Something is going on in Ponyville. Mares has been attacked and violated by an unknown rapist. Disturbing reports states that the assailant is a foal. Can the Mane Six stop the rapist before it is too late?
Cervixes don't work like that. The only time they're in a state where you could achieve entry would possibly be immediately following childbirth, and it wouldn't be fun for anyone involved. The cervix isn't even at the end of the vagina, it's on the anterior wall. During intercourse, the penis goes past it with the vaginal wall stretching into a pouch to accommodate it. For what it is, this isn't poorly written, but if you're gonna write this kind of stuff you should know how genitals work. As a huge and long-time fan of female genitalia, I feel strongly about this.
But to my defense, all I can say is that this is a clopfic about fictional colored ponies.
As I have said once before, logic applies here as much as it would to Pinkie Pie.
I do understand how you feel however. My tip to you, when reading these kind of stories, is to use a bit of imagination when it comes to such parts. Next time I add something like that in this story I'll try to be more descriptive about it, and try to make it as "realistic" as possible.
Thanks for your input and even thought you might not have liked that part of this story I do hope you enjoyed the rest.
I think it was also described as if the juices were coming from the cervix, which is also wrong. The Skene's Gland is where it gushes from, and that's not even in the vagina, it's slightly above the entrance.
Yeah, sorry about that. I've just finished my studies and moved back home. I haven't had time to write due to IRL issues and just general shit getting in the way. But I'll start writing again asap. I've already started on the 4th chapter so I'll try to finish it as soon as I can. But I won't rush too much. Better that it takes a bit more time than I just throw out some half-assed crap that sucks, right?
4504849 right, I don't mind waiting if a story is still live, I do mind waiting on a story that's dead though. Can't wait to see what perverted thing Trixie has in mind next. RD? AJ? Rarity? Who's going to be the next rape victim? Find out next in: The Revenge
relieved Move this up to the previous line. _______________
Derpy gasped and moaned as her virginity was taken.
Move paragraph down a line. ___________________
Dash wrapped her hooves around Fluttershy without protest and held her like a little foal as the yellow mare emptied all her tears and sadness into her chest…
Move up __________________
Pinkie Pie yawned and closed the book she had borrowed from Rainbow Dash.
That's slime. A female's natural lubricants are slime. And they don't cum slime. Describing acts of sex where their pussy's leak slime makes them sound like all ponies have massive STD's that cause some kind of magic pussy rot.
Second thing you need to do is before you edit. Scan your chapters and fix Paragraph structure. Make sure that every new paragraph has it's own line, and a paragraph isn't broken. [as in the parts where I tell you to connect a part of a paragraph to the part above it.].
Lastly you cannot penetrate the cervix. It's something that just can't be done. It's a scientific and medical fact. The Cervix only opens when a female is just about to give birth.
Other than that. This is a decent fic so far. I'll be following it to see how it goes.
“Totally worth it,” thought Rainbow Dash and giggled as she swooped down towards the ground.
They'll throw you in jail for years where you will be constantly looking over your shoulder for someone to hurt or kill you. You'll lose all your friends instantly, and if you survive prison you'll be branded a pedo for the rest of your life. That doesn't sound worth it.
Upon a closer look Babs saw that it was a Pegasus, a grey mare with a yellow mane and bubbles for a cutiemark, and a brown mail satchel around her waist.
No. No...NO!
“I’ll… I’ll rape anyone you want… I’ll even rape… I’ll even… I’ll rape Apple Bloom!”
Is there any end to her depravity? I hope not.
As the grey mare stood with her flank up and her face down
Face down, hooves up. That's the way Applejack likes to buck apples.
“Who is the next one?”
Good to know Babs is enjoying this so much.
She would normally love the scent of a mare’s dripping sex but mixed with the scent of sperm it made her want to vomit.
Ha. Gaaay!
“But I am here now and I promise you that I’ll never let anyone hurt you like this again.”
Pleease don't make it a ship...
The smell was still string enough to make them wrinkle their noses
Strong
“Babs may have been a bit of a bully when she first arrived here but she would never do this to anypony!”
She could also bring up the fact that Babs doesn't even have a penis, but she, Dash and Twilight know about that spell. Still, it's worth mentioning.
“And so, Daring Do reached the top of the candy mountain and defeated the evil chocolate mare. The end.”
Good thing she didn't go into Candy Mountain Cave. Then again she's not a unicorn.
Trixie gave Babs a quick look, telling her to being, before stepping back.
Begin
Each their hips met, each time the member violently crashed against the swollen womb,
Each time their
and she soon reached a fast yet steady rhythm were she would happily bounce away on top of Babs.
Where This is great! I can't wait for the next chapter, but you last updated thirty-four weeks ago, not impressed,
Sbit. Pinkie is imune to orgasams! Shit! Its the apocolips of rape ficts!
...
Anyway update again asap.
Well.....I'm officially scared of the thought of raping Pinkie.
*sigh*
Cervixes don't work like that. The only time they're in a state where you could achieve entry would possibly be immediately following childbirth, and it wouldn't be fun for anyone involved. The cervix isn't even at the end of the vagina, it's on the anterior wall. During intercourse, the penis goes past it with the vaginal wall stretching into a pouch to accommodate it. For what it is, this isn't poorly written, but if you're gonna write this kind of stuff you should know how genitals work. As a huge and long-time fan of female genitalia, I feel strongly about this.
Isn't that over-exaggerating it a bit?
4102190
Yes, I do know that.
But to my defense, all I can say is that this is a clopfic about fictional colored ponies.
As I have said once before, logic applies here as much as it would to Pinkie Pie.
I do understand how you feel however. My tip to you, when reading these kind of stories, is to use a bit of imagination when it comes to such parts. Next time I add something like that in this story I'll try to be more descriptive about it, and try to make it as "realistic" as possible.
Thanks for your input and even thought you might not have liked that part of this story I do hope you enjoyed the rest.
4102521
Meh. I don't really care that deeply, I know there're a lot of kinks I'll never get. Thanks for the response, though.
4102190
I think it was also described as if the juices were coming from the cervix, which is also wrong. The Skene's Gland is where it gushes from, and that's not even in the vagina, it's slightly above the entrance.
TRUTH
You raped Pinkie, She RAPED YOU!
4257312 In Soviet Russia you don't rape pinkie, pinkie rapes you!
shocker pinkie pie can rape a rapist. So who do you think will be her next victim ?
For something that's owner said it wouldn't turn out like Twilight's Midnight Violations, this seems pretty dead.
4501408
Yeah, sorry about that. I've just finished my studies and moved back home. I haven't had time to write due to IRL issues and just general shit getting in the way. But I'll start writing again asap. I've already started on the 4th chapter so I'll try to finish it as soon as I can. But I won't rush too much. Better that it takes a bit more time than I just throw out some half-assed crap that sucks, right?
4504849 right, I don't mind waiting if a story is still live, I do mind waiting on a story that's dead though. Can't wait to see what perverted thing Trixie has in mind next. RD? AJ? Rarity? Who's going to be the next rape victim? Find out next in: The Revenge
Babs' Midnight Violations
Why do I feel like magic is immune to Pinkie Pie power?
relieved
Move this up to the previous line.
_______________
Move paragraph down a line.
___________________
Move up
__________________
Move up
________________
Okay three things you need to fix.
See these images?
saynetwork.com/tenspotlight2/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Slime.jpg
yearfour2012.wikispaces.com/file/view/slime-gel.jpg/347600008/slime-gel.jpg
2.bp.blogspot.com/_lhRFn5L4BsE/S2Gm1kVAYBI/AAAAAAAAAQU/KA7JrtYyLDs/s400/SlimeMould-Physarum%2520polycephalum23-03-07.jpg
That's slime. A female's natural lubricants are slime. And they don't cum slime. Describing acts of sex where their pussy's leak slime makes them sound like all ponies have massive STD's that cause some kind of magic pussy rot.
Second thing you need to do is before you edit. Scan your chapters and fix Paragraph structure. Make sure that every new paragraph has it's own line, and a paragraph isn't broken. [as in the parts where I tell you to connect a part of a paragraph to the part above it.].
Lastly you cannot penetrate the cervix. It's something that just can't be done. It's a scientific and medical fact. The Cervix only opens when a female is just about to give birth.
Other than that. This is a decent fic so far. I'll be following it to see how it goes.
5273109
Thanks for your comments. :)
It's good that you point out errors and such (and your opinion). It helps me get better at this.
And now... back to the 3000+ queue for WoW: Warlords Of Draenor.
*Gets disconnected*
*Screams internally*
They'll throw you in jail for years where you will be constantly looking over your shoulder for someone to hurt or kill you. You'll lose all your friends instantly, and if you survive prison you'll be branded a pedo for the rest of your life. That doesn't sound worth it.
No. No...NO!
Is there any end to her depravity? I hope not.
Face down, hooves up. That's the way Applejack likes to buck apples.
Good to know Babs is enjoying this so much.
Ha. Gaaay!
Pleease don't make it a ship...
Strong
She could also bring up the fact that Babs doesn't even have a penis, but she, Dash and Twilight know about that spell. Still, it's worth mentioning.
Good thing she didn't go into Candy Mountain Cave. Then again she's not a unicorn.
Begin
Each time their
Where
This is great! I can't wait for the next chapter, but you last updated thirty-four weeks ago, not impressed,
Eh it's okay. Seemed a bit too repetitive to my tastes. I guess it's just mostly how Trixie reacts that kinda pulled me out of it.