Ponyville & Other Poems

by AugieDog

29 - Upon Retiring for the Evening (virelai nouveau)

The breeze arising from the West
Caresses feelings unexpressed.

I sniff this unexpected guest,
Allow it, swirling through my chest,
To knock upon my inner door
With scent of jasmine, heaven blessed,
And sugared cinnamon. The best
Of sweet and spicy starts to pour
A thousand memories or more
Across my heart, my soul, my breast,
The breeze arising from the West.

Equestria, the loveliest
Of jewels and never overdressed,
Perfection stretching shore to shore,
I hold in trust and cannot rest—
Despite my sister's efforts—lest
Destruction, death, and pain galore
Explode in vicious, bloody war.
My paranoia, slightly stressed,
Caresses feelings unexpressed.

Abandon brooding thoughts! Obsessed,
I fail the most important test!
Regrets that leave me weak and sore,
An ancient, thinning palimpsest,
Decisions scorned as stupidest,
Away with them and keeping score!
The future beckons! Who'll ignore
The love and life here manifest,
The breeze arising from the West?

Inevitable doubt, the pest,
Will dig at those who dare invest
Themselves to keep and mind the store.
To serve the vast, communal nest
Demands a pony who's progressed
Beyond the ways that came before.
To use the whisper and the roar
Correctly and at truth's behest
Caresses feelings unexpressed.

My daily task, my daily quest,
The breath that fills my very core
Caresses feelings unexpressed,
The breeze arising from the West.

Author's Note:

There seem to be:

Only four things that everyone agrees on when it comes to the virelai nouveau. 1) The poem starts with a couplet. 2) Each successive verse ends with alternating lines of that couplet. 3) The whole thing ends with that same couplet, but this time, the lines are switched around. 4) You can only use two rhyming sounds throughout.

Too hard for me, so I let Celestia do it.

Comments

[j-grizz]

< finger snaps >

[sopchoppy]

liked it - however, and it may just be me, and I have no talent for finding a substitute, the word "stupidest" kind of threw me out of the poem in the middle.

As always can't wait for the next installment.

[journcy]

Ooh I really like this one. This form is cool.

[AugieDog]

5826295
5876111
6172464

Thanks, folks!

There's another version of this form called "virelai ancien" that Luna wants to use for the next poem, but other stuff keeps getting in the way. Eventually, though!

Mike

[Corejo]

I really like this one. All those lines off just two rhymes is impressive.

[AugieDog]

7121561

Thanks!

This is the sort of poem that works a lot better in one of the Romance languages like French or Italian. They rhyme a lot better...

Mike

[PresentPerfect]

Okay, but dang though. :O

[AugieDog]

9994774

Yeah:

I've been trying on-and-off for four-and-a-half years now to write Luna's answering "virelai ancien," but that form's even stricter than this one. I'm determined, though!

Mike