Well if anyone knows me they know I hate filly fooling, so I wouldn't really say the story sucks but the whole thing between Dash and Twilight killed this story for me.
Hmmmm, due to the fact that this universe was created by you I have to ask your permission to enter it, or I will be breaking several laws governing inter-dimensional travel. I believe that I can teach a spell that can heal her, the problem is it takes 4 especially skilled magic users, wide spectrum magic users...
Oh, so this surgery has gone from a 60 percent survival rate to 0 percent; well that's just bloody great. Also this chapter is anachronistic to level seizure and the entire Twidash thing came out of nowhere.
Wait...how can you change te date of the summer solstice? That's what the summer sun celebration is. You would be drastically altering the natural world order
3543994 and why would it matter? Celestia controls the sun, she IS the natural order. if you read the wiki and you know, watch the series, it says, " The Summer Sun Celebration is first mentioned in the first episode. Twilight reads of the legend of the Mare in the Moon, who is set to return and bring everlasting night "on the longest day of the thousandth year"–the summer solstice–since her defeat, which is also the thousandth year of the Summer Sun Celebration. Princess Celestia sends Twilight to oversee the preparations for the celebration in Ponyville, where it's being held this year, also telling her to make some friends while she does that. Nightmare Moon claims to have been imprisoned for a thousand years, so this indicates that the first celebration happened after Luna was imprisoned. It is a celebration of Celestia imprisoning her and restoring the sun to Equestria." All Celestia would do is raise the sun in public, that thing she does every day? Or night should I say.
I tried to like this story I honestly did. But the plot is simply unbelievable. As some constructive criticism, try to make a problem at least somewhat realistic, especially a game changer like experimental surgery. There is no way that any medical practitioner would recommend a surgery that has not gone through thorough testing. And if they were to offer it as part of an experiment they would want a very select test group and more testing would be required before the surgery woukd even be considered. Also magic, why cant magic fix dash. And then there is spike. He has done nothing wrong, there is no perception that he has done something wrong, so why is he running off. If anything he should be running to dash. Other than that the more sensual scenes are nice.
"Dash please don't tell anyone! This is really embarrassing and I know I should have spoken up before but It felt so good and I tried to warn you and.." She said, before being interrupted by our lips meeting. The sudden osculation of our soft tender skin meeting made her eyes widen as she stared at my closed eyes. Her surprise turned to a tranquil acceptance as her eyes drifted closed. The kiss lasted for what seemed like forever, our tongues fighting for dominance as it got passionate. Our faces strayed apart as we gasped for air, panting, a single strand of saliva stretching between us. It was then that I realized our positions had changed in the excitement. She was lying down and I was on top of her.
Fuc*ing cheating bitch! Your about too die, your boyfriend is being awake for days trying to spend as much time as possible with, he loves you, and here are you cheating on him with Twilight unfaithful student. I reallyhope this comes back and bites you hard in the flank! I really hope you regret what you have done in the later chapers!!!
Well... This story sucks now.
3537063 Why is that?
Well if anyone knows me they know I hate filly fooling, so I wouldn't really say the story sucks but the whole thing between Dash and Twilight killed this story for me.
3537155 Alright I understand. I hope you stay till the end though
3537210
I already unfaved, sorry.
Ah Lord, I'm starting to tear up a little
3538803 If it makes you feel any better, i teared up a bit while writing it.
Yes, yes it does
Hmmmm, due to the fact that this universe was created by you I have to ask your permission to enter it, or I will be breaking several laws governing inter-dimensional travel. I believe that I can teach a spell that can heal her, the problem is it takes 4 especially skilled magic users, wide spectrum magic users...
3539244 Sorry. You'll just have to read what im writing. Theres only 2 chapters left anyways.
Oh, so this surgery has gone from a 60 percent survival rate to 0 percent; well that's just bloody great. Also this chapter is anachronistic to level seizure and the entire Twidash thing came out of nowhere.
3539700 just comes here, reads the comment...
I'm sure the story is gonna be great...
I need more dash x oc fics...
Edit: preferably with the main six getting involved...
3543259 TwiDash was just a bit of fun mate
3539700 oh well, can't say I didn't try, I'm gonna go drinking, anyone else in!?
Wait...how can you change te date of the summer solstice? That's what the summer sun celebration is. You would be drastically altering the natural world order
3543994 Just the festival. The solstice will happen when it is supposed to next month.
3543994 and why would it matter? Celestia controls the sun, she IS the natural order. if you read the wiki and you know, watch the series, it says, " The Summer Sun Celebration is first mentioned in the first episode. Twilight reads of the legend of the Mare in the Moon, who is set to return and bring everlasting night "on the longest day of the thousandth year"–the summer solstice–since her defeat, which is also the thousandth year of the Summer Sun Celebration. Princess Celestia sends Twilight to oversee the preparations for the celebration in Ponyville, where it's being held this year, also telling her to make some friends while she does that. Nightmare Moon claims to have been imprisoned for a thousand years, so this indicates that the first celebration happened after Luna was imprisoned. It is a celebration of Celestia imprisoning her and restoring the sun to Equestria." All Celestia would do is raise the sun in public, that thing she does every day? Or night should I say.
3543555 Dont you mean "Mane" six? Heh...heheh...im so lonely..
3549544 both...
3549544 not gonna lie, I usually dislike anthro...
3551150 .........buuuut?
Dash.... You cheated on red..... Bad Pegasus!
Curious as to how tickling resulted in an orgasm...
I tried to like this story I honestly did. But the plot is simply unbelievable. As some constructive criticism, try to make a problem at least somewhat realistic, especially a game changer like experimental surgery. There is no way that any medical practitioner would recommend a surgery that has not gone through thorough testing. And if they were to offer it as part of an experiment they would want a very select test group and more testing would be required before the surgery woukd even be considered. Also magic, why cant magic fix dash. And then there is spike. He has done nothing wrong, there is no perception that he has done something wrong, so why is he running off. If anything he should be running to dash. Other than that the more sensual scenes are nice.
OH NO'S I GOT DA FEELZ
Fuc*ing cheating bitch! Your about too die, your boyfriend is being awake for days trying to spend as much time as possible with, he loves you, and here are you cheating on him with Twilight unfaithful student. I reallyhope this comes back and bites you hard in the flank! I really hope you regret what you have done in the later chapers!!!
I got 2 things to say.
1. If Rainbow dies, the Elements of Harmony won't work anymore.
2.
YOU'RE A GOD DAMN LIAR!!!