3478013 Ok so mainly it's this: in both the prologue and chapter 1 it's RD talking and that's obvious because it's her letter and therefore her narrating, that's ok since in the prologue it was announced that she was the narrator. Then we hit chapter 2 and all of a sudden it's a new character narrating. No announcement or header, it just is. Then we switch back in chapter 3 and have multiple swap-offs in chapter 4; again in both instances there is no announcement or header or anything to really tell us who exactly is talking without going down quite a few lines in the narrative leaving us to figure it out and wasting time rereading what we have already read (at times). And trust me, it can get a little frustrating . My suggestion, and it's up to you to decide how, is to have some sort of identifying marker within the first line of text of each swap off whether it's a change in color of the text, or even a header that says "Red" or "RD," just so that we know who's talking. That alone is why I dislike a lot of multiple first-person narration stories, because it gets confusing after a while. This alone is keeping me from giving this a thumbs up, I'm not going to give you a thumbs down because of it since the content is certainly... stimulating, and that's keeping me from downing it. Just take what I said into consideration before releasing the next chapter .
3481071 True, but the resulting growth he achieved is beyond probability and possibility, respectively, in the first place, so I immagine it wouldn't be too difficult.
3481802 Just read the story damn you! This isn't about the logical possibilities, it's about how someone's life is exponentially changed from a tragic event. You can't think of how improbable something is in a fictional universe. To quote a famous author, "Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about". You can interpret that literally or metaphorically.
3481827 I have just spent the past six hours cutting down trees with an axe, and you expect me to think through my responses? You're funny. I'll follow you.
Tbh the sex was this stories saving grace. Even that's flawed by the fact that normal people/ponies don't sex when hurt. But whatever I got my rocks off so to speak.
I just read the visit to the doctor's office and I'm confused. You switched from Rainbow's POV to third person then to Red's with no indication. I hope the rest of the chapter isn't like that.
3478013
Ok so mainly it's this: in both the prologue and chapter 1 it's RD talking and that's obvious because it's her letter and therefore her narrating, that's ok since in the prologue it was announced that she was the narrator. Then we hit chapter 2 and all of a sudden it's a new character narrating. No announcement or header, it just is. Then we switch back in chapter 3 and have multiple swap-offs in chapter 4; again in both instances there is no announcement or header or anything to really tell us who exactly is talking without going down quite a few lines in the narrative leaving us to figure it out and wasting time rereading what we have already read (at times). And trust me, it can get a little frustrating .
My suggestion, and it's up to you to decide how, is to have some sort of identifying marker within the first line of text of each swap off whether it's a change in color of the text, or even a header that says "Red" or "RD," just so that we know who's talking. That alone is why I dislike a lot of multiple first-person narration stories, because it gets confusing after a while. This alone is keeping me from giving this a thumbs up, I'm not going to give you a thumbs down because of it since the content is certainly... stimulating, and that's keeping me from downing it. Just take what I said into consideration before releasing the next chapter .
3476938 Well, I go for my 'desserts' first. Although my not hungry anymore when I'm done.
3478567 Ah alright. Im on my phone right now, next time im able ill edit them.
If he can make a substance that makes his junk grow, he can surely make one to repair nerve damage.
3480528 Blood flow and sperm production are far different than changing the somatic nervous system.
3481071 True, but the resulting growth he achieved is beyond probability and possibility, respectively, in the first place, so I immagine it wouldn't be too difficult.
3481802 Just read the story damn you! This isn't about the logical possibilities, it's about how someone's life is exponentially changed from a tragic event. You can't think of how improbable something is in a fictional universe. To quote a famous author, "Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about". You can interpret that literally or metaphorically.
3481827 I have just spent the past six hours cutting down trees with an axe, and you expect me to think through my responses?
You're funny.
I'll follow you.
3478567 I edited the chapters, tell me if it needs to be a bit clearer
3482102 will do.
I would tell this universe's celestia how to fix this, but I'm afraid that would ruin your story, anyway, carry on!
so sad!
Clopfics aren't supposed to make me sad. Why you attack the feels?
Tbh the sex was this stories saving grace. Even that's flawed by the fact that normal people/ponies don't sex when hurt. But whatever I got my rocks off so to speak.
Also the last thing I copied and pasted
Shrekchan
I just read the visit to the doctor's office and I'm confused. You switched from Rainbow's POV to third person then to Red's with no indication. I hope the rest of the chapter isn't like that.