Ponyville & Other Poems

by AugieDog

18 - A Simple Desultory Philippic (limericks)

In the summer, the long afternoons
Poked at Rainbow with lazy harpoons.
And her sighing would sound
From the branches around
Twilight's window like untuned bassoons.

***

Which was fine when she napped, Twilight thought,
But on waking, it seemed like she sought
Ways to grouse and complain
About nothing germane
With a temper that ran toward the hot.

"And 'cerulean'! That's not a word!"
Shouted Rainbow. "It sounds so absurd!"
Twilight sighed. "It means 'blue.'"
Dashie scowled. "Whoop-dee-doo!
It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!

"When a word means a thing, then you're done!
You can search around under the sun
From its rise to its set,
But it's still a sure bet:
When you need the right word, there's just one!"

"Oh, come on!" Twilight gave her a look.
"Why, downstairs, I've got book after book
That exhaustively list
What you need to assist
When deciding between chef and cook."

Well, the noise Rainbow made with her lips
Was so rude, Twilight bristled the tips
Of her mane like a cat
And demanded, "What's that?
Are you leaking? Or just out of quips?"

"It's the bunk," Rainbow said, "plain and true,
All these words that nopony but you
Ever uses at all!
It's like 'autumn' for 'fall!'
Affectation, I say, through and through!"

***

"'Affectation'?" cried Twi, horn aflash.
"You're a changeling! You're not Rainbow Dash!"
With a roll of her eyes,
Dashie sighed several sighs:
"You don't think I can talk with panache?"

Twilight blinked. "But you haven't before!
All the years that I've known you and more
Demonstrate you love sports
Of all kinds and all sorts,
That you find academics a bore!"

"Which means what? That I'm dumber than dirt?"
Rainbow's voice went all quiet and hurt.
"Not at all!" Twi declared,
Feeling somehow ensnared.
"But you—" "Save it," snapped Dash, sharp and curt.

"I pretend egghead stuff's not my thing
The way Fluttershy tries not to sing
Since in front of a group,
She'll just wither and droop
Like a puppet cut off from its string.

"She's constructed an internal shrine
Where her music can shimmer and shine.
Much too precious to share,
She can worship it there.
Education has that place in mine."

Twilight gaped. "I...I don't understand."
Rainbow nodded. "Exactly as planned.
For my external self
Lets me keep on the shelf
All the parts that my friends might call bland."

***

"It's not right!" Twilight cried. "Not at all!
Are you saying you've put up a wall??
That you're keeping us out
Of some private redoubt
Where you'd rather read books than play ball??"

"No, I'm not," Rainbow said. "Get a grip.
I just practice discreet censorship.
What I show to the world
Are my good parts unfurled
While the bad parts I prune, trim, and clip."

With a shake of her head, Twilight tried
Not to gasp at the thought: "So you hide
All your learning away
'Cause it's bad, did you say?
How 'bout me? Should I keep mine inside?"

"You're not me, Twilight, nor am I you.
So to say you should live as I do
Doesn't make any sense
Which you'd know—no offense—
If you sat down and thought the thing through."

With a wave of her hoof, Rainbow yawned.
"Don't believe that there's some magic wand
That'll make ponies think
Like we're each just a link
In a chain, or a drop in a pond.

"We're a stew. We're all lumpy and weird.
And our diff'rences shouldn't be feared.
I'm a jock; you're a brain:
Nothing vastly insane,
No more odd than a guy with a beard."

***

"So now wait." Twilight furrowed her brow.
"When it's ponies, you seemingly vow
To support the diverse.
But with words, that's a curse.
Contradictory stances, somehow..."

"I prefer," Rainbow said with a grin,
"To consider one 'yang' and one 'yin.'
When the widest array
Of us ponies can say
What we mean with few words, that's a win."

Twilight wanted to tone down her stare,
But she couldn't. "I wish it weren't rare
That I get to exchange
Deeper thoughts of this range!
Are there more you'd be willing to share?"

With a shake of her wings, Rainbow hopped
From the branch. "Now I wish that I'd stopped
Way before this, in fact,
'Cause I've reared back and cracked
Your perception of me. Bubble popped."

"It's OK!" Twilight jumped. "I don't mind!"
"But I do." Rainbow sighed. "Quite the bind."
"I'll keep quiet," said Twi,
"If you say you'll stop by
Now and then just to talk and unwind."

"That's extortion!" Dash cried, but she smiled.
"Just a little," Twi said, "and it's mild."
So they met now and then,
And they'd talk until ten—
Or till midnight those times things got wild.

***

How their friends always seemed to remain
In the dark, Twilight couldn't explain.
Maybe Dash played the part
With exceptional art,
But they never learned she had a brain.

Author's Note:

The title of this one:

Comes from this song written by Paul Simon in 1965 as a parody of Bob Dylan's work. I'm not quite sure why I chose it as the title, nor am I sure why this was the hardest one yet to put together. So many mysteries!

Comments

[Solitair]

This was wondrous.

[Corejo]

Limericks are something I can only stand in small doses, but that was still fun to read. Waiting for more!

[AugieDog]

4685111
4687251

Thanks!

Limericks were the only possible form for this one, even though I began cursing myself for it 'round about the fourth one in the group...

The next two, for instance, I've already got half-finished, but I wanted to get this batch done before I released those. So look for one from Shining Armor and one from Cadance probably within the week.

Mike

[Solitair]

4687902
I wish more people would write limerick series like this.

[AugieDog]

4687918

People always talk about:

Sonnet cycles, but no one ever mentions limerick cycles. And it's about time someone did!

Mike Again

[GhostOfHeraclitus]

You, sir, are a dab hand with the ol' anapest, and make no mistake.

It's wonderful. And a little bit sad. My hat is off.

[horizon]

I can see the title, I think. A diatribe about word complexity. There's something meta-correct about it even if it doesn't quite square on the literal level.

[AugieDog]

4689117

After banging my head:

Against these things for a month, I'm ready to drop the "ana" and just call 'em "pests!"

4690359

Originally:

This was all gonna be Rainbow complaining, but I'm such a Fluttershy, I find it really hard even to write fictional complaints. So the story started shifting and expanding to the point where it kind of slid out from under the title. But I liked the title too much to get rid of it, so here we all are.

Mike

[paintom_phan]

Are there more you'd be willing to share?"

You are really good at making me think something's a typo, when it could actually go either way.

While the bad parts I prune, trim, and clip."

That's three words that basically mean the same thing. And she has a problem with cerulean, which is actually a specific shade.

[AugieDog]

4741919

All this poetry stuff:

Comes down to wordplay when you get right down to it. And yes about Rainbow's complaints. I get a joyful warmth in my heart when characters grouse about something that they then turn around and do.

Mike

[sopchoppy]

This made me smile

[AugieDog]

4844528

Then:

It did its job!

Mike

[SongCoyote]

I have only one thing to say about this:

Headcanon accepted!

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

[AugieDog]

5785264

The full story:

Of "Rainbow Dash: Secret Egghead" is, I fear, much too terrible to be told...

Mike

[PresentPerfect]

Outstanding. Absolutely phenomenal. :D