In an attempt to recapture a sense of belonging, Prince Lune hires a new assistant. One he, and the other Equestrian alicorns, all may be infatuated with.
It seems to me that your Solaris differs much from the show's Celestia, to the point where he may already be considered a different character. I can see how Celestia may be a benevolent ruler (because being a cruel ruler will not give her any benefits), loving sister (because only Luna can accompany her through millennia) and kind mentor (because she finds Twilight worthy), and yet be cruel in some cases just for her own enjoyment, when the target of such cruelty seems to her more useful this way than otherwise. But here Solaris clearly antagonize Lune for no reason whatsoever. He may be jealous, and I believe he can abuse Felt Feathers if he can hide that from Lune or if he believes Lune would not be hurt much by knowing that FF was abused. But I cannot see how Celestia could purposely increase tension between herself and Luna.
Still, even though I am not a fan of dark things, this was some good darkness. I wish I could tell you what a good darkness is. Maybe one with good immersion?
And now for something completely different.
I was doing my best to pull my cock out of my throat
Lune's cock does not belong to you, silly.
I was too excited to open the door, and Lune was obviously wasn’t either
What?
him and I had history behind use
I spot a typo!
“I’ll apologize the next time I see him.” I promise, nodding.
This is present tense.
solely from his sole stimulation
I spot editing leftovers.
Also, "Euclidian physics" probably should be either Euclidean geometry or Newtonian physics. Although I know that Roger Penrose considers Euclidean geometry a physical theory.
I have never written a comment of such size in my life.
I only know of one other commentator that writes things of such length. ALTHOUGH I love the fact that you were looking for typos and grammar errors! I shall fix them immediately.
As for darkness in a fic... there is a difference between senseless darkness in a fic and otherwise reasonable darkness. There are ways and reasons for it, and depending upon how you use it, it can make or break a fic. The good darkness is the kind that submerges you in it, makes you feel as if you're sitting there experiencing it. It also isn't solely agonizing to read, sometimes the darkness isn't always suffering. It's sometimes enjoyment as well.
There will be a lot of explanation in the next chapter, and soon we will see that despite Solaris indulging himself in Felt he isn't the happiest individual in the world. Behind his jealousy over Lune, he's also nursing an old wound that we will go over in the next chapter. We also get over a GLARING mistake that both Lune and Solaris made getting intimate with Felt Feathers in the first place.
3573637 i wrote it from my cellphone... can't write long text so....
this chapter is pure BDSM bliss (yes...) this is much more then just clop, the emphasis is on the domination of Felt by Solaris, this is done not by violence but by control, twisting Felt to Solaris will.
the story builds up from the memory of the night with Lune, to the light part with Dusk to the dark "climax" (you know what i mean) with Solaris... this is how you tell a story people... you build it, not throw it at people. and the end is simple... the remorse of Felt that more or less signed himself for this due to blind love for Lune.
like the "fun" light parts like this one
“Dusk, do not come in here!” The Night Prince said frantically, looking around for something that could help us. “If you do there isn’t an amnesia potion in existence strong enough to erase what’s going on in here!”
just funny moment of "don't enter, there are things that can't be unseen" i like it
and then this one
Look, if you summoned another one of those tentacle things on accident...
WE HAVE TO KNOW MORE!!!!
now we move to the dark side, Solaris way to domination over Felt. he begins with a simple "this all can be yours" move, showing him what riches he can bestow on him but with one condition
“You can have anything in this tower for yourself, but you must first accept this gift from me.” He said, shifting his weight from one hoof to the other like a stallion asking out his first crush. “It’s not much, really. Merely a piece of me that I put into the form of something wearable.”
Solaris is "nice" at this moment trying to make Felt to play his part in the "game" and be the slave he wants him to be willingly once Felt fails in this trying to be independent and show he is not a possession or pet we see the dark side of Solaris, here is the most important part for me, not just plain domination but the option given to Felt, be a Slave or be forced to be one. Felt sees Solaris for who he is
“You do not know me. A pony as young, as naïve as you will never guess why I do the things I do. Though things like this have simple short-term reasoning, think about this… this collar, the one I made just for you, serves another purpose. It heals you, every second of every day, as well as prevents magic from being used on you. This whole dilemma you’re in here, with me levitating you, could have been avoided.”
one way you can have all you want if you just play along, the other option (that we see) is be forced against your own will more over by his power that forces him against his will until he brakes
“You can help me now.” I said.
this is just beautiful... the whole part of braking his will summarized into 5 words... simple but way more powerful this way.
I must say that I've never actually had somepony make such a long comment! I am still soaking up the sheer amount of feedback you fit in there... I must say that if I could receive on of these every chapter I would write for every waking moment of every day. But alas, I do not live in such a perfect world! You have my thanks for giving me so much motivation to make another chapter, and bravo.
I... I'm so mixed up. I can't get this story out of my head. The contrast between those two is just mind blowing. I keep wanting Lune to burst in and deck Solaris. I'll just have to content myself with waiting and seeing where you take this.
Three chapters and I honestly don't know how to feel. Disgusted, touched, I am so confused. No person can read this, all of this, in one sitting and go I feel this way about this story. You have mindfucked me sir. Totally and completely. I had to walk away. For about five mintues.
The domination!! God! That... That was horrible! Yet I had the strangest girl boner. Fuck you. To break his will so terribly, to take advantage ol his lust, to impose his will... I have never been so disgusted, turned on, and angry in about six hours.
You have messed with me here. Pulled at my feels, my fetishes, and have rustled my jimmies. So I am going to do the same to you. There is an error in one of these three chapters. Where you have Felt refer to someone as she. I am 60% sure you haven't fixed it so good luck finding it.
3577889 Well let's see... I rethought my life from the ground up, punched a wall in anger, completed a test, and made a sandwhich. It was weird. Reading this happening to Felt... I was angry beyond belief then I thought what if boss man did this to me? And that's really when all hell broke loose. I did a bit if research into the Dom and sub thing. In a way it's actually very beautiful. Not this, there has to be a certain degree of trust when you go in, this is simply breaking his will till he's nothing but putty in Solaris' hooves, conforming to whatever his master desires, soon he'll be begging, pleading to be treated in such a way. A simple sex toy that he has a shred of affection for. I have to say though. Reading this it has a nice but of cruelty in it. Solaris is offering him a choice of wether become my slave willingly or I will make you my slave. Gosh that, that was astounding but there was an even better one! When Felt said please help me. That's where I had to walk away. That... That was just cruel! That is literally saying I give up fuck me. See now you got me all bothered and it's not even 10 yet. This has me interested on how he'll react and how his character will change. After this how will he react? Will he be angry? Sad? Satisfied?! Or indifferent? With that collar around his neck will he begin to confuse his will with those of Solaris or Lune? Did Solaris really enchant it so that he could feel Lune as well?
Hmm...I'm not sure if I should suggest you put the "Dark" tag yet...It's not rape but...
...I mean,I see that you are trying to highlight some Sub/Dom here,but...No offense,I don't think you are trying to properly portray it here (then again,I'm not sure if this is a trend you use in your stories since this is the first story of yours that I read )
Unless that's what you were aiming for in the first place with Solaris and there's a reason behind it? Man,I don't know what to think,haha waiting for the next chapter,hoping to read more,It's been quite interesting so far.
Nice insight into Dusk's character,Felt and Lune's interactions are very sweet without being overly fluffy and it allows to show the contrast with Solaris'.
Solaris... such a confusing opinion about that one. On the one hand, he's the more honest of the two, and he certainly does love Felt; that being said, he is a being who's view of life is radically different than most people today.
He's honest with Felt, doing his best to get him to realize exactly where he truly stands in the grand scheme of things without any deception, trusting he's strong enough to not need the truth to be candy coated. You can tell he truly does love Felt because (assuming reputation has remained cannon) Solaris seems to only drop his 'Prince' mask very rarely, and even then only in front of people he holds valuable in some measure.
another fine work....
3573631
Please define 'Fine work'... I wish to know.
This is getting so dark...
It seems to me that your Solaris differs much from the show's Celestia, to the point where he may already be considered a different character. I can see how Celestia may be a benevolent ruler (because being a cruel ruler will not give her any benefits), loving sister (because only Luna can accompany her through millennia) and kind mentor (because she finds Twilight worthy), and yet be cruel in some cases just for her own enjoyment, when the target of such cruelty seems to her more useful this way than otherwise. But here Solaris clearly antagonize Lune for no reason whatsoever. He may be jealous, and I believe he can abuse Felt Feathers if he can hide that from Lune or if he believes Lune would not be hurt much by knowing that FF was abused. But I cannot see how Celestia could purposely increase tension between herself and Luna.
Still, even though I am not a fan of dark things, this was some good darkness. I wish I could tell you what a good darkness is. Maybe one with good immersion?
And now for something completely different.
Lune's cock does not belong to you, silly.
What?
I spot a typo!
This is present tense.
I spot editing leftovers.
Also, "Euclidian physics" probably should be either Euclidean geometry or Newtonian physics. Although I know that Roger Penrose considers Euclidean geometry a physical theory.
I have never written a comment of such size in my life.
3573929
I only know of one other commentator that writes things of such length. ALTHOUGH I love the fact that you were looking for typos and grammar errors! I shall fix them immediately.
As for darkness in a fic... there is a difference between senseless darkness in a fic and otherwise reasonable darkness. There are ways and reasons for it, and depending upon how you use it, it can make or break a fic. The good darkness is the kind that submerges you in it, makes you feel as if you're sitting there experiencing it. It also isn't solely agonizing to read, sometimes the darkness isn't always suffering. It's sometimes enjoyment as well.
There will be a lot of explanation in the next chapter, and soon we will see that despite Solaris indulging himself in Felt he isn't the happiest individual in the world. Behind his jealousy over Lune, he's also nursing an old wound that we will go over in the next chapter. We also get over a GLARING mistake that both Lune and Solaris made getting intimate with Felt Feathers in the first place.
3573969
Oh no! He has pony AIDS! Alicorns' only weakness!
3573990
Teehee, but no. Just hold your horses and wait for the next chapter.
3573637
i wrote it from my cellphone... can't write long text
so....
this chapter is pure BDSM bliss (yes...) this is much more then just clop, the emphasis is on the domination of Felt by Solaris, this is done not by violence but by control, twisting Felt to Solaris will.
the story builds up from the memory of the night with Lune, to the light part with Dusk to the dark "climax" (you know what i mean) with Solaris... this is how you tell a story people... you build it, not throw it at people. and the end is simple... the remorse of Felt that more or less signed himself for this due to blind love for Lune.
like the "fun" light parts like this one
just funny moment of "don't enter, there are things that can't be unseen" i like it
and then this one
WE HAVE TO KNOW MORE!!!!
now we move to the dark side, Solaris way to domination over Felt.
he begins with a simple "this all can be yours" move, showing him what riches he can bestow on him but with one condition
Solaris is "nice" at this moment trying to make Felt to play his part in the "game" and be the slave he wants him to be willingly
once Felt fails in this trying to be independent and show he is not a possession or pet we see the dark side of Solaris, here is the most important part for me, not just plain domination but the option given to Felt, be a Slave or be forced to be one. Felt sees Solaris for who he is
one way you can have all you want if you just play along, the other option (that we see) is be forced against your own will more over by his power that forces him against his will until he brakes
this is just beautiful... the whole part of braking his will summarized into 5 words... simple but way more powerful this way.
so in all
hope to read more as the time passes
i think i wrote too much and broke someone
3574343
NO SIR! THAT COMMENT WAS AWESOME!
I must say that I've never actually had somepony make such a long comment! I am still soaking up the sheer amount of feedback you fit in there... I must say that if I could receive on of these every chapter I would write for every waking moment of every day. But alas, I do not live in such a perfect world! You have my thanks for giving me so much motivation to make another chapter, and bravo.
I... I'm so mixed up. I can't get this story out of my head. The contrast between those two is just mind blowing. I keep wanting Lune to burst in and deck Solaris. I'll just have to content myself with waiting and seeing where you take this.
Three chapters and I honestly don't know how to feel. Disgusted, touched, I am so confused. No person can read this, all of this, in one sitting and go I feel this way about this story. You have mindfucked me sir. Totally and completely. I had to walk away. For about five mintues.
The domination!! God! That... That was horrible! Yet I had the strangest girl boner. Fuck you. To break his will so terribly, to take advantage ol his lust, to impose his will... I have never been so disgusted, turned on, and angry in about six hours.
You have messed with me here. Pulled at my feels, my fetishes, and have rustled my jimmies. So I am going to do the same to you. There is an error in one of these three chapters. Where you have Felt refer to someone as she. I am 60% sure you haven't fixed it so good luck finding it.
3576019
evil
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/012/367/evilest.gif
3575283
as long as you write them this good... no problem, consider it done
3576019
What did you do in the five minutes you walked away?
Is it disturbing in an unpleasant way or a pleasant but no less unsavory way?
3577889
Well let's see... I rethought my life from the ground up, punched a wall in anger, completed a test, and made a sandwhich.
It was weird. Reading this happening to Felt... I was angry beyond belief then I thought what if boss man did this to me? And that's really when all hell broke loose. I did a bit if research into the Dom and sub thing. In a way it's actually very beautiful. Not this, there has to be a certain degree of trust when you go in, this is simply breaking his will till he's nothing but putty in Solaris' hooves, conforming to whatever his master desires, soon he'll be begging, pleading to be treated in such a way. A simple sex toy that he has a shred of affection for. I have to say though. Reading this it has a nice but of cruelty in it. Solaris is offering him a choice of wether become my slave willingly or I will make you my slave. Gosh that, that was astounding but there was an even better one! When Felt said please help me. That's where I had to walk away. That... That was just cruel! That is literally saying I give up fuck me.
See now you got me all bothered and it's not even 10 yet. This has me interested on how he'll react and how his character will change. After this how will he react? Will he be angry? Sad? Satisfied?! Or indifferent? With that collar around his neck will he begin to confuse his will with those of Solaris or Lune? Did Solaris really enchant it so that he could feel Lune as well?
Hmm...I'm not sure if I should suggest you put the "Dark" tag yet...It's not rape but...
...I mean,I see that you are trying to highlight some Sub/Dom here,but...No offense,I don't think you are trying to properly portray it here (then again,I'm not sure if this is a trend you use in your stories since this is the first story of yours that I read )
Unless that's what you were aiming for in the first place with Solaris and there's a reason behind it? Man,I don't know what to think,haha waiting for the next chapter,hoping to read more,It's been quite interesting so far.
Nice insight into Dusk's character,Felt and Lune's interactions are very sweet without being overly fluffy and it allows to show the contrast with Solaris'.
Am I the only one who is really loving Solaris in this fic?
Wait, Master? That seems like a bit of a stretch.
I recommend a Dark/Tragedy tag, just for Solaris existing in this fic.
3576019 one error? I've lost count.
Solaris... such a confusing opinion about that one. On the one hand, he's the more honest of the two, and he certainly does love Felt; that being said, he is a being who's view of life is radically different than most people today.
He's honest with Felt, doing his best to get him to realize exactly where he truly stands in the grand scheme of things without any deception, trusting he's strong enough to not need the truth to be candy coated. You can tell he truly does love Felt because (assuming reputation has remained cannon) Solaris seems to only drop his 'Prince' mask very rarely, and even then only in front of people he holds valuable in some measure.
That being said, he's totally a rapist.
CAN'T......BREATHE........
Looked in it?