An Earthbound Honeymoon

by drnkntst

A Rough Day

Chapter 14

The four Elements hungrily ate their breakfast, totally ignorant of the tension between the other two sitting at the table.

“I apologize again, Rick. I did not know what a contraceptive was. Ponies don’t use such things. Though they may be a good idea.”

“I understand that much, I fine with that. It was embarrassing to explain it to you, but that’s not the problem either.”

“Then, prey tell, what is the problem?”

“You didn’t need to comment on the size difference.”

“I do not think what I said was-”

“You said, ‘I did not think something so small would fit onto a phallus’.” Applejack nearly choked due to her own laughter. “Human males put a lot of stock into their size. It’s stupid and pointless in a modern society, but we still do. I know you didn’t mean to, but what you said implied that I was… inadequate. Humans are smaller than equines simply because our anatomy allows us to get closer during that particular activity and that much length and girth would be unnecessary.”

Rarity walked over to Rick and wrapped her arms around him, “I can assure you, Dear, you are far from inadequate.”

Luna blushed heavily a few seconds later when she fully understood what Rarity’s comment had meant. “I-uh… I see.” Luna ran her hand through her blue hair. “Rick, please know that I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and wish only to continue being your friend.”

“Luna,” Rick sighed, “you shall be my friend for as long as I live. I’m just being a stupid human man. Please, forget about it and enjoy your breakfast. We’ll go to the bookstore after and you can learn more about this world before you return to Equestria if you like.”

Luna replied over Twilight’s squeals, “yes, I think I would enjoy that very much.”

“Good, now finish your breakfast, young lady.”

This got a bit of a laugh from the woman who was older than most countries on Earth. They all did as Rick said and finished their meal.

*****

“They have quite an impressive amount of books to choose from here,” Luna observed as she looked around the book store.

“They certainly do. Tina, five books only!”

“Aww… but, I want to learn as much as possible,” Twilight was carrying a stack of ten books with magic, but making sure to keep her hands under them for the appearance.

“Yes, and if I let you buy all the books you want, we’ll need to enlarge the library.” Twilight knew exactly what to do, she stuck her bottom lip out and let it quiver furiously. “Hey, that’s not fair.” His defenses collapsed very rapidly. “Fine,” Twilight squealed and clapped her hands before darting off, “but just ten, okay?”

“She certainly knows how to get what she wants from you,” Luna teased.

“Hmph, I guess that’s true, but then, I can’t really say no to any of them.” The two of them chuckled before Luna opened a book she was holding. Rick couldn’t see what it was about, but he could see she was blushing. He leaned over and saw the book was about horses and she had it open to a double page picture of a race horse being washed in his stable. “*Ahem* you can get it if you want. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

Luna started and cleared her throat while she very quickly shoved the book back onto the shelf. “What? We do not know of what thou speak.” Luna spun on her heels so as to put the shelf and the offending book to her back. She was so startled that she didn’t even notice that she had slipped back into her old way of speaking.

Rick reached around her picked the book back up. “Luna, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. If you really want the book, then we’ll just say it’s for me and no one will be the wiser.” Luna looked around, upon seeing there was nobody nearby, she nodded almost imperceptibly. “Okay. What’s that other book you got there?”

“It is about the American government,” she giggled to herself, “I thought my sister would find it amusing. I myself have only skimmed it and I find it difficult to stop myself from laughing out loud.”

He chuckled, “yeah, the real thing is even sillier. At least this book never wronged anybody or made them lose their jobs or homes.” Luna nodded her understanding.

Shortly after, the others came up to Rick and Luna with their selections. Applejack had chosen a book on the history of American agriculture. Rarity chose one on common dress throughout history. Fluttershy had picked out a few more animal books, one of which was on African animals she picked out for Zecora. Twilight had a stack of ten ranging from space to natural history.

While Rick stood at the register, waiting for everything to be tallied up, something pink and four-legged caught his eye. He reached down and picked up what appeared to be… a pony. It had a poofy mane and tail that were a shade darker than its fur, big, blue eyes and strangest of all, three balloons on each flank, two blue and one yellow.

“Pinkie Pie?”

The girl behind the counter perked up when she heard the name. When she saw the five girls and their hair, her eyes widened.

“Oh. My. Gawd! Those are the best dye jobs I’ve ever seen! You all look just the real thing.”

Rick looked up at her, “what ‘real thing’?”

“Oh come on.” She extended an arm and pointed to each girl one by one, “Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, a person favorite, Twilight Sparkle and young Princess Luna.” The girls looked at one another in a confused, mild terror while Rick was carefully placid. The girl untied and lifted her apron, revealing a t-shirt that was black and depicted Luna’s face, or at least half of it. The Luna half looked furious beyond reason and was crying and screaming. The other half was darker, had reptilian eye, sharp teeth and was drooling. “Look, I love the show too. I’m a pegasister.”

Rick smiled a reassuring smile like one a person would use a one they didn’t want to scare. Behind him, Luna was staring in horror at the shirt the girl was wearing. “Yeah, we love it too.” Rick spotted a kids activity book depicting Rainbow Dash on the cover and tossed it onto the counter too. He did so simply because it had the show’s title on it so he could investigate later. He paid the cashier, smiled again and hurried the girls back into the truck, hoping to get back to the cabin as soon as possible. The whole way back, no one spoke, Luna simply rubbed her arms as if to get warm. The image on the cashier’s shirt had really disturbed her.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll make some tea,” Rarity said as they entered the cabin.

She didn’t seem to be really paying attention to anything. None of them did. They all sat in the living room, Fluttershy was trying her best to comfort Luna. She had been hit hardest of all.

“That woman… she took pleasure in my… she knew of us…” she was unable to form a complete thought.

“She knew of all of us,” Twilight finished for her. “How could she know about us? And this children’s book, it shows all of us and our homes.” Twilight turned to Rick with a look that screamed pain and betrayal, “did you know about this?” Twilight stood and approached Rick until she was directly in front of him, “did you know about this?!”

Rick looked down at her and tried to place his hands on her shoulders, she pulled away. “I swear to you, I didn’t know anything about this… ‘My Little Pony’ thing.” I memory popped into his head, “Annie, Annie told me it was her idea to send me to Equestria. I asked her why, but I never got to hear her answer.”

Twilight took in this answer and thought for a second. “How did she know about Equestria then?” Her question was curt and cut Rick to his soul.

“She must have seen the show. I don’t know. I never saw it.”

Twilight flopped down onto one of the chairs. She looked at him, then over at the others. They were taking it as well as could be expected. As could be expected of someone who just found out their lives were being put on display for others enjoyment.

“They made light of the worst thing that ever happened to Equestria. That woman was proud of displaying my fall into Nightmare Moon! How could your people know of that?!” Luna nearly screamed.

“I. Don’t. Know.” Rick had been very careful not to raise his voice in frustration. He rubbed the back of his head and took the tea Rarity offered him. There was a few moments of heavy silence, Rick broke it, “have you ever heard of the parallel universe theory? I don’t know much, theoretical physics were never really needed to swing a hammer, but what little I do know is that there is a universe for every possibility there is, was ever will be or ever could be. According to this theory, there is even a universe were flowers are the dominant species and eat meat.”

“What are you getting at?” Twilight asked. “Even if that theory is correct, then how do they know about us?”

“I’m not sure, but maybe what the writers think is their imagination, is in fact them seeing glimpses into other universes.” The others considered Rick’s idea, there was logic behind it.

“Maybe we shud see it fer ourselves,” Applejack spoke up for the first time since they reached the cabin. Everyone turned to look at her. “Ah jest mean, it’s based on our lives, we have uh right ta know.”

After a few moments, they all reluctantly agreed. Rick had pulled up a program on the television that had movies and television shows ready on demand, found and started the show.

The pilot episodes were nearly unbearable for Luna, it was the second time in one day that she had been reminded of the thing she hated most in the past few thousand years. It had nearly made her sick and filled her with rage at her own mistakes being shoved in her face. Even more so when it was all meant to entertain children.

By the time the third episode ended, they had to stop it. Besides, it was a little too bubbly.

“Is this how it all happened?” Rick asked no one in particular.

“It is close, very close, but, um, a lot of the words are wrong.” Fluttershy answered.

“Yes, it’s almost as if they could see our actions, but not hear our voices,” Rarity supplied.

“Kind of makes sense,” Rick said, “If you think about it, we dream with our right brain and since logical and analytical thought come from the left. That is why you have difficulty reading anything in a dream and nothing seems right. That would also explain why we can’t read anything on the show.”

“I… suppose… that makes… sense,” Twilight agreed hesitantly. “They are probably seeing into our universe while sleeping, then they think they came up with it all on their own later.”

“So then, they aren’t really tryin’ ta spy on us, it jest sorta… happened,” AJ offered. “Also, if that gurl at thu book store wus anythin’ to go by, then, they mus’ like watchin’ us.”

“Yeah, what did that girl call herself again?” Rick wondered, “I think it was… ‘pegasister’? Probably meant to sound similar to pegasus. It makes you wonder what a male fan would be called. Probably something equally ridiculous like man-ticores or bro-nies, or some other equally odd thing.”

“Um, I think it’s okay,” Fluttershy reflected.

“But, Darling, you have the worst case of stage fright I’ve ever seen. How is it that you are okay with this?” Rarity asked.

“Well, we can’t see anyone watching us, and they don’t seem to see everything we do.” She started to hide behind her hair, which was her default defense. “Besides, Applejack’s right, People seem to really enjoy watching the show. I think… I think I’m okay with it.”

“Yeah, Well I for one, am not so sure,” Twilight huffed. “This is an invasion of our privacy!”

“Dear Twilight, please, calm yourself,” Luna placed a hand on her shoulder. “I too am starting to agree with Applejack. While we have been watched and put on display, it does not seem to have been done with malicious intent and the show does seem to be quite well liked.”

“But, Princess, they are watching our lives.” Her voice was nearly a whine at this point.

“This is true, but you have also seen that the events are not depicted exactly as they occurred. Therefore, it is logical to assume they are not watching our lives on purpose. Also, I do not believe there is anything that can be done to stop it, so being angry will not solve anything. You can trust me on that.”

Twilight looked into Luna’s eyes and finally gave in. “I guess you’re right. We can’t stop them and they aren’t hurting us. Plus, it is a kid’s show, so we know there isn’t going to be any images of our more private times.”

“True, I too believe there is nothing to be too upset about,” Rarity agreed.

“Good, now that that’s settled, what does everyone want to do with the rest of the day?” Risk asked but received no definitive answer. “Okay, then how about some shopping?”

Once the squeals of joy died down, they all loaded into the truck and headed into town. Luna enjoyed her first experience clothes shopping, being a princess, everything was brought to her instead of the other way around. She knew the clothes would do her no good once she returned home but she could have them altered or used as templates for a dress to fit a pony.

After the clothes, came the toys. Normally, full grown adults would have no use for toys, well maybe Pinkie Pie, but normal full grown adults don’t have toys that looks like them either. They purchased several copies of each pony figurine on the shelf along with several more books based on the show.

When they returned to the cabin, Luna decided she had used up enough of their time and decided she should head home to Canterlot. She collected her dresses, a globe of Earth’s moon, her figurines, a bottle of moonshine that Rick said she had to share with her sister because she would love the apple pie flavor, and, of course, her books, said her goodbyes and vanished from this world to return to her own.

“Well, I am sad to see her leave, but that means we have the cabin all to ourselves again. So, what so girls want to do?”

Rarity grabbed hold of Rick’s arm and started to pull him toward the stairs that led up to the bedroom. “I do believe I have an idea.”

Comments

[Extinction]

wow. They have no idea.

[damnaion]

14# hummmm

[The Cosmic Consciousness]

As long as they don't look further into the fandom, they're good.

[ForgottenBackgroundPony]

4911821 RUL- Y'know what? NO NO NOPETY NOPETY NOOOOPAAAHHHH

[Even Evil Has Standards]

Of course, they meet a fan of the show and she resembles Pinkie Pie.

[DerpTape]

I know I would buy toys of myself