How this came to be

My name is Jack. No, my last name isn’t important, so you can just fuck right off. Anyway, this is a story, obviously. A story about how I wound up in a world full of pastel colored ponies that still won’t stop bugging me about the magic of friendship.

God, I wonder if I’ll ever get out of here.

I guess I should start from the beginning, shouldn’t I? Well, like I said, my name is Jack, and unlike the pansy shits that inhabit this world, I’m human. It all started about a month ago, I think. My memory isn’t what it used to be.

I was driving home from work up at the factory one night, as I always do. Nothing too out of the ordinary. When I pulled into my driveway, I just sat there for a minute, staring at the garage door while I lit up a cigarette. It was just one of those days, again.

“I know the feeling, Jack. It’s a tough world out there, dog eat dog and all that.” Came a voice from beside me. I snapped my head to look, finding a man in a brown suit jacket and a yellow dress shirt sitting in the passenger seat, loosening his red tie. “Day in, day out, working so hard, and for what? Just to make your days between the cradle and the grave somewhat bearable? To make you think that you’re happy, living this life that you and I both know isn’t worth it anymore?” he asked, running a hand through his graying hair.

“Who the hell are you, and how did you get into my car?” I asked, slowly reaching for my phone and the handle of my car door. He just laughed, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“Please, you don’t have to worry, I’m not here to mug you or steal your car. Quite the contrary actually, I’m here to help you, see if we can’t get that train wreck you call a life back on track!” he said with a smile and another laugh. “Oh my, where are my manners, I completely forgot to introduce myself!” He shouted, extending his hand in my direction. “I’m Discord, physical embodiment of chaos itself, at your service.” At that point, I was convinced that he was some kind of nut-job stalker, and that if I went along with his little game I wouldn’t be able to sit down for months, if I even survived.

“Yeah, right, and I’m the second coming of Jesus Christ. Look, if you get the hell out of my car and walk away, maybe I won’t call the police. Your call, psycho.” I said, glaring at him. He just sighed, looking out the window as he retracted his hand.

“Please Jack, don’t insult me. As if your authorities could do anything to me, even here, in this form, I still have more power in my fingernails than you could comprehend.” He said, suddenly sounding very serious, whereas earlier he’d sounded as if he didn’t give a single fuck. “Look, I don’t like this any more than you do, but I have a job to do, same as the next guy, and the guy after him. Right now, my job is to help you, whether you want me to or not, so we can do this the easy way where you come willingly, or I can drag you kicking and screaming to our destination like a child out of a candy store. Your call, Jackie boy.” He said, looking back at me. It was then that I noticed his eyes. The irises were a bright red, while his corneas were a shade of yellow, obviously neither of which are natural, and he seemed a bit old to even think about getting those contacts that change the color of your eyes. But, I still didn’t buy his whole chaos gig.

If I had, everything might’ve been a whole lot easier.

“Right, I’m just gonna call bullshit on that whole thing right there, “Discord”. Now for the last time, get the fuck away from me.” I said, trying to stay calm. I took my right hand out of my pocket, preparing to throw a punch before I inevitably had to run for my door.

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised, just… Disappointed in you, Jack. I thought you might be better than this, but apparently I was wrong. Now, you’re gonna want to clench everything you can, because this tends to be disorienting, and painful.” He said, reaching his hand towards me again. I took my chance, quickly jabbing at his jaw, but when my hand should’ve connected with bone, he was just… gone. As if he’d never been there to begin with. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and opened my car door, walking briskly towards my house as I wondered just what the hell was going on. As I grabbed my keys, I felt a hand on my shoulder, clenching hard enough to make me groan. “You know, that was very rude of you. Here I am, trying to help you make your life better, and what do I get? No “Thank you Discord, I really appreciate what you’re doing!” or “Oh jeez Discord, that’s really nice of you! For a being of pure chaos, you’re not half bad!” or even a “Well thanks, I guess.” No, you try to punch me in the face and run off like I’m going to kill you, or rape you, or some shit like that!” he yelled, spinning me around and grabbing both of my shoulders hard and starring right into my eyes.

“I try to be the good guy, I try to reform and be kind and compassionate, and this is what I get, huh? I get disrespected, I get assaulted, and I have my kindness turned down and spit on. I bet if either of the Princesses had been the one doing this, you would have agreed without a second thought, but no!” he was yelling so loudly my ears were beginning to hurt, and his eyes were full of rage I never thought possible. “No, I’m a being of chaos, so that must mean that I’m evil, right?! It means that I cannot be trusted, that my word is worth nothing! Well, you know what Jack?” he lowered his voice to a whisper, placing one hand on my cheek. It felt rough, and almost scaly, his fingernails digging into my flesh like talons. “I’m going to prove myself to you. I’m going to prove to you that my word is just as good as anypony else’s, if not better. That I’m a good guy, that I’m trustworthy. And you’re not going to have any say in the matter.” At that, I was suddenly numb all over. Everything started fading into black, and my mind was racing as I felt my heartbeat slow.

“A-Am I dying?” were my last words in this world, as his eyes filled my vision. He just chuckled lightly before whispering into my ear in what I can only describe as the most terrifying tone I’ve ever heard.

“No. No, dear Jack, this is only the beginning of your new life.”

Author's Note:

This was an idea I got while looking at a thread a while back, namely from a user called KHORNE FLAKES. So sir, if you end up reading this, it's existence is your fault, and I hope you enjoy it! Everyone else, I hope you enjoy it too!

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lmagine

lmagine #1 · Nov 29th, 2013 · 1 · ·

This feels rushed. Your character is another person with a shallow and dull life, always mopey and agitated. This has been done far too many times to make us actually empathize with Jack. Also, why does he need to introduce himself. You kind of already did that in the description. Also, Discord's dialogue didn't feel, well discord-y. And he felt weird, not like himself.

I give this... [insert unnecessary drum roll here]

It was Okayish:

Meh, it needs improvement and please simmer down the cursing. Cursing's not a bad thing to do in a story, but in my opinion, over-usage of it makes me a bit irritated.

Crackshot

Crackshot #2 · Nov 29th, 2013 · · ·

3552871 I appreciate your feedback on this, and I will take it into account as write the rest of this. Rushing is something I've always had some trouble with according to a lot of people, I have a bad habit of trying to get to the point as quickly as possible which is something that, as a writer of any kind, is not a good trait. As for the cursing, that's a thing that I use pretty freely both in my writing and in my actual life, but I try to tone it down in my writing, with try being the key word.

As for your comment on Discord's dialogue, that was partially the point. In the beginning, I was trying to stay true to his actual character, but as it progressed I tried to convey his frustration at his attempts at being the "good guy" being turned down and insulted, and to give the sense that his existence still isn't exactly appreciated.

And finally, I know that the concept of a human with a dull life who is mopey and angry is one that is over done to hell and back, I do. But I also know that the usual Human in Equestria concept goes along the lines of "Brony shows up, meets best pony, super-happy-adventure-fun-times ensue", or some variation of that. The concept that I'm trying to make in this is different, and while the beginning may be extremely unoriginal, I know, what I have planned for the rest of it, as far as I'm aware, at least fairly new. I haven't seen many where, even though their life isn't exactly exciting, a human has blatantly refused to go to Equestria and still been forced to. I'm hoping to make this less of an adventure and more of a lesson about life, with Jack experiencing very real problems beyond the usual "my life sucks, nobody loves" line. In fact, his character is the type of person who will tell you that his life could be worse, so he won't complain about it one bit.

Jesus, sorry about going on that rant anyway, like I said I'll take your feedback to heart and try to improve this, but please don't brush it off yet just because of the problems it has now. The character will be fleshed out a lot as the story progresses, and it will get better, I promise.