH SUN AND MOON BUTT!
That being said... An encounter with The Doctor is always enlightening. After all, in all his time he's "never met a single person that wasn't important." The implications are... Staggering.
3952182 3951521 Then what do you think of Chapter 1S.
Octavia accepted that people would consider her crazy for talking about it (she was only recently elevated out of the 'madmare' club.) She will keep his secret, Cellists need to stick together.
3951524 3951636 I do have it planned. Time Turner didn't say there were a bunch, he said you could read about 'them' in the right newspaper. There could be as few as one or there may be a lost town or city and the intelligent humans are legends.
3952182 3953154 He wasn't telling him to off himself, he was telling him that 'you had specifically chosen not to for five years, so quit your complaining.'
Sorry, my first Doctor was Pertwee, and I've seen some of Troughton and Hartnell's, and those Doctors were often dicks to people they didn't respect. Late Tom Baker and after stopped the practice of the Doctor being arrogant and above the fools he dealt with. Baker made up for it by acting like a sneering kid, above even acknowledging how much better he was.
3955810 No, making a horrible pun
3956124 I intend to keep doing chapters, but when a new chapter comes out a pony-perspective chapter will come out soon after. I will catch up the other chapters as I have time. There may be some differences, like the Lady Horn Swoggle event.
3956061 3956142 Will do. I'm working on 9 and 2S as we speak.
3956175 Good man. I guess that means I should probably be working on mine...
Isn't celestia about the same size as a horse?, then you can fit the arm up to the elbow with no problem. ( www.thehorsedoctor.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/ultrasound_ty.jpg )
3960654 img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121114075236/mlp/images/4/4c/Twilight_walking_with_Celestia_S3E01.png I don't think Celestia's body is much larger than a pony's
3959702 3956276 3956277 3957874 It's in works.
3956437 That is correct, Commander.
3956859 3957006 3957911 3961253 Exactly.
3961806 according to this size-of-celestia-and-other-alicorns she is about as tall a human.
in this she is a little bit taller.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/3/30/282916/full.png
so she is somewhere between pony and horse!?
3964481 It's not the height, it's the barrel length.
i don't know why, but I keep expecting some sort of crisis crossover with Cultural Artifacts.
3964481
Till we get official word from Hasbro all we have is pretty good guesses. We really don't know how little or big these little ponies are. One thing we can look at is the roundness the common pony has. Celestia is unnaturally thin for her size and species. Especially when you consider all the cake she eats.
"How many licks does it take to get to the center of an alicorn?"
I couldn't breath for laughing when I read that.
OH MY GOD I'M CRYING THAT WAS SO FRICKIN FUNNY AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA
Dude, I needed that. Thanks a million :)
And seriously, that has got to be the absolute best prank of any story, real life or otherwise, I've ever come across. All my mustaches are yours!
Discord, you'd better kick your butt into gear 'cause you've got some serious competition going on here.... If this doesn't go unchecked, Percy might just end up being "Lord of Chaos ( and All Things Prankstersy)" instead!
Oh my! That's real dirty talk. Does Luna like chowder cannons?
...we round up large groups of rocks on farms. Rocks could smart. Most rocks are down to earth. Ponies pit rocks against humans in an ancient feud, then swept in to enslave the survivors, human and rock alike. Who knows how many rocks were banished to space under pony tyranny, and humans thrown into alternate dimensions...
Heresy!
Pinkie is completely right, Twilight. Sin weighs heavily on the history of our civilization.
Bwuh. Duhh. Hehehahaha!
Think we broke her? It's the truth! Ponies stone people!
4343035
The part that got me was luna saying: "I am darkness, and evil,"
And then percy internalizes: "You're a lollipop."
Does anyone else imagine he’s Percy Jackson
Wow. Nightmare must have been super pent up if she's willing to ignore Percy's revelation.
8591684
I'm imagining Percy from Critical Role, myself.
Percy Jackson requier más poder para complacer más diosas
This is the last place I expected to find a Crabmeat Thompson reference.